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4 Questions to Ask Before You Try to Lose Weight—Again

January 2nd, 2010, No Comments »

If you are an emotional eater, an overeater, a compulsive eater or a constant snacker, you’re probably also an expert dieter. Most women don’t just struggle to lose weight once. We struggle to lose weight, to keep it off, to maintain hard-earned healthy habits, and—too often—we struggle to lose the weight all over again because we’ve regained it.

If you want to avoid the weight loss roller coaster—and the emotional turmoil that can accompany it, ask yourself the following four questions before you start moving forward with your weight loss resolutions.

1.    Why are you in this same place again? In other words, what hasn’t worked in the past? Where have the plans fallen apart? Why did you lose your motivation? What part of past programs just wasn’t possible for you to complete? Be as honest and as thorough about answering this question as possible.  Note: this is NOT an opportunity to beat yourself up. If your first response is something like, “I was lazy and didn’t have enough willpower,” I’m not buying it. What would a plan need to have to keep you energized? What was it about the last approach that led you to run out of steam and stick-to-it-ness?

2.    Do you have the time and energy for this project? Really. If adopting new healthy lifestyle habits is important to you, you’re going to need to carve out some space to do this. Do you struggle to find time to take care of yourself? Are you willing to say no to some things so that you can say yes to what you want? What will you need to let go of to stay on track?

3.    When you stumble, what will help you get back on track? We all have bad days (or weeks or months). You know yourself—what do you need to keep going when the going gets tough? Are you motivated by accountability, rewards, feedback, or something else? Do you need a partner, an emotional eating program, a coach who can help you make peace with food? What benefits or features would help you really create the success you are after?

4.    Are you trying to build a house with only a hammer? In other words, do you need some new tools to craft the success that you crave? The best hammer in the world is pretty useless if what you really need is a screwdriver and the best eating plan in the world won’t teach you how to stop emotional eating (stress eating, comfort eating, boredom eating, etc.). What skills or habits or information would help you feel more confident and prepared to win at weight loss—once and for all?

Remember—you are the expert on you. Don’t let your wisdom go to waste. Use what you know to craft a plan that won’t disappoint or leave you tied up in knots trying to be someone you aren’t. That’s how to create a pathway towards peace with food and weight that stays “lost.”

Take good care,

Emotional Eating Tip: Coping With Overwhelm

July 14th, 2009, No Comments »

Overwhelm is something that we can’t always avoid, and it can be a major trigger for emotional eating, overeating, or bingeing. While it’s great to have strategies for staying out of overwhelm, sometimes–no matter how skilled or proactive or positive we are–overwhelm just plain happens.

A colleague, Sandy Martini, sent me a gift recently. She sent me a timer. She didn’t have to explain what it was for, because I know her strategy. She’s about getting big things done by making them do-able.

That is such an important key. When we are facing something that feels overwhelming, when we are staring up at a mountain, it may feel intimidating to even think about getting started. We can feel so overwhelmed simply thinking about how big the mountain is that we never even begin to climb.

Last year I ran a marathon for the first time. Here’s what I know. If I had stood at the starting line thinking about how I was going to be running for the next 26.2 miles I might not have started. I certainly would have panicked. I started the race by moving forward. I took some steps and then I took some more. I looked for the mile marker that told me I had run the first mile. I ran from mile marker to mile marker and I didn’t let myself think much farther ahead then that.

Today I had to work through some difficult and rather uninspiring tasks. I’ll be honest. They were overwhelming and I’ve been avoiding them. I’ve been sitting here all day setting my timer for fifteen minutes at a time, taking a break with a more pleasant activity each time it goes off. It’s only noon and my desk is almost clear. I’m amazed at how much I’ve accomplished and I never would have really gotten started if I hadn’t broken it down into small chunks.

I know that when you are facing an overwhelming project or decision or whatever your mountain is, those small fifteen minute chunks can seem like nothing. They can seem insubstantial and “not serious.” Don’t give into that thinking. It will sink you before you start.

My suggestion for you this week is to pick something you feel overwhelmed by or that you’ve been avoiding because you don’t know where to begin. And then dig in–anywhere. Just start moving in a small, time-limited way. Work through the first fifteen minutes. Just start. Give yourself permission not to do the whole thing or have the whole course charted out. Taking action feels better than feeling stuck.

Take good care.

Melissa

Taking Control of Emotional Eating: A Free Teleseminar

April 13th, 2009, No Comments »

Emotional eating is one of the biggest causes of overeating, weight gain, and weight re-gain.

April is Emotional Overeating Awareness month and to commemorate this, I’m offering a free teleclass to answer your questions about how to take control of emotional eating and struggles with food, weight and healthy lifestyle.

The teleseminar will take place on Wednesday, April 22, 2009 at noon Pacific and 3pm Eastern.

Creating change isn’t automatic and it isn’t always easy. However, it DOESN’T need to be a struggle. Join me for this free teleseminar where I’ll answer your questions about how to end emotional eating battles and make peace with food—once and for all. Just go here to register and submit your question.

Comfort Strategies To Replace Emotional Eating

March 30th, 2009, 3 Comments »

A client just asked: “I know I use food for comfort and to soothe myself. What can I do instead?” That is such a common question—and one that can be so difficult to answer–especially in the moment. When we want comfort, food can seem like such a quick, easy, accessible fix.

I recommend that you spend some time generating a list of possible comfort strategies. They won’t all fit in every situation, but options are always helpful. When you start to put together your list of ideas, be sure that you avoid some of these common traps:

What comfort strategies are NOT:

A comfort strategy is not a “should.” It’s not uncommon, when I ask someone to think about what they could do instead of eating for comfort, to hear, “Well, what I should do is . . “ Followed by some task that’s about as appealing as taking out the garbage. I’ve heard everything from, “I should really just clean out the garage,” to “do some ab work” and “pay bills.” Turning to a task on your to-do list in order to distract yourself from eating is indeed a strategy, but it’s not a COMFORT strategy. If what you are really needing is comfort, expecting yourself to do a hard or unpleasant thing instead is not going to fill the bill. You may end up with a feeling of accomplishment, but you won’t feel comforted.

A comfort strategy is usually not difficult or high-maintenance. Be realistic. If you are seeking comfort, do you usually have a lot of energy or motivation to go out of your way to make something happen? If you do, then having a comfort strategy that requires a 20 mile drive or a lot of set up might work for you. Many people turn to food because it is easy and convenient and quick. Apply those same rules to comfort strategies. What can you have on your list that is easily within reach? One woman I know took this literally. She put her knitting project in the cupboard where she usually goes for snacks.

A comfort strategy has to fit YOU. The same strategies won’t work for everyone. Reading a list of ideas might be helpful, but the most successful approach is likely to come when you take the time to sit down and think about yourself. What are you needing or wanting in those moments when you want to eat? Identify the kind of activities or alternatives that might fit for you.

Here’s a list of possible comfort strategies that was generated by a recent group discussion:

Paint
Go for a walk
Go to the bookstore and read
Put on music that I love
Knit
Call a friend
Visit a message board or forum or Facebook and spend time online
Journal
(When at work)—Change tasks, take a walk around the office, make a cup of tea
Taking a nap or going to bed early

What’s on your list? Will you help me grow a collective list of responses? Leave a comment by clicking on the comment link below, and share your favorite comfort strategies.

Take good care,

Melissa

Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Group Program

March 11th, 2009, No Comments »

Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Six Week Tele-Groups, including a specialized program for weight loss surgery patients, begin next week.

Designed to enhance and expand the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Self-guided Program, these small groups have received great reviews. The groups have been newly updated (I’ve added on two additional weeks) and now contain new upgraded activities and exercises.

Learn how to:

• Identify emotional eating
• Learn what you are REALLY hungry for (when it isn’t food)
• Develop tools and strategies you can use INSTEAD of eating
• Reduce anxiety and stress in your life
• Identify strategies and mindsets that sabotage you and begin to eliminate them
• Set goals that are designed to be successful and motivating
• Address perfectionism, negative thinking and self blame

Groups are limited in size to ensure plenty of time for individualized coaching, feedback, and discussion. There are still spots remaining in the traditional Six Week Emotional Eating Toolbox Program™ as well as in the specialized Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Program for Women Who Have Had Weight Loss Surgery.

Both groups begin 3/17/09 and will be held by telephone on six consecutive Tuesdays. Specific times and dates and registration information can be found here. Registration fees for the group include a copy of the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day program ($139 value).

Take good care,

Do you overeat when life feels “out of control?”

February 3rd, 2009, No Comments »

Do you overeat when you feel like your life is out of control, when you feel overwhelmed, or when you feel stressed out? Examining the way you approach the issue of control in your life can have a tremendous impact on how you feel—and on your eating.

One of my biggest rules for stress management is that when things feel out of control, it’s crucial to identify the parts of your life that you can control and take charge of these with purpose. During stressful times, a critical mistake we make too often is letting go of the small things we can control because we are so focused on worrying about things that we can’t.

Having control, or taking control or taking charge is one of the most powerful things we can do. It’s one of the primary ways that we can be effective in our lives. Feeling out of control can be a very scary feeling place; AND countless years of energy have been wasted by people—me included—spending time and effort trying to control things we really have no power to control at all.

I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is that of taking the time and effort to identify the places in our life where we have control and also the areas of our life where we don’t. Knowing what we can control and what we can’t empowers us to be effective. It allows us to target our behavior in ways that will be rewarding. Spending our time and energy trying to be in control of things that aren’t possible to control isn’t just inefficient. When we try to control things that are not within our control, we not only waste valuable energy, we create stress.

Here are some examples:

I can’t control someone else’s reaction or someone else’s behavior. I waste my time worrying about the weather. I cannot control what I will weigh if I step on the scale today and I have no control over how long I am going to wait for my doctor’s appointment this afternoon.

These are all things that can’t be changed and focusing my energy on worrying about them or trying to make them different is only going to leave me worried and possibly feeling out of control.

In all of those situations there ARE things that I can control:

I can’t control your reaction, but I can control mine. I can control my behavior in the face of the behavior of others. I can’t control whether it rains or sleets but I can control what I have with me in anticipation of the weather or whether I have a backup plan in case the weather affects my plans.

The scale will say whatever it will say today. But I AM in control of what I do today in order to impact my weight and my health in the coming months. I’m in charge of what I do with my time if I am required to wait at the doctor’s office.

This week, I challenge you to make a list of the things, activities, behaviors in your life that you are in control of and that contribute to your thriving, to your stress management and to your well being.

Here are some examples that often come up for clients. Notice that they are small things and can probably be completed even in the midst of a very overwhelming situation:

• Taking your vitamins

• Drinking your water

• Washing your face

• Making time for a daily ten minute walk

• Making sure you connect with a friend.

What can you control that you could do a better job of? Choose one thing.

Now, make a list of anything you really can’t control that you are trying to control. Be honest with yourself.
I challenge you to choose one thing on that list to let go of. Choose one thing. You can even let go of it by leaving it here in a comment.

Take good care,

Melissa

Could playing more help you eat and stress less?

January 13th, 2009, 2 Comments »

Emotional eating is a signal that life is out of balance. Emotional eating and overeating happen when we use food to try to help us manage our feelings. The triggers for emotional eating vary–we might eat to cope with loneliness, unhappiness, stress or boredom. Sometimes we eat for comfort or in an attempt to create a pleasant experience, when food really isn’t what we crave.

Finding other avenues to meet our emotional needs and other ways to shift our moods is one of the most powerful things we can do to take charge of our eating, our weight, and our health.

Play is an important part of creating a life balance that allows us to thrive. It’s also a fantastic mood enhancer.

The amount of play and fun we need to balance our lives varies, but ignoring our need for play and fun is a mistake too many busy adults make. Play rejuvenates us. Play and fun energize us and provide gratification—a life worth living. Play can be an important form of stress relief, not only because it builds up reserves of positive feeling and energy but because it provides a break from stressful activities and circumstances. Play is something that connects us to the present moment. It gets us out of our thinking mind (which is often overly focused on the past or the future) and brings us in touch with the present and with ourselves.

When my clients really stop and assess a lack of play and fun in their lives and the toll this is taking on them, it often spurs them to start to make more changes.

Here are some ideas and tips to get you started:

• If you are not playing enough, ask yourself, “Why?” Is it an issue of time or of lacking people to play with? How can you start to change this?
• As adults, some of us get rusty and forget how to play. When we think about playing, we come up blank and then we feel silly and we go back to work. Playfulness is a quality that many of us need to nurture. Start small. Think about things that give you pleasure—even for five minutes. Buy some bubbles from the Dollar Store, color or draw (they do make coloring books for adults), go shoot baskets in the driveway.
• Make a list of things you “used to do” for fun or a dream list of things you have always wanted to do.
• Start setting aside time—even five to ten minutes if that is all you have—where the only rule is that you can’t be “productive.”
• Turn off the TV and the electronics. You might feel bored at first, but you will eventually also start to remember or create some new sources of entertainment.
• Spend time with kids (as long as the electronics are turned off). Kids can teach you how to have fun with an empty pot, a big box, or a piano they don’t know how to play.
Sometimes adding more play can be as simple as examining the attitude with which you approach a task. Ask yourself how you can be more playful about the things you already do. Can you play some party music while you cook spaghetti? Have a water fight while watering the lawn? A woman I know has a Monday night cleaning party where the whole family bops around to music and has a race to see who can pick up their assigned room of the house the fastest.

How do YOU play? Add a comment and share the wealth.

Take good care,
Melissa

New program for getting on track with emotional eating and overeating

October 20th, 2008, Comments Off

How would it feel to wake up on January 1, 2009 proud that you maintained your priorities without being sucked into holiday overeating, emotional eating, overwhelm, and overload? That’s the goal of my brand new program Your Holiday Health Club, the members-only health club that comes to you via the internet and over the phone.

It’s only October, but the holiday season is gearing up. This weekend I received TEN holiday catalogs in the mail and the coffee stand I visit offered me an eggnog latte! We’re entering a time of year I hope you look forward to, but it can also be a time when personal goals are sacrificed in the name of holiday shopping, exercise plans are derailed by your need for that hour of sleep, and weight loss plans go out the window “until the new year.”

My mission is to help you create the life you want to be living and that means encouraging you to be proactive in your approach to busy (and often stressful) times.

I pride myself on my ability to help my clients stay in action and moving towards their goals by breaking things down into small, entirely doable steps. Usually we make it more fun and much less stressful than my client ever thought it was going to be. That’s the spirit from which I designed Your Holiday Health Club. It’s NOT designed to put more on your plate. It IS designed to help you design clear goals and priorities for November and December and move towards accomplishing them with as much ease and as little stress as possible–so that you can THRIVE and enjoy the next few months in the way YOU want to. It’s also incredibly affordable so that you can take care of yourself while you take care of everything else this holiday season.

This is an ALL NEW program and does not duplicate any program or group I’ve offered before. I’d love it if you’d join the club and join me for the members-only “Get-On-Track” event, the exclusive coaching club calls, the members-only online forum, online goal setting, and the weekly audio programs (I told you this program includes a lot)!

If you’d like more information, you can go here.

Take good care,

Melissa

PS: If you are interested in the early-bird interest-free two payment option, note that it expires soon.

How to take control of stress eating, overeating, and seasonal weight gain

October 12th, 2008, Comments Off

Do you tend to gain weight as the seasons change and the days get shorter? Are you finding yourself emotionally eating or stress eating as you watch the pundits on TV deliver the latest scary news about the economy and our retirement/college savings?

‘Tis the beginning of the season, in so many ways–and this year especially–for overeating, stress eating, and an attempt at comfort eating.

How do we avoid this trap? Remember that it is a trap. Overeating when we feel stressed and out of control tends to leave us feeling more stressed and out of control in the long run.

When it feels like life is taking us for a wild ride and things feel out of control, make sure you don’t ignore the places that you can be effective. Take a look at the post I wrote on overeating and the economy. Make a list of comfort strategies that don’t include food and eating. If you are already turning to food for relief, consider translating your snack food spending into a self care budget. What could you spend that money on that might really feel indulgent or comforting? Allowing yourself to spend money in this way might be difficult, but we do ourselves a disservice when we tell ourselves we can’t afford to buy ourselves flowers but spend the same amount of money on doughnuts or the fast food in an attempt to cope with stress.

Every day, try identifying one thing you can do that helps you feel effective and in control. This may or may not have anything to do with food and weight and it may be unrelated to the topic you are stressed about. You might consider committing a random act of kindness, cleaning out a drawer, creating a budget, or setting aside time for some physical activity. Just do something! Be proactive and then follow through. It will help. Every evening give yourself credit for what you did as well as for the old habits you didn’t turn to.

It’s a tough time. Small steps help.

Take good care,

Melissa

PS: Here are some additional resources that can help:
Free Teleseminar: Emotional Eating and Overeating: Three tips to help you stay on track over the winter and the holiday season sign up and hear more tips, strategies and resources.

Free audio Self-Care Package(TM): five weeks of quick tips to fine tune and balance your life

Is the economy leading you to overeat?

October 8th, 2008, Comments Off

It’s a stressful time and it seems like we can’t turn on the TV or radio without hearing somebody whose job it is to fill the airwaves with repetitions of all the bad things that are happening or might happen in the future.

People are worried and frustrated. Many feel out of control. The global stress level is pretty high.

The American Psychological Association released their 2008 report on stress in America today.

The survey clearly reveals that the declining economy is taking a physical and emotional toll on people nationwide and that it is women who are bearing the brunt of financial stress. Of those surveyed, 83 percent of women and 78 percent of men said that they are stressed about money. More people reported physical and emotional symptoms due to stress than they did in 2007, with nearly half (47 percent) of adults reporting that their stress has increased in the past year.

More people report fatigue (53 percent compared to 51 percent in 2007), feelings of irritability or anger (60 percent compared to 50 percent in 2007) and lying awake at night (52 percent compared to 48 percent in 2007) as a result of stress, in addition to other symptoms including lack of interest or motivation, feeling depressed or sad, headaches and muscular tension. Women were more likely than men to report physical symptoms of stress like fatigue (57 percent compared to 49 percent), irritability (65 percent compared to 55 percent), headaches (56 percent compared to 36 percent) and feeling depressed or sad (56 percent compared to 39 percent).

Almost half of Americans (48 percent) reported overeating or eating unhealthy foods to manage stress, while one in four (39 percent) skipped a meal in the last month because of stress. Women were more likely than men to report unhealthy behaviors to manage stress like eating poorly (56 versus 40 percent), shopping (25 versus 11 percent), or napping (43 versus 32 percent). Almost one-fifth of Americans report drinking alcohol to manage their stress (18 percent) and 16 percent report smoking.

What to do

When life feels out of control, here are things that help (and no, chocolate chip cookies are not on this list).

1. Control what you can
Be clear on what you can and can’t control. Don’t let fears about finances paralyze you into dropping your good habits. Identify the things—little and big–that help you feel solid and in control. Whether it’s cleaning the kitchen, balancing your checkbook, maintaining your walking routine, finishing a project or making sure you take your multivitamin every day, keep it up. Don’t minimize these habits and keep doing the things that keep you feeling strong and capable.

2. Don’t dwell
Set limits on your exposure to the negative stuff. Limit the time you spend watching the television reports. It’s good to be informed, but watching the same news over and over again doesn’t make us smarter—and it can leave you feeling powerless and overwhelmed.

3. Focus on self care
When we’re stressed, we all benefit from compassion and nurturing. Identify the things that comfort you and make you feel cared for (again—things that aren’t chocolate) and make sure you do them.

4. Find a place to vent
I’m not suggesting you make your fears and worries your primary focus, but it’s a mistake to try to suppress or ignore them. Give yourself a time-limited way to focus on your worries directly—10 minutes of daily journaling, a time-limited conversation with your spouse or a friend. Allow yourself to focus on your concerns. Then, go do something else.

Unfortunately for many, the stress is real and it isn’t something we can avoid. It is important to remember though that we do have control over how we manage it.

Take good care,

Melissa