Stop “not thinking about it.”

How often do you end up shoving your plans and priorities or even your thoughts and feelings to the back burner because there are so many other things you feel responsible for?

Guess what? “Not thinking about it” doesn’t work. It’s also a way of not taking yourself seriously.

I hear it all the time from clients:

“I don’t want to feel angry.”

“There’s nothing I can do about it so I eat.”

“I’m trying not to focus on it.”

Denying your thoughts and feelings is a major source of stress, a major cause of emotional eating, insomnia, procrastination, misplaced irritability and problems focusing.

Here’s another important piece of information (especially for all you high-achievers and perfectionists!):

Taking your thoughts and feelings seriously doesn’t mean you have to know what to “do about them.”

Too many of you are prolonging your stress and creating problems for yourself because you’ve decided—“It’s pointless to think about this because I can’t do anything about it.”

Important feelings and thoughts don’t go away just because you ignore them. Too often they build up, get tangled up around other issues, and trigger self-sabotaging behaviors like stress eating, comfort eating, avoidance, lack of motivation in other areas . . . you get the picture.

Here’s your bite-sized challenge for today. I want you to separate the process of acknowledging and respecting your feelings from the task of problem solving.

Today—right now if you can—start a list of everything that you are currently tolerating. Everything you can think of that is sub-optimal, isn’t working for you, is driving you crazy, causing you stress, distress, sadness, or just bugs you a teensy tiny bit.

Put it on a list. Nothing is too small or too outrageous. If it helps to compartmentalize, make separate lists. I have one for work and one for my personal life.  Start the list and add to it as things occur to you. Then watch what happens.

I’m going to predict at least two results.  Once you start noting things like this—actually writing them down—you are automatically paying more attention to your feelings or needs. This is the opposite of the head-in-the-sand approach. Take note of where it leads you. Most people find that noting what they are tolerating causes them to be more aware of what they want and what they don’t want. You’re also likely to find that simply putting some of these items on your list seems to lead to easy resolution. The truth is, sometimes the act of saying, “this doesn’t work for me.” Is enough to create change.

Make your list and see what happens. Leave a comment and share your experience.

Take good care,

When life gets busy and you get stressed, it’s natural to look for ways to be more efficient and add more ease. The tendency is to look for things you can eliminate. Unfortunately, sometimes this doesn’t work out so well. One way to have less stress and overwhelm is to be clear on the activities and routines that are essential to preserve.

Here are eight things you don’t want to do when you are stressed out and short on time—and some tips on how to make them happen.

1. Cut back on sleep. As tempting as it may be, sleep is not the place to try to save time. Seven and a half hours seem to be the magic number. If you are getting less than this on a regular basis, you aren’t going to be as effective or creative, you are likely to be hungrier, and have a lower tolerance for stress. NOT what you want when life is demanding.
    
2. Cross yourself out of your schedule. When you are looking at an over-full calendar, it’s tempting to see your own stuff as expendable and put yourself last. Too often it’s the stuff that keeps you functioning (sleep, exercise, healthy meals, stress relieving activities) that are the first things crossed off your schedule. You know better. Instead of eliminating the good stuff, consider cutting back if you have to. Shorter workouts, simple fast meals, quick phone calls to friends, and less aiming for perfection in areas that don’t really matter.
    
3. Multitask like crazy. Multitasking requires your brain to work in more than one direction at once. Guess what—it can’t do that. So instead of being “efficient,” you end up asking your brain to switch back and forth between tasks. Neither gets the attention it deserves. Is it okay to clean the sink while you’re on hold with your cell phone provider? Of course, but multitask with care.
    
4. Eating on the go. This is a form of multitasking. You should know that women who eat while they are doing something else tend to eat more and feel less satisfied with what they have eaten. Make the shift to viewing your mealtime as an opportunity to get grounded and be present with yourself. That’s the kind of multitasking that works. Savor your food and allow yourself to enjoy the calories. Pay attention to how you are feeling, whether you are hungry or full, tense, relaxed, anxious, or bored. Practice asking yourself what you need that is not food. It only takes a few minutes and it can make all the difference in the rest of your day (as well as with your eating and your weight).
   
   
5. Skip the pre-game planning. When life is crazy, it’s tempting to just jump in and start moving. The problem is, we all know how easy it is to spend a day working hard and still not really feel like we’ve accomplished much. Investing ten minutes on the front end of your day to get clear on your priorities, adjust your mindset for success, and address any potential hurdles will be worth its weight in gold–and it will probably save you stress and time in the long run.
    
6. Underestimate the power of ten. Have you noticed that many of the things I’m reminding you not to skip can be done in small ways? If you are telling yourself, “I don’t have time,” ask yourself whether you can think smaller. Don’t get caught in the high-achiever head trap of all-or-nothing-thinking. Just because you don’t have time for an hour-long cardio workout doesn’t mean you can’t go for a ten minute walk. Five minutes of journaling might untangle your brain. A ten minute email might get you the help or the answer you need to save hours. Taking ten minutes to transition after work might save you a pre-dinner pig-out session with the holiday cookies. When you’re stressed and overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to allow yourself a little breathing space.
    
7. Go it alone. “It’s quicker for me to do it myself” is the phrase that leads to a lot of unnecessary stress. It may seem like it in the moment, but trying to do everything will set you up for vicious cycles of overload and overwhelm. Ask for help. Be specific. If you can’t be specific, tell someone you trust, “Is there a way that you could help with this?” You may just be amazed at the results you get.
    
8. Skip meals. “I didn’t have time for lunch” often leads to an evening of eating that feels out of control. If you manage to control your eating, you’re likely to feel tired, edgy, headachey, and no fun. Remember the ten minute rule. If you have a list of quick, healthy options, eating doesn’t take a lot of time. If you don’t have a list, make one now. Five to ten things you can grab that will keep you fueled and on track. Keep it simple—tuna, Greek yogurt, almonds, cheese sticks. Stuff that will stay with you and won’t lead to a blood sugar slump in the afternoon or evening.

What must-dos keep you on track when life threatens to pull you off course? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Take good care,

If you are an emotional eater or someone prone to overeating, you know well that it’s one thing to decide to change your eating habits—to cut back your portions, stop snacking in the evening, or to stop turning to food at the end of a long day. It’s another thing entirely to act on your intentions and not overeat when you find yourself in the situation where that’s all you want to do.

• Take a bath
• Soak your feet (really—this feels great)
• Blow bubbles
  
• Brew a cup of tea
•  Listen to music
• Watch a movie
• Sit outside (or if it’s cold, by a fire)
•  If you have a cat who will let you, pet him/her and be one with the purr
  
• Curl up with a good book
• Update your Netflix list or put some new books on hold at the library
• Buy yourself some new music for your mp3 player
•  Call a friend
• Play Scrabble or chess or even solitaire online. Better yet, get your family to play a game—live and in person
• Catch up on magazines
•  Do a crossword puzzle
• Work on your birthday wish list (no matter how far away your birthday is)
  
•  Listen to a relaxation CD

In the battle to lose weight, stop overeating, or break free from emotional eating, it’s important to pay attention to the things that trigger your eating to go awry. Simply focusing on what to eat misses an essential point–Your eating choices may be strongly affected by your emotions and your environment. And your food plan is useless if something is preventing you from following it.

1. Getting too hungry

Do you stick to your plan through breakfast and lunch only to find yourself irritable, craving carbs, and ready to eat everything in sight by the time late afternoon or evening rolls around? The end of the day tends to be stressful for many. The transition between work and home, mealtime decisions, and other peoples’ hunger or tiredness can push a busy woman over the edge. When I start coaching a new private client, it’s not unusual to hear that this is THE most difficult time of day.

The key here: take control of what you can. This means doing what you can so that you don’t arrive at the end of the day feeling exhausted and starved. Too many women who are trying to lose weight, eat too little in the middle of the day and, as a result, lose control and overeat before, during, or after dinner (or all three). Make sure you are eating a balanced lunch (with protein) and then calculate the hours you are expecting yourself to last before eating again. Most women do well with a small snack midafternoon. Again, adding in protein can make all the difference.

2. Evening eating

3. Snacking on treats at work

“I'm sick and tired of being overweight and overeating but I don’t know where to start.”

• Eating breakfast in the morning
• Checking in with yourself midafternoon and and asking yourself what you need
• Making a list of five things you can do when you feel stressed (that are not food)

Few things can be as frustrating as trying to change overeating habits and a busy lifestyle, multitasking, and being distracted can really get in the way. Food is always available and it’s so easy to reach for food or to overeat without even really knowing why. Every dieter knows how easy it is to start the day with good intentions about portion sizes and food choices only to find yourself having eaten more than you wanted, binged on junk food, or picked away at a plate of cookies that someone brought into the office.

Emotional eating–eating when you are stressed or overtired or even bored can be an automatic response that happens before you are even fully aware that you are doing it. Before you add unhelpful guilt to your list of triggers for overeating or ditching your weight loss plan, know that there is a much more enjoyable alternative. This is part 2 in this series about ways to stop stressing, stop doing too much, and create some inner peace.

Today’s tip for creating less stress and breaking old patterns with food and overeating: eat a mindful meal. It amazes me how many people multitask when they eat. When is the last time that you were fully present with the meal that you were eating? Fully present means that the TV wasn’t on and you didn’t have a book or a computer in front of you. You weren’t working or making lists of things to do. You weren’t driving somewhere or talking on your cell phone. When is the last time that you were fully aware—with all your senses—of each bite that you put into your mouth? When you truly savored every last morsel? When you were one hundred percent aware of what you were feeling and what you were experiencing while you ate?

For many reading this, I know it’s been a long time. Guess what? Mindful eating can be the key to breaking old habits with food and creating new ones. And you can get started almost instantly—as soon as you sit down to your next meal.

How to eat a mindful meal

Take a deep breath or two and allow yourself to really be in your body. Notice how your mind and your body are feeling. Really notice. You may have gone hours without paying attention. What’s on your mind? What emotions are you experiencing? How does your body feel? Are you tense or relaxed? How hungry are you? Where do you feel it in your body?

Put your food on a plate and sit down somewhere where you can enjoy your food without being distracted. Take a few more deep breaths before you do anything.

The goal of mindful eating is to fully experience every molecule of this meal. Savor it. Use all your senses. Slow down. Notice your food before you put it into your mouth. Smell it. Think about the experience you anticipate before your taste buds encounter what you are eating. Take a small bite. Feel it in your mouth. Really taste it. Stop and consider what you taste. Move the food around in your mouth.

How does it feel? Appreciate the flavor, the texture, the smell. Chew it well or let it melt in your mouth. Take your time.

Another goal of mindful eating is to fully experience yourself eating this meal. This might be a very new experience.

Be aware of how it feels to slow down and savor. You might be surprised at emotions that come up. Some women learn that they’ve developed a pattern of eating mindlessly so they won’t be aware of their thoughts and feelings or so they can overeat without really thinking about it. Obviously, that’s not helpful. As you eat, after each bite, ask yourself if you’d like another. Notice how your hunger changes. Notice when you stop savoring. Notice if you start to feel impatient with mindful eating.

As you practice mindful eating, you are likely to notice things about your eating and your relationship with food that aren’t really about the food at all. You may also find that you need some new tools or strategies to replace overeating so that you can be successful in the long term. It’s not necessary to practice mindful eating every single time you eat (although it can be helpful), but it can be very worthwhile to practice eating mindfully at least once a day. Some clients find it very helpful to identify the periods of eating that are the least mindful for them and use mindful eating techniques specifically during those times.

If you would like more help taking control of emotional eating or overeating or focusing on mindful eating tools and strategies, the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program can be a very helpful resource.

Take good care,

Photo credited to Flikr.com/SimonGötz

Emotional eating is a tough habit to break, and let’s face it—the urge to overeat usually happens when we are not at our best. It’s all well and good to have a plan to end emotional eating and lists of what to do instead of overeating, but, in the moment, sometimes getting out of the vicious cycle of turning to food can seem impossible.

Here’s an important emotional eating tip: When you don’t know what to do, do nothing.

That’s right. In spite of what your high achieving inner-perfectionist may tell you, you don’t need to unfurl a perfectly designed plan to have an impact on your eating. When you hit that spot where you are starting to feel out of control, when the snacking won’t stop, when you have an urge to overeat at work or to stand in front of the refrigerator after dinner, just stop—and do nothing.

I’m not suggesting you stop forever or title your stopping “I Won’t Eat.” Just insert a short break. Take sixty seconds to breathe deeply and take a small step back from the situation. Don’t focus on the negative. Don’t focus on what you don’t know to do. Don’t focus on being frustrated with yourself.

Breathe deeply and ask yourself what you know and what you need—in this moment. This is not a big picture question. This emotional eating intervention is about taking a few seconds to take care of yourself for the next sixty seconds.

What do you need NOW?

Maybe you need a change of scenery (think small and do-able, this means a walk around the office, not a trip to Tahiti). Consider a breath of fresh air, a phone call to a friend, a drive around the block so you can scream in your car, or maybe two minutes with your eyes closed, breathing deeply and reconnecting with you. Inserting this short break may not feel like much, but when you pause in this way, you break the auto-pilot pull of emotional eating. A short break gives you a different perspective, and, by choosing to take it, you step into the driver’s seat. You get some power back. It’s not a “perfect” fix, but a short break changes the moment and may reduce the power of what is triggering your hunger. It gives you time to refocus and when you refocus you are better able to strategize and to think.

Inserting a short break also allows time for feelings to fade and to shift. Sometimes that can make all the difference in the world.

If you are tired of struggling with emotional eating and overeating and ready to make a change that sticks, the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program shows you how to take control in simple, do-able steps that fit with your needs, your preferences, and your schedule.

Take good care, 

Taking control of emotional eating and overeating is usually a process. Figuring out what to do instead of emotional eating can be tricky, in part because food is so darn easy to turn to and it is so widely available.

If you want to make lasting changes with your eating habits or your weight, it’s important to have two sets of strategies—quick, practical strategies that get you through difficult times, and tools and strategies that help you address the root causes of your overeating—so it doesn’t keep coming back and taking control of your life. I shared tips for creating quick, in-the-moment strategies in my last post. In this post I’ll share why it’s crucial to identify and address the root cause.

Stress eating, anxious eating, eating because you are bored or lonely, eating because you are angry or tense or overeating after a hard day are all types of emotional eating. It’s all too easy to turn to food to try to comfort or to distract or to numb. Food is quick, easy to “apply,” and almost always present. Food often makes you feel good—for a few moments. The problem is, the salve doesn’t last, and, the food doesn’t do anything about really addressing the problem that triggered your eating.

If you are an emotional eater, one of the most empowering things that you can do is stop berating yourself and calling yourself names when you overeat and turn to food. Start by respecting that you do it for a reason. If you can face your desire to eat with respect, you can start to examine what I call the “real cravings” that underlie or trigger your desire for food.

What are you really hungry for? Whether it’s love or respect or stress relief; excitement or comfort,, compassion, or something different, identifying your real craving puts you in the driver’s seat. When you identify and begin to address the root cause of your food attraction, food loses a lot of its power and its hold on you (you might be amazed). Once you are clear that it isn’t really about the chocolate doughnut (or whatever you are craving), your mind won’t be so persistently focused on it. There’s a huge bonus payoff as well.  When you identify the root cause of your emotional eating and start feeding that true craving, not only does emotional eating get better—so does your life. Truly taking charge of emotional eating guides you to address important concerns so that your life works better for you. Creating peace with food really does mean creating a better life.

If you would like an accelerated, step-by-step guide for taking control of emotional eating, in a do-able way, you’ll want to take a look at the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program, my self-guided use-at-home system that walks you through the process of transforming your relationship with food through daily, do-able steps.

Take good care,