If you are an over-achiever in the area of health and weight loss, it could easily be preventing the very goals that you are trying to achieve.

Are you ready to get off the diet roller coaster and create a blueprint for success with weight loss and peace with food?

Here are some tips for breaking the over-achieving cycle and creating a path for enduring change:

Start killing the myth that your constant activity is making you more effective and start to identify the price of being an overachiever. Here are some signs to look for: lack of focus, forgetfulness, feeling overwhelmed or stressed, stress eating, overeating at the end of the day (often because you feel too tired to do anything else), starting and quitting one weight loss plan after another, feeling like nothing works for you, a feeling of stress or overwhelm when you think about attempting to take control of your eating.

Be selective about experts and mentors. Start by asking yourself what you already know about your eating and your struggles and what kind of help you are looking for. Remind yourself what you already know about what works—and doesn’t work—for you. Remember, you have more wisdom about yourself than anyone else. Find an expert, mentor, or plan that respects what YOU know and asks you to access your own wisdom—often. Choose one plan or expert to follow and don’t blindly follow anything.

Carve out time to do nothing. Practice breaking the over-achieving cycle and creating breathing space in your life. When we are busy doing, we aren’t really able to tune in and listen to ourselves. When we aren’t doing that, we aren’t able to stay well connected to what we really need. When we aren’t getting what we need, emotional eating is an all-too-easy way to fill in the gaps.  Learn to listen to yourself and to identify what you are really craving (the things you need that aren’t food).

Take on one plan and one do-able change at a time. More is not always better. Often, more is overwhelming and won’t last. Pick lifestyle changes or new ways of eating that are do-able and that work with your life—one at a time. Beware of the voice that tells you you “aren’t doing enough.” Change that feels easy is change that you can stick with and build on. Look for (or create) a plan that allows you to make changes with small structured steps.

Take good care,

Are you an emotional eater ready to make these changes in your life? The Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series starts soon. This six week program is all about creating a lasting blueprint for successfully taking control of emotional eating—in a do-able way that fits with your unique life. You can find out all about the program here.

Before you try the latest idea, here’s a question to consider: Do you need more weight loss wisdom, or is over-achieving actually making weight loss harder? In your quest to achieve success, are you creating overload and overwhelming yourself? It’s an important question, because this can create a big overeating and weight trap for busy women with high expectations.

I recently heard a great comment from someone about overwhelm. She said that even accessing the highest quality help, information, and ideas can feel like being hit by an avalanche if we have too much of it.  If you’ll excuse a food-related metaphor: when the portion is too big, even the best help isn’t digestible. And yet, if you are someone who expects a lot from yourself, you are likely to be haunted by a question that can get you into trouble:

“What else can I do?” or “What should I be doing?”

Are you always adding to your weight loss to-do list? Taking action is a strategy that we use to be effective when we feel out of control. And while taking action is the first step in creating success, taking too many actions creates overwhelm. Are you falling into this trap?

Here are some signs that you are an over-achieving emotional eater:

• Are you an emotional eater who has a bedside table heaped with the latest books on the topic?
• Do you know so much about nutrition and weight loss science that you can’t make a decision about what to eat anymore—because you’ve heard so much contradictory advice?
• Do your attempts to lose weight turn into life overhauls and plans for change that quickly overwhelm you and that feel much too hard to stick with?
• When you finish a task or arrive at a “pause” in your day, do you automatically ask, “what should I do now?”
• Do you have a hard time doing nothing?
• In spite of all your effort, are you feeling stuck or ineffective when it comes to losing weight or eating the way that is best for you?

Over-achieving causes overwhelm. It increases the overall level of stress in your life. If you are an over-achiever in the area of health and weight loss, it could easily be preventing the very goals that you are trying to achieve. Women who are trapped in a cycle of constant activity and “always doing more” end up being exhausted and less productive in the long run. Not only do overwhelm and stress lead to overeating for many women, there’s another problem with over-achieving: constant activity can keep you from seeing the real solution.

Here’s what happens when we over-achieve. We can get so focused on “getting it right” and “figuring it out” that we aim all our energy in the wrong direction and we create a cycle of working very hard but not getting anywhere. That’s what yo-yo dieters are experiencing. They are caught up in a cycle of taking drastic action to lose weight, but they are so busy “achieving” that they haven’t created a blueprint that will allow them to create lasting success.

Stay tuned for my next post. I’m going to share my tips for how to break out of the over-achiever cycle and create a path for change that will last–and not burn you out!

Take good care,

Are you an emotional eater ready to make these changes in your life? The Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series starts soon. This six week program is all about creating a lasting blueprint for successfully taking control of emotional eating—in a do-able way that fits with your unique life. You can find out all about the program here.

I love spring and associate it with freshness and renewal and beginnings. Unfortunately, many women I talk to associate it with bathing suit shopping, and pressures to shape up and lose weight. Right now, they are starting to prepare for another disappointing ride on the diet roller coaster (you know–the ride with lots of ups and downs where you always end up right where you started). There really is a better way. Please know, that if you are tired of struggling with overeating or emotional eating, there is a way out that doesn’t involve going through the vicious cycle or the endless yo-yo dieting that you may feel trapped in.

Just in time for spring, I’m offering a free teleseminar with a big title: Get Back In the Driver’s Seat With Overeating, Binge Eating and Emotional Eating: How to Stop Struggling and Make Peace With Food

Here’s the agenda:

• Find out why diets don’t work and the missing ingredient you need to be effective
• Learn how to identify what you are really craving (if you are overeating—it’s not food) and the problem with “food rules”
• Discover what you should be paying attention to that you probably aren’t
• Learn how you can create your own customized blueprint for making peace with food—once and for all

… and much more.

You’ll also be the first to hear about the new session of the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series, which kicks off  May 11, 2010 and some of the new benefits that I’ve added.

This free teleseminar that takes place Tuesday, April 20, 2010 at 3pm Pacific, 4pm Mountain, 5pm Central, and 6pm Eastern. You’ll want to be live on the call so that you can get your questions answered, however, if you can’t make it, you’ll still want to register. The call will be recorded and all who register will receive access to the recording. Teleseminars are easy to attend. You just dial in on the long distance number you will be provided when you register (you will be responsible for any long distance calls). You’ll be given an access code and instructed to punch it in and then you’ll join us on the line. I’ll definitely be taking your questions throughout the call.

Just go here to save your seat.

Take good care,

I wish I could more easily show women how self care and paying attention to the issues I help them focus on isn’t self indulgent and isn’t fluff. Getting to the root of overeating battles, learning how to create a life that feeds you, and crafting a plan to invest in yourself is one of the most important investments you can make in the rest of your life, your business or profession, and your relationships.

The truth: YOU are your most valuable asset. YOU are what you bring to the table, not only in your personal life, but in your business as well. If you are treating yourself like an old beat up clunker instead of a well-oiled machine, the consequences reverberate widely. Not just for you, but for the causes, concerns, and people who you care for as well.

I heard something very sad today. A marketing and business coach said that although “mompreneurs” (moms who are starting their own business), are such a huge and growing group, she advises against starting a business that specializes in providing services to them. Why? Well, she said that her research shows that this is a group that has a hard time investing in themselves, and by relation, in their businesses. “They’ll spend their money on everyone else in their family before they’ll think of investing in themselves or their company.”  Sound familiar? It’s not true for everyone, but I would agree that many women struggle mightily when it comes to investing in themselves. And they often pay a big price for not allowing themselves what they really need.

The lessons to put everyone else first run deep. For some, it’s almost as automatic as breathing. And it can be so ingrained that women become unaware of the price they are paying.

I hear clients and women who participate in my programs saying, “I know this is silly. I shouldn’t need to do a program like this. But I do.” Do you hear how hard that belief makes it to get what you need? –and how brave one has to be to move forward anyway? The truth is that these women are doing something that takes courage—looking a battle straight in the eyes and investing in creating a better way of living and being. Good on them.

Battles with food, stress, and overwhelm are a sign that life is out of balance. They are what happen when women aren’t getting what they really need, what they really crave, and what allows them to run at their best.

Battles with food, stress, and overwhelm indicate that you are out of balance.  You’re not well fueled. And that means you are not able to reliably access one hundred percent of who you are—your creativity, your passion, your wisdom. You’re not at one hundred percent and you probably know it. My bet would be that it impacts your confidence. Your posture. Your mindset. The stand you take in the world. Everything.

You are the choices that you make. And every time you do not stand up for yourself and for what you need, there is a consequence.  That choice echoes through the rest of your life. Investing in YOU is one of the most powerful things you can do. It’s not self indulgent. It’s not silly. It’s not fluff.

Am I making my point?  I’d love to hear your thoughts, your disagreements and your amens. Let’s start a conversation.

Take good care,

As a psychologist, I’ve seen all sorts of outcomes after weight loss surgery—including seeing women who invested their heart, soul, and a good deal of money, only to find themselves still struggling with weight and overeating.  I’ve known too many women who felt guilty, lost hope, and even blamed themselves (which only makes the problem worse).

If you are someone who has had a bariatric procedure,  you’ve heard that bariatric surgery is only a tool. What I remind my clients is that it’s also only ONE tool. Weight loss surgery isn’t the complete tool kit. Creating peace with food often takes more than a physical procedure.  It requires learning how to use a whole new set of tools to address the emotional reasons that trigger many women to turn to food—stress, boredom, frustration—even a need for comfort or a need to celebrate.

For those of you who have had weight loss surgery of any type and continue to struggle with emotional eating and overeating, I have an exciting new resource for you.  I’ve just released the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Bonus Series for Women After Weight Loss Surgery. This use-at-home, self-guided program includes the original Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program plus all the bonus material, activities, special topic coaching and information that was shared in my original, live  Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Program for Women After Weight Loss Surgery. I no longer offer this program live, but you can now have all the materials, tools, templates, Master Schedules, and six hours of information and inspiration-packed down-loadable seminars.  You can find all the information here.

Emotional eating after weight loss surgery is such an important issue. Please share this information with others who might benefit.

Take good care,

1. Do get into the habit of asking yourself how you are feeling before you eat. Create a ritual of checking in with yourself before you reach for a snack, stop by the vending machine, or serve up your plate. Ask yourself both whether you are physically hungry, and what you are feeling emotionally. Don’t worry if you don’t always know the answers. Creating the habit of checking in with yourself and paying attention to your emotions is an important first step.
2. 2. Do create a list of other calming strategies you can start to experiment with. When you aren’t in the midst of a stressful situation, brainstorm some quick, easy ways you might try calming or soothing yourself. Write them down and keep your list somewhere where it is easy to access. Not all your solutions will work in every situation, but that’s okay. You are creating a list of ideas to try. Some solutions others have tried: a few minutes of deep breathing, a walk around the block or even the office, changing tasks, a bath or shower, calling a friend, putting on some music, yoga or stretching, or making a cup of tea.
3. 3. Do give yourself permission for this not to go perfectly and tweak and adjust as you go. The goal is to increase your control and you will do that as you become more aware of the reasons and times that you overeat and other strategies that help you make different choices. Don’t focus on making “perfect” changes, focus on learning about yourself and identifying changes that work for you, your preferences and your life.

Take good care,

1. Don’t use food as a stress reliever. It doesn’t work—at least in the big picture. Many women may feel calmer and more relaxed immediately after indulging. Food may also temporarily distract you from the situation at hand. Unfortunately, the satisfaction is usually short lived. Guilt and self-blame for overeating, or for food choices made in stressed out moments, can result in a vicious cycle of more emotional eating and stress. However, the deeper issue is that using food to cope with emotions of any kind is only a temporary fix. It’s a band aid that doesn’t address or resolve the real issue. Without better strategies, life stays the way it is, and you keep needing band aids—usually on a more and more frequent basis.
2. Don’t multitask while eating. This is so tempting to do—especially when you are busy—but multitasking while we eat prevents us from being fully aware. This means that it’s easy to eat for reasons that aren’t really physical hunger—without even fully registering that this is the choice you are making.  People who eat mindfully (meaning they are fully present and not distracted by other tasks) eat less. They taste their food and are more likely to be aware of how much they are eating. If you give your meals and snacks your full attention, you are also more likely to catch those instances when you are eating to try to calm yourself rather than eating for fuel.
3. Don’t eat on the run. Practice slowing down. If you can’t make the time to feed yourself, something is seriously out of balance. Sure, from time to time, life happens, but if you are feeling that it’s too hard to stop and eat on a regular basis, than this problem is one that needs to be addressed. The act of stopping, focusing, and putting your food on a plate, may actually be the first step you need to take in reversing the cycle of stress and overwhelm.

In my next post, I’ll focus on the next three steps you can try. Let me know what you think.

Take good care,

Diets and food plans don’t take into consideration the many factors that motivate us to eat.  They don’t address our complex appetites and hungers.  Sometimes it’s actually physical hunger—a need for fuel—that triggers our desire to eat, but many of us also reach for food for other reasons–when life gets demanding or we get tired or we just don’t feel quite “right.”

Overeating and weight gain occur when we use food to try to fill or make up for unaddressed gaps or needs in the rest of our lives.  Sometimes we know we are eating in response to a need that isn’t really hunger, and sometimes, our tendency to feed our feelings and other needs with food is so ingrained, that we don’t even think about it.  If we’ve spent a long time learning to address needs and feelings with food, over time we may actually experience a “physical” sensation of hunger instead of feeling nervous, lonely, bored or needy.

Taking control of overeating requires taking a close look at the rest of your life and making sure that you are getting what you need.  Ignored or unfed needs and feelings increase the chances that you will find yourself standing at the refrigerator with a craving that just won’t go away.  The craving won’t go away because using food to feed it doesn’t really address the real need or the problem.  It might push it away for awhile, but I guarantee you, the issue, and the “hunger,” will come back.

So–are you living a well-balanced life? Are you feeding your mind, your body, and your spirit? It is much easier to avoid the munchies if you are feeding yourself in these  high quality ways:

Hungers that lead to emotional eating and overeating:

Hunger for rest

Many Americans, especially women, don’t get enough sleep.  Research shows that insufficient sleep contributes to weight gain—and get this—at least some of the weight gain is not related to how many  calories are eaten!  Lack of sleep also triggers physiological mechanisms that lead to increased appetite and cravings for high-carbohydrate and high-calorie foods.  Sleep deprivation affects brain chemistry which impacts how hungry we are and the kind of foods we crave.  This one is a no-brainer. If you aren’t feeding your hunger for rest, you are behind before you start.

Hunger for connection

Remember social studies class?  Humans are social beings.  We need other people.  Connection comes in the form of close relationships, support, feeling understood and listened to, companionship, physical touch and connection, and shared experiences (tears, laughter, even being bored together).

If we don’t have enough connection, we may attempt to cope by telling ourselves we don’t really need it.  Low self esteem, weight struggles, and self-blame can all lead to isolation.  If we’re busy or tired or stressed, it’s easy to convince ourselves that we just don’t have the energy to connect with others (and we might not—one unfed life area tends to snowball into others pretty quickly).

Eating out of loneliness is a major trigger for over eating, and, as lonely people often realize, loneliness is not always a feeling that has a “quick fix.”  Our social connections take time to develop and they require nurturing, so take an inventory of how well you are consistently feeding and caring for the growth of connections in your life.  Don’t get discouraged if you aren’t where you want to be.  Think about what small seed you could plant today to start to increase your connectedness with others.

Sensory hunger

Taste is just one of the senses we need to feed. We vary in our specific hungers for sights, smells, sound, and touch.  Whatever your appetites, you’ll do yourself a favor if you learn how to feed all your senses.

It’s no accident that beauty is sometimes referred to as a “visual feast.”  Our need for beauty might involve exposure to art or nature, attention to color in our homes, our clothes, or a new lipstick color.  How much physical sensation do you have in your life?  Think about physical touch and intimacy, but also think about whether you have experiences of day-to-day pleasure in your body.  Do you dance or feel the sun on your face or get a massage or enjoy a great shoulder stretch after a day at the computer?  These are all ways of feeding your sense of touch.  What about sound?  Music is a great mood regulator.  Others need a break from sound—quality quiet time.  And don’t forget about smell.  Our sense of smell is closely tied to taste and it’s important not to neglect it.  Savor the aroma of the food you do eat.  Breath deep when you go outdoors, explore great smelling herbal teas that envelope you with their heat and their aroma.  Invest in lotion that smells fantastic.

Hunger for growth

A fundamental part of being alive is continuing to evolve and transform. We have a real need to keep improving, growing or working towards becoming the people we are meant to be.  The opposite of growth is stagnation, which the dictionary defines as “becoming sluggish and dull; ceasing to flow; or becoming stale or foul.”  Not an appealing picture is it?

Is personal growth on your priority list? Do you try new things and stretch outside of your comfort zone a bit? Do you come in contact with new people, new thoughts, new activities or ideas? Do you have goals and plans for the future—that have nothing to do with your eating your your weight? Feeding a hunger for growth means allowing yourself time, opportunity and resources to nurture your goals and dreams.  It means, at times, thinking outside of the boundaries of your day-to-day life.  How are you doing in this area? Can you enhance your growth in one small way?

Hunger for play and fun

It sounds so easy, but for many, making sure they have enough play and fun in their life can be difficult. When we have a lot of important responsibilities it can be tempting to let play and fun fall off the priority list.  We can also get so focused on making sure everyone else gets their plan and fun in (we almost always get the kids to soccer practice don’t we?) that we convince ourselves there just isn’t time for our needs.  People who don’t get enough play and fun usually fall into one of two categories.  Either they don’t think about play and fun very often and their “fun muscles” are rusty—they can’t list 5-10 activities they really love without REALLY thinking about it, OR they have a long list of things they love but aren’t being successful at carving out the time for themselves.

Both are a problem. The hunger is real, and it doesn’t go away.  In the short run, it might feel like “treating yourself” with a snack is easier then figuring out how to fit more fun in, but in the end, it won’t eliminate the craving—at least not for long.

The good news is that weight loss success is not necessarily about deprivation.  A powerful tool in the battle to curb overeating involves learning to give ourselves more of what we truly need. Creating a well-fed, well-balanced life is not always easy and we can’t always do it perfectly—but most of us can do a better job than we are doing now.  Even if we don’t know where to start, being able to clearly define the unfed needs, the REAL hungers that we could take better care of, is a huge step.   Once we start to learn what we are really hungry for, we can start to tackle the problem head on. That’s the kind of process that leads to enduring change and lasting weight loss.

Take good care,

Gold Medal Excuses: Emotional Eating and Success Traps

This is the second in a series of Gold Medal Excuses. These are the excuses that win the gold. They are so compelling that they stop the game and leave women stuck and not getting where they want to go. Actually, that’s not quite accurate. These are the excuses that leave women working really hard but not moving in the direction that they want to go. You will find the first Gold Medal Excuse here.

Success Traps that Sabotage: Exhaustion

Many of you ARE exhausted and you are paying a huge price. Sleep deprivation is a big problem for busy women and it absolutely will contribute to you feeling:

• Less effective
• Less focused
• Hungry
• Stressed and overwhelmed
• Tense, irritable, and not at your best

Exhaustion is not only the product of sleep deprivation. Exhaustion happens when we run out of fuel. So if you are busy and you aren’t taking the time to eat and to energize with regular activity and with the kinds of things and people that feed your spirit, you are likely to feel run down and exhausted no matter how much sleep you get.  The issues of exhaustion and “no time” are very interrelated and it’s essential that you solve them, because if you don’t you won’t just stay stuck. You’ll burn out.

Guard your sleep fiercely. It’s essential fuel and 99 percent of us need at least 7-8 hours a night. It doesn’t work to cut back during the week and try to catch up on weekends. Sleep is an investment in yourself. If you aren’t getting enough than moving in that direction is the first step you need to take. If you’ve been walking around sleep-deprived for awhile, you’ll be amazed at the difference in how you feel.

Take an inventory of the activities in your life that exhaust you. Are you saying no regularly? Are you doing things that you resent or that waste your time? Could you set better boundaries? Are you open to delegating?

Make a list of the things and people that fuel you. How often are you replenishing your reserves in these areas? If your automatic response has to do with not having enough time, check out the tips here.

Repeat after me: Staying up late doesn’t help. The number one trap I see for women with too much on their plates? Women tend to get into a pattern of staying up late at night in an attempt to catch up, “rest up,” or capture some time alone. Trying to pay yourself at the end of the day almost always backfires. You are likely to overeat (emotional eating and exhaustion eating in the evening are problems for many women), exhaust yourself further, and fritter away the time you do stay awake because you are too tired to do anything else.

Stay tuned for the next Gold Medal Excuse–and feel free to share your favorites by adding a comment.

Take good care,

Gold Medal Excuses: Emotional Eating and Success Traps

“I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date.” ~ The March Hare

Here’s a question I am commonly asked: How do I prioritize when I truly have too much to do? When you run a company called Too Much On Her Plate, women email you their to-do lists. Really. And you women are BUSY.

I hear about the businesses you are running and the demanding careers that you have, the aging parents and growing children you are caring for, the relationships and household demands, the health concerns, and the late nights. Many of you see the link clearly between the overwhelming demands of your life and the stress and comfort eating, the weight gain, the lack of energy to exercise, and the difficulty getting where you want to go with your personal goals. And you are feeling frustrated because you don’t know what to do and don’t have the time to think about it or start doing anything differently.

I have news. This problem almost never solves itself. Time will never just show up—and honestly, if it does, you’ll probably find yourself so glad to have it that you just collapse into it and don’t really use it in a way that will benefit you. If you want to get off the hamster wheel, you are going to have to CLAIM some time.

Claiming time means that for now (not forever), you say no to something else in order to claim some time for you. It doesn’t have to be a week. It might be ten minutes. If it is, that’s a great start. Ten minutes devoted just to you and your goal may be more than you gave yourself yesterday. So claim it. Write it in your schedule. Decide in advance what you will do with it. Somebody just emailed me that she purchased my Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program but hasn’t had enough time to do it. Ten minutes a day won’t get it done in 28 days, but it WILL move her forward.

Write this down: Taking ten minutes counts.

Here’s the thing:

Action (even ten minutes) perpetuates action. Getting started—whatever your goal—is a momentous step and just that one act will get you over a hurdle.

Once you learn to carve out ten minutes and really leverage that time you are likely to see what ten minutes can accomplish. Many of us dismiss small actions as “not enough.” When we do that, we stay stuck. I bet you will find ten minute pockets in other places you haven’t been looking—on your commute, before the kids get up, while you are waiting for your computer to start up or your tea to brew. You may also start to see ways you can claim bigger chunks of time (wait until you see what you can do in 20 minutes).

Claiming the time you need for yourself and spending it on activity that is meaningful to you is rejuvenating. People who take regular breaks and who get the self care that they need have more energy.  They are more focused and accomplish more in less time. Claiming time will pay you back in ways that may surprise you.

Looking for time to claim will lead you to be more aware of how you spend your time—maybe not the big chunks of activity, but all the small pieces. It’s amazing the amount of time we give away to things that aren’t important, that we don’t really want to do, or to boredom, procrastination, or even difficulty getting started.

Don’t let not having time be an excuse. Set the timer and claim ten minutes. Today.

Take good care,