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If Food Isn’t the Answer to Everything – What Is? Part 3

August 30th, 2010, No Comments »

Last post, I introduced the concept of making peace with food and discussed how this happens when you can move past the food struggles and toward more satisfying solutions.

2.     Peace With Food Takes Courage (and it takes you new places)

A client told me recently that she’d never have predicted where she’d be now, seven months after she began coaching with me to transform her relationship with food. She’s thrilled with where she is. She’s made changes in her life that feel really good. She’s created more time for herself and she is addressing some needs she’d been trying to ignore for a very long time. She also shared that she’s not nearly as hungry for food as she once thought. She’s feeding herself in other ways. She feels in control of her weight. But she has also learned that in some ways, using food as the answer was easier than addressing the real problem was (at least in the beginning). It has taken courage to ask herself what she really needs.  However, by taking that courageous step, she’s feeling more grounded, more balanced, and more satisfied than she has in a very long time.

3.     Peace With Food Takes Time

The thing about food is that it’s easy and it doesn’t require a lot of dedicated time to eat it. If food is the answer, you can comfort yourself, respond to your stress, chomp out your frustration, or soothe your hunger while still driving the carpool, working late, or doing that volunteer project you committed to finish. Food is a seductive answer because you can squeeze it in to a very full life.

In all honesty, those other solutions—the enduring, satisfying ones that really address your needs—tend to require more time, thought, and commitment. Before you shake your head in despair, know that I’m sharing some critical information here.  If you are tired of failing with diets and food plans, it’s time to ask yourself whether what you really need are the tools and support necessary to create the mindset, skills, and strategies that will allow you to live a life that feeds you. You know, a life that works for you and allows you to thrive—one where your needs count and you feel comfortable saying no and asking for help (among other things). Yes, this often requires a redistribution of time and energy, and some new learning, but getting there is usually not nearly as drastic and difficult as you might think.

By the way, creating peace with food is a process that occurs over time. It doesn’t usually happen overnight. And yet, it can be amazing how seemingly small shifts can lead to big changes.

The final post in our series will unveil some key ideas to consider as you begin your path to peace with food.

Take good care,

If Food Isn’t the Answer to Everything – What Is? Part 2

August 27th, 2010, No Comments »

To summarize my last post:  If you are eating for the wrong reasons, the only way to make a change that is satisfying and lasting is to find other answers, solutions or strategies that address those reasons.

Real Change Means Making Peace With Food

In the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ program, I teach a process for making peace with food. Peace with food is different from losing weight (although people who make peace with food often lose weight), enduring a diet or food plan (peace with food is not about doing something with food you don’t want to do), depriving yourself and going “without,” or feeling out of control and resigned to a life where food is “the answer to everything” (except that it really isn’t). Peace with food happens when you can move past the food struggles and toward more satisfying solutions.

The Path to Peace With Food

It’s important to know that peace with food is available to anyone. Really. No matter how long you’ve fought with food or your weight, no matter how much you struggle with emotional eating, it’s possible to create a new and improved relationship with food. Just like any change, it’s a process of taking the correct steps and making adjustments and changes—in a way that works for you.

1.     Peace With Food Requires New Answers

Peace with food only happens when you move beyond the food and start creating better, more effective, more satisfying answers. When you have a range of strategies to comfort yourself, to celebrate, to cope with anxiety or stress or boredom or loneliness, and when you know how to really zero in on what it is your spirit is needing or craving (the things that are not food)—guess what happens? Food loses some of its charisma and its importance. Oh sure, it still tastes good, and sometimes you’ll want to eat more than is really good for you, but the struggle to NOT eat and the drive to overeat or keep eating, is transformed. Because food doesn’t have the power that it once had—and—because you now have some higher quality solutions.

In the next post, I’ll go into more depth on how to successfully make peace with food and will show you how it really can make a difference.

Take good care,

If Food Isn’t the Answer to Everything – What Is? Part 1

August 25th, 2010, No Comments »

Does it sometimes seem like food can be an answer to everything?  Had a hard day at work? Why not relax with some creamy pasta? Have something to celebrate? A dinner out is always nice. A heartbreak or disappointment isn’t fixed, but might be comforted with a bowl of ice cream in front of the TV. If you’re tired, sugar is easy to reach for, and munching on candy is a great way to distract yourself or just get through the work you don’t want to be doing.  Got stress? You might not even realize that you reached for the snacks until the bowl or the bag is almost empty.

Yep, for many women with a lot going on, food becomes a convenient, easy, low-maintenance band aid for whatever needs attending to.

So what happens when you want to change that?

Here’s the interesting thing. The biggest mistake that most people make when they want to stop overeating is that they focus their efforts on . . . the food. They develop a plan of what and when and how much they will eat. That’s how diets work (or actually—don’t work—but that’s another story).

You see the problem don’t you? If food is the answer to everything and you take food out of the equation, than you are still left without an answer.

If you are eating for the wrong reasons, the only way to make a change that is satisfying and lasting is to find other answers, solutions or strategies that address those reasons. Preferably ones that work better, address the real problem, and aren’t only a band aid.

This blog series will address the concept of making peace with food and the impact that it has on many aspects of life.

Take good care,

Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 3

August 23rd, 2010, No Comments »

My goal in this blog post series has been to point out how many of the things that hold high-achievers back in business and life actually come from inside the mind.  Here are two more I’d like to point out.

4. You are a hard worker. Yes, this is probably one of your greatest strengths, but it can also get in your way. When you are trying to do something new, hard work is often not enough. If you aren’t satisfied with how things are going, if you aren’t getting where you want to go, or if you can’t make changes that stick for the long haul, than there is something wrong with your plan. Hard workers can sabotage themselves, because when they don’t see the results they want, they tend to tell themselves that it’s because they aren’t working hard enough—so they work harder. The problem is, working harder using the wrong strategy will simply burn you out and leave you feeling defeated and ineffective. If you are feeling frustrated at your lack of success and tired of working so hard, it’s time to consider path number two and asking for help. Consulting with someone who isn’t stuck inside your mindset and approach can make a world of difference—sometimes very quickly.

5. You’re scared. High-achievers are often very used to creating success. Trying something new, struggling, letting go of old, but comfortable, mindsets—this can all be disconcerting. Stepping outside your comfort zone can be scary.  Success can also be anxiety-producing. Stepping up, playing a bigger game, moving into a bigger or stronger version of ourselves—all these things may feel exhilarating, but they can also push buttons we never knew we had. The first impulse for most of us when we feel anxious or scared is to slam on the brakes. Sometimes we get in our own way because we are unsure of moving forward.  The good news—you are not alone and fear does not indicate weakness. It means that you are challenging yourself and by stretching, you are growing. While slamming on the brakes won’t get you where you want to go, you can still use those brakes to set a pace that feels safe and comfortable. Finally, when you let go of your “flying solo” mentality, it frees you up to seek the help you need so that you don’t have to feel like you are walking in the darkness by yourself.

The bottom line:

Do you need to get out of your own way? It’s an essential question. Paying attention to any gaps in your foundation and mindsets that are messing with your head game may be the most valuable investment you can make in your success.

Take good care,

Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 2

August 19th, 2010, No Comments »

Last post I outlined how neglecting self-care can be a common path leading to self-sabotage. Here are a few more common mindsets that may cause high-achievers to stumble in reaching their goals.

2. You are flying solo. This is a very difficult one for women who expect a lot of themselves. If you have a goal and you aren’t accomplishing it, one of the first questions you should be asking is whether you could use some help. Could you use a coach or a mentor? Here’s where the fun comes in. Notice the conversation you have with yourself when you ask this question. Many high-achievers will run circles around themselves in order to avoid getting the quality support that might quickly propel them forward.

Notice the head game: “I should be able to do this on my own.” “Other people don’t struggle with this.” “I’m a strong person, I can do this.” Again, here’s the truth: strong people do ask for help. Successful people surround themselves with teams that can support them in accomplishing their goal. They leverage the time, expertise, and energy of others.

Asking for help is NOT a form of weakness. It’s often the bravest and the most pro-active thing that you can do to create your own success. Here’s another interesting fact. If you are someone who struggles with asking for help, it’s probably easier than you think. You don’t even need to know what you need. Approach someone you trust, share your dilemma, and simply ask, “I’m not sure what I need here, do you have any ideas about how you or someone else could help me with this?”

3. You are cutting the wrong corners. Success requires an investment. Most importantly, this means an investment of yourself—your time, your energy, and your focus, and sometimes, your finances. Having the time, energy, and focus committed to your goal are critical ingredients for success—no matter what you are trying to accomplish. Sounds straightforward, right? Unfortunately, many busy people try to skip this step. Either head games get in the way (if you feel guilty spending time and energy on yourself, you’ll get caught here), or you might not really know how to do this.

Shifting gears and priorities, carving out space and time, and persisting when things get tough are incredibly difficult tasks—especially when you are a busy woman who expects a lot from herself. Before you purchase another “how-to” book or program, ask yourself whether you’d be better off investing in a coach who could help you create the physical, mental, and emotional space and foundation necessary for you to implement the plans that you already have.

I hope you’ll join me next time for the final two paths. These may just surprise you a bit!

Take good care,

Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 1

August 17th, 2010, No Comments »

Recently I heard a productivity expert speak on how to “get things done.” It’s a simple process really. You define the goal, outline the steps, and start moving forward. Easy peasy—right? And yet. There are many smart, informed, high-achievers out there who have set goals for themselves, who have a plan, and who still aren’t getting where they want to go. They aren’t losing the weight or getting fitter, or they are still stressed and overworked. The time they committed to spend on their important project seems to evaporate. Success isn’t happening. And as a result, these savvy people are feeling frustrated, irritated with themselves, and perhaps even guilty or less confident about their abilities. Not a recipe for enhanced productivity is it?

Here’s the truth.

For many of you, it’s not the “how-to” that is the problem. For many high-achievers with a lot on their plates (I may be talking to you here), the problem is the head game. If you are not loving your life or if you are not getting where you want to go, it’s time to check out these five paths to self-sabotage and investigate whether you need to get out of your own way.

Five paths to self-sabotage

1. Self-care makes you squirm. Does the idea of focusing on you leave you intensely uncomfortable? Does it feel over-indulgent, unnecessary, or like a luxury that you are embarrassed to consider? Do you find yourself rolling your eyes when you hear experts talking about “making time for yourself” or “feeding your spirit?” Interesting. What’s even more interesting, is that often those who are the most uncomfortable with the idea of devoting excellent care and attention to themselves are actually excellent nurturers of others. In fact, often, the trap here may be that you are giving all your time and energy away and saving none for you. This is a major problem—for a number of reasons.

Most importantly, self-care is the stuff that fuels us. Feeding our spirits and nourishing ourselves (and I’m not talking about chocolate kisses here), are what replenishes our mojo and our passion. It’s what allows us to be our best and go out into the world and accomplish—not only our goals—but all the great things we want to do for everybody else. Without self-care and self-nourishment, you will be operating at a limited capacity. Here’s the other important part. When you don’t give yourself what you need, you are going to find yourself seeking quick, easy, inferior substitutions. That’s what stress eating and comfort eating are all about. If you have a habit that you aren’t happy with, ask yourself if it exists to make up for something that is missing in your life.

Do you relate with the first path? Next post I will identify a few more paths as well as some simple steps to help you get going in a different direction.

Take good care,

Do You Have Your Blueprint for Thriving?

August 10th, 2010, No Comments »

In my part of the world, it’s “back to school” season. There are lots of ads about “fresh starts,” a “new season” and all the supplies that we can buy to be prepared. Many women start to think about fresh starts and changes for themselves as the new season approaches.

Can I be honest?

If you truly want to be successful with whatever change you are dreaming of making—ending overeating, losing the weight, getting fit, becoming more organized, or growing your business—new supplies, clothes, or even the newest book on the topic isn’t what’s going to do it for you.

It’s not about the plan. It’s about having a plan that you can follow through with. And a system in place in your life that allows you to complete the plan.

If you’ve tried to make this particular change before, think about it. Why didn’t it happen the last time you tried? Chances are you lost motivation. Or your schedule got too crazy. Or you found it too hard or too boring or too time consuming.  Or you felt guilty taking the time required to get to the gym or prepare the healthy food or work on your novel….

Quite simply, you didn’t have the blueprint you needed to get you to the final destination and help you stay there.

Showing you how to create that blueprint is what I’m good at.

Wouldn’t it be great to figure out how to get where you want to go—with the most ease and least amount of struggle?

Wouldn’t it be great to get moving NOW and be well on your way by October, November—the holidays?

Wouldn’t it be fantastic to start the New Year and have already accomplished that thing you resolve to do every January?

That’s what my new program, The THRIVE Formula: Four Weeks to Unleashing Your Inner Champion is all about. Sign up now. Start next week (or listen to the mp3 downloads on your own schedule). Fill in the action guides you’ll receive during and after each call and take the steps I give you. You’ll be in action toward your goals after the first call. And we’ll cover all the things you need to know to keep you unstuck and moving forward. You can even choose to have individual coaching along the way.

The seats are filling up. Are you going to join us?

http://unleashingyourinnerchampion.com

Take good care,

Weight Loss Without Dieting: The Weight You Can Stop Carrying – Part 3

August 9th, 2010, No Comments »

In this blog post series, I have been addressing the “inner game” of a successful weight loss strategy.  Last time I shared with you a few tweaks that you can make to shift your mindset to achieve lasting results.

THE “SHOULDS”

True change, the kind that you won’t resent and the kind that will last, starts from within. When I note the word “should” cropping up in someone’s weight loss talk, my radar for that fifty pound boulder starts blinking. “I know I should exercise,” “I should be eating more green vegetables,” “I should stop drinking mocha lattes.” “Shoulds” are words of instruction or rules that come from the outside. “Should” is what someone told us to do. A should rarely reflects our own true wisdom, or a belief that we have truly integrated and taken on board. When we really believe that what we are talking about is in our best interest, and will make us happier (by getting us closer to where we want to go), “shoulds” become “wants.” With the exception of the most hardcore disciplined among us, the people who exercise regularly are the ones who have found some joy or purpose that causes them to want to get regular physical activity even if it is simply knowing they will feel better when it’s done.

USE CURIOSITY TO DEVELOP A PLAN THAT HAS MORE “WANTS”

If your current weight loss plan is filled with “shoulds,” use curiosity to examine the places where your plan isn’t working well. Ask yourself how you might tweak it to include more “wants.” It’s often not as hard as you might think. Physical activity planning is a place where this often crops up. “I should be exercising.” When I hear this, I always ask my clients what they want to do with their bodies? When do they enjoy being inside their bodies? What kind of physical activity do they enjoy? Is there a way that those activities could be their “exercise?” You wouldn’t believe how many people pick an activity they hate for exercise, because they think they “should” and then get mad at themselves because they don’t do it. The same strategy is useful with food choices.

Make sure that you are taking your tastes, your schedule, and your style of eating into consideration when you plan your meals. Make sure you are developing a plan that you will want to follow in the future and that works for you. If you find you really must insist on a “should” and there are times when we all need to, then strive to pick the most palatable version of the “should” that you can. Pick the foods, or the activities, or the lifestyle changes that you dislike the least.

To be successful with weight loss, the weight of self-blame and judgment needs to come off first. You don’t need to diet them away, but you do need to learn to set them down. You’ll be amazed how much easier it is to attack the rest of the weight when you aren’t dragging all that unhelpful baggage around.

Take good care,

Weight Loss Without Dieting: The Weight You Can Stop Carrying – Part 1

August 4th, 2010, 1 Comment »

Are you carrying around weight that you can put down? This is a question that’s crucial to your long-term success.

I don’t need to tell you that losing weight is hard work—really hard work. What I can share is that many people get stuck in attitudes and ways of thinking that make losing weight even harder. Some attitudes that people often think of as motivating, actually tend to de-motivate us. Trying to lose weight with these mindsets is like trying to climb a mountain carrying a fifty pound boulder. The journey is much easier if we put the boulder down.

JUDGMENT & SELF-CRITICISM

When a new client begins to talk to me about her weight struggles, I can often feel the heaviness that enters the conversation. Her voice may change, her posture slumps, she may adopt an expression of embarrassment or shame or guilt. Her energy dips. Clients talking about attempts to lose weight often stop making eye contact and sound very tired, and frustrated, even angry with themselves. Repeated attempts at weight loss (and repeated weight regain) leave people frustrated and cynical about their ability to succeed. Clients often tell me how “they have failed at weight loss.” They feel defeated and angry with themselves before they even start their next attempt.

Here’s the thing: when we don’t succeed at an undertaking, we are not failures. It is our plan or our approach that has not worked. Beating ourselves up gets us nowhere, and it diverts us from the powerful and important task of reevaluating, taking inventory and making corrections to our approach so that we can get back on target. In addition, the negativity and self blame weigh down our future attempts at success by causing us to feel less capable and less hopeful.

When we’re the most disappointed, the most frustrated and the most vulnerable, many of us have this thoroughly unreasonable idea that an emotional version of the slap-upside-the-head is what’s needed. If we allow it, the critical voices in our head that tell us we’re “not good enough” or lazy or incapable can really take control. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard tell me the harsh, awful, demeaning things their judgmental inner critic tells them about themselves and then, in the same breath, tell me how carefully they listen to it! This is not helpful!

The first step in creating a successful plan for weight loss is to attack that judgmental attitude head-on. If you’ve been frustrated in your efforts to lose weight in the past, it wasn’t you that failed—it was your plan that didn’t work. Anger and self-critical judgment don’t effectively motivate anyone for more than very short periods of time, and long-term, these attitudes will get you seriously off track.

Keep an eye out for my next post where I’ll lay out some simple and practical ways to overcome those inner voices that keep you from your goals.

Take good care,

Three Ways to Lower Your Stress—Even if You Can’t Change Your Life

July 27th, 2010, No Comments »

As someone who coaches busy, high-achieving women, I often hear about the stress and responsibilities that are permanent realities in my clients’ lives. I also frequently hear women make the mistake that reducing stress requires a major life overhaul—something they may not feel that they have the time or even the interest in. Fortunately, this isn’t always true. There are tricks and strategies for taking control of stress—even in the midst of challenging circumstances. Here are three that you can start using today.

1. Spend time outdoors. There is something important about getting outdoors—no matter the weather. A recent study by researchers at the University of Essex found that five minutes of outdoor activity each day can improve mood and lead to an increase in self-esteem. The study found that subjects benefitted the most when they spent their outdoor time around a body of water (like a lake or river). Consider breaking up your day (or ending your work day) with a short walk around the block, or stopping by a park in the midst of your errands. You don’t have to pack in lots of outdoor activity—just have an outdoor experience and savor it.
2. Practice pausing. Disengage from your busy brain and connect with your body. Use a timer (both as a reminder and to time yourself) and practice pausing and breathing consciously for 3-5 minutes, 2-3 times a day. Here’s a structured breathing pattern to try so that you don’t have to worry about how to breathe consciously: simply inhale for a count of four, hold the breath for the count of four, exhale for the count of four, wait for the count of four, and inhale and begin the cycle again. This is called four by four or “square” breathing. It helps you slow down, deepen your breaths, and engage the body in the process of relaxing. You can do it anywhere. Practice doing it every time you hit a stoplight or while you wait in line.
3. Stop multitasking. It seems like our mind’s response to stress is often to take on more or try to get as much done as quickly as possible. While that may make the idea of multitasking very tempting, the truth is, multitasking doesn’t make us more productive, increases our stress, and can seriously interfere with the quality of our output. To start putting the brakes on multitasking and decrease the stress you are putting on yourself, practice deliberately noting the focus of your attention—and choose one thing to focus on at a time—even if it’s only for five minutes. Declare it out loud if you can: “Now I am doing the dishes,” “Now I am preparing notes for my presentation,” “Now I am organizing my desk.” Learn to give your brain one thing at a time to chew on and put the rest on a list instead of trying to hold all the details in your brain.

Stress reduction really is possible (and probably easier) with small, simple steps. My challenge to you: pick one of the three strategies and commit to it for the day.

Take good care,