"I've been fighting with food my whole life."

"I'm so sick and tired of fighting with my weight. I don't think I'll ever win."

"It's been going really well and I've lost twenty-five pounds. I just wonder how long it will last."

These are real quotes from real women who contacted me recently about my emotional eating coaching programs. I get emails almost daily from women who've spent more energy than you can measure fighting with weight, battling the scale, and trying desperately to control their eating.

Even when things are going "well," it can feel like a tightrope act requiring constant discipline, vigilance, and will power.

It's exhausting. And the sad thing is, it's a losing battle.

Because it IS a battle. And it will continue to be a battle, even if you are winning it.

As long as you are battling, food cannot be your friend. And when you "battle" your weight, you are at war with yourself. I'd like to suggest a different way of approaching all this that will allow you to stop struggling, fighting against yourself, and feeling guilty and ineffective

There is no trust or ease or peace or relaxation.

A fight means that food potentially has power over you.

Battles take energy. Valuable energy. Even if you are winning.

As long as you are battling, food cannot be your friend.

And when you "battle" your weight, you are at war with yourself.

Clients have come to work with me because they are determined to win the battle. And I've always suggested a bigger and more rewarding challenge.

I call it peace with food.

Peace. Calm. Ease. No conflict. A relationship with food that works. That doesn't drain your energy or your mood. That allows you to move forward and be your Best Self.

Peace with food is a relationship without tangles or desperation or deprivation. Food fuels your body. Food feeds your senses. You can taste and you can savor. And when you aren't hungry, you can walk away.

Peace with food begins with the acknowledgement that your current relationship with food exists for a reason.

Be respectful and curious about how you are currently using food:

• to cope?
• to manage feelings (emotional eating)?
• for comfort or to protect yourself?

With the right tools and support you can find alternatives that work better. You can stop fighting and start creating peace with food.

And then you can start thinking about what you will do with all that extra hope and energy.

Take good care,

Are you BEYOND sick and tired of struggling with overeating, stress eating, or of being stuck on the weight loss roller coaster?

Come learn what may very likely be missing from your get-healthy-lose-weight-or-stop-overeating plan. On August 31, 2011 I'm offering a free teleclass:

Emotional Eating Solutions: Why One Size DOESN’T Fit All, Why Smart Women Get Stuck, and Savory Strategies for Success

I'll be sharing:

• Five things every woman who struggles with food or weight needs to know about emotional eating

• Why smart women get stuck, the unique struggles you face with food and overeating, and how to start breaking free—NOW

•  Why one solution doesn’t fit everyone and the exact formula you can use to determine what will work for you

• The ingredients you must have for lasting peace with food and weight loss success

I'll also be sharing information about the emotional eating solutions and resources that I've created and the path to creating real lasting peace with food.

Click here to reserve your no-cost spot.

Take good care,

Many smart women struggle with their weight and many busy, successful professional women resort to food to cope with the stress, uncertainty, and other emotions that occur in a full, high-pressure life.

1. Let go of the belief that you are alone and the only one struggling like this. If you are caught in this cycle with food and overeating, you’re in some great company. One of the most self-defeating actions you can take is to continue to struggle alone, heaping on self-blame and even shame. Find someone to talk to. Open your eyes to the possibility of support. Ask other women what they do when they struggle. Consider investing in yourself the same way you invest in your career and your family and your home and pursuing emotional eating solutions that can help you.
2. Take control of perfectionism. You’re human and you’ll never be perfect. Perfectionism or all-or-nothing thinking is common among women who expect a lot of themselves. It can get you stuck in a pattern where making a poor choice is interpreted as “blowing it.” Women trying to lose weight fall for this all the time. Instead of continuing forward and allowing the next choice to be a better one, the tendency is to cash in all your chips and start down a road of overeating because you’re upset with yourself and you “failed.” Plan for imperfection. Train your mind to notice your progress and not just your missteps. Try the “Three Things That Went Well” strategy.
3. Stop relying on willpower. This is a biggie. You are a high-achiever. You probably have a lot of willpower and stick-to-it-ness in other areas of your life. You may be lost in a mindset of beating yourself up over this cycle you are stuck in. If so, you probably tell yourself things like:

• “What’s wrong with me that I can’t get a grip on this?”
• “This should be easy.”
•  “I’m just not trying hard enough.”
•  “This is an embarrassment and I need to stop being lazy and just take a tough line with myself.”

• Help with finding motivation
• Help with creating time for themselves
• Help with accountability
• Help developing new skills and strategies
• Help with getting to the root of what’s triggering their overeating
• Help. Period.

Approaching the problem with respect and allowing yourself the resources you need to be effective can make a world of difference.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Here are some common traps that even the smartest women fall for and the success strategies you can use to avoid them:

1. Getting too focused on what to eat. Cycles of overeating and weight gain are rarely fixed by focusing only on the food. A focus on what to eat doesn’t address or fix the situations, feelings, or relationships that may be triggering overeating. Yes, portion size matters and sometimes food intolerances or metabolic difficulties cause weight gain. However, even these situations become clearer and easier to sort out when you start listening to yourself and paying attention to how you feel, instead of focusing your attention on every bite, calorie, or fat gram that you put into your mouth.
2. Disregarding what you really need. You know yourself better than anyone. Instead of focusing on what “should” work and what you “should” do, take this bold step that many high-achieving women skip:
   
   Ask yourself what you really need to be successful—and then give it to yourself. You’re likely to spend less time, energy, heartache and even money in the long run when you trust your inner wisdom. Do you need the help of an expert? Be honest about that. Better tools to deal with stress or difficult emotions? Do you need some one-on-one mentoring or support? Don’t cheat yourself. Investing in what you know to be true and getting the targeted help you need will likely make more of a difference than all the self-help books you can’t figure out how to make work for you.

   Too many women spend too much money on solutions that aren’t comprehensive or individualized enough and don’t really meet their needs. Not only does this lead to failure, it burns up your hope and your sense of effectiveness. Do you feel like you know what you need but it isn’t possible? Don’t let that stop you. Ask yourself what it would take to make it happen and ask what is do-able that would start allowing you to have more of what you need. Start believing that you deserve to get what you need and start asking for it. You might be surprised what shows up.

3. Refusing to ask for help. High-achievers can fall into the trap of believing that lifestyle change has to happen solo. Many women who are successful in other areas of their lives feel embarrassed and even ashamed of their struggles with overeating. They feel like they are alone in their struggles. Unfortunately, not reaching out for help increases the sense of isolation and decreases your potential effectiveness. Asking for help might be the scariest step you take in order to make peace with food, but stepping outside of your own head, your own mindset, beliefs, and traps, can start change happening—and quickly.
4. Not addressing time issues. My heart almost broke when I heard an outwardly successful professional woman tell me that given the hectic state of her life, she believed that she wouldn’t be able to focus on her own goals for the next ten years. Really? What kind of life is that and what kind of example are you living? Change requires a commitment to making it happen. Whether it’s taking the time to attend a class, listen to audios, create a plan for healthy meals, or meet with a coach, if you don’t create the time, it isn’t really a priority. Honest truth. If you need help learning how to make or find the time, or how to put yourself first, make this your first action step.

When WAS the last time you ate because you were physically famished? When was the last time you ate that you weren't?

Emotional eating is a major part of most women’s lives. We’re taught to use food for so many things in addition to fuel. Diets mess with our relationship with food and add so many “shoulds” to the equation that many chronic dieters hardly know if they are hungry or not. They are conditioned to judge their “fullness” by calorie counts, the clock, fat grams, carbs, and other external cues that are not hunger.

A woman who is at peace with food feeds herself in high quality ways (and I'm talking about feeding her spirit and her soul as well as her stomach).

She also allows herself to savor the food and the experiences that she takes in. Eating doesn't trigger guilt or self-loathing and responding to her hunger isn't something she does in secret.

Let’s evaluate your relationship with hunger.

• How do you decide when you are hungry?
• Where do you feel hunger in your body?
• On a hunger scale of 1 (ravenous) to 10 (stuffed to the gills), how hungry do you allow yourself to become before you feed yourself? How full do you fill yourself when you do eat?
• When you determine that you are hungry, how do you decide what to eat?
• How do you tell the difference between physical and emotional hunger?

If your Inner Champion was running the show and helping you live your BEST version of your life, how would you be responding to your physical and emotional cravings? Would it be different?

How to Break Free from the Vicious Cycles that Keep You Stuck, Stressed, and Overeating

Here are some tips to help you break free of vicious cycles that keep you stuck with overload, overwhelm, and overeating:

• Before you start, know this: you are a smart woman and you keep running on that hamster wheel for a reason. What keeps you moving forward (and round and round), even though what you are doing isn’t working? Please notice that this is a question that is meant to trigger curiosity—not shame. In fact, leave your guilt, blame, and shame about past failures at the door, because they are the number one emotions for keeping you stuck. Ask this—“What are the forces that have kept you on the hamster wheel?” Have you been operating under a mindset or belief that you “have” to do things a certain way? Is your inner perfectionist telling you that you just need to keep trying the same old, same old until you get it perfect? You never will. Are you stuck in a vicious cycle because you are bending to the expectations of others? Are you trying to do it the way “everyone else” is?

Or, like so many of us, do you keep on doing the same old thing that doesn’t really work because it works a little bit or for a short time and you don’t know what else to do?

The more clarity you can get about what has kept you in this rut, the better you’ll be able to address the feelings, circumstances, and relationships that draw you back to it.

• Breaking free of a vicious cycle, or getting off a hamster wheel, requires stepping sideways instead of pushing forward harder and harder. This means doing something different and stepping outside your comfort zone. Don’t feel like you have to take a flying leap. Even a small sidestep will start breaking the cycle and getting you out of the rut.

What does a sidestep look like? It might be trying new tools, asking for help, changing your routine, or making the decision not to ignore something that has never worked when you’ve tried to make changes in the past.

When you are ready to step sideways, ask yourself, “What can I do differently this time that will help me be more effective? What hasn’t worked well in the past, and how can I address this?”

Note that the two most common mistakes I see people make here are: 

1. Mistaking “I’ll just work harder” as “doing it differently” (it’s not)
2. .Completely neglecting the option of asking for help. Nothing will help you step sideways and create a new approach faster than getting fresh expertise or a new perspective. All too often, we can’t see how we’re stuck because we’re wearing blinders and we don’t even know it.

• You need structure and accountability to keep you in action until your new approach is fine-tuned and familiar. I know I’m not the only one out there who has started something that I loved, enjoyed, and knew was a winning approach only to realize four weeks later it had completely slipped off my radar and I’d forgotten about it completely.

Establishing new habits takes work and persistence. You’ll benefit from strategies and support to keep new intentions “front of mind.” Support or guidance is invaluable for reminding you why this new way is important and how the old way didn’t work. A system for checking in or holding yourself accountable helps you measure progress, catch motivation problems, and stay on track.

Decide what you will do to keep your new approach “front of mind” and on track. Where will you post reminders, how will you stay inspired, and when and how will you track your progress? Don’t neglect these steps. They are the actions that winners take.

• You’re in it for the long haul, not a few short weeks. Creating new pathways for success requires tools and strategies for course-correction and honoring success. I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve worked with who make it off the hamster wheel, get grooving in a new routine that is bringing them the results and satisfaction they used to dream of, and when I ask them about celebrating their achievements, respond by telling me how far they still have to go.

Not stopping to absorb your success and celebrate your progress is leftover residue from being on a hamster wheel. On a hamster wheel, you never get anywhere, and you always have farther to go. There is no reward, only pressure to work harder or move faster.

If you want to break free of vicious cycles and create changes that last, it’s critical that you learn how to recognize your accomplishments and celebrate the milestones along your journey—because you are planning on staying on this path for a very long time. Equally important is finding flexibility to tweak your approach on a regular basis so that it continues to fit you, your preferences and your life.

If this sounds like a foreign language, that’s because, I may be describing skills, strategies, and tools that you haven’t used much or don’t even know about. Creating a new approach when you’ve been stuck in a routine or pattern that didn’t work for you requires a much broader perspective. If you can’t see it yet and feel at a loss about what to do, don’t keep struggling alone, inside your head. That’s the road straight back to the hamster wheel.

Phone a friend. Find a mentor. Hire a coach. Reach out for new tools that expand your possibilities. Change IS possible, but in order to change you must do things differently.

“I know how to lose weight but I just can’t do it. I eat without even thinking about it. I’m a compulsive eater, an emotional eater—it feels like I eat to deal with everything. How do I stop overeating?”

Sound familiar? This is a concern that women share with me almost every week. Compulsive overeating is one of the most frustrating challenges that women face when working to create peace with food (or fit into their skinny jeans). Compulsive eating feels out of control.

Fortunately, there is a step-by-step process that will help you get back in the driver’s seat with your eating and with your weight. It won’t create instant results, but, followed faithfully, it will not only show you how to end overeating, it will probably leave you feeling more effective in your life.

1. To break free from compulsive eating, you’re going to need to climb into the driver’s seat. That means taking the wheel and keeping your eyes on the road–and being present when you make decisions about eating and when you put food into your mouth.  What does that look like? It’s you being one hundred percent present when you eat. Whatever you eat. No multitasking. No watching TV or reading a book or catching up on email. If you want to take the power back from food, you need to be present and in charge. Want more incentive? Research shows that mindful eaters tend to feel more satisfied and eat less.

2. Know your personal emotional eating and overeating triggers. What are the situations or emotions that tend to trigger you to overeat? Are there times when you routinely reach for food without even thinking about it? These are trigger situations and they play a big role in keeping you stuck in cycles of compulsive eating. Identifying your trigger situations allows you to anticipate them and create an alternate plan of action or to prepare the tools and strategies that will help you  be effective when the going gets tough. Being aware of your emotional eating and overeating triggers allows you to be in charge—not the food.

3. Once you are mindfully seated in the driver’s seat with a road map of your overeating triggers, it’s essential to know your destination. Women who are struggling with compulsive overeating often make the mistake of focusing on what NOT to do. “I won’t overeat.” “I won’t eat dessert.” “I won’t…”

It’s helpful to know what you don’t want to do, but it’s even more important to know what you DO WANT to do. How will your behavior be different when you achieve the peace with food that you are working so hard for? If you haven’t already, it’s critical that you create a clear picture of your goal. How do you want to eat? What do you want to do when the urge to binge on chocolate strikes? How do you want to see yourself handling the stressful situations that used to be overeating triggers? To start being more successful, you will need a very clear picture of the actions you want to take and of the deliberate eater that you want to be.

What are your best tips for feeling effective and in control with food? I'd love to hear.

Take good care,