1. Do get into the habit of asking yourself how you are feeling before you eat. Create a ritual of checking in with yourself before you reach for a snack, stop by the vending machine, or serve up your plate. Ask yourself both whether you are physically hungry, and what you are feeling emotionally. Don’t worry if you don’t always know the answers. Creating the habit of checking in with yourself and paying attention to your emotions is an important first step.
2. 2. Do create a list of other calming strategies you can start to experiment with. When you aren’t in the midst of a stressful situation, brainstorm some quick, easy ways you might try calming or soothing yourself. Write them down and keep your list somewhere where it is easy to access. Not all your solutions will work in every situation, but that’s okay. You are creating a list of ideas to try. Some solutions others have tried: a few minutes of deep breathing, a walk around the block or even the office, changing tasks, a bath or shower, calling a friend, putting on some music, yoga or stretching, or making a cup of tea.
3. 3. Do give yourself permission for this not to go perfectly and tweak and adjust as you go. The goal is to increase your control and you will do that as you become more aware of the reasons and times that you overeat and other strategies that help you make different choices. Don’t focus on making “perfect” changes, focus on learning about yourself and identifying changes that work for you, your preferences and your life.

Take good care,

1. Don’t use food as a stress reliever. It doesn’t work—at least in the big picture. Many women may feel calmer and more relaxed immediately after indulging. Food may also temporarily distract you from the situation at hand. Unfortunately, the satisfaction is usually short lived. Guilt and self-blame for overeating, or for food choices made in stressed out moments, can result in a vicious cycle of more emotional eating and stress. However, the deeper issue is that using food to cope with emotions of any kind is only a temporary fix. It’s a band aid that doesn’t address or resolve the real issue. Without better strategies, life stays the way it is, and you keep needing band aids—usually on a more and more frequent basis.
2. Don’t multitask while eating. This is so tempting to do—especially when you are busy—but multitasking while we eat prevents us from being fully aware. This means that it’s easy to eat for reasons that aren’t really physical hunger—without even fully registering that this is the choice you are making.  People who eat mindfully (meaning they are fully present and not distracted by other tasks) eat less. They taste their food and are more likely to be aware of how much they are eating. If you give your meals and snacks your full attention, you are also more likely to catch those instances when you are eating to try to calm yourself rather than eating for fuel.
3. Don’t eat on the run. Practice slowing down. If you can’t make the time to feed yourself, something is seriously out of balance. Sure, from time to time, life happens, but if you are feeling that it’s too hard to stop and eat on a regular basis, than this problem is one that needs to be addressed. The act of stopping, focusing, and putting your food on a plate, may actually be the first step you need to take in reversing the cycle of stress and overwhelm.

In my next post, I’ll focus on the next three steps you can try. Let me know what you think.

Take good care,

If you want to avoid the weight loss roller coaster—and the emotional turmoil that can accompany it, ask yourself the following four questions before you start moving forward with your weight loss resolutions.

1.    Why are you in this same place again? In other words, what hasn’t worked in the past? Where have the plans fallen apart? Why did you lose your motivation? What part of past programs just wasn’t possible for you to complete? Be as honest and as thorough about answering this question as possible.  Note: this is NOT an opportunity to beat yourself up. If your first response is something like, “I was lazy and didn’t have enough willpower,” I’m not buying it. What would a plan need to have to keep you energized? What was it about the last approach that led you to run out of steam and stick-to-it-ness?

2.    Do you have the time and energy for this project? Really. If adopting new healthy lifestyle habits is important to you, you’re going to need to carve out some space to do this. Do you struggle to find time to take care of yourself? Are you willing to say no to some things so that you can say yes to what you want? What will you need to let go of to stay on track?

3.    When you stumble, what will help you get back on track? We all have bad days (or weeks or months). You know yourself—what do you need to keep going when the going gets tough? Are you motivated by accountability, rewards, feedback, or something else? Do you need a partner, an emotional eating program, a coach who can help you make peace with food? What benefits or features would help you really create the success you are after?

4.    Are you trying to build a house with only a hammer? In other words, do you need some new tools to craft the success that you crave? The best hammer in the world is pretty useless if what you really need is a screwdriver and the best eating plan in the world won’t teach you how to stop emotional eating (stress eating, comfort eating, boredom eating, etc.). What skills or habits or information would help you feel more confident and prepared to win at weight loss—once and for all?

Remember—you are the expert on you. Don’t let your wisdom go to waste. Use what you know to craft a plan that won’t disappoint or leave you tied up in knots trying to be someone you aren’t. That’s how to create a pathway towards peace with food and weight that stays “lost.”

Take good care,

A colleague, Sandy Martini, sent me a gift recently. She sent me a timer. She didn’t have to explain what it was for, because I know her strategy. She’s about getting big things done by making them do-able.

That is such an important key. When we are facing something that feels overwhelming, when we are staring up at a mountain, it may feel intimidating to even think about getting started. We can feel so overwhelmed simply thinking about how big the mountain is that we never even begin to climb.

Last year I ran a marathon for the first time. Here’s what I know. If I had stood at the starting line thinking about how I was going to be running for the next 26.2 miles I might not have started. I certainly would have panicked. I started the race by moving forward. I took some steps and then I took some more. I looked for the mile marker that told me I had run the first mile. I ran from mile marker to mile marker and I didn’t let myself think much farther ahead then that.

Today I had to work through some difficult and rather uninspiring tasks. I’ll be honest. They were overwhelming and I’ve been avoiding them. I’ve been sitting here all day setting my timer for fifteen minutes at a time, taking a break with a more pleasant activity each time it goes off. It’s only noon and my desk is almost clear. I’m amazed at how much I’ve accomplished and I never would have really gotten started if I hadn’t broken it down into small chunks.

I know that when you are facing an overwhelming project or decision or whatever your mountain is, those small fifteen minute chunks can seem like nothing. They can seem insubstantial and “not serious.” Don’t give into that thinking. It will sink you before you start.

My suggestion for you this week is to pick something you feel overwhelmed by or that you’ve been avoiding because you don’t know where to begin. And then dig in–anywhere. Just start moving in a small, time-limited way. Work through the first fifteen minutes. Just start. Give yourself permission not to do the whole thing or have the whole course charted out. Taking action feels better than feeling stuck.

Take good care.

Melissa

April is Emotional Overeating Awareness month and to commemorate this, I’m offering a free teleclass to answer your questions about how to take control of emotional eating and struggles with food, weight and healthy lifestyle.

The teleseminar will take place on Wednesday, April 22, 2009 at noon Pacific and 3pm Eastern.

Creating change isn’t automatic and it isn’t always easy. However, it DOESN’T need to be a struggle. Join me for this free teleseminar where I’ll answer your questions about how to end emotional eating battles and make peace with food—once and for all. Just go here to register and submit your question.

I recommend that you spend some time generating a list of possible comfort strategies. They won’t all fit in every situation, but options are always helpful. When you start to put together your list of ideas, be sure that you avoid some of these common traps:

What comfort strategies are NOT:

A comfort strategy is not a “should.” It’s not uncommon, when I ask someone to think about what they could do instead of eating for comfort, to hear, “Well, what I should do is . . “ Followed by some task that’s about as appealing as taking out the garbage. I’ve heard everything from, “I should really just clean out the garage,” to “do some ab work” and “pay bills.” Turning to a task on your to-do list in order to distract yourself from eating is indeed a strategy, but it’s not a COMFORT strategy. If what you are really needing is comfort, expecting yourself to do a hard or unpleasant thing instead is not going to fill the bill. You may end up with a feeling of accomplishment, but you won’t feel comforted.

A comfort strategy is usually not difficult or high-maintenance. Be realistic. If you are seeking comfort, do you usually have a lot of energy or motivation to go out of your way to make something happen? If you do, then having a comfort strategy that requires a 20 mile drive or a lot of set up might work for you. Many people turn to food because it is easy and convenient and quick. Apply those same rules to comfort strategies. What can you have on your list that is easily within reach? One woman I know took this literally. She put her knitting project in the cupboard where she usually goes for snacks.

A comfort strategy has to fit YOU. The same strategies won’t work for everyone. Reading a list of ideas might be helpful, but the most successful approach is likely to come when you take the time to sit down and think about yourself. What are you needing or wanting in those moments when you want to eat? Identify the kind of activities or alternatives that might fit for you.

Here’s a list of possible comfort strategies that was generated by a recent group discussion:

Paint
Go for a walk
Go to the bookstore and read
Put on music that I love
Knit
Call a friend
Visit a message board or forum or Facebook and spend time online
Journal
(When at work)—Change tasks, take a walk around the office, make a cup of tea
Taking a nap or going to bed early

What’s on your list? Will you help me grow a collective list of responses? Leave a comment by clicking on the comment link below, and share your favorite comfort strategies.

Take good care,

Melissa

Designed to enhance and expand the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Self-guided Program, these small groups have received great reviews. The groups have been newly updated (I’ve added on two additional weeks) and now contain new upgraded activities and exercises.

Learn how to:

• Identify emotional eating
• Learn what you are REALLY hungry for (when it isn’t food)
• Develop tools and strategies you can use INSTEAD of eating
• Reduce anxiety and stress in your life
• Identify strategies and mindsets that sabotage you and begin to eliminate them
• Set goals that are designed to be successful and motivating
• Address perfectionism, negative thinking and self blame

Groups are limited in size to ensure plenty of time for individualized coaching, feedback, and discussion. There are still spots remaining in the traditional Six Week Emotional Eating Toolbox Program™ as well as in the specialized Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Program for Women Who Have Had Weight Loss Surgery.

Both groups begin 3/17/09 and will be held by telephone on six consecutive Tuesdays. Specific times and dates and registration information can be found here. Registration fees for the group include a copy of the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day program ($139 value).

Take good care,

One of my biggest rules for stress management is that when things feel out of control, it’s crucial to identify the parts of your life that you can control and take charge of these with purpose. During stressful times, a critical mistake we make too often is letting go of the small things we can control because we are so focused on worrying about things that we can’t.

Having control, or taking control or taking charge is one of the most powerful things we can do. It’s one of the primary ways that we can be effective in our lives. Feeling out of control can be a very scary feeling place; AND countless years of energy have been wasted by people—me included—spending time and effort trying to control things we really have no power to control at all.

I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is that of taking the time and effort to identify the places in our life where we have control and also the areas of our life where we don’t. Knowing what we can control and what we can’t empowers us to be effective. It allows us to target our behavior in ways that will be rewarding. Spending our time and energy trying to be in control of things that aren’t possible to control isn’t just inefficient. When we try to control things that are not within our control, we not only waste valuable energy, we create stress.

Here are some examples:

I can’t control someone else’s reaction or someone else’s behavior. I waste my time worrying about the weather. I cannot control what I will weigh if I step on the scale today and I have no control over how long I am going to wait for my doctor’s appointment this afternoon.

These are all things that can’t be changed and focusing my energy on worrying about them or trying to make them different is only going to leave me worried and possibly feeling out of control.

In all of those situations there ARE things that I can control:

I can’t control your reaction, but I can control mine. I can control my behavior in the face of the behavior of others. I can’t control whether it rains or sleets but I can control what I have with me in anticipation of the weather or whether I have a backup plan in case the weather affects my plans.

The scale will say whatever it will say today. But I AM in control of what I do today in order to impact my weight and my health in the coming months. I’m in charge of what I do with my time if I am required to wait at the doctor’s office.

This week, I challenge you to make a list of the things, activities, behaviors in your life that you are in control of and that contribute to your thriving, to your stress management and to your well being.

Here are some examples that often come up for clients. Notice that they are small things and can probably be completed even in the midst of a very overwhelming situation:

• Taking your vitamins

• Drinking your water

• Washing your face

• Making time for a daily ten minute walk

• Making sure you connect with a friend.

What can you control that you could do a better job of? Choose one thing.

Now, make a list of anything you really can’t control that you are trying to control. Be honest with yourself.
I challenge you to choose one thing on that list to let go of. Choose one thing. You can even let go of it by leaving it here in a comment.

Take good care,

Melissa

Finding other avenues to meet our emotional needs and other ways to shift our moods is one of the most powerful things we can do to take charge of our eating, our weight, and our health.

Play is an important part of creating a life balance that allows us to thrive. It’s also a fantastic mood enhancer.

The amount of play and fun we need to balance our lives varies, but ignoring our need for play and fun is a mistake too many busy adults make. Play rejuvenates us. Play and fun energize us and provide gratification—a life worth living. Play can be an important form of stress relief, not only because it builds up reserves of positive feeling and energy but because it provides a break from stressful activities and circumstances. Play is something that connects us to the present moment. It gets us out of our thinking mind (which is often overly focused on the past or the future) and brings us in touch with the present and with ourselves.

When my clients really stop and assess a lack of play and fun in their lives and the toll this is taking on them, it often spurs them to start to make more changes.

Here are some ideas and tips to get you started:

• If you are not playing enough, ask yourself, “Why?” Is it an issue of time or of lacking people to play with? How can you start to change this?
• As adults, some of us get rusty and forget how to play. When we think about playing, we come up blank and then we feel silly and we go back to work. Playfulness is a quality that many of us need to nurture. Start small. Think about things that give you pleasure—even for five minutes. Buy some bubbles from the Dollar Store, color or draw (they do make coloring books for adults), go shoot baskets in the driveway.
• Make a list of things you “used to do” for fun or a dream list of things you have always wanted to do.
• Start setting aside time—even five to ten minutes if that is all you have—where the only rule is that you can’t be “productive.”
• Turn off the TV and the electronics. You might feel bored at first, but you will eventually also start to remember or create some new sources of entertainment.
• Spend time with kids (as long as the electronics are turned off). Kids can teach you how to have fun with an empty pot, a big box, or a piano they don’t know how to play.
Sometimes adding more play can be as simple as examining the attitude with which you approach a task. Ask yourself how you can be more playful about the things you already do. Can you play some party music while you cook spaghetti? Have a water fight while watering the lawn? A woman I know has a Monday night cleaning party where the whole family bops around to music and has a race to see who can pick up their assigned room of the house the fastest.

How do YOU play? Add a comment and share the wealth.

Take good care,
Melissa

It’s only October, but the holiday season is gearing up. This weekend I received TEN holiday catalogs in the mail and the coffee stand I visit offered me an eggnog latte! We’re entering a time of year I hope you look forward to, but it can also be a time when personal goals are sacrificed in the name of holiday shopping, exercise plans are derailed by your need for that hour of sleep, and weight loss plans go out the window “until the new year.”

My mission is to help you create the life you want to be living and that means encouraging you to be proactive in your approach to busy (and often stressful) times.

I pride myself on my ability to help my clients stay in action and moving towards their goals by breaking things down into small, entirely doable steps. Usually we make it more fun and much less stressful than my client ever thought it was going to be. That’s the spirit from which I designed Your Holiday Health Club. It’s NOT designed to put more on your plate. It IS designed to help you design clear goals and priorities for November and December and move towards accomplishing them with as much ease and as little stress as possible–so that you can THRIVE and enjoy the next few months in the way YOU want to. It’s also incredibly affordable so that you can take care of yourself while you take care of everything else this holiday season.

This is an ALL NEW program and does not duplicate any program or group I’ve offered before. I’d love it if you’d join the club and join me for the members-only “Get-On-Track” event, the exclusive coaching club calls, the members-only online forum, online goal setting, and the weekly audio programs (I told you this program includes a lot)!

If you’d like more information, you can go here.

Take good care,

Melissa

PS: If you are interested in the early-bird interest-free two payment option, note that it expires soon.