Confession – the mistake I make over and over

September 25th, 2014, No Comments »

asking for helpI make a lot of mistakes, but when I look back over time, I see one consistent type of mistake that I’ve made over and over and over again. I’ve seen it so often in my clients that I’ve come to think of it as “the smart woman’s mistake” because we seem so incredibly vulnerable to making it.

The mistake – well, quite simply, it’s not asking for help.

Whether we decide we shouldn’t “need” any help, whether our stubbornness grows our determination to do it ourselves, whether we feel like we don’t deserve extra assistance, or whether it simply never occurs to us to reach out, not asking for help is a trap that short-circuits so many smart women’s results.

I know it has affected mine. I can make a very long list of things that would have happened sooner, been easier, or that would have been more successful if I had freely and easily asked for assistance, support, or mentoring.

I can also make an equally long list of incredible things in my life that NEVER would have happened if I hadn’t asked for or accepted help. These things include meeting my husband, finding and buying the home that I love, launching TooMuchonHerPlate.com, writing my book, running my first marathon, offering the programs that I do, and a whole host of other great things that make my life a happy one. Including on this list – making peace with food, which put me on the path to the life I feel so lucky to live.

So much of the person that I am and the things that I do today exist only because I learned what peace with food is and I discovered how to create a life that allows me to have it. That happened because I asked for help. Help that led me to better tools and strategies, help that supported me and showed me a different path, help that challenged the mental models that kept getting me stuck – over and over again. And you know?

It would have happened sooner if I had known to ask sooner.

There are lots of reasons smart, busy women don’t ask for help

Sometimes you don’t know how to ask for help. Maybe you think someone can’t help you. Maybe you think it’s pointless because you don’t know exactly what to ask for. Maybe you are so used to dealing with things in private that you don’t even consider asking for help or sharing your struggles. It might not even occur to you?

Maybe you think you are the only one who feels this way and no one could relate.

It will look bad.

It will feel bad.

It won’t work.

Asking for help feels vulnerable. Smart, capable women are often uncomfortable being visible with vulnerabilities. We are used to being strong and competent. And successful.

Yes. I get it. I have been there. I still go there. I forget to ask for help. Luckily I’m a lot better at noticing the signs and switching gears. But I still get stuck.

But you know what? When you ask for help and let (the right) help in, the feeling is almost always one of immense relief. When someone gets it.

When you realize that indeed, you are not alone. When sharing the situation opens up the possibility that there IS a way forward. It’s like losing 50 pounds of emotional baggage instantly.

And that’s even before you start receiving the actual help. Take it from someone who has been there. Over and over again.

On October 6, I’m leading a journey for a small group of women who are ready to get smart, strategic, help when it comes to struggles with overeating, overwhelm, and overload. Where Thin Begins is a 3 month private group coaching program that combines my best training with weekly coaching where you will learn how to craft your unique path to Where Thin Begins and success with overeating. You will also learn how to ask for help. How to receive help. How to be supported. How to not be alone with this stuff. These skills change everything.

Sound good? If so, come join us.

—>>>Go here to learn more.

Attendance is limited to 15 seats. If this is for you, the time to join us is NOW.

—>>>Join Where Thin Begins

Take good care,
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When it helps to ignore the obvious

September 18th, 2014, No Comments »

obviousEarlier this week, I shared a free training with you where I talked about why sometimes the best approach is to ignore the obvious. I gave you a new model for how to take the power back from food – that has much less to do with food than you might think. If you missed the event and would like to access the replay, you can access the free training here.

In the case of overeating, ignoring the obvious not attacking the problem by focusing on food (which is what most people do).

Ignoring the obvious means digging deeper and paying attention to WHY food and overeating are showing up for you the way they are and taking a longer range view so that you can create long term success.

A few days ago I was working with a client who had had a very bad week. Unexpected emergencies, a crazy week in her business, back to school stress, and the usual surprises had done a number on her. She was in a funk, overeating and mindlessly stress eating, and feeling like she had lost all the progress she had made. Food had the upper hand again and she couldn’t seem to shift the pattern.

When we started our coaching session, she said, “I feel like I’ve thrown out all the habits I’ve been developing and I’m back on autopilot again” and she wasn’t sure what to do to get back on track.

When she talked about what she needed to change about the food to be eating the way that she wanted, her voice was tight, and she sounded stressed and exhausted just thinking about it.

She felt it too and in that moment, she did one of the things we’ve been working on. She ignored the obvious.

Even though her overeating was one of her primary concerns, she knew that if she focused on the food, not only was she going to feel more burdened, stressed, and tired – she would also not succeed.

“I need to get my life back in balance. I need to rest. I need to create some order. I know that when this happens, the food is going to follow.”

Just like that, she created a targeted agenda that she believed in.

And the next steps we outlined had nothing to do with food – but they had everything to do with overeating.

We tackled a plan for easing her to-do list and for carving time out for herself (both to rest and to have fun). We identified the boredom that was causing her to decide to snack to try to soothe herself and came up with a different strategy that she is going to try. We came up with a few simple things that she can do now to start feeling more effective in her life.

Overeating takes place in the context of your life. If you ignore all the complications that life throws at you, managing the food piece quickly gets stressful and impossible. And it’s no fun at all.

Take a moment to take your own inventory. Where is life contributing to your overeating? What can you do to begin to take the power back.

Choose something small and absolutely do-able. It doesn’t have to be the complete solution, it just has to be the first step.

Take good care,
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PS: This fall, we’re going DEEP with strategies like this that create lasting change in overeating and overwhelm in my 3 month group coaching program Where Thin Begins. Enrollment has started and we begin in just a few weeks. Register before 9/21/14 and you’ll also get a bonus private coaching call with me. Go here to learn more.