Too Much on Her Plate

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Is Emotional Overeating Weighing You Down?

January 26th, 2010, 6 Comments »

Are you

• eating when you aren’t really hungry?
• struggling with stress or “nervous” eating?
• circling the kitchen because you can’t find “the thing” that will satisfy you?
• eating when you are bored, tired, frustrated, or procrastinating doing something else?
• hungry all the time–no matter what or how much you eat?

If so, it’s worth considering whether emotional eating is getting in the way of your healthy eating and weight loss goals.  We all eat emotionally. We’re encouraged by friends, family, and the media to associate food with all sorts of warm, comfy, delicious things that are not simply a need for fuel. We’re taught to think of “comfort foods” and to reach for certain foods when we want to celebrate or gnaw away our frustrations. Emotional eating is a fact of life for most of us. But if it gets out of hand, it can TAKE the upper hand and become the primary factor behind your weight struggles.
If you are having a hard time with emotional overeating than you know what a vicious cycle it can be to break out of.

Remember that it IS a vicious cycle and apply these strategies to break free of the emotional overeating cycle and start walking a different path.

1. Call it emotional eating. If you are using food as a tool to cope with feelings or needs, than call it what it is. Once you identify emotional eating, let go of the other names you’ve been using—you know—the ones that leave you feeling awful about yourself, guilty, and maybe even ashamed. The issue is that you are an emotional eater. The issue is NOT that you are lazy, unmotivated, or undisciplined.
2. If you are going to change a pattern, you need to understand it first. This is why any diet you choose will probably fail you. A diet doesn’t teach you to listen to yourself and understand the pattern of your eating. A diet won’t help you understand what drives you to the kitchen after you’ve already eaten a meal. It won’t help you figure out what you are REALLY craving, feeling, or needing that isn’t even food. Taking the time to understand what’s really going on will help you craft a strategy where you address the CAUSE of your overeating. Programs like the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program can be helpful if you find that you need new tools or strategies to identify what’s going on or help creating alternatives to overeating.
3. Don’t just say no. No isn’t a strategy. To successfully take control of emotional eating, you’re going to need to decide HOW you’re going to not use food the way you’ve been using it in the past. What’s essential here is knowing what you will do INSTEAD of relying on food. Too many weight loss plans fail because of a lack of this type of planning. Make a list before you start your next weight loss attempt—or better yet—make it now. What are your trouble spots, triggers, and emotional eating cues? What can you try instead of turning to food?

Take good care,

By the way, the next call in the Smart Women’s Free Teleseminar Series is all about emotional eating and I’ll be sharing lots more tips and information.

Small Steps: How to Find Energy and Lose Irritations

January 25th, 2010, No Comments »

This is the second post in my series on making small, sustainable changes that will increase my energy, decrease my stress, and just plain make my life work better.

This weekend my computer stopped working.  Stopped. Working. When it did, I had to admit that the complete breakdown had been a long time coming. In fact, as my computer repair savior kept calling with questions about what he was finding, I kept finding myself saying, “Yes, it’s been doing that for awhile,” and “Yes, that hasn’t been working quite right.” Turns out, that there had been a growing list of problems I had been tolerating because I didn’t feel like I had the time or energy to address them. And they had built up until the whole thing broke down.

That can happen when we try to ignore things that are not working.

The computer was fixable and I got it back late Sunday night. It works—and actually, it works better than it has in awhile. Using my new glitch-free computer, I’m realizing how much energy, tension, irritation, and distraction was caused by using one that didn’t work the way I needed to—it wasn’t performing and in the back of my mind (where I was trying not to think about it), I was worrying about what was going to happen next and creating stress and wasting energy by NOT making a decision or taking action.

It wears a woman out.

I realized it was time to take a look at what I’m tolerating and what is draining my energy—quietly and in the background. This week, I’m creating a list of everything that occurs to me that I am tolerating but that isn’t working for me. Everything. This includes the scissors that need to be sharpened, the pile on my desk I’ve been ignoring, and bigger issues like needing to hire someone to do some specialized work for me. I’m writing it all down.

This does not mean that I am feeling pressured to take immediate action on each of these items. That would stress me out and overload me. It does mean that I am noticing areas of my life that I want to be different and acknowledging that they aren’t working for me right now—instead of trying not to think about them.

What I know from doing this in the past is that this is an easy yet powerful exercise. I encourage you to try it. What I find, and so do clients who try this, is that simply noting what isn’t working often starts to create change—often pretty effortlessly. If you are like me, much of what you are tolerating can begin to be addressed with a phone call, a ten minute conversation, a decision to spend a few minutes a day moving forward. In the end, it took a conversation to find my computer savior, a short drive to drop off the computer, a few phone calls back and forth, and a small payment (well worth it)—less time and energy than I had spent rebooting my computer over the last week.

My question for you: what are you tolerating and what is the toll it is taking?

Take good care,

Running a Business, Running in Circles, and Running to the Fridge

January 21st, 2010, 2 Comments »

It’s a refrain I hear a lot:

“I am SO busy – I just started a business/have a successful business/hate my job and want to start a business/times are tough at work and they just keep piling on the responsibilities and projects – there is so much to do – I can NEVER catch up – my email consumes me – I’m always working but I feel pulled in so many directions – I’m stuck and I don’t know where to begin – I don’t feel like I accomplish what I want to – I’m snacking all the time/overeating/bingeing in the evening – and I’m putting on weight – life feels out of control but I don’t know how to break the cycle – I have so much to do – I know I should exercise but frankly I’m too darned tired – and I can’t get control of my eating. Help!”

Sound familiar? If so, this is important. Overwhelm, stress, lack of self-care, and emotional eating are intricately connected for many smart busy women with too much on their plates (the pun there is always intended). Breaking out of this vicious, damaging cycle requires being respectful of all these components. No low carb/high protein/liquid/fill-in-the-blanks diet addresses these crucial pieces. Frankly, it’s about so much more than the food.

Each part of the cycle perpetuates the others. Overwhelm can contribute to cutting back on time for self-care; stress (and exhaustion) fuels your appetite, impacts your metabolism, and triggers emotional eating, which in turn increases feelings of overwhelm, stress, and just-plain-feeling-out-of-control.

Breaking the cycle requires a pause (yes, I know you are busy, but you really do need to stop and disengage), some deep breaths, and then a plan of action so that you can take the wheel of your life (and then your business or job) instead of running along frantically behind it.

Sound good?

Now is the time to do it. Because if you don’t, you will either stay stuck where you are (I’m betting you don’t have any extra energy right now to grow, think, play bigger, or hoist yourself out of the pit you see yourself in), or worse, as a new client described to me this week, you will crash and burn. And then you will HAVE to stop.  You deserve so much more.

If you can do nothing else, commit to the following steps. They will help you start to see some daylight.

1. Give yourself 15 minutes a day. It won’t take away from your productivity, it will increase it. Journal, walk, meditate, soak in the tub. Connect with yourself and pay attention to how you feel. Don’t do this at the end of the day when you are too tired to move and your brain has stopped working. Pay yourself first or take a break during your work day.
2. Adopt the following mantras: “I’m doing my best,” and “I can’t do it all.” They are true.
3. Each evening, identify your top three action items for the next day and call it an accomplishment when you have knocked those out. If possible, do them early in the day.
4. Plan for food that fuels you. Don’t skip breakfast, have a plan for lunch, and don’t starve yourself before dinner. Make sure you have the groceries that you need. Choose foods that are appealing. No starvation diets.
5. Cut the multitasking. It stresses us out and makes us less effective. Really practice focusing on doing one thing at a time. You won’t get it perfect, but that’s okay, remember step number two.
6. Take emotional eating seriously. That doesn’t mean beating yourself up over it. Emotional eating happens when our spirit or our life isn’t getting fed the non-food things we need or crave. We have to pay attention to that and develop other ways of caring for ourselves. This can be complicated but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. If you feel stuck, consider an emotional eating program or coach. There is so much more to life than this vicious cycle.
7. Don’t skip #1 (you’ll probably be tempted).

There are more steps, but hearing them now might just add to your overwhelm—and it’s okay not to know all the steps before you get started. Do what you can, give yourself credit, and let me know how it’s going.

Take good care,

5 Easy Healthy Lifestyle Tips

January 20th, 2010, 6 Comments »

Just thinking about shaping up, losing weight, or eating healthier makes many women exhausted. Changing habits is hard work, but sometimes we approach healthy lifestyle changes in the most difficult way possible. Instead of picking your biggest challenge, consider starting where you know you can be effective, where you can get some lasting bang for your buck, and where you can start growing motivation and momentum.

Here are five relatively painless and struggle-free tips to help you create lasting healthy habits:

1. Get some zzzzzs. Sleep affects just about everything we do and without enough sleep, we all tend to unravel. Inadequate sleep affects your cravings, your metabolism, your energy level, mood, activity, focus and motivation. If you aren’t regularly getting seven hours of sleep a night (or more) this is the first area to address. If you are exhausted and try to keep going, you aren’t likely to be effective and you’ll probably be drawn to mindless “zoning out” activities that are really just busy work. Go to sleep instead.
2. Identify your trouble spots. Don’t just focus on what you want to do. Be smart and identify the things that have led you off track in the past. A positive attitude is great, but a proactive plan for how you will do it differently this time is even better.
3. Grow tools for managing emotions and stress. Emotional eating (including stress eating) is one of the primary causes of overeating, weight gain, and weight regain. Without the strategies you need, stressful situations can trigger very unhealthy (and self-sabotaging) responses such as overeating, smoking, alcohol use, avoidance, or numbing out in front of the computer.  Hard times are also the time when many women abandon or lose track of health, fitness, and wellness goals. Instead of only focusing on what you’ll eat or when you’ll work out, invest some energy in addressing any real issues that are the trigger for the habits you are trying to kick.
4. Don’t lose yourself. One of the biggest reasons that busy women get off track is that they get distracted by other life demands. Designate a time to check in with yourself—at least weekly—and evaluate how things are going. Use this time to schedule the additional time you’ll need throughout the week for exercise, stress relief, meal planning, etc. Post your goals somewhere where you will see them and be reminded of them regularly. Make sure you identify milestones along the way to your big goal and reward yourself for reaching them.
5. Keep it positive. Don’t ignore your mindset—it has the power to impact your mood, your energy level, your choices and your progress. Focus on what you’ve done rather than what didn’t happen. Acknowledge the accomplishments (change is difficult) and celebrate your achievements along the way. Adopt the mantra, “I’m doing my best” instead of “I have to get it perfect” and you’ll be much better prepared to keep going when the going gets tough, recognize your progress and your efforts, and take good care of yourself along the way.

Take good care,

Could You Use a Me-treat?

January 18th, 2010, No Comments »

When life is coming at you fast and furious, how do you take the time to create an effective response? How do you pause long enough to create a blueprint that will effectively help you achieve your goals and be your best self? While it would be great to escape to a deserted island and regroup, that’s usually not possible. However, a retreat from the day-to-day that allows you to focus on what’s important to you and create a plan to show up the way you want to in your life can be essential sometimes. And easier said than done.

I’ve designed a new program to address this issue specifically—with women who have too much on their plates specifically in mind. It’s called the Too Much On Her Plate Metreat and we kick things off in just over a week. If this speaks to you, I’d love to have you join us.

Take good care,

Small Steps: Soup and Self Care

January 17th, 2010, No Comments »

Many busy women bristle at the term “life balance.” With all the responsibilities, relationships, and roles they are juggling, life balance sounds like an impossible and precarious state—a tightrope walk where one misstep can send you plummeting. I don’t mind the term, but I certainly understand the sentiment.

For those of us who are balancing (or dancing with) or doing a lot, it’s so darn easy to go from feeling a perfect rhythm to a life that feels terribly unbalanced, from proactively leading our lives, to chasing along behind a long list of things to do. Been there, done that. Quite frequently, in fact.

My saving grace? Knowing that getting back in control of my life doesn’t (usually) require a major life overhaul. Quite often it’s the small steps, the little but significant changes, that can pack a big punch and can change the flavor of my day, drastically affect my energy level or my mood, and determine how effective, productive, and creative I feel.

This year, I’ve decided to focus my attention each week on one small but significant step that I can take to make my life work better and to help me be more of my best. One focus and one change or tweak each week that is do-able, not overwhelming, and clearly takes me in a direction that I really want to go—something that leaves me feeling more balanced and effective and in charge of my life. I’m going to try sharing it here in the hope that it inspires you to consider your own small power steps.

This week’s focus is on reclaiming some energy I’ve let go of. To put it very simply: I’ve been sliding on the lunch thing. Somehow I’ve gotten out of the habit of planning lunches for myself. I’ve been taking my own lunch to work less, I’ve been grabbing stuff on the go too often, and as a result I’ve been eating mid-day food that, while not horrible, isn’t that great for me and doesn’t help me at all with that late afternoon energy slump. I know that I’m not alone with this one. In a tired moment, it can seem like a time and energy saver to skip the lunch prep. But you and I both know we’re kidding ourselves.  I know that when I slide on the lunch thing:

• My nutrition suffers (I definitely eat less fruits and vegetables)
• My energy drops
• As a result of my energy dropping, I drink more caffeine
• I  don’t enjoy a real midday break with food I really want to savor (the grab-and-go stuff is just not that tasty)
• I don’t feel as well taken care of as I’d like to
• If I was planning to work out in the evening, I probably won’t have much energy or inspiration to do it

Yes, really. A good tasting, well-thought out lunch (and the lack of one) has all that impact. So this week’s simple step? I’m back to making my weekly pot of soup and/or planning dinner menus so I have the leftovers that I need to thrive at lunchtime.  Just simmering that soup this afternoon left me feeling more grounded and back on track—and I’m going to be a happy camper sitting down to my spicy African Yam and Peanut soup. What will you do for yourself this week?

Take good care,

New Year’s Resolution Check in: Are you struggling to find the time?

January 12th, 2010, No Comments »

It’s the second year of January, and if you made a resolution or set a goal to make healthy lifestyle change in 2010, the honeymoon is probably nearing an end. One of the biggest stumbling blocks for many busy women who want to make changes: finding the time to actually make them.

Here’s a question I was asked in an interview recently: “How do we justify taking time out for a workout or a healthy lunch or to work on that novel we want to write when our to-do lists are still a mile long?

This question is really getting at the mindset we have about taking the time for these things. The question itself suggests that it’s hard to see our own action items as important—or as of the same importance as the other items on our to-do lists. If you want to make successful and lasting progress with your goals this year, this is a critical shift in mindset that you must make.

When we see something as essential or valuable we cease to feel the need to defend or justify it.

What is your mindset about me-time and self care? Too many women are stuck in the mindset of believing that self care is expendable—that it’s an “if I can get to it” luxury that can be skipped with little consequence if you need to save time. Not true. The very-busy president of the United States (and every past president I can recall) makes time in his incredibly busy life for regular exercise (as well as for leisure and other self care) does that tell you something about how important and life-enhancing it is?

Consider the costs of not taking the time you need for yourself. This includes not taking the time you need to move forward on your important goals. Symptoms or side effects of not getting enough of what you need to thrive include:

• Overeating
• Compromised health and/or wellness
• Diminished energy
• Decreased productivity
• Reduced focus (including getting distracted from your own goals and priorities)
• Diminished passion for the things that are truly important to you
• Exhaustion and stress
• Time lost “zoning out” or escaping or “being tired”

When we take time for ourselves—to work on bettering our own life, our health, or goals and dreams we:

• Become more of ourselves at our best—that translates into having more zest and energy for the responsibilities we face
• We treat ourselves as valuable and that shows and rubs off on others—when we see ourselves, our ideas and visions as valuable we stand taller, play bigger, think broader and are more successful.
• We provide a powerful model to those who are watching us. We show others how we expect to be treated and we teach our children that it is important to respect and to take good care of themselves as well.
• We have more energy, focus, clarity. We are more confident.

Sound good? Here’s your challenge: what do you need to do to claim the time or energy that you need this week? What do you need to let go of or say no to in order for that to happen? What one action can you take to be more commited to your goals this week?

I’d love to hear what you come up with. Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Take good care,

Overeating, Emotional Eating and Weight Struggles: Do they limit your professional success?

January 11th, 2010, No Comments »

I wanted to share this post from the Solo Entrepreneur blog (Solo-e) on how overeating and weight struggles can keep you from being your best self and the tools busy women need to create lasting changes.

Do your weight loss battles keep you from shining or playing as big as you’d like to? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Take good care,

Is “Me-time” Worth the Trouble?

January 6th, 2010, No Comments »

Creating time for ourselves all-too-often falls to the bottom of our priority lists–or slides off the darn list completely. Today I posted over at the Solo Entrepreneur Blog (Solo-e) on four steps to creating time for yourself and how this can benefit both your life and your business.  Repeat after me: “Me-time is NOT a luxury!”

Take good care,

Is Me-time Essential to Professional Success?

January 5th, 2010, No Comments »

This week I’m honored to be a guest blogger at one of my favorite blogs. Solo Entrepreneur is a fantastic site for women (and men) business owners. You can read my post about why quality self care and “me-time” are critical ingredients in a successful business plan and how stress can limit our potential both personally and professionally (hint: you don’t need to own a business to benefit). While you are there, be sure to check out all the other great resources.

There’s still time to register for the free teleseminar I’m holding next week where I’ll go into much more depth on how and why busy women carve out that valuable time for self-care. I hope you’ll join me!

Take good care,