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If Food Isn’t the Answer to Everything – What Is? Part 3

August 30th, 2010, No Comments »

Last post, I introduced the concept of making peace with food and discussed how this happens when you can move past the food struggles and toward more satisfying solutions.

2.     Peace With Food Takes Courage (and it takes you new places)

A client told me recently that she’d never have predicted where she’d be now, seven months after she began coaching with me to transform her relationship with food. She’s thrilled with where she is. She’s made changes in her life that feel really good. She’s created more time for herself and she is addressing some needs she’d been trying to ignore for a very long time. She also shared that she’s not nearly as hungry for food as she once thought. She’s feeding herself in other ways. She feels in control of her weight. But she has also learned that in some ways, using food as the answer was easier than addressing the real problem was (at least in the beginning). It has taken courage to ask herself what she really needs.  However, by taking that courageous step, she’s feeling more grounded, more balanced, and more satisfied than she has in a very long time.

3.     Peace With Food Takes Time

The thing about food is that it’s easy and it doesn’t require a lot of dedicated time to eat it. If food is the answer, you can comfort yourself, respond to your stress, chomp out your frustration, or soothe your hunger while still driving the carpool, working late, or doing that volunteer project you committed to finish. Food is a seductive answer because you can squeeze it in to a very full life.

In all honesty, those other solutions—the enduring, satisfying ones that really address your needs—tend to require more time, thought, and commitment. Before you shake your head in despair, know that I’m sharing some critical information here.  If you are tired of failing with diets and food plans, it’s time to ask yourself whether what you really need are the tools and support necessary to create the mindset, skills, and strategies that will allow you to live a life that feeds you. You know, a life that works for you and allows you to thrive—one where your needs count and you feel comfortable saying no and asking for help (among other things). Yes, this often requires a redistribution of time and energy, and some new learning, but getting there is usually not nearly as drastic and difficult as you might think.

By the way, creating peace with food is a process that occurs over time. It doesn’t usually happen overnight. And yet, it can be amazing how seemingly small shifts can lead to big changes.

The final post in our series will unveil some key ideas to consider as you begin your path to peace with food.

Take good care,

Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 2

August 19th, 2010, No Comments »

Last post I outlined how neglecting self-care can be a common path leading to self-sabotage. Here are a few more common mindsets that may cause high-achievers to stumble in reaching their goals.

2. You are flying solo. This is a very difficult one for women who expect a lot of themselves. If you have a goal and you aren’t accomplishing it, one of the first questions you should be asking is whether you could use some help. Could you use a coach or a mentor? Here’s where the fun comes in. Notice the conversation you have with yourself when you ask this question. Many high-achievers will run circles around themselves in order to avoid getting the quality support that might quickly propel them forward.

Notice the head game: “I should be able to do this on my own.” “Other people don’t struggle with this.” “I’m a strong person, I can do this.” Again, here’s the truth: strong people do ask for help. Successful people surround themselves with teams that can support them in accomplishing their goal. They leverage the time, expertise, and energy of others.

Asking for help is NOT a form of weakness. It’s often the bravest and the most pro-active thing that you can do to create your own success. Here’s another interesting fact. If you are someone who struggles with asking for help, it’s probably easier than you think. You don’t even need to know what you need. Approach someone you trust, share your dilemma, and simply ask, “I’m not sure what I need here, do you have any ideas about how you or someone else could help me with this?”

3. You are cutting the wrong corners. Success requires an investment. Most importantly, this means an investment of yourself—your time, your energy, and your focus, and sometimes, your finances. Having the time, energy, and focus committed to your goal are critical ingredients for success—no matter what you are trying to accomplish. Sounds straightforward, right? Unfortunately, many busy people try to skip this step. Either head games get in the way (if you feel guilty spending time and energy on yourself, you’ll get caught here), or you might not really know how to do this.

Shifting gears and priorities, carving out space and time, and persisting when things get tough are incredibly difficult tasks—especially when you are a busy woman who expects a lot from herself. Before you purchase another “how-to” book or program, ask yourself whether you’d be better off investing in a coach who could help you create the physical, mental, and emotional space and foundation necessary for you to implement the plans that you already have.

I hope you’ll join me next time for the final two paths. These may just surprise you a bit!

Take good care,

Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 1

August 17th, 2010, No Comments »

Recently I heard a productivity expert speak on how to “get things done.” It’s a simple process really. You define the goal, outline the steps, and start moving forward. Easy peasy—right? And yet. There are many smart, informed, high-achievers out there who have set goals for themselves, who have a plan, and who still aren’t getting where they want to go. They aren’t losing the weight or getting fitter, or they are still stressed and overworked. The time they committed to spend on their important project seems to evaporate. Success isn’t happening. And as a result, these savvy people are feeling frustrated, irritated with themselves, and perhaps even guilty or less confident about their abilities. Not a recipe for enhanced productivity is it?

Here’s the truth.

For many of you, it’s not the “how-to” that is the problem. For many high-achievers with a lot on their plates (I may be talking to you here), the problem is the head game. If you are not loving your life or if you are not getting where you want to go, it’s time to check out these five paths to self-sabotage and investigate whether you need to get out of your own way.

Five paths to self-sabotage

1. Self-care makes you squirm. Does the idea of focusing on you leave you intensely uncomfortable? Does it feel over-indulgent, unnecessary, or like a luxury that you are embarrassed to consider? Do you find yourself rolling your eyes when you hear experts talking about “making time for yourself” or “feeding your spirit?” Interesting. What’s even more interesting, is that often those who are the most uncomfortable with the idea of devoting excellent care and attention to themselves are actually excellent nurturers of others. In fact, often, the trap here may be that you are giving all your time and energy away and saving none for you. This is a major problem—for a number of reasons.

Most importantly, self-care is the stuff that fuels us. Feeding our spirits and nourishing ourselves (and I’m not talking about chocolate kisses here), are what replenishes our mojo and our passion. It’s what allows us to be our best and go out into the world and accomplish—not only our goals—but all the great things we want to do for everybody else. Without self-care and self-nourishment, you will be operating at a limited capacity. Here’s the other important part. When you don’t give yourself what you need, you are going to find yourself seeking quick, easy, inferior substitutions. That’s what stress eating and comfort eating are all about. If you have a habit that you aren’t happy with, ask yourself if it exists to make up for something that is missing in your life.

Do you relate with the first path? Next post I will identify a few more paths as well as some simple steps to help you get going in a different direction.

Take good care,

Could You Use a Detox—For Your Brain or Your Life?

July 12th, 2010, No Comments »

It’s the bane of the high-achieving woman—you probably never run out of things to do—or ideas about what you could be doing. Sometimes it’s fun. Creative high-achievers tend to be talented at creating work they love. But the constant doing can also work against you and lead to a decrease in your productivity, your focus, your energy, and your passion.

Too many ideas in your head can even prevent you from taking action because you feel overloaded or confused about where to start.

• Is your head too full?
• Do you have a hard time stopping—even when you know you need to?
• Have you sought out so much advice that you feel like you know “too much” and can’t even find a place to begin amidst all the rules and wisdom you’ve acquired?
• Do you know that you need to do to relax, reduce your stress, or refocus but you aren’t sure how to stop your life long enough to do it?
• Do you have a pile of books or an in-box full of recordings that you feel like you need to listen to before you can move forward?

Then you could probably use a detox. Not a nutritional cleanse, but a process for clearing out the gunk in your head space—the garbage that’s overwhelming you, throwing you off track, or keeping your life so full of “shoulds” that it’s hard to work on the motivation to do any of it.

Luckily, you don’t need a week at a spa to embark on a mental detox. Here are some steps you can take today to start cleaning out your brain.

1. Examine the junk that’s weighing you down. Take a look at what’s swirling around in your mind. Sometimes the thought of cleaning out a messy closet is so overwhelming, that we just avoid opening the door. It can be the same with our thoughts and the expectations that we hold for ourselves. One symptom of overwhelm can be a tendency to avoid your thoughts—overeating, or choosing mind-numbing activities instead. Grab your courage, take a deep breath and a clean pad of paper. Set the timer for 15 minutes. Now write down all the gunk that’s in your head. This includes everything you feel you need to be doing, the expectations you have for yourself (these usually start with “I should”), the unhelpful stories you are telling yourself (these often begin with “I can’t” or “I don’t” or “I never”) and anything else that feels like it’s mucking up your life. Get it out of your brain and put it on paper. Now get a different colored pen and circle the ones you want to keep.
2. Create your own clarity. Get a clean piece of paper. Take another deep breath. This time, ignore all the “shoulds” and the rules and write down what you know to be true of you. Write down what you know about what you need to be successful, to be fueled, and to be at your best. I’ll give you an example. A client who is coaching with me to take charge of emotional eating and to lose some weight was feeling lost about how to approach her upcoming vacation. She felt like she “should” continue with the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ program she had started. She felt like she “should” be writing in her journal and meditating. She was worried about overeating on vacation and gaining weight. She was also worried that she would drive her partner up the wall talking about what to eat and worrying about getting things “right.” I asked her what else she knew. She knew she desperately needed and wanted to relax and that if she gave herself permission, she could actually do so on this week-long trip. She knew that she was already automatically using many of the tools in the emotional eating program—when she was present and relaxed. She knew that the more she got wrapped up in “getting her eating right,” the more she was going to overeat and binge and not savor the foods she was looking forward to. She also knew that there are certain foods that her body doesn’t handle well and that she needs to avoid them to feel her best, and that to do this successfully, she needs a game plan and a few minutes every morning to connect with herself and get her head on straight. What my client knew and what you know about yourself, is the starting place for creating your best plan and deciding what you need and what you can let go of.
3. Start the detox process. Go back to your first list. What can you let go of? For now. What parts of those swirling thoughts in your head  a) aren’t a priority and don’t need to be addressed NOW, b) are unhelpful or are confusing or otherwise getting in your way, 3) don’t fit your mission, your purpose, or who you are—today (hint—many of these things may be a part of someone else’s agenda, but not yours). Cross them off. For now. Be sure to look for mindsets and beliefs that you can let go of as well. As my client reviewed her list, she easily saw a number of things that she didn’t want on her agenda during the next week. She also quickly realized that perfectionism, and her expectation that she needed to perform at a certain level, was sucking the joy (and the benefit) from several key activities in her life. On top of that, the expectation that to be successful she had to be perfect was keeping her stalled and unable to move forward on a number of things.
4. Rinse and repeat. Overwhelm comes back. That’s okay, it’s one of the hallmarks of a rich full life. The key is having strategies to handle it when it happens. A periodic detox can be just the ticket for rebalancing a life or a brain that’s gotten too full.

Take good care,

Four Ways to Create Space So That You Can Focus on Yourself (at least a bit): Tip Four

July 8th, 2010, No Comments »

Here is the last post in my series about finding time for YOU–but the conversation doesn’t need to stop here. What tips or ideas would you add? What works for you? Click the “comment” link and let us know!

Change your story

It’s important to be honest with yourself. What’s really keeping you from getting the time and space that you need? Don’t stop with an explanation of the circumstances—yes-you-have-a-stressful-job-and-you-have-three-cats-and-two-dogs-who-need-walked-and-three-children-that-need-you-and-the-bathroom-needs-painted (or whatever your story is). But why does that prevent you from getting the time and space you need to be fueled and at your best? The story that traps many women is, “I’ve got so many responsibilities that I can’t possibly take the time for me.”  I know, you may believe that story. But that story is a conversation stopper and it won’t get you anywhere but worn out and cranky.

That story is only one possible story. Here’s another one: “I am currently living an incredibly challenging life and I have a lot that I am responsible for right now. That means that I am extremely valuable, and I need to be taking the best possible care of myself so that I can live up to the demands of this situation or be focused and savvy enough to change things in a way that works better for my life. My energy and time are like gold and I’ve got to nurture them. “

Feel the difference?

Our stories guide us. What story is keeping you stuck and how could you rewrite it?

Take good care,

Need some help creating YOUR story and your formula for thriving? That’s one of the pieces covered in my brand new Success Soundtrack program.

Four Ways to Create Space So That You Can Focus on Yourself (at least a bit): Tip Three

July 6th, 2010, No Comments »

Here’s my latest installment in this series dedicated to helping you create space for your self so you can give yourself what you need. We’re talking small steps here. The truth is, major life overhauls tend to be overwhelming–not what we need. Another truth: there’s only so much a woman–any woman–can do by herself. We ARE human you know! As logical as this next tip is, it’s one many of us struggle with.  Can I urge you to keep working on it?

Tip Three: Rally the Troops

Yep. I’m going to talk to you about asking for help and delegating. You’ve heard it before, and yet it might be something you need to consider again. There are a lot of women out there with too much on their plates who are trying to go it alone. Why is it that so many intelligent, hard-working women are so darn bad at asking for help and support?

If I’m talking to you, please take a deep breath and know that you are NOT alone.

If you are ready to create some time, space and energy for yourself, here are some questions to ask:

• Who else could do this?
• Who could help me do this?
• Who could I pay to do this?
• Does this really need to be done?
• Is there some system or gadget that could simplify, streamline, or eliminate this task
• Who could I teach to do this?

If you’ve already memorized these questions and simply can’t move forward in this area, than might I suggest it’s time to call in another sort of help? If figuring out how to get more help and support (and use it!) feels like an impossible task, this is place where high quality coaching can make a difference in ways you might not even be able to imagine. Contact me and we’ll set up a consultation. This is simply a barrier that’s crucial to get past.

One final word on asking for help. There’s one fine point that high-achievers, perfectionists, and independent women often miss. If you don’t have a clue how someone could help you or how you could delegate some of what is on your plate, than the most basic way of asking for help is to ask someone that you know like and trust: “How could I do that?” They may amaze you with an answer, OR the conversations that result may unlock your own brilliant flow of ideas in ways that bowl you over.

Take good care,

Four Ways to Create Space So That You Can Focus on Yourself (at least a bit): Tip Two

June 30th, 2010, No Comments »

Just in time for summer and quick reading: a series on finding time for YOU. How lovely is that? I’m keeping my posts short and to the point so both us us can enjoy a bit more sun and a tad more me-time. If you missed part one of the series, you can find it here.

Tip Two: Say “No” So You Can Say “Yes”:

Superwoman is a myth. None of us can do it all. We CAN do amazing things, but only if we are clear on our priorities and spend our time and energy accordingly. We cannot stretch time, we can only spend it wisely. Unfortunately, some high-achievers are notoriously bad at saying “no” and lose a lot of time on activities that aren’t in alignment with who they want to be. You might recognize the signs:

• if you are constantly feeling overwhelmed and overloaded and don’t see an end in sight
• if you are too tired to move at the end of the day (the time you designate as your “me-time,”)
• if you feel like YOU are the one everyone turns to for help and support
• if “Yes,” or “Sure,” tends to be your default response
• if you are someone who worries a lot about letting people down or making people happy but is tired and not-so-happy herself

If these signs ring a bell—well—you might want to flex your “no” muscles because they probably need some strengthening.

Today’s coaching challenge: What will you say “no” to so that you have room for more “yes?”

Take good care,

Four Ways to Create Space So That You Can Focus on Yourself (at least a bit)

June 28th, 2010, 1 Comment »

If you’re reading this, you’re more-than-probably struggling with time—and finding enough of it to do what you want to do. Too many busy women see me-time and pursuing their own goals, hopes, and dreams as just about impossible, given all the other things they have to do. My view: we all have rough spots, but in the big picture, life is simply too short not to be thriving—hence this series, which will unfold over the next week or so.  I know it’s the summer, and in the United States we have a holiday weekend coming up, so I’ll keep it short and sweet. Try applying a nugget at a time and see what happens.

Tip One: Preschedule:

When I begin with a new coaching client, we preschedule her coaching calls—all of them. If she’s signed up for an eight month program, than all eight months of calls go on both our calendars. Sure, we may do some rescheduling as time goes on and things come up, but the space has been claimed from the beginning. Rule of thumb—it’s easier to rearrange time than to find it.

If you aren’t prescheduling most of your priority activities (and by priority activities, I mean those things that are important to YOU), than you should be. Get your fitness, your support time with friends, the time you want to spend writing your novel, the time to prepare those healthy meals, on your calendar. Giving yourself the appropriate space and time is essential for quality results. Claim it early on and let the rest of your life work around your needs.

Here’s a hint—there’s no limit to how far in advance you can preschedule. Create a spot for that holiday shopping trip you want to take with your sister—now. Schedule the time you want to take in January plotting and planning for the new year. Carve out the space and it’s a lot more likely to be there when you need it.  Feeling too busy to preschedule? Skip a few months ahead and start prescheduling then. Create a plan for October that includes the activities you need to thrive. You’ll thank yourself.

Stay tuned for tip number two . . . .

Take good care,

Free Teleseminar: Could YOU Use More Ease, Flow, and ME-time in Your Life?

June 24th, 2010, No Comments »

It’s time for the next (free)  Smart Woman’s Teleseminar–and you’re invited!

This month, I’ll be talking about the number one challenge busy, high-achieving women face–making time for yourself, getting done what needs to be done, AND creating that juicy lifestyle you work so hard for. Don’t roll your eyes–it IS possible.

The Official Topic:

Overwhelmed, Overcommitted, or Overweight? How to Unleash Your Inner Champion and Take Back Your Life (in less time than you think)

Sounds good doesn’t it? Can’t you just picture your own personal super hero—complete with cape—standing in your corner?

Here’s some of what I’m going to cover:

• Two powerful myths that are holding many women back (and how to break free of them)
• How healthy lifestyle and self care impact the game you bring to your business and your professional life
• What your inner champion is and why you need to connect  with her
• How you can create more ease, flow, me-time, AND success in ten minutes a day.

… and much more.

This teleseminar takes place Tuesday, June 29, 2010 at 3pm Pacific, 4pm Mountain, 5pm Central, and 6pm Eastern. You’ll want to be on the call live to get your questions answered and participate in this important teleseminar, but if you absolutely can’t make it, know that we’ll be recording the call and will email access to the recording to all who enroll.

You can save your seat and get all the information here:

I hope to see you on the call,

Women Entrepreneurs: How to Make Time for Yourself–and Why You NEED To!

June 6th, 2010, No Comments »

Self- care and me-time are simply not indispensible.  In fact, making time for yourself is actually an essential ingredient if you want to thrive in your life and your business.

Here are four steps to creating time for yourself and the benefits they can lead to in your business and your life:

1. Examine your mindset about me-time. Are you still struggling with an inner critic who tells you that self care is a pie-in-the-sky luxury?  If you want to truly make time for yourself, it’s essential to stop thinking of (and treating) me-time as something that’s nice-if-you-can-get-to-it and start approaching it as a necessity and a priority. Remember, the time you invest in yourself is time invested in LEADING your life (and your business) instead of chasing along behind it.
2. Identify what you need. What DO you need to be you at your best? In my Emotional Eating Toolbox™ program, I call these non-negotiables. Many women who have let self care drop off their radar haven’t thought about this in a very long time. Make a list and include everything you can think of—from vitamins to physical activity, to sex and laughter, reading and consistent time off (just to give you a few ideas). Give yourself enough time to be creative and expansive here. Now examine your list. Where are you consistently feeding your spirit and where do you need to invest more time and energy? When you are well-fueled and at your best you bring more energy, zest, and purpose to the work that you do. You will be less tempted by unhealthy substitutes like stress eating or mindless time wasting that just leave you feeling more “behind.”  Many women find that simply having clarity about what they need and where they want to spend their energy leads to better stress management more effective action in business and in life.
3. Find your energy leaks and fix them. If you are short on me-time than you are probably also spending your time and energy spinning your wheels because you are not well fueled. When we’re tired, stressed, or overworked, we don’t tend to be very productive. However, busy business owners often keep forging ahead (because there is “so much to do!”). They tend to stay in “action” that gets progressively less effective. This leads to time and energy that gets frittered away. To find possible energy leaks, ask yourself what you do when you are too tired to be “productive.” Many women who don’t have enough hours in the day also “lose time” micromanaging their email, their social media accounts, and other tasks that take whatever time you give them. Be sure to look for time and energy leaks at the end of the day too.  Does your “down time” really rejuvenate you? What if you did something really lovely for yourself instead? We know that workers who take regular breaks are more productive and enjoy their work more. Try scheduling 15 minutes of time for yourself (using the list you created above) several times a day.
4. Put it on the calendar. If you are struggling with step number one, this may be a difficult step for you too, but by all means don’t skip it. You are a resourceful, high-achieving business owner. You know that for something to happen there has to be a space for it to occur. Leveraging the same skills and strengths that you use to grow your business is a must. Schedule your me-time and honor that appointment the way you would if it was with anybody else. When you value yourself and your time (instead of trying to wedge yourself in to an empty space that never occurs) it can create an important mind shift. Others pick up on the value you place on yourself. As you show more respect for your time and energy, you may find that they do too.

Creating Me-time can be a challenge for many women juggling their own businesses and their busy lives, but doing so is more than a worthwhile investment.

Take good care,

PS: DON’T let your busy life stop you! Making and taking time for yourself doesn’t require hours and hours. My new get-down-to-business Success Soundtrack(TM) gets you into action creating more ease, flow, me-time AND success in just ten minutes a day.