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If Food Isn’t the Answer to Everything – What Is? Part 4

September 2nd, 2010, No Comments »

My intent in this blog series has been to show that finding peace with food can be the mean to make lasting changes in your life…changes that have, until now, been frustrating and very difficult to achieve.

4.     Peace With Food Takes Support

We live in a food-intensive culture and you may be living your life at a mile-a-minute pace. Food isn’t something you can take or leave—you have to negotiate your relationship with food all day long, every day—in the midst of everything else. Your relationship with food runs long and deep. Many people keep their struggles with food very very private, often because they carry shame or guilt with them about the role food plays in their life. Guess what? The shame, the guilt, and the emotional baggage related to food take a toll. It can be very difficult to escape from these feelings in the privacy of your mind—the same mind that tends to see food as the answer. But make no mistake, if you have these feelings, they can keep you powerfully trapped in a relationship with food that does not work.

It can also be difficult to generate new approaches and new answers to that question: “If food is not the answer, what is?” –especially if you have spent years seeing food as the best solution you could come up with. Someone who “gets it” and who already has the tools and strategies can be invaluable in helping you craft the road map you’re craving for breaking free from these struggles.

The Cost of Doing Battle

Isn’t doing battle what NOT being at peace with food feels like? For most women, the costs of struggling with food, weight, and eating add up. Over time, these battles can erode self confidence, affect your emotional and physical posture, your sense of effectiveness and even your hope and outlook for the future. Struggles with food can also eat up a depressing amount of time and mental energy. Because we learn best by example, they tend to be passed from generation to generation. These battles rob women of energy, vitality, and passion. Finally, as long as food is a tool that helps us cope with life by using band aids and as long as this allows us to avoid creating more meaningful, nourishing, and lasting solutions, our life is simply not as big or as full or as vibrant as it could be.

Quite simply, battles with food wear women down and wear women out. Making peace with food changes everything. Are you ready to take your first step?

Take good care,

If Food Isn’t the Answer to Everything – What Is? Part 3

August 30th, 2010, No Comments »

Last post, I introduced the concept of making peace with food and discussed how this happens when you can move past the food struggles and toward more satisfying solutions.

2.     Peace With Food Takes Courage (and it takes you new places)

A client told me recently that she’d never have predicted where she’d be now, seven months after she began coaching with me to transform her relationship with food. She’s thrilled with where she is. She’s made changes in her life that feel really good. She’s created more time for herself and she is addressing some needs she’d been trying to ignore for a very long time. She also shared that she’s not nearly as hungry for food as she once thought. She’s feeding herself in other ways. She feels in control of her weight. But she has also learned that in some ways, using food as the answer was easier than addressing the real problem was (at least in the beginning). It has taken courage to ask herself what she really needs.  However, by taking that courageous step, she’s feeling more grounded, more balanced, and more satisfied than she has in a very long time.

3.     Peace With Food Takes Time

The thing about food is that it’s easy and it doesn’t require a lot of dedicated time to eat it. If food is the answer, you can comfort yourself, respond to your stress, chomp out your frustration, or soothe your hunger while still driving the carpool, working late, or doing that volunteer project you committed to finish. Food is a seductive answer because you can squeeze it in to a very full life.

In all honesty, those other solutions—the enduring, satisfying ones that really address your needs—tend to require more time, thought, and commitment. Before you shake your head in despair, know that I’m sharing some critical information here.  If you are tired of failing with diets and food plans, it’s time to ask yourself whether what you really need are the tools and support necessary to create the mindset, skills, and strategies that will allow you to live a life that feeds you. You know, a life that works for you and allows you to thrive—one where your needs count and you feel comfortable saying no and asking for help (among other things). Yes, this often requires a redistribution of time and energy, and some new learning, but getting there is usually not nearly as drastic and difficult as you might think.

By the way, creating peace with food is a process that occurs over time. It doesn’t usually happen overnight. And yet, it can be amazing how seemingly small shifts can lead to big changes.

The final post in our series will unveil some key ideas to consider as you begin your path to peace with food.

Take good care,

Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 3

August 23rd, 2010, No Comments »

My goal in this blog post series has been to point out how many of the things that hold high-achievers back in business and life actually come from inside the mind.  Here are two more I’d like to point out.

4. You are a hard worker. Yes, this is probably one of your greatest strengths, but it can also get in your way. When you are trying to do something new, hard work is often not enough. If you aren’t satisfied with how things are going, if you aren’t getting where you want to go, or if you can’t make changes that stick for the long haul, than there is something wrong with your plan. Hard workers can sabotage themselves, because when they don’t see the results they want, they tend to tell themselves that it’s because they aren’t working hard enough—so they work harder. The problem is, working harder using the wrong strategy will simply burn you out and leave you feeling defeated and ineffective. If you are feeling frustrated at your lack of success and tired of working so hard, it’s time to consider path number two and asking for help. Consulting with someone who isn’t stuck inside your mindset and approach can make a world of difference—sometimes very quickly.

5. You’re scared. High-achievers are often very used to creating success. Trying something new, struggling, letting go of old, but comfortable, mindsets—this can all be disconcerting. Stepping outside your comfort zone can be scary.  Success can also be anxiety-producing. Stepping up, playing a bigger game, moving into a bigger or stronger version of ourselves—all these things may feel exhilarating, but they can also push buttons we never knew we had. The first impulse for most of us when we feel anxious or scared is to slam on the brakes. Sometimes we get in our own way because we are unsure of moving forward.  The good news—you are not alone and fear does not indicate weakness. It means that you are challenging yourself and by stretching, you are growing. While slamming on the brakes won’t get you where you want to go, you can still use those brakes to set a pace that feels safe and comfortable. Finally, when you let go of your “flying solo” mentality, it frees you up to seek the help you need so that you don’t have to feel like you are walking in the darkness by yourself.

The bottom line:

Do you need to get out of your own way? It’s an essential question. Paying attention to any gaps in your foundation and mindsets that are messing with your head game may be the most valuable investment you can make in your success.

Take good care,

Do You Have Your Blueprint for Thriving?

August 10th, 2010, No Comments »

In my part of the world, it’s “back to school” season. There are lots of ads about “fresh starts,” a “new season” and all the supplies that we can buy to be prepared. Many women start to think about fresh starts and changes for themselves as the new season approaches.

Can I be honest?

If you truly want to be successful with whatever change you are dreaming of making—ending overeating, losing the weight, getting fit, becoming more organized, or growing your business—new supplies, clothes, or even the newest book on the topic isn’t what’s going to do it for you.

It’s not about the plan. It’s about having a plan that you can follow through with. And a system in place in your life that allows you to complete the plan.

If you’ve tried to make this particular change before, think about it. Why didn’t it happen the last time you tried? Chances are you lost motivation. Or your schedule got too crazy. Or you found it too hard or too boring or too time consuming.  Or you felt guilty taking the time required to get to the gym or prepare the healthy food or work on your novel….

Quite simply, you didn’t have the blueprint you needed to get you to the final destination and help you stay there.

Showing you how to create that blueprint is what I’m good at.

Wouldn’t it be great to figure out how to get where you want to go—with the most ease and least amount of struggle?

Wouldn’t it be great to get moving NOW and be well on your way by October, November—the holidays?

Wouldn’t it be fantastic to start the New Year and have already accomplished that thing you resolve to do every January?

That’s what my new program, The THRIVE Formula: Four Weeks to Unleashing Your Inner Champion is all about. Sign up now. Start next week (or listen to the mp3 downloads on your own schedule). Fill in the action guides you’ll receive during and after each call and take the steps I give you. You’ll be in action toward your goals after the first call. And we’ll cover all the things you need to know to keep you unstuck and moving forward. You can even choose to have individual coaching along the way.

The seats are filling up. Are you going to join us?

http://unleashingyourinnerchampion.com

Take good care,

Weight Loss Without Dieting: The Weight You Can Stop Carrying – Part 3

August 9th, 2010, No Comments »

In this blog post series, I have been addressing the “inner game” of a successful weight loss strategy.  Last time I shared with you a few tweaks that you can make to shift your mindset to achieve lasting results.

THE “SHOULDS”

True change, the kind that you won’t resent and the kind that will last, starts from within. When I note the word “should” cropping up in someone’s weight loss talk, my radar for that fifty pound boulder starts blinking. “I know I should exercise,” “I should be eating more green vegetables,” “I should stop drinking mocha lattes.” “Shoulds” are words of instruction or rules that come from the outside. “Should” is what someone told us to do. A should rarely reflects our own true wisdom, or a belief that we have truly integrated and taken on board. When we really believe that what we are talking about is in our best interest, and will make us happier (by getting us closer to where we want to go), “shoulds” become “wants.” With the exception of the most hardcore disciplined among us, the people who exercise regularly are the ones who have found some joy or purpose that causes them to want to get regular physical activity even if it is simply knowing they will feel better when it’s done.

USE CURIOSITY TO DEVELOP A PLAN THAT HAS MORE “WANTS”

If your current weight loss plan is filled with “shoulds,” use curiosity to examine the places where your plan isn’t working well. Ask yourself how you might tweak it to include more “wants.” It’s often not as hard as you might think. Physical activity planning is a place where this often crops up. “I should be exercising.” When I hear this, I always ask my clients what they want to do with their bodies? When do they enjoy being inside their bodies? What kind of physical activity do they enjoy? Is there a way that those activities could be their “exercise?” You wouldn’t believe how many people pick an activity they hate for exercise, because they think they “should” and then get mad at themselves because they don’t do it. The same strategy is useful with food choices.

Make sure that you are taking your tastes, your schedule, and your style of eating into consideration when you plan your meals. Make sure you are developing a plan that you will want to follow in the future and that works for you. If you find you really must insist on a “should” and there are times when we all need to, then strive to pick the most palatable version of the “should” that you can. Pick the foods, or the activities, or the lifestyle changes that you dislike the least.

To be successful with weight loss, the weight of self-blame and judgment needs to come off first. You don’t need to diet them away, but you do need to learn to set them down. You’ll be amazed how much easier it is to attack the rest of the weight when you aren’t dragging all that unhelpful baggage around.

Take good care,

Weight Loss Without Dieting: The Weight You Can Stop Carrying – Part 2

August 5th, 2010, No Comments »

Last post I mentioned how self-critical and demeaning thoughts sabotage weight loss.  Please remember that if you’ve been frustrated with your efforts, it wasn’t you that failed—it was your plan that didn’t work.

HOW TO DUMP THAT EXTRA WEIGHT ON YOUR SHOULDERS

Once my clients are able to stop aiming their frustration at themselves, they can start learning to examine their previous attempts at weight loss with curiosity. Curiosity allows us to ask questions that will build effectiveness in the future. “What went wrong last time?” “Where did I get stuck?” “What do I need to do differently this time around?” “What did I need incorporated into my previous plan that I can add this time?”

Our judgmental inner critic operates on the philosophy that feeling badly about ourselves will motivate us to “do better.” This theory of change simply doesn’t produce lasting results, and we all know this at some level. Next time you are listening to your own inner critic, ask yourself whether you’d ever talk to a friend the way you are talking to yourself. Most people are appalled at the idea. That’s something to pay attention to.

CURIOSITY

I can usually tell when my clients are ready to start losing their weight and losing it for good. Just before it starts to happen, they come to appointments looking and sounding visibly lighter. This happens before they’ve lost weight—and that’s because they’ve learned to set down the fifty pound boulder of judgment and self-blame—something we start attacking in our very first appointment.

The blame game doesn’t work. If you don’t believe me, I challenge you to step back and observe your own judgmental self for a week. When you eat or don’t eat, when you exercise or don’t exercise, take note of what that judgmental voice says to you. Do you notice that it is rarely satisfied and seems to never give compliments?

Ban your perfectionist. You’re never going to get it “perfect” and if that’s your expectation, then the stakes are too high and you are setting yourself up to feel like you’ve failed. Stop slamming yourself for what didn’t work and start asking the questions that will help you figure out what will. Hint: these questions often start with “Why” why was I still hungry after lunch?, or “How” how can I rearrange my meal plan so I’ll be less hungry next time? or “What” what else could I do?” or “What could I do instead?”

Are you starting to see how this shift in paradigm can be the key to achieving your weight loss goals?  Next time, I’ll show you how to go a few steps further into developing a plan that truly works for YOU.

Take good care,

Are You an Over-achieving Emotional Eater?

April 26th, 2010, 1 Comment »

If you are a stress eater or struggle with emotional eating of any kind, you know how frustrating it can be. Emotional overeating is one of the primary reasons it can be so hard to achieve weight loss that lasts—and ongoing weight loss battles are a huge energy drain. The weight loss industry is a big business, and there are plenty of plans, approaches, and “experts” out there, willing to “help you” in the search for a slimming solution that lasts.

Before you try the latest idea, here’s a question to consider: Do you need more weight loss wisdom, or is over-achieving actually making weight loss harder? In your quest to achieve success, are you creating overload and overwhelming yourself? It’s an important question, because this can create a big overeating and weight trap for busy women with high expectations.

I recently heard a great comment from someone about overwhelm. She said that even accessing the highest quality help, information, and ideas can feel like being hit by an avalanche if we have too much of it.  If you’ll excuse a food-related metaphor: when the portion is too big, even the best help isn’t digestible. And yet, if you are someone who expects a lot from yourself, you are likely to be haunted by a question that can get you into trouble:

“What else can I do?” or “What should I be doing?”

Are you always adding to your weight loss to-do list? Taking action is a strategy that we use to be effective when we feel out of control. And while taking action is the first step in creating success, taking too many actions creates overwhelm. Are you falling into this trap?

Here are some signs that you are an over-achieving emotional eater:

• Are you an emotional eater who has a bedside table heaped with the latest books on the topic?
• Do you know so much about nutrition and weight loss science that you can’t make a decision about what to eat anymore—because you’ve heard so much contradictory advice?
• Do your attempts to lose weight turn into life overhauls and plans for change that quickly overwhelm you and that feel much too hard to stick with?
• When you finish a task or arrive at a “pause” in your day, do you automatically ask, “what should I do now?”
• Do you have a hard time doing nothing?
• In spite of all your effort, are you feeling stuck or ineffective when it comes to losing weight or eating the way that is best for you?

Over-achieving causes overwhelm. It increases the overall level of stress in your life. If you are an over-achiever in the area of health and weight loss, it could easily be preventing the very goals that you are trying to achieve. Women who are trapped in a cycle of constant activity and “always doing more” end up being exhausted and less productive in the long run. Not only do overwhelm and stress lead to overeating for many women, there’s another problem with over-achieving: constant activity can keep you from seeing the real solution.

Here’s what happens when we over-achieve. We can get so focused on “getting it right” and “figuring it out” that we aim all our energy in the wrong direction and we create a cycle of working very hard but not getting anywhere. That’s what yo-yo dieters are experiencing. They are caught up in a cycle of taking drastic action to lose weight, but they are so busy “achieving” that they haven’t created a blueprint that will allow them to create lasting success.

Stay tuned for my next post. I’m going to share my tips for how to break out of the over-achiever cycle and create a path for change that will last–and not burn you out!

Take good care,

Are you an emotional eater ready to make these changes in your life? The Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series starts soon. This six week program is all about creating a lasting blueprint for successfully taking control of emotional eating—in a do-able way that fits with your unique life. You can find out all about the program here.

Spring Cleaning: Sprucing Up

April 19th, 2010, No Comments »

This is the fourth post in my series about spring cleaning for those of us with too much on our plates. How are you cleaning up your life, habits, and routines? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Spring Cleaning: Sprucing up

What in your life could use a fresh coat of paint or a complete overhaul? What “spruce up” would make your life fit better?

Are you wearing clothes that make you feel good? Do the places where you spend your time create the mood you want them too? Do you take the time to cut flowers from your yard, light a candle for yourself, or sit down to a well-set table? Is that pile of papers on your desk driving you nuts?

What about relationships? Are you getting the support and friendship that you need or is this an area of your life you’d like to renovate? How’s your physical health? Do you have a healthy lifestyle plan and is it one that puts a smile on your face or is it feeling boring and tired? How could you spice things up or rejuvenate your passion? Could you use a mentor, a partner, or a new approach? What sounds like FUN?

Now’s the time to think about the new stuff you might want to bring into your life.  Don’t let this be stressful. Start by noticing what you want and make a list of all the “spruce ups” and additions that you’d like to make. Save this list. It’s fine to tackle this one step at a time.

Take good care,

Spring Cleaning: What’s Not Working For You?

April 16th, 2010, No Comments »

This is the third post in my series about spring cleaning for those of us with too much on our plates.

Spring Cleaning: What are you tolerating (energy drains)

Spring is a great time to look at your day-to-day life and routine with a fresh eye.  We are great at “accommodating” and “making do,” and, especially if we are busy, it’s easy for these tolerations to add up. Tolerations are those things we put up with and try to ignore. The things we “tolerate” even though they aren’t really working for us. Tolerations can be a major energy drain because they aren’t optimal to begin with and we can spend our valuable energy trying to make something that doesn’t really work do the job for us.

Spend ten minutes making a list of everything in your life you are currently tolerating—everything. Then keep the list somewhere handy where you can continue to add to it as things come up. They will. Include everything—that desk chair that hurts your back, the way your computer freezes up, the colleague who is often late, the sweater that itches, and the weight loss plan that failed you before you even started—you get the idea.  Don’t worry, this is not a to-do list. Instead, it’s a way of focusing your attention. Tolerations are things we’ve decided “not to think about.” By giving them your attention and acknowledging that they are problems, you will automatically start the process of change. This isn’t just “woo-woo.” Watch what happens when you start to take note of the things you are putting up with that really don’t work for you.

Take good care,

Spring Cleaning: Ready to Dump the Nonproductive Habits That are Holding You Back?

April 15th, 2010, 2 Comments »

This is the second in my series of blog posts about spring cleaning for those of us with too much on our plates. Share a comment or thought–what are you clearing out?

Spring Cleaning: Ready to dump the nonproductive habits that are holding you back?

Cleaning out a closet or a drawer feels rewarding, but what about looking at the habits and routines that are cluttering up your life and not getting you where you want to go? Take inventory of how you are really spending your time—that’s the true indicator of your priorities. What are the time and energy wasters in your life? Make a list. Include them all. Don’t worry yet about what to do about them, just take inventory.  Creating your plan of attack is the next step. If you don’t see an immediate way to fix the situation, I suggest you brainstorm. Could you delegate? Redesign the task? Eliminate it all-together? If not, how could you add more joy or make it more pleasant (never underestimate the power of good music while doing anything unappealing).

Look carefully for time wasters—activities that use your time and energy and don’t pay you back in any way. Are you spending too much time online, keeping up with email or doing mindless activities? Have you gotten out of the habit of going outside and into the habit of too much TV? Make a new list of the habits you want to eliminate AND the new habits you plan to replace them with.

Take good care,