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Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 3

August 23rd, 2010, No Comments »

My goal in this blog post series has been to point out how many of the things that hold high-achievers back in business and life actually come from inside the mind.  Here are two more I’d like to point out.

4. You are a hard worker. Yes, this is probably one of your greatest strengths, but it can also get in your way. When you are trying to do something new, hard work is often not enough. If you aren’t satisfied with how things are going, if you aren’t getting where you want to go, or if you can’t make changes that stick for the long haul, than there is something wrong with your plan. Hard workers can sabotage themselves, because when they don’t see the results they want, they tend to tell themselves that it’s because they aren’t working hard enough—so they work harder. The problem is, working harder using the wrong strategy will simply burn you out and leave you feeling defeated and ineffective. If you are feeling frustrated at your lack of success and tired of working so hard, it’s time to consider path number two and asking for help. Consulting with someone who isn’t stuck inside your mindset and approach can make a world of difference—sometimes very quickly.

5. You’re scared. High-achievers are often very used to creating success. Trying something new, struggling, letting go of old, but comfortable, mindsets—this can all be disconcerting. Stepping outside your comfort zone can be scary.  Success can also be anxiety-producing. Stepping up, playing a bigger game, moving into a bigger or stronger version of ourselves—all these things may feel exhilarating, but they can also push buttons we never knew we had. The first impulse for most of us when we feel anxious or scared is to slam on the brakes. Sometimes we get in our own way because we are unsure of moving forward.  The good news—you are not alone and fear does not indicate weakness. It means that you are challenging yourself and by stretching, you are growing. While slamming on the brakes won’t get you where you want to go, you can still use those brakes to set a pace that feels safe and comfortable. Finally, when you let go of your “flying solo” mentality, it frees you up to seek the help you need so that you don’t have to feel like you are walking in the darkness by yourself.

The bottom line:

Do you need to get out of your own way? It’s an essential question. Paying attention to any gaps in your foundation and mindsets that are messing with your head game may be the most valuable investment you can make in your success.

Take good care,

Three Ways to Lower Your Stress—Even if You Can’t Change Your Life

July 27th, 2010, No Comments »

As someone who coaches busy, high-achieving women, I often hear about the stress and responsibilities that are permanent realities in my clients’ lives. I also frequently hear women make the mistake that reducing stress requires a major life overhaul—something they may not feel that they have the time or even the interest in. Fortunately, this isn’t always true. There are tricks and strategies for taking control of stress—even in the midst of challenging circumstances. Here are three that you can start using today.

1. Spend time outdoors. There is something important about getting outdoors—no matter the weather. A recent study by researchers at the University of Essex found that five minutes of outdoor activity each day can improve mood and lead to an increase in self-esteem. The study found that subjects benefitted the most when they spent their outdoor time around a body of water (like a lake or river). Consider breaking up your day (or ending your work day) with a short walk around the block, or stopping by a park in the midst of your errands. You don’t have to pack in lots of outdoor activity—just have an outdoor experience and savor it.
2. Practice pausing. Disengage from your busy brain and connect with your body. Use a timer (both as a reminder and to time yourself) and practice pausing and breathing consciously for 3-5 minutes, 2-3 times a day. Here’s a structured breathing pattern to try so that you don’t have to worry about how to breathe consciously: simply inhale for a count of four, hold the breath for the count of four, exhale for the count of four, wait for the count of four, and inhale and begin the cycle again. This is called four by four or “square” breathing. It helps you slow down, deepen your breaths, and engage the body in the process of relaxing. You can do it anywhere. Practice doing it every time you hit a stoplight or while you wait in line.
3. Stop multitasking. It seems like our mind’s response to stress is often to take on more or try to get as much done as quickly as possible. While that may make the idea of multitasking very tempting, the truth is, multitasking doesn’t make us more productive, increases our stress, and can seriously interfere with the quality of our output. To start putting the brakes on multitasking and decrease the stress you are putting on yourself, practice deliberately noting the focus of your attention—and choose one thing to focus on at a time—even if it’s only for five minutes. Declare it out loud if you can: “Now I am doing the dishes,” “Now I am preparing notes for my presentation,” “Now I am organizing my desk.” Learn to give your brain one thing at a time to chew on and put the rest on a list instead of trying to hold all the details in your brain.

Stress reduction really is possible (and probably easier) with small, simple steps. My challenge to you: pick one of the three strategies and commit to it for the day.

Take good care,

How to Reclaim Your Mojo AND Unleash Your Inner Champion

July 14th, 2010, No Comments »

Another Free Smart Woman’s Teleseminar

(plus short audio tips for those of you with not-enough-time to listen)

Life is simply TOO SHORT to be not getting where you want to go–or–to not be enjoying the ride. I’m on a mission this summer to promote thriving and to show you that it’s possible–even with a lot on your plate.

I hope you’ll sign up to hear my message–and to be one of the first to hear about a brand new program that begins in August. When you sign up, you’ll have a variety of formats to choose from to experience this material. Come to the teleseminar live (it takes place Wednesday, July 21 at noon Pacific, 1pm Mountain, 2pm Central and 3pm Eastern). Listen via phone or online. Access the recording after the call. OR, if you are just too darn busy to make it through a sixty minute recording (even though it’s going to be packed with great information), I’ll be sending out short, sweet audios that cover one point or action item at a time.

The content will vary, depending on how you choose to tune in, but here are the main points I’ll be covering in the teleseminar:

In this teleseminar, you will learn:

• What every high-achieving woman needs before she jumps into action
• Why hard work isn’t enough and other minefields that can sabotage you
• How to amp up your motivation for getting healthier or making healthy lifestyle changes
• How to create a THRIVING lifestyle (amidst your busy life and work) that feels do-able and fulfilling

(… and much more)

Go here to sign up and get all the information about how to attend.

Take good care,

Could You Use a Detox—For Your Brain or Your Life?

July 12th, 2010, No Comments »

It’s the bane of the high-achieving woman—you probably never run out of things to do—or ideas about what you could be doing. Sometimes it’s fun. Creative high-achievers tend to be talented at creating work they love. But the constant doing can also work against you and lead to a decrease in your productivity, your focus, your energy, and your passion.

Too many ideas in your head can even prevent you from taking action because you feel overloaded or confused about where to start.

• Is your head too full?
• Do you have a hard time stopping—even when you know you need to?
• Have you sought out so much advice that you feel like you know “too much” and can’t even find a place to begin amidst all the rules and wisdom you’ve acquired?
• Do you know that you need to do to relax, reduce your stress, or refocus but you aren’t sure how to stop your life long enough to do it?
• Do you have a pile of books or an in-box full of recordings that you feel like you need to listen to before you can move forward?

Then you could probably use a detox. Not a nutritional cleanse, but a process for clearing out the gunk in your head space—the garbage that’s overwhelming you, throwing you off track, or keeping your life so full of “shoulds” that it’s hard to work on the motivation to do any of it.

Luckily, you don’t need a week at a spa to embark on a mental detox. Here are some steps you can take today to start cleaning out your brain.

1. Examine the junk that’s weighing you down. Take a look at what’s swirling around in your mind. Sometimes the thought of cleaning out a messy closet is so overwhelming, that we just avoid opening the door. It can be the same with our thoughts and the expectations that we hold for ourselves. One symptom of overwhelm can be a tendency to avoid your thoughts—overeating, or choosing mind-numbing activities instead. Grab your courage, take a deep breath and a clean pad of paper. Set the timer for 15 minutes. Now write down all the gunk that’s in your head. This includes everything you feel you need to be doing, the expectations you have for yourself (these usually start with “I should”), the unhelpful stories you are telling yourself (these often begin with “I can’t” or “I don’t” or “I never”) and anything else that feels like it’s mucking up your life. Get it out of your brain and put it on paper. Now get a different colored pen and circle the ones you want to keep.
2. Create your own clarity. Get a clean piece of paper. Take another deep breath. This time, ignore all the “shoulds” and the rules and write down what you know to be true of you. Write down what you know about what you need to be successful, to be fueled, and to be at your best. I’ll give you an example. A client who is coaching with me to take charge of emotional eating and to lose some weight was feeling lost about how to approach her upcoming vacation. She felt like she “should” continue with the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ program she had started. She felt like she “should” be writing in her journal and meditating. She was worried about overeating on vacation and gaining weight. She was also worried that she would drive her partner up the wall talking about what to eat and worrying about getting things “right.” I asked her what else she knew. She knew she desperately needed and wanted to relax and that if she gave herself permission, she could actually do so on this week-long trip. She knew that she was already automatically using many of the tools in the emotional eating program—when she was present and relaxed. She knew that the more she got wrapped up in “getting her eating right,” the more she was going to overeat and binge and not savor the foods she was looking forward to. She also knew that there are certain foods that her body doesn’t handle well and that she needs to avoid them to feel her best, and that to do this successfully, she needs a game plan and a few minutes every morning to connect with herself and get her head on straight. What my client knew and what you know about yourself, is the starting place for creating your best plan and deciding what you need and what you can let go of.
3. Start the detox process. Go back to your first list. What can you let go of? For now. What parts of those swirling thoughts in your head  a) aren’t a priority and don’t need to be addressed NOW, b) are unhelpful or are confusing or otherwise getting in your way, 3) don’t fit your mission, your purpose, or who you are—today (hint—many of these things may be a part of someone else’s agenda, but not yours). Cross them off. For now. Be sure to look for mindsets and beliefs that you can let go of as well. As my client reviewed her list, she easily saw a number of things that she didn’t want on her agenda during the next week. She also quickly realized that perfectionism, and her expectation that she needed to perform at a certain level, was sucking the joy (and the benefit) from several key activities in her life. On top of that, the expectation that to be successful she had to be perfect was keeping her stalled and unable to move forward on a number of things.
4. Rinse and repeat. Overwhelm comes back. That’s okay, it’s one of the hallmarks of a rich full life. The key is having strategies to handle it when it happens. A periodic detox can be just the ticket for rebalancing a life or a brain that’s gotten too full.

Take good care,

Four Ways to Create Space So That You Can Focus on Yourself (at least a bit): Tip Four

July 8th, 2010, No Comments »

Here is the last post in my series about finding time for YOU–but the conversation doesn’t need to stop here. What tips or ideas would you add? What works for you? Click the “comment” link and let us know!

Change your story

It’s important to be honest with yourself. What’s really keeping you from getting the time and space that you need? Don’t stop with an explanation of the circumstances—yes-you-have-a-stressful-job-and-you-have-three-cats-and-two-dogs-who-need-walked-and-three-children-that-need-you-and-the-bathroom-needs-painted (or whatever your story is). But why does that prevent you from getting the time and space you need to be fueled and at your best? The story that traps many women is, “I’ve got so many responsibilities that I can’t possibly take the time for me.”  I know, you may believe that story. But that story is a conversation stopper and it won’t get you anywhere but worn out and cranky.

That story is only one possible story. Here’s another one: “I am currently living an incredibly challenging life and I have a lot that I am responsible for right now. That means that I am extremely valuable, and I need to be taking the best possible care of myself so that I can live up to the demands of this situation or be focused and savvy enough to change things in a way that works better for my life. My energy and time are like gold and I’ve got to nurture them. “

Feel the difference?

Our stories guide us. What story is keeping you stuck and how could you rewrite it?

Take good care,

Need some help creating YOUR story and your formula for thriving? That’s one of the pieces covered in my brand new Success Soundtrack program.

Four Ways to Create Space So That You Can Focus on Yourself (at least a bit): Tip Three

July 6th, 2010, No Comments »

Here’s my latest installment in this series dedicated to helping you create space for your self so you can give yourself what you need. We’re talking small steps here. The truth is, major life overhauls tend to be overwhelming–not what we need. Another truth: there’s only so much a woman–any woman–can do by herself. We ARE human you know! As logical as this next tip is, it’s one many of us struggle with.  Can I urge you to keep working on it?

Tip Three: Rally the Troops

Yep. I’m going to talk to you about asking for help and delegating. You’ve heard it before, and yet it might be something you need to consider again. There are a lot of women out there with too much on their plates who are trying to go it alone. Why is it that so many intelligent, hard-working women are so darn bad at asking for help and support?

If I’m talking to you, please take a deep breath and know that you are NOT alone.

If you are ready to create some time, space and energy for yourself, here are some questions to ask:

• Who else could do this?
• Who could help me do this?
• Who could I pay to do this?
• Does this really need to be done?
• Is there some system or gadget that could simplify, streamline, or eliminate this task
• Who could I teach to do this?

If you’ve already memorized these questions and simply can’t move forward in this area, than might I suggest it’s time to call in another sort of help? If figuring out how to get more help and support (and use it!) feels like an impossible task, this is place where high quality coaching can make a difference in ways you might not even be able to imagine. Contact me and we’ll set up a consultation. This is simply a barrier that’s crucial to get past.

One final word on asking for help. There’s one fine point that high-achievers, perfectionists, and independent women often miss. If you don’t have a clue how someone could help you or how you could delegate some of what is on your plate, than the most basic way of asking for help is to ask someone that you know like and trust: “How could I do that?” They may amaze you with an answer, OR the conversations that result may unlock your own brilliant flow of ideas in ways that bowl you over.

Take good care,

Please Ignore Yesterday’s Teleseminar

June 30th, 2010, No Comments »

Want to know what occurred to me on my run this morning? I decided that I’m going to ask you to ignore the teleseminar I gave yesterday. In case you are wondering, the title was: Overwhelmed, Overcommitted, or Overweight? How to Unleash Your Inner Champion and Take Back Your Life (in less time than you think).

Don’t listen to it. Okay, listen to it if you want—there is a lot of great content—but truthfully, the teleseminar is about moving out of overwhelm and overload and if this is YOU, then you probably don’t feel like you have an hour to listen to another teleseminar, do you?

For those of you who were one step ahead of me and skipped signing up for the teleseminar BECAUSE you don’t have time—I hear you.

So don’t listen to it. Because I’m going to show you exactly what I talked about on the call—that it’s possible to learn and to make changes by taking smaller, more do-able steps.

Ignore the teleseminar recording because starting today, I’m going to share short pieces of what I covered in the call (and some bonus stuff). Does that sound more digestible? Fantastic!

Here’s your first ten minute audio (actually, it’s 7 minutes and 47 seconds). It’s about your inner champion and how to assess the role she is playing—and could be playing—in your life (and yes—you can download the audio—because life needs to be easier ).

Take good care,

PS: On the call that you are going to ignore, I shared information about my brand new product: The Success Soundtrack™: How to Add More Ease, Flow, Me-time AND Success Without Overextending Your To-do List in Just Ten Minutes a Day. I’m very proud of this program that is specially designed to get you connected to your inner champion and living your best life. This plug-and-play program (just devote ten minutes a day to listening to the CDs) is specially designed for the woman with a lot going on. I’ve eliminated the fluff and the time-consuming stuff and made it super easy to use. Until 7/6/10 you can use the coupon code FREEDOM at checkout and receive $20 off the price of the Success Soundtrack™. You’ll also receive a bonus 60 minute audio: How Even the Smartest, Savviest Women Can Be More Effective (Especially With Food, Weight, and Healthy Lifestyle Changes.

Four Ways to Create Space So That You Can Focus on Yourself (at least a bit): Tip Two

June 30th, 2010, No Comments »

Just in time for summer and quick reading: a series on finding time for YOU. How lovely is that? I’m keeping my posts short and to the point so both us us can enjoy a bit more sun and a tad more me-time. If you missed part one of the series, you can find it here.

Tip Two: Say “No” So You Can Say “Yes”:

Superwoman is a myth. None of us can do it all. We CAN do amazing things, but only if we are clear on our priorities and spend our time and energy accordingly. We cannot stretch time, we can only spend it wisely. Unfortunately, some high-achievers are notoriously bad at saying “no” and lose a lot of time on activities that aren’t in alignment with who they want to be. You might recognize the signs:

• if you are constantly feeling overwhelmed and overloaded and don’t see an end in sight
• if you are too tired to move at the end of the day (the time you designate as your “me-time,”)
• if you feel like YOU are the one everyone turns to for help and support
• if “Yes,” or “Sure,” tends to be your default response
• if you are someone who worries a lot about letting people down or making people happy but is tired and not-so-happy herself

If these signs ring a bell—well—you might want to flex your “no” muscles because they probably need some strengthening.

Today’s coaching challenge: What will you say “no” to so that you have room for more “yes?”

Take good care,

Women Entrepreneurs: How to Make Time for Yourself–and Why You NEED To!

June 6th, 2010, No Comments »

Self- care and me-time are simply not indispensible.  In fact, making time for yourself is actually an essential ingredient if you want to thrive in your life and your business.

Here are four steps to creating time for yourself and the benefits they can lead to in your business and your life:

1. Examine your mindset about me-time. Are you still struggling with an inner critic who tells you that self care is a pie-in-the-sky luxury?  If you want to truly make time for yourself, it’s essential to stop thinking of (and treating) me-time as something that’s nice-if-you-can-get-to-it and start approaching it as a necessity and a priority. Remember, the time you invest in yourself is time invested in LEADING your life (and your business) instead of chasing along behind it.
2. Identify what you need. What DO you need to be you at your best? In my Emotional Eating Toolbox™ program, I call these non-negotiables. Many women who have let self care drop off their radar haven’t thought about this in a very long time. Make a list and include everything you can think of—from vitamins to physical activity, to sex and laughter, reading and consistent time off (just to give you a few ideas). Give yourself enough time to be creative and expansive here. Now examine your list. Where are you consistently feeding your spirit and where do you need to invest more time and energy? When you are well-fueled and at your best you bring more energy, zest, and purpose to the work that you do. You will be less tempted by unhealthy substitutes like stress eating or mindless time wasting that just leave you feeling more “behind.”  Many women find that simply having clarity about what they need and where they want to spend their energy leads to better stress management more effective action in business and in life.
3. Find your energy leaks and fix them. If you are short on me-time than you are probably also spending your time and energy spinning your wheels because you are not well fueled. When we’re tired, stressed, or overworked, we don’t tend to be very productive. However, busy business owners often keep forging ahead (because there is “so much to do!”). They tend to stay in “action” that gets progressively less effective. This leads to time and energy that gets frittered away. To find possible energy leaks, ask yourself what you do when you are too tired to be “productive.” Many women who don’t have enough hours in the day also “lose time” micromanaging their email, their social media accounts, and other tasks that take whatever time you give them. Be sure to look for time and energy leaks at the end of the day too.  Does your “down time” really rejuvenate you? What if you did something really lovely for yourself instead? We know that workers who take regular breaks are more productive and enjoy their work more. Try scheduling 15 minutes of time for yourself (using the list you created above) several times a day.
4. Put it on the calendar. If you are struggling with step number one, this may be a difficult step for you too, but by all means don’t skip it. You are a resourceful, high-achieving business owner. You know that for something to happen there has to be a space for it to occur. Leveraging the same skills and strengths that you use to grow your business is a must. Schedule your me-time and honor that appointment the way you would if it was with anybody else. When you value yourself and your time (instead of trying to wedge yourself in to an empty space that never occurs) it can create an important mind shift. Others pick up on the value you place on yourself. As you show more respect for your time and energy, you may find that they do too.

Creating Me-time can be a challenge for many women juggling their own businesses and their busy lives, but doing so is more than a worthwhile investment.

Take good care,

PS: DON’T let your busy life stop you! Making and taking time for yourself doesn’t require hours and hours. My new get-down-to-business Success Soundtrack(TM) gets you into action creating more ease, flow, me-time AND success in just ten minutes a day.

Does Your Stress Level Limit Your Professional Success?

June 4th, 2010, No Comments »

This week I spoke at the Body Mind and Business Breakthrough Telesummit about overwhelm, overload, and overeating–common traps for busy, high-achieving women–and how to start carving out a more satisfying life.  The topic clearly struck a nerve (no surprise here!).  It’s not too late to grab a seat at this groundbreaking virtual event, OR to get copies of the telesummit calls that have already happened. In the meantime, I thought I’d share a series of articles I wrote earlier this year that focus specifically on women business owners. Let me know what you think!

The successful entrepreneur is always mindful of the tools and strategies that can enhance her business–and consistently evaluates the effectiveness of the approaches she is using. However, there is one area that many savvy business women overlook—and this error of omission costs them big.

One of the most crucial skills for any thriving solopreneur or professional is the ability to take excellent care of herself. After all, aren’t you the most important asset your business possesses?

I know what you may be thinking. Many of us entrepreneurs have so much on our plates that it’s impossible to get to it all, and often, self care or “me-time” is one of the first things to go. “It’s not essential” (so you tell yourself).  It may feel self indulgent or you think it’s rather a luxury. You tell yourself you can get to it later.

Not true.

Here’s what THRIVING business owners know (and many of us learned it the hard way). The way you care for yourself counts and it counts big. You can’t show up powerfully in your business or your life unless you are showing up powerfully for yourself. Taking care of YOU is not a luxury, it’s an essential part of a successful business plan.  Successful business owners spend time and energy on themselves. They prioritize their health. They manage their stress. They take time off—real time off. They play and sleep and make efforts to eat well. And it has an impact—not just on how they feel, but on how they work in their businesses.

The cost of not making and taking time for yourself:

Self care isn’t always easy. In fact, sometimes, carving out the space, time, and energy you need is really quite an art, but learning to do so is well worth the investment. When we don’t take good care of ourselves:

• We have less energy
• We are more distracted and less focused
• Our stress level is higher
• Sleep can be impaired
• We may feel deprived, irritable, more easily frustrated, or impatient
• We are less creative
• Our health isn’t as good
• We tend to turn to “vices” to fill in the gaps that we aren’t filling with good stuff. Stress eating, smoking, drinking too much, wasting time surfing the internet—these are a few things that tend to show up big, waste more time and energy, distract us, and immerse us in a vicious cycle of decreased productivity and reduced happiness.

We’re simply not at our best.

When we aren’t at our best, neither is our business

How can we possibly play our best game under these circumstances? The answer, of course, is that we can’t.  When we are stressed, overwhelmed, or not getting what we need, we tend to feel like we are playing catch up. It’s the feeling of running along behind your life and your business instead of the one of sitting securely in the driver’s seat. We tend to feel deprived—short on time, short on energy, even short on options. That is NOT the place from which one plays powerfully and big.

Stressed-out entrepreneurs risk thinking too small and making decisions from a place of limitation. Overwhelm is not an expansive place.

When we are not taking good care of ourselves, we don’t feel at our best. We don’t shine. Guess what—people notice.

When we are stressed or overwhelmed or feeling less than 100 percent, we tend to be reactive, not proactive. This can drastically affect the choices we make in our business.

Finally, when we don’t feel we can “take the time,” it’s next to impossible to stop, take a calm step back, and get the perspective or “big picture” view that is so vital to creating a thriving business (and life).

What’s a busy business owner to do?

If you recognize yourself, you are not alone. Falling off the self care wagon is one of the most common pitfalls for high-achieving, smart professional women. Knowing that this is a problem for you is the first powerful course-correcting move. It’s the only way that you can start to value and work on prioritizing the self care you really need.

Take good care,