The term “life balance” comes with a lot of baggage—especially to many women who are stressed and busy balancing work, family, relationships, and more. I’ve encountered everything from anger to extreme defensiveness when I’ve brought up the term.

More than one successful woman has told me “I don’t believe in life balance.” “Work-life balance is a myth,” and even, “balance isn’t possible–it just sets us up for failure.”

Gulp. Strong feelings. The idea of creating balance in a busy life is overwhelming, emotional, and feels like a dream for many.

I got my haircut last week and that meant leafing through some big, fat, ad-filled magazines that I don’t normally read. I reached for O and ended up reading Oprah’s interview with Mehmet Oz (Dr. Oz) in the December issue. They were chatting away, covering ground I am familiar with. Eating well, learning how to say, “No.” The importance of setting boundaries so that you can take care of yourself. And then Oprah fessed up. She offered Mehmet Oz “. . . some advice, even though I’m not taking it myself.”

Oprah went on to say that she believes it’s important to make a conscious decision to create balance in your life—but she’s not doing it. She even said she’s not making any more resolutions until she creates more balance for herself—and Dr. Oz says something like, “Well when you figure it out, let me know, because I don’t know how to do it either.”

If this is something that you struggle with, you are in good company.

Maybe it’s just me, but it all sounded a bit like lip service. Like these two incredibly influential people don’t really believe this whole balance thing is possible. It reads a bit like “yeah, right. Balance is nice, but if you want to  be successful….”

I may be wrong about this. Oprah and Mehmet, I’d love to hear from you.

If Dr. Oz and Oprah can’t figure it out, can you?

Of course you can.

First off, stop getting all tied up in knots about the concept.

I’ve heard the arguments. “Balance is always changing.” There is no “perfect” balance. “Rhythm” or “flow” are better words to use. “I don’t balance, I dance.”

Great. Here’s what I think. I believe that when most of us talk about “life balance (or whatever words we choose),” we’re speaking about creating a way of spending or budgeting our energy and time that feeds us and that is aligned with our priorities. Yes, it’s different for everyone. Go ahead and use whatever words you want. But rolling your eyes at the idea is really an expression of feeling stuck or powerless or (maybe) content with the way things are.

Some high-achievers hide their fear of being stuck or incapable by pretending they like things the way they are or by pretending that it’s silly to want anything different.

Are you living your best life? I believe that you were put on this earth to be your best, unique version of yourself. If you aren’t spending your energy and your time in a way that allows you to bring your gifts to the world, something is out of whack. That’s my belief and my litmus test for balance. You are free to have a different one.

Want to create better balance in your life? I absolutely believe that it’s possible. Of course, it’s usually not an instant, “snap your fingers” kind of shift, but there is almost always a way to make things work better.

If you want more ease, flow, or balance in your life, here are some ways to get started:

Stop believing (openly or secretly) that it’s impossible.  You may not have a clue how to get there, but that does not mean there is no way out of whatever trap you find yourself in.  Does Oprah believe she will ever be able to create that balance that she craves?  I really don’t know. It sure sounds like she knows that she’d benefit if she could achieve it. Most of us know that if our life worked better for us we’d sleep better or stress less or lose weight or whatever. But do we really believe it’s achievable? That’s the first step. Faith that your best life is out there and that it can include more of the good stuff that feeds your spirit and your soul is an essential key to creating balance and ease in your life.

Give yourself space to start figuring out what better balance looks like and feels like for you. That’s not always easy and there is no cookie cutter formula. It involves listening to yourself. Don’t worry about the big picture and how you are ever going to balance the bajillion things you have going on. That’s a trap that may overwhelm you and keep you stuck. Start small and do-able. You are creating a path, one step at a time. Tune in to the path and the steps you need to take by carving out me-time religiously—just like you make time for brushing your teeth, commit to making time for yourself. Don’t worry, you don’t have to take a weekend retreat on a deserted island. My Put Yourself First 7 Day Blast-off and my Success Soundtrack™ program show you how to make incredibly productive use out of just ten minutes of me-time a day.

Finally, don’t get freaked out when you don’t have the answers. Doing some things differently may mean that you are going to need to acquire some new tools or expertise to move forward. Give yourself permission to know where you want to go and seek out what you need to figure out the best way to get there.

And Oprah and Dr. Oz? I’d love to take a stab at helping you define your paths. You’ve got the potential to help so many even more than you already do. Please, please, please, don’t lose your faith in the possibility of a life that works better.

Take good care,

Stop “not thinking about it.”

How often do you end up shoving your plans and priorities or even your thoughts and feelings to the back burner because there are so many other things you feel responsible for?

Guess what? “Not thinking about it” doesn’t work. It’s also a way of not taking yourself seriously.

I hear it all the time from clients:

“I don’t want to feel angry.”

“There’s nothing I can do about it so I eat.”

“I’m trying not to focus on it.”

Denying your thoughts and feelings is a major source of stress, a major cause of emotional eating, insomnia, procrastination, misplaced irritability and problems focusing.

Here’s another important piece of information (especially for all you high-achievers and perfectionists!):

Taking your thoughts and feelings seriously doesn’t mean you have to know what to “do about them.”

Too many of you are prolonging your stress and creating problems for yourself because you’ve decided—“It’s pointless to think about this because I can’t do anything about it.”

Important feelings and thoughts don’t go away just because you ignore them. Too often they build up, get tangled up around other issues, and trigger self-sabotaging behaviors like stress eating, comfort eating, avoidance, lack of motivation in other areas . . . you get the picture.

Here’s your bite-sized challenge for today. I want you to separate the process of acknowledging and respecting your feelings from the task of problem solving.

Today—right now if you can—start a list of everything that you are currently tolerating. Everything you can think of that is sub-optimal, isn’t working for you, is driving you crazy, causing you stress, distress, sadness, or just bugs you a teensy tiny bit.

Put it on a list. Nothing is too small or too outrageous. If it helps to compartmentalize, make separate lists. I have one for work and one for my personal life.  Start the list and add to it as things occur to you. Then watch what happens.

I’m going to predict at least two results.  Once you start noting things like this—actually writing them down—you are automatically paying more attention to your feelings or needs. This is the opposite of the head-in-the-sand approach. Take note of where it leads you. Most people find that noting what they are tolerating causes them to be more aware of what they want and what they don’t want. You’re also likely to find that simply putting some of these items on your list seems to lead to easy resolution. The truth is, sometimes the act of saying, “this doesn’t work for me.” Is enough to create change.

Make your list and see what happens. Leave a comment and share your experience.

Take good care,

I’ve had many emails and conversations related to my recent post about how we underestimate what we can accomplish in a year. Some of you told me you appreciate the reminder. Others shared that the idea of thinking about setting and accomplishing twelve month goals feels overwhelming and even scary. Someone said that thinking about all that it would require to succeed at her goal feels like “too much work.”

Goals are important, but life is too short not to feel like YOU are in charge of it.

Goals can be valuable, but don’t let a time frame short circuit your creativity or your dreams. Some busy women have an over-developed “let’s-be-realistic gene” that keeps their lives and even their relationships and professional pursuits too small.

This IS the month where everyone is talking resolutions, goals, and how to succeed. And while there is potential value in all of this, I want to encourage you to take a giant step back—or more accurately, up. Imagine yourself talking a helicopter ride up above “reality” or zooming out from your current perspective with a wide-angle lens. Take a step back from the day-to-day of your life and allow yourself to see and think big.

Never fear, there is no to-do list attached.

If your goal is to create your very best version of your life, your goals and pursuits should not be a reaction to what feels realistic or possible or even allowed. I’m going to challenge you to start from a different place entirely—the driver’s seat.

Set “reality” to the side for now. Grab some paper and something to write with. Forget about what’s possible and what else you “need to do.” Stop worrying about money, schedules, and other people and any limiting or “controlling” factors that come to mind.

Spend some time brainstorming what you really want.

No worries about how to make it happen.

Simply—what do you want?

Who do you want to be?

What do you want to do or create or achieve?

The idea is not to get caught up in when or how or if. The goal is to allow yourself to paint a picture—as clear as you can of who you want to be and where you want to head. Don’t worry about the next steps just yet.

I’d love to hear what you come up with!

Take good care,

PS: Some of you may find it challenging to get the time you need to brainstorm and even think about where you really want to go. If this is you, the Put Yourself First 7 Day Blast-off can make a huge difference–your commitment? Just a few minutes a day.

Happy New Year!

I’m back in the office today after taking two weeks off to spend time with family, enjoy the holidays, unwind, and relax. My mind is full of new ideas and I am so excited about the possibilities that 2012 holds for all of us.

I have a message to deliver. You are capable of more than you think. And it gets even better. Odds are, you are capable of accomplishing amazing goals with less stress, and more ease than you currently see possible. If you are overwhelmed, overloaded, or overeating it’s very likely that you can untangle some stuff, have less stress, do less, and create better results. Not by working harder, but by taking simple, do-able steps that make sense for your life.

I’d love to help you keep a focus on this kind of focus in 2012. This year, I’ll be in more frequent touch, with bite-sized tips and information to help you break free of the three Os (overload, overwhelm, and overeating) and create more ease, joy, and success.

January is a month when there is a lot of momentum and emphasis on moving AHEAD, starting new things, and setting intentions, goals, and resolutions for the year ahead. I hope that as you do this, you also spend some time reflecting on the twelve months that have just passed. Here is what I know. We underestimate what can happen in twelve months when we look ahead, and when we look back, we often forget much of what we have done.

For some of you, it’s much easier to see what you didn’t accomplish in 2011 than what you did.

Please don’t stop there.

As you dive into this New Year, I want to encourage you to do some reflecting.

Make a list about 2011. Include everything you can think of that you accomplished, everything significant, life or lifestyle changing that happened, and anything that you survived or overcame. Take note of where you spent your time and energy. Write it all down. You might be surprised.

Don’t stop yet.

Go back through your calendar from 2011 and remind yourself where you were and what you were doing eight, nine, and twelve months ago. Get a clear picture of where you were last January. You might be surprised. When I reviewed my year, I find all sorts of growth and changes that had become so routine that I had stopped noticing them. New habits, new ways of eating, heck—I moved my office in 2011 and radically changed my work schedule. It works so well, I almost forgot to add it to my list of accomplishments!

Last January, I had a vague goal of “someday” running the New York City marathon. In February, I had the unexpected opportunity to work with world-class coaches who encouraged me to set a clear plan for doing so. In May, I ran a half marathon I’d never thought of running with the goal of finishing with a time that qualified me to run in New York City (this was a time goal I had never thought possible for myself). Running that time was amazing. And in November, I accomplished another huge goal. I hit the streets of New York City and ran in a race I’d dreamed of running for years. I never dreamed all that would happen back in January, 2011. But it did.

Don’t forget the positive changes that you’ve maintained over the past year. Sometimes it takes great effort to keep things the same. Have you kept weight off, maintained a fantastic relationship, stuck with your yoga practice or your commitment to me-time? These accomplishments count and they count big.

I’m betting some things have changed or you did some things you forgot about in 2011. If you are like me, you may have accomplished major goals that weren’t even on your radar twelve months ago.

My point is this—don’t sell yourself short. Knowing what you are capable of and knowing what you have done and have endured or survived can be a major source of power and confidence as you step into your bold new year.

I will never encourage you to live in the past, but I want you to take from it what can propel you in the directions that you want to go.

What did you almost take for granted about 2011? What unexpected fantastic new living may await you in 2012?

Take good care,

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

When it comes to weight loss and trying to change habits like overeating, or other unhealthy habits, too many busy women know exactly how true this quote can feel. The plan, idea, goal, or fitness plan might sound good, it might even feel like a good thing at first, but too often, the change you are trying to make has slipped away or drowned in your full schedule of responsibilities and commitments.

Each time this happens, it becomes more difficult to get motivated to try again one more time. Confidence falters. It all feels more daunting. It’s enough to make many reach for a chocolate chip cookie . . .

Change isn’t easy. Habits take time to develop and it takes a while to develop new tastes and preferences and routines—but millions of successful women will tell you that change IS possible. If you’ve been on the weight loss hamster wheel for a while, it might be hard to believe that lasting change happens. But please know that it does. I’m not talking about holding on by willpower and the skin of your teeth—I’m talking about making changes that go so deep that you rarely think about how it was before, because the new habits and changes you’ve created have just become a part of who you are.

I’m talking about changes that last. They are possible. I’ve made them and I delight in seeing my clients make those enduring changes too.

That said, there are a few tricks or secrets to keeping your goals on your radar and staying in action.

Here are four strategies you definitely want to use if you want to achieve your weight loss, health, or wellness goals:

• Schedule yourself and pay yourself first. This is the step that sounds like a no-brainer and it’s also the one that many of you reading this will think you can skip. If you don’t skip it, you may be tempted to “do it in your head.” This means, you’ll make a mental note of when you will set aside the time to do the workout or cook the healthy meal, or take the me-time but you won’t officially put it in your schedule. No one will know your plan is there, and you are likely to find that it is easily pushed to the side when something else comes up. Treat your commitment to you as something as valid and legitimate as you treat your commitments to others. Not only should you be formally scheduling time for you, you should pay yourself or put yourself first. Make sure to schedule your needs in early at the time that works for you (probably not at the end of the day when you’ve given all you’ve got away and are completely out of mojo). Once you have your me-time commitments scheduled, allow your life to flow around them. This will probably feel much different than trying to squeeze yourself into nonexistent cracks in your life!

• Find the right people. Although you may feel shy or self-conscious, going it alone is almost never the best option when you want to set yourself up for success. Whenever possible, find at least one other person who can be a companion on this journey. You want to focus on finding someone who is at least as motivated as you are. Your goal is to have someone else who will inspire, motivate, provide accountability, and hopefully, make this all more fun. Beware of choosing people who aren’t committed to succeeding. This is not a time that you want to spend with whiners or naysayers. In addition to a companion, you also want to look for someone who is ahead of you—someone who has found success or has the tools and expertise that you need. One of the easiest things you can do to be successful is to set yourself up with someone who can provide direction and show you that success is possible. There is no need to reinvent the wheel when others have gone before you.
   
• Be concrete. Be really clear with yourself about what you expect to do and to accomplish. If you focus on “getting to the gym more” or “eating less” you are more likely to be wishy-washy in your actions and unclear about what you are really accomplishing. If you are going to stop eating after dinner or start packing a lunch or go to the gym every Monday and Wednesday and Friday morning, you will know whether you are on track.

  This is another success secret that many women find themselves resisting. When I say be concrete, I mean write out your goals and the action steps you are willing to commit to. Keeping them “in your head” or “knowing what you need to do” doesn’t work as well. There is one more important reason that you want to be concrete and clear. It helps if you tend to be too hard on yourself. As long as your goals and steps are do-able, you won’t be able to deny the fact that you are accomplishing something. Giving yourself credit for steps achieved is important to creating lasting change.

• Create rituals. Successful business owners rely on systems. So do most busy people. Interestingly, even the most organized and systematic often ignore this success secret when it comes to taking charge of their own weight or wellbeing. The easiest way to create lasting success is to keep it simple and avoid having to make more decisions or tough choices than you have to. One way to avoid this is to create rituals or habits or routines around the changes you are trying to make. Set aside a regular time for journaling or meal planning. If you are chronically sleep deprived, set some ground rules related to when you WILL go to bed. Create a systematic way of making sure you have the groceries that you need, a standing date with your support buddy or coach. Focus on creating systems that allow your action steps to flow.

I’ve already warned you. These tips are very powerful and deceptively simple. If you are tempted to nod your head knowingly and still skip them, it means you need them more. Put these strategies in place and your hard work will take place on a much stronger foundation.

Take good care,

A success ritual I strongly recommend is taking a few minutes of time to connect with yourself and set your course at the start of every day. My fully downloadable Success Soundtrack™ program helps you do just that. If you’d like to be able to hit “play” on your mp3 player and spend ten minutes getting clear on your intentions, your action steps, or your plan for being effective. This is the resource that I recommend.

What holds you back?

• A busy life?
• Too much stress?
• Inner doubt?
• Frustration with yourself?
• Feeling like you aren’t enough, don’t have enough focus, or need to lose ten pounds first?

• Less stress
• A healthier lifestyle
• A lower number on the scale
• More professional satisfaction and success
• Happier relationships

You may be tough, independent, and hard-working, but here’s the truth. You could probably benefit from an extra serving of self-compassion and the self-care that tends to accompany it. Research suggests that for better emotional well-being and less emotional eating, you’d do well to treat yourself with less self-judgment and more self-compassion, kindness, and self-care.

Research is confirming that treating yourself with self-compassion (as opposed to loading on the guilt and self-blame) is linked to:

• Increased happiness
• Optimism
• Social connectedness
• Less anxiety
• Less depression
• Less tendency to dwell on things
• Less fear of failure

Researchers are also exploring the emerging evidence that increasing self-compassion lowers the tendency for emotional eating and binging.

Increasing self-compassion and self-care is a fundamental piece of my coaching and programs. Making the shift from self-blame and frustration with one’s self to self-compassion creates changes that are profound, and I believe, enduring. While some approach the idea of self-compassion with fear (“If I’m too easy on myself, I’ll never get anywhere.”), the reality is, that those with high levels of self-compassion actually take more responsibility for problems. It’s simply easier to take charge when we aren’t bogged down with guilt and when we can do it in a way that is still kind to ourselves.

Want to start growing your self-compassion? Psychologist Kristin Neff has identified three key components that you can start implementing.

• Be understanding with yourself rather than dishing out the negative self-judgment. Take a close look at your inner conversations with yourself. As I’ve written before, ask yourself whether you’d talk to your mother or your best friend the way you talk to YOU. Start revamping your inner dialogue with kindness and support.
   
• Let go of perfection and unrealistic expectations that only get applied to you. Realize that you are human and that part of the human experience is imperfection, and at times, suffering.  Instead of feeling “why me,” roll with it with compassion and respect.
   
• Be mindful. Find ways to stay present and connected with your feelings and your experience. You have to be aware of the hard stuff in order to address it with compassion.

Resources for self-compassion and better self-care:

The Success Soundtrack™: add more ease, flow, me-time, and success in just ten minutes a day
The Put Yourself First 7 Day Blast-off
The THRIVE Formula™ Four Weeks to Unleashing Your Inner Champion

Take good care,

What do the owner of a 7-figure business, a mom going back to school to begin a new career, a newly divorced professional dynamo, and a fledgling business owner have in common?

• More energy
• A better mood
• Improved relationships
• Less overeating and other unhelpful habits
• And more success?

I’m going to be sharing some of my best tips and tricks for THRIVING in a no-cost webinar next Tuesday, October 4, and I’m inviting you to attend. The presentation is called: How to Prioritize Yourself AND Be More Effective In Your Life. You can attend via phone, Skype, or the internet. I’ll be recording the call and granting access to all who register.

• The hidden (and not so hidden) costs of NOT prioritizing yourself 
• How to eliminate the biggest obstacle busy women face when trying to take better care of themselves and create more me-time
• Five ways you might be sabotaging yourself (and not even know it) 
• Seven things you can start doing NOW to start prioritizing your own needs (even if it feels like you are too busy) 

One of the most common reasons smart, capable women stay trapped in cycles of struggling with overload, overwhelm, and overeating, is a lack of consistently used, high quality support in their lives.

“Asking for help” sounds like a simple strategy, but for many high-achievers, it just ain’t so.

Here are the most common reasons you may not be getting the help you need.

Shame. Some high-achievers equate strength with self-reliance. They are so strongly independent that they haven’t permitted—or perfected—the skill of asking for help—at least in certain areas of their lives. The belief that health and well-being ought to be areas they can take charge of on their own holds them back and keeps them struggling, in part because they aren’t leveraging the support that they count on in the rest of their lives. If you are carrying a belief that you “shouldn’t need” to ask for help or if you aren’t used to doing so, shame may be holding you back from getting what you need to move forward.

Unused muscles. If you aren’t someone who has asked for help in the past (maybe you’ve even congratulated yourself for this as if it were a strength), then you probably find yourself in situations where help would be useful but it doesn’t even occur to you to ask. If this is the case it’s time to start waking up your “delegating” and “asking for help” muscles. Begin by asking yourself about the situations or struggles that others might be able to help you with. Notice the places where you feel stuck and consider who might have the expertise or wisdom to guide you so that you don’t have to keep struggling to reinvent the wheel.

Being a one-strike-and-you’re-out-support seeker. If you find it challenging to ask for help, you might not be pushing hard enough to get it. If you find yourself thinking, “I asked for help and they never followed through” or, “it just wasn’t’ very helpful—I guess I just need to do it myself,” you aren’t alone. However, these experiences are not reasons to stop asking—they are probably indications that you need to ask more, follow up, and make sure that you are crystal clear about what you are asking for. “I could use some help” and “Would you please stop and pick up dinner on your way home” are two different requests that will yield very different results.

Not knowing what to ask for. This is a big one, and it’s another reason that many women shy away from the help that could really propel them forward. Don’t be afraid to ask others for ideas: “How could you help out with this?” Most of all, don’t short change yourself because you aren’t quite sure what you need. Reaching out to an expert, describing the situation, and finding out what resources are available might make all the difference.

Take good care,

Could you use coaching, support, guidance, accountability and a motivation boost to achieve your goals? Click here to learn more about the Emotional Eating Solution Series or click here to schedule a Peace with Food Breakthrough Session and explore individual coaching options with Dr. Melissa McCreery.