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I Know I Should But I Don’t Want To: What to Do When You Have No Motivation

May 16th, 2012, No Comments »

Has your motivation gone missing?

“I should be working out.”

“I should pack my lunch and I’d eat less.”

“I need to eat more vegetables.”

“I know I should stop zoning out online every night. I should just go to bed earlier and get more sleep.”

“I just don’t have the motivation.”

Sound familiar? Just about every busy woman I know has a long list of “shoulds” that she’s not getting to (and usually feelings of guilt that accompany it).

Recently I asked my newsletter readers the question, “What’s your biggest question or challenge about taking better care of yourself and accomplishing your  goals?”

I heard from many of you that you just can’t find the energy or the motivation to get started. I also heard from a number of readers who can get started, but are frustrated by not being able to stick with  their plan for the long haul. They don’t feel motivated to start because they just don’t want to fail again.

What do you do when you want to make changes but just can’t find the motivation to take action?

I suggest you start with one simple step.

Stop shoulding on yourself.

“Shoulds” by themselves rarely motivate–at least not for long. A “should” doesn’t come from our heart or our spirit. If it did, it would feel like a “want.” “Shoulds” (as in “I should learn to like raw broccoli”) tend to call for massive doses of willpower. “Shoulds” also often incite our inner rebel. A “should” calls for a kind of submission and most of us aren’t very cool with that.

If you are finding yourself short on motivation, my suggestion is to put less energy into the “shoulds” and search for the deeper, juicier “want.”

If your goal has held your interest at all, odds are, there’s a “want” behind that “should.” You just need to connect with it.

How to turn a “should” into a “want.”

Do the “so that” dance. Start with your “should” and ask, “So that?”

Here’s how this worked recently with a lovely woman who I am coaching. Let’s call her Rose.

Rose: “I should lose weight.” (Sounding about as enthused as one would sound saying, “I should go clean all the grout in my bathroom.)

Me: “So that?”

Rose: “So that I’d be healthier.”

Me: “So that?”

Rose: “So that my knees wouldn’t hurt so much.”

Me: “So that?”

Rose: “So that I’d be more agile and have more energy.”

Me: “So that?”

Rose: “So that I wouldn’t back away from certain activities.”

Me: “So that?”

Rose: “So that I could let myself learn to do stuff I’m avoiding.”

Me: “Like?”

Rose: “Like I could let myself learn how to ballroom dance. And I could feel confident dancing. And I could buy a red dress in the Misses department instead of getting stressed about what would fit and I could wear the dancing shoes without my knees hurting and feel great on the dance floor.” (This last part came out all at once and as it did, Rose’s mood and energy changed and she wanted to talk about how to start moving forward. We were no longer talking about cleaning grout. Rose now has a mission that inspires her.

How do you know when you’ve hit the juicy, motivating goal?

1. You really want it.
2. The thought of it makes you happy or thrilled or gives you butterflies.
3. It feels right.

Coaching Challenge:

What “shoulds” are you dragging around that you could transform into “wants?” Will you?

Take good care,

For more tips and strategies for taking better care of yourself and to help you make more progress on your goals, be sure to sign up for my free webinar: How to Move Past Stress and Overwhelm: Refreshing and Rejuvenating Ways to Get Your Butt in Gear!

Emotional Eating Help Video Tip #6: A Tool for Feelings

May 14th, 2012, No Comments »

Emotional eating and overeating happens when you are using food to cope with feelings.

Do you ever feel like your brain is going to short-circuit because of all the thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities swirling around inside it? Do you wish you had an “off switch” that could switch off your thinking?

Breaking free from emotional eating means learning new, better ways of coping. This short, simple video tip is about how to unclutter or download your brain. Use this tool to help get clear about emotional eating triggers and to start building new skills so you can be more effective.

Take good care,

Five Things to Consider When You Just Can’t Get Your Butt in Gear

May 11th, 2012, 1 Comment »

We’ve all been there. You have goals—important ones—and maybe even a plan that seems do-able.

And yet, when push comes to shove, you just can’t get your butt in gear.

Whether you struggle to get started on your path to accomplishing your goals or whether you feel like it’s been a steady diet of false starts, “restarts,” and “do-overs,” you are not alone. Many busy high-achieving women struggle when it comes to figuring out how to take better care of themselves or focus their time and energy on something that’s important to them.

If you’re wondering where your mojo went or why you just can’t seem to prioritize your goals and make them happen, here are five important areas that might be what’s holding you back:

1. Do you need more motivation? If you aren’t getting where you want to go, it’s important to ask whether you really want it bad enough. Making lifestyle changes is hard and if you are doing something just because you “should” or to make someone else happy, your motivation, passion, and drive are going to falter (if not fizzle out all-together). We make changes (and stick to them) when we have a workable plan and a compelling enough reason or a juicy enough reward to stick with it. If you are stuck or feel like you are moving in circles, ask yourself what’s motivating you these days? What’s the incentive? When do you get to celebrate and reap the rewards? Sprinkle these in liberally—even daily—so that you’ll have frequent reminders that what you are doing is paying off. Oh—and don’t just read this, nod your head, and skip this whole “reward” step. That’s one of the biggest mistakes too many smart (but stuck) women are making.
2. Do you have enough energy? Are you energized and replenished enough to pursue this goal? Are you being realistic about what you can do and are you well-rested enough to achieve it? Many of my clients (busy women with a lot on their plates), not only expect a lot (often too much) of themselves, they expect to be able to function with less than everyone else. Big mistake. Before you set off in pursuit of any goal. Ask yourself if you are chronically exhausted or sleep deprived. For 99.9% of us, long term success will not happen on 5 hours of sleep a night. Make the first step toward getting your butt in gear the step of consistently getting 7.5 hours of sleep a night. Your productivity, your creativity, your focus, and even your metabolism will thank you. This is one mojo-enhancing step where the payoff is HUGE.
3. Have you said no so you can say yes? Another note about high-achieving busy women: just because you want to do it doesn’t mean you can stretch time to fit it in. Every yes requires a no in order to make space for it. If you are wilting instead of thriving with your goals, ask yourself whether there is room in your life to move forward. It’s a hard question for many, but what are you willing to say no to so that you can block out the time and the energy that you need to create success? Consider your success an incredibly valuable investment. Just as you save money for big purchases like a car or a house, you need to carefully save and preserve your time and energy (and yes, sometimes your dollars), so that you have them to invest in the valuable prize (success!) that you are seeking.
4. Are you hearing voices? One of the biggest drains on your energy, your mojo, and your potential for success can be the way you think and talk to yourself. Perfectionism, self-blame, frustration and anger with yourself can all sabotage your ability to start and stick with the changes you are trying to make. Are you too hard on yourself? Do you struggle to put yourself first or flounder with the idea of how to prioritize your needs? My litmus test is pretty simple. Would you talk to your mother the way you judge and talk to yourself? Do you believe that you can achieve the change that you want? If your mindset and your self talk are getting in your way, don’t despair—but don’t ignore it either. Focus on practices that build confidence and effectiveness and target beliefs that limit success.
5. Who can help? There are few things more discouraging than feeling stuck or ineffective. The payoff for moving beyond this is huge. Consider how you feel when you achieve or win or cross whatever finish line you have set for yourself. If you aren’t making progress and you can’t get motivated or aren’t seeing the results that you want, it’s an important success strategy to consider whether some assistance, instruction, mentoring, or coaching is in order. Do you need more tools, a fresh perspective, or a shoulder to lean on? Who can help you with that? One of the most self-sabotaging mindsets is the belief that “I should be able to figure this out myself.” Sometimes we can’t do it alone (or will be better off and more successful if we don’t). Instead of feeling “weak” or incapable, look around. You’ll see that the most wildly successful people have mentors and a strong foundation of support.

What helps you get YOUR butt in gear? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear.

Take good care,

Want more great information on moving from surviving to THRIVING and getting your butt in gear (in refreshing ways)? Join me for my upcoming free webinar.

Emotional Eating Help Video Tip #5: Getting Clear on Your Feelings

May 7th, 2012, No Comments »

If you are overeating or emotional eating, one of the most powerful things you can do is identify what is triggering or driving your cravings so that you can respond to them in ways that are not overeating. Lots of smart, educated women get stuck when it comes to identifying exactly what they are feeling.

The truth is, if you aren’t used to focusing on your emotions or what’s going on inside of you, you probably haven’t developed a fine-tuned vocabulary for describing it.

Today’s emotional eating help video tip includes a challenge to help you start shaping up your emotional muscles.

Take good care,

Ways to Make Your Life Easier (Really)

May 2nd, 2012, No Comments »

Have you ever wished you had your own personal easy button (you know, to make your life easier)?

For busy high-achievers, life certainly has its moments. And sometimes, with all our big ideas, big projects, big goals, and big lives, life can seem . . . hard. 

Okay, not seem hard. Sometimes it’s a really difficult challenge. But here’s the thing. We don’t like to believe or admit this, but for many busy women, WE are the biggest obstacle to a life with more ease and less stress. It’s true. A lot of the time, with a few simple tweaks and adjustments, life could be easier. Heck, even the tough stuff could be less of a struggle.

Without making it too complicated, here are a few ways you might be able to make your life easier, less stressful, and more fun.

1.      Preserve your brain space. In a complicated life, your brain, your thoughts, and your mental energy represent valuable real estate. Don’t waste this on places that don’t matter. Consider what you can ritualize or turn into a routine or system that doesn’t require a lot of thought. For example, plan your menus weekly instead of feeling overwhelmed each evening with the “what’s for dinner?” question, then save your grocery lists and weekly menus until you have four or five weeks of them. You’ll never have to start planning from scratch again—unless you want to.

Make it easy: What routine tasks stress you out and how could you create a better system or routine for getting them done (preferably in batches)?

2.      Prioritize and schedule. Before you dive into your day, it’s worth taking ten minutes to plan for success. Identify both what your priorities are and when you are going to make the time for them.

Make it easy: What important to you that’s always falling off your radar? Ask yourself whether you’ve really designated a place for it in your life. If you haven’t, do so now.

3.      Gather your mojo. Even the hardest jobs get easier when we have reasons for doing them that inspire action and passion. If you need convincing, just think of the people who run into burning buildings to save someone trapped inside. A compelling “why” will allow you to move mountains. It will also help you move past fears of public speaking, procrastination, and even weight loss plateaus. If you are feeling stuck or uninspired or paralyzed, try asking yourself why you are attempting what you are attempting. Why is it important? What is the result you are seeking? What possibilities or options will completing it create? If that reason isn’t compelling enough, dig deeper.

Make it easy: Are there areas of your life where you are stuck or uninspired but feeling pressured to do “it” anyway? Dig for your “why.” Keep digging until you discover what it is and you can approach the job with the sense of meaning or importance it has for you.  If you can’t come up with a compelling enough reason to move forward, it’s worth asking why you are pushing yourself to do it.

4.      Ask for help. This is the place where I find the most instant ease. It seems so obvious, but it’s also a place we tend to overlook—all the time. Other people have answers and skills and talents that we don’t have. It’s more fun to do something difficult in the company of others. It’s also a whole lot easier not to get trapped in mindsets that sabotage us when we are moving forward with someone else.

Make it easy: Where are you flying solo when you might really benefit from delegating, bringing in a partner, a mentor, an expert, or a friend?

5.      Approach yourself and your life with kindness. Ditch the perfectionism. Reward your progress and recognize your efforts. Treat yourself as you would a good friend or your mother—and pay attention if that’s entirely different from how you normally judge and talk to yourself. Be open to tweaking and readjusting instead of trying to force things to happen. See your progress as an experiment. Be open to what works, and see what doesn’t as an opportunity to self-correct, not as a failure.

Make it easy: Are there places where your own harshness or your strict expectations are getting in the way of you feeling at ease to move forward? Where does it currently feel like you are “forcing” or struggling when maybe you could change your approach and find an easier path?

There are so many ways that we can over-complicate things or sabotage ourselves. The good news is, there are just as many ways that we can step out of our own way and lighten our own load. I’d love to hear from you. What have you found makes the tough stuff easier? Leave a comment and share your success and your favorite strategies.

Take good care,

Emotional Eating Video Tip #4: What to Do When You Get Off Track

May 1st, 2012, 4 Comments »

Nobody is perfect. From time to time, we all fall off track or fall short of our goals.

Perfectionism can sabotage your plan to take control of overeating faster than just about anything. In this week’s emotional eating video tip I cover the helpful thing you can do if you fall off track with emotional eating or overeating. This strategy is not only a “band aid” or something designed to help you feel better–it’s an action that can help propel you forward and help you change your relationship with food.

Take good care,

No Calorie, Easy Self-care: Simple Ways to Savor and Indulge Without Gaining Weight

April 25th, 2012, No Comments »

No-calorie self-care treats for YOU

We’re nearing the end of the 30 Day Self-care Challenge.  Mother’s Day is approaching, and I’m continually being asked—

“How do I fit in self-care?”

“How do I actually indulge and reward myself without turning to food?”

“I’m out of practice—what are some do-able and easy self-care ideas?”

High quality self-care begins with good intentions, but it only counts when you find ways to follow through, put yourself first, and prioritize and act on the things that make you shine and feel fabulous. There are at least two types of self-care.

The basic foundational pieces include things like sleep, good nutrition, regular activity and stress relief. These keep you functioning and in good condition. Then there are the lovely, special self-care actions you take on your own behalf—the ways you indulge, treat yourself, and gift yourself with kindness and good stuff. Unfortunately, this is the fantabulous aspect of self-care that too many busy women decide they don’t have time for—or that they don’t deserve—or that they need to work even harder to earn.

Important note: you don’t have to earn the right to high quality self-care and every single one of us deserves to be treated fabulously.

You know what happens. When you don’t get what you need, or when you expect to do without and live solely on hard work and the things you “should” do, life not only gets tedious, but stress builds, and so do habits like overeating and emotional eating—ways women try to make up for not getting what they are really craving.

Treating yourself is important. And yet, if you aren’t used to doing it, if you are busy and overloaded, you might have a tough time figuring out where to start. Guess what? I’ve made it easy. Whether you’re looking for ways to continue the self-care challenge, treat yourself, or even find the perfect Mother’s Day gift for another busy woman, I want you to have new, do-able, fun ideas to get the ball rolling—no matter how busy you find yourself.

Full disclosure: In my search to bring you some fresh ideas, I put the word out about what I was looking for. I learned about some of the ideas featured on this list because companies sent me samples to try. Other ideas are some I’ve come to love all on my own. I am not receiving any  compensation from any of the companies featured here.

Fun Self-care: Simple Ways to Savor and Indulge Without Gaining Weight (no matter how busy you are)

Indulging is about savoring and experiencing fully, and this means really engaging your senses. Any time you are looking for fun self-care, think about ways you can really engage and delight your sense of touch, taste, hearing, smell, or sight.

The Perfect Mother’s Day Delight

I used to think the smell of roses was too old and too much, but lately, it seems like the rose scents have changed. The One Hundred Roses line is perfect—and how fitting if you are looking for a special Mother’s Day gift for yourself or someone else. The One Hundred Roses Bubble Bath is infused with essential oils of fresh cut roses and summer flowers, rosewater and natural extracts. Take a mug of tea, or a glass of your favorite wine into the bath with a great book and you may just have created the ultimate self-care indulgence. No time for a bath? The body lotion smells just as good.

Spa Day for the Time-challenged

If a bubble bath sounds delightful but you just don’t have the time, an Aromatherapy Shower Burst might be what you’re looking for. When taking a bath isn’t an option these 100% natural Shower Bursts transform your ordinary shower into an aromatherapy experience. Place one burst on the floor in the shower and let the indirect spray activate the aromatherapy experience.  Made of 100% essential oils, you can pick a scent that fits your mood. Oh, and in case you wonder like I did, they don’t make a mess or leave gunk in your shower. 

A Facial for your Hands

That’s what I labeled the experience that I got when I tried out the therapeutic hand scrub and cream from Seed. In the time it takes to wash your hands, you massage a bit of the 100% natural seed scrub into the backs and the palms of your hands. It feels great and exfoliates (something I’ve never done to my hands before). Then you use their hand cream—I loved the relaxing lavender. My hands felt great, the quick treatment was stress relieving, and the smell of the hand cream lingered. This is truly simple self-care.

Sink into Yourself

Gift yourself by giving yourself time and the opportunity to connect with yourself. One of the most powerful tools for knowing yourself and staying tuned in to what you need, want, and feel is journaling. Make it a treat by downloading your words into something gorgeous and substantial. I love the feel of a brand new, blank journal—just don’t let the beauty of the book intimidate you. These are made for free associating, scribbling, and, yes, making mistakes. It’s all good. Paperblanks makes beautiful journals and they are widely available in stores and online.

Escape and Savor your Surroundings

It’s so easy to miss the delights that are happening all around us. That’s why I loved the suggestion I received from Sweet-seed. Recovering from surgery a few years ago, my husband discovered a whole new, relaxing world as he sat trapped in a recliner and noticed the birds in our backyard in a new way. Since then, we’ve added more bird feeders and learned that the quality of the bird food makes a difference in the birds we attract—and we’ve had a great time just sitting, watching, and listening to all the life that happens right in front of us.

And for the Really Time Strapped

Let’s get one thing straight. Self-care is not optional and I don’t believe there is no time for it in your life. I challenge you to claim the time. That said, in writing this article, I was reminded that there are simple ways to feed your senses well in the midst of all kinds of experiences. Even cleaning your kitchen. Doing simple acts, like scrubbing your sink, mindfully and with your senses engaged can ground you, help you quiet your mind and reduce your stress. The key is being aware and being present. Creating a rewarding sensory experience helps a lot with this. If this is how you are spending the moment, why not upgrade the experience? Lemon Road introduced me to their all-natural scented kitchen cleaners for your home. These handcrafted cleaners for your sink contain essential oils and actually do smell great. The citrus spice scouring powder really does help shift the experience and just might help pull you back into yourself in the midst of a busy day.Take this idea and run with it. How can you upgrade the sensory in your day to day?

Give Yourself Permission

I hope these ideas have helped. That said, it might not be a lack of ideas that has you stuck. Easy and consistent self-care requires a mindset that allows you to prioritize your own needs and possibly a new approach that allows you to find the time. Putting yourself first isn’t selfish. It’s actually critical for thriving in your life and creating long term success. If you struggle with keeping yourself on your radar and claiming the time and the energy you need and reserve, the How to Put Yourself First 7 Day Blast-off may be just the place to begin.

Life is too short not to live your best version of it. I hope this list helps you infuse more high quality self-care into your days.

Take good care,

Emotional Eating Video Tip: Curiosity

April 23rd, 2012, No Comments »

In this week’s video tip, I share one of my favorite “power tools” for taking control of emotional eating.

“Free curiosity is of more value than harsh discipline.”
~Saint Augustine of Hippo

Discovering how to be curious about your overeating and your urges to binge instead of focusing on willpower or self discipline can open incredible doors for you. Try the three minute strategy I describe in this week’s video tip!

Take good care,

If You Can’t Stop Eating – Read This

April 18th, 2012, No Comments »

April is Emotional Overeating Awareness Month and to commemorate it, I’ll be sharing a series of blog posts about emotional overeating, what it is, how to be aware, and why this is so crucial for weight loss success and peace with food.

You’ll notice that it’s not “Just Stop Emotional Overeating Month.” The term awareness is critical when it comes to emotional eating, and yet, it’s a part of the equation that is often overlooked.

Most people who struggle with weight and overeating have an idea what emotional eating is (if you’d like more information you can check out the first post in this series), but often, we get caught up in stress eating, comfort eating, or some other eating related to our feelings without even being aware that this is what is going on. Sometimes it just feels like you can’t stop eating–even though you know you don’t need more food. Becoming aware is the first step to taking control. It’s only when we really know what is causing overeating that we can start to take the steps to change it.

Here are five things anyone who can’t stop eating or who struggles with food needs to know about emotional eating.

1. You can be an emotional eater and not even know it. This is especially true if you’ve learned to use eating as a way to avoid your feelings. If you have learned to associate food with comfort or as a way to get numb or stuff your feelings, your brain can get pretty quick at making this connection. Over time, you may even stop consciously paying attention to the feelings or the situations that trigger your hunger. For instance, you have a bad day at work and you don’t really process the fact that you feel discouraged or trapped or frustrated. You may not identify that you are comfort eating. Instead, you may just feel hungry. Maybe you are someone who is very uncomfortable with conflict. You sense a fight coming up with your spouse and instead of really identifying how ineffective or anxious this makes you feel, you find yourself in the kitchen devouring the leftovers. You know you “shouldn’t,” but you can’t stop eating. This is emotional eating and it can happen even when you don’t know exactly what it is that you are feeling.
2. You don’t have to be overweight to be stuck and unhappy with emotional eating. There are plenty of average, and even below average weight women who use food as a way to cope with feelings. You don’t have to binge eat or eat constantly to be an emotional eater. Most people eat emotionally sometimes. It’s a problem when it takes up time or energy that you would rather spend on other things, when it is affecting your weight, your health, or your happiness, or when you feel dependent on it and feel trapped or at a loss of how you might do things differently.
3. Diets and weight loss surgery don’t address emotional eating. Emotional eating serves a purpose. Whether you are eating for comfort, stress eating, eating to numb your feelings, or using food as a distraction, emotional eating is an attempt to cope. Breaking free from emotional eating requires a new set of tools. You need to know what to do instead of eating if you want to take control of this issue. Diets don’t give you these tools. Weight loss surgery patients struggle with emotional eating and often refer to it as “head hunger.” If you don’t have the tools to address emotional eating, you will continue to have difficulties.
4. Willpower doesn’t fix emotional eating. When you lose a battle with emotional overeating, it doesn’t mean you weren’t strong or determined enough. It means you didn’t have a plan and the approach that you need. Too many weight loss gurus give lip service to emotional eating. They point it out and tell you not to do it. If only it were this easy! Remember, you are overeating for a reason.  The key to success is getting clear on what drives your overeating and developing do-able strategies for what to do instead of turning to food.
5.  Emotional eating is not an issue of intelligence or laziness. How many weight loss plans have you “blown” because you got frustrated or mad at yourself? Emotional eaters tend to be hard on themselves. When the plan doesn’t work out, it’s tempting to say you were just lazy, you didn’t work hard enough, or you didn’t use enough willpower. This is a huge mistake and it’s the place where the smartest, hardest working women sabotage themselves. When you find yourself giving in to emotional eating, when you can’t stop eating even though you aren’t hungry, it’s a clue to pay attention to. It doesn’t mean you failed, it means you need something—something that is not food. Emotional overeating awareness involves learning about what triggers your urges to eat and your feelings of hunger and then taking action to gather new tools, strategies, and support to address these triggers in ways that don’t use food.

You can break free from emotional eating.

Women do learn to create peace with food. It’s a longer process than a seven day fast, but the results are better, you don’t tend to go hungry, and when you get to the root cause of your hunger, you will find much more satisfying ways to feed those cravings.

Take good care,

Emotional Eating Video Tip: Peace with Food

April 16th, 2012, No Comments »

Do you know darn well that diets don’t work but feel lost and confused about what to do instead?

Too many women end up battling emotional eating and overeating by starting on another diet because it seems like the only decisive action step they know.

Today’s emotional eating video tip comes to the rescue. The first step to creating a winning game plan is setting your inner GPS towards your final goal. Contrary to popular belief, that final goal is NOT just a number on the scale. It’s a way out of the struggle and the yo-yo dieting. I call it peace with food. Check out today’s video to learn more.

Take good care,