Too many ideas in your head can even prevent you from taking action because you feel overloaded or confused about where to start.

• Is your head too full?
• Do you have a hard time stopping—even when you know you need to?
• Have you sought out so much advice that you feel like you know “too much” and can’t even find a place to begin amidst all the rules and wisdom you’ve acquired?
• Do you know that you need to do to relax, reduce your stress, or refocus but you aren’t sure how to stop your life long enough to do it?
• Do you have a pile of books or an in-box full of recordings that you feel like you need to listen to before you can move forward?

Then you could probably use a detox. Not a nutritional cleanse, but a process for clearing out the gunk in your head space—the garbage that’s overwhelming you, throwing you off track, or keeping your life so full of “shoulds” that it’s hard to work on the motivation to do any of it.

Luckily, you don’t need a week at a spa to embark on a mental detox. Here are some steps you can take today to start cleaning out your brain.

1. Examine the junk that’s weighing you down. Take a look at what’s swirling around in your mind. Sometimes the thought of cleaning out a messy closet is so overwhelming, that we just avoid opening the door. It can be the same with our thoughts and the expectations that we hold for ourselves. One symptom of overwhelm can be a tendency to avoid your thoughts—overeating, or choosing mind-numbing activities instead. Grab your courage, take a deep breath and a clean pad of paper. Set the timer for 15 minutes. Now write down all the gunk that’s in your head. This includes everything you feel you need to be doing, the expectations you have for yourself (these usually start with “I should”), the unhelpful stories you are telling yourself (these often begin with “I can’t” or “I don’t” or “I never”) and anything else that feels like it’s mucking up your life. Get it out of your brain and put it on paper. Now get a different colored pen and circle the ones you want to keep.
2. Create your own clarity. Get a clean piece of paper. Take another deep breath. This time, ignore all the “shoulds” and the rules and write down what you know to be true of you. Write down what you know about what you need to be successful, to be fueled, and to be at your best. I’ll give you an example. A client who is coaching with me to take charge of emotional eating and to lose some weight was feeling lost about how to approach her upcoming vacation. She felt like she “should” continue with the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ program she had started. She felt like she “should” be writing in her journal and meditating. She was worried about overeating on vacation and gaining weight. She was also worried that she would drive her partner up the wall talking about what to eat and worrying about getting things “right.” I asked her what else she knew. She knew she desperately needed and wanted to relax and that if she gave herself permission, she could actually do so on this week-long trip. She knew that she was already automatically using many of the tools in the emotional eating program—when she was present and relaxed. She knew that the more she got wrapped up in “getting her eating right,” the more she was going to overeat and binge and not savor the foods she was looking forward to. She also knew that there are certain foods that her body doesn’t handle well and that she needs to avoid them to feel her best, and that to do this successfully, she needs a game plan and a few minutes every morning to connect with herself and get her head on straight. What my client knew and what you know about yourself, is the starting place for creating your best plan and deciding what you need and what you can let go of.
3. Start the detox process. Go back to your first list. What can you let go of? For now. What parts of those swirling thoughts in your head  a) aren’t a priority and don’t need to be addressed NOW, b) are unhelpful or are confusing or otherwise getting in your way, 3) don’t fit your mission, your purpose, or who you are—today (hint—many of these things may be a part of someone else’s agenda, but not yours). Cross them off. For now. Be sure to look for mindsets and beliefs that you can let go of as well. As my client reviewed her list, she easily saw a number of things that she didn’t want on her agenda during the next week. She also quickly realized that perfectionism, and her expectation that she needed to perform at a certain level, was sucking the joy (and the benefit) from several key activities in her life. On top of that, the expectation that to be successful she had to be perfect was keeping her stalled and unable to move forward on a number of things.
4. Rinse and repeat. Overwhelm comes back. That’s okay, it’s one of the hallmarks of a rich full life. The key is having strategies to handle it when it happens. A periodic detox can be just the ticket for rebalancing a life or a brain that’s gotten too full.

Take good care,

Change your story

It’s important to be honest with yourself. What’s really keeping you from getting the time and space that you need? Don’t stop with an explanation of the circumstances—yes-you-have-a-stressful-job-and-you-have-three-cats-and-two-dogs-who-need-walked-and-three-children-that-need-you-and-the-bathroom-needs-painted (or whatever your story is). But why does that prevent you from getting the time and space you need to be fueled and at your best? The story that traps many women is, “I’ve got so many responsibilities that I can’t possibly take the time for me.”  I know, you may believe that story. But that story is a conversation stopper and it won’t get you anywhere but worn out and cranky.

That story is only one possible story. Here’s another one: “I am currently living an incredibly challenging life and I have a lot that I am responsible for right now. That means that I am extremely valuable, and I need to be taking the best possible care of myself so that I can live up to the demands of this situation or be focused and savvy enough to change things in a way that works better for my life. My energy and time are like gold and I’ve got to nurture them. “

Feel the difference?

Our stories guide us. What story is keeping you stuck and how could you rewrite it?

Take good care,

Need some help creating YOUR story and your formula for thriving? That’s one of the pieces covered in my brand new Success Soundtrack program.

Here’s my latest installment in this series dedicated to helping you create space for your self so you can give yourself what you need. We’re talking small steps here. The truth is, major life overhauls tend to be overwhelming–not what we need. Another truth: there’s only so much a woman–any woman–can do by herself. We ARE human you know! As logical as this next tip is, it’s one many of us struggle with.  Can I urge you to keep working on it?

Tip Three: Rally the Troops

Yep. I’m going to talk to you about asking for help and delegating. You’ve heard it before, and yet it might be something you need to consider again. There are a lot of women out there with too much on their plates who are trying to go it alone. Why is it that so many intelligent, hard-working women are so darn bad at asking for help and support?

If I’m talking to you, please take a deep breath and know that you are NOT alone.

If you are ready to create some time, space and energy for yourself, here are some questions to ask:

• Who else could do this?
• Who could help me do this?
• Who could I pay to do this?
• Does this really need to be done?
• Is there some system or gadget that could simplify, streamline, or eliminate this task
• Who could I teach to do this?

If you’ve already memorized these questions and simply can’t move forward in this area, than might I suggest it’s time to call in another sort of help? If figuring out how to get more help and support (and use it!) feels like an impossible task, this is place where high quality coaching can make a difference in ways you might not even be able to imagine. Contact me and we’ll set up a consultation. This is simply a barrier that’s crucial to get past.

One final word on asking for help. There’s one fine point that high-achievers, perfectionists, and independent women often miss. If you don’t have a clue how someone could help you or how you could delegate some of what is on your plate, than the most basic way of asking for help is to ask someone that you know like and trust: “How could I do that?” They may amaze you with an answer, OR the conversations that result may unlock your own brilliant flow of ideas in ways that bowl you over.

Take good care,

Tip Two: Say “No” So You Can Say “Yes”:

Superwoman is a myth. None of us can do it all. We CAN do amazing things, but only if we are clear on our priorities and spend our time and energy accordingly. We cannot stretch time, we can only spend it wisely. Unfortunately, some high-achievers are notoriously bad at saying “no” and lose a lot of time on activities that aren’t in alignment with who they want to be. You might recognize the signs:

• if you are constantly feeling overwhelmed and overloaded and don’t see an end in sight
• if you are too tired to move at the end of the day (the time you designate as your “me-time,”)
• if you feel like YOU are the one everyone turns to for help and support
• if “Yes,” or “Sure,” tends to be your default response
• if you are someone who worries a lot about letting people down or making people happy but is tired and not-so-happy herself

If these signs ring a bell—well—you might want to flex your “no” muscles because they probably need some strengthening.

Today’s coaching challenge: What will you say “no” to so that you have room for more “yes?”

Take good care,

Tip One: Preschedule:

When I begin with a new coaching client, we preschedule her coaching calls—all of them. If she’s signed up for an eight month program, than all eight months of calls go on both our calendars. Sure, we may do some rescheduling as time goes on and things come up, but the space has been claimed from the beginning. Rule of thumb—it’s easier to rearrange time than to find it.

If you aren’t prescheduling most of your priority activities (and by priority activities, I mean those things that are important to YOU), than you should be. Get your fitness, your support time with friends, the time you want to spend writing your novel, the time to prepare those healthy meals, on your calendar. Giving yourself the appropriate space and time is essential for quality results. Claim it early on and let the rest of your life work around your needs.

Here’s a hint—there’s no limit to how far in advance you can preschedule. Create a spot for that holiday shopping trip you want to take with your sister—now. Schedule the time you want to take in January plotting and planning for the new year. Carve out the space and it’s a lot more likely to be there when you need it.  Feeling too busy to preschedule? Skip a few months ahead and start prescheduling then. Create a plan for October that includes the activities you need to thrive. You’ll thank yourself.

Stay tuned for tip number two . . . .

Take good care,

This month, I’ll be talking about the number one challenge busy, high-achieving women face–making time for yourself, getting done what needs to be done, AND creating that juicy lifestyle you work so hard for. Don’t roll your eyes–it IS possible.

The Official Topic:

Overwhelmed, Overcommitted, or Overweight? How to Unleash Your Inner Champion and Take Back Your Life (in less time than you think)

Sounds good doesn’t it? Can’t you just picture your own personal super hero—complete with cape—standing in your corner?

Here’s some of what I’m going to cover:

• Two powerful myths that are holding many women back (and how to break free of them)
• How healthy lifestyle and self care impact the game you bring to your business and your professional life
• What your inner champion is and why you need to connect  with her
• How you can create more ease, flow, me-time, AND success in ten minutes a day.

… and much more.

This teleseminar takes place Tuesday, June 29, 2010 at 3pm Pacific, 4pm Mountain, 5pm Central, and 6pm Eastern. You’ll want to be on the call live to get your questions answered and participate in this important teleseminar, but if you absolutely can’t make it, know that we’ll be recording the call and will email access to the recording to all who enroll.

You can save your seat and get all the information here:

I hope to see you on the call,

Here are four steps to creating time for yourself and the benefits they can lead to in your business and your life:

1. Examine your mindset about me-time. Are you still struggling with an inner critic who tells you that self care is a pie-in-the-sky luxury?  If you want to truly make time for yourself, it’s essential to stop thinking of (and treating) me-time as something that’s nice-if-you-can-get-to-it and start approaching it as a necessity and a priority. Remember, the time you invest in yourself is time invested in LEADING your life (and your business) instead of chasing along behind it.
2. Identify what you need. What DO you need to be you at your best? In my Emotional Eating Toolbox™ program, I call these non-negotiables. Many women who have let self care drop off their radar haven’t thought about this in a very long time. Make a list and include everything you can think of—from vitamins to physical activity, to sex and laughter, reading and consistent time off (just to give you a few ideas). Give yourself enough time to be creative and expansive here. Now examine your list. Where are you consistently feeding your spirit and where do you need to invest more time and energy? When you are well-fueled and at your best you bring more energy, zest, and purpose to the work that you do. You will be less tempted by unhealthy substitutes like stress eating or mindless time wasting that just leave you feeling more “behind.”  Many women find that simply having clarity about what they need and where they want to spend their energy leads to better stress management more effective action in business and in life.
3. Find your energy leaks and fix them. If you are short on me-time than you are probably also spending your time and energy spinning your wheels because you are not well fueled. When we’re tired, stressed, or overworked, we don’t tend to be very productive. However, busy business owners often keep forging ahead (because there is “so much to do!”). They tend to stay in “action” that gets progressively less effective. This leads to time and energy that gets frittered away. To find possible energy leaks, ask yourself what you do when you are too tired to be “productive.” Many women who don’t have enough hours in the day also “lose time” micromanaging their email, their social media accounts, and other tasks that take whatever time you give them. Be sure to look for time and energy leaks at the end of the day too.  Does your “down time” really rejuvenate you? What if you did something really lovely for yourself instead? We know that workers who take regular breaks are more productive and enjoy their work more. Try scheduling 15 minutes of time for yourself (using the list you created above) several times a day.
4. Put it on the calendar. If you are struggling with step number one, this may be a difficult step for you too, but by all means don’t skip it. You are a resourceful, high-achieving business owner. You know that for something to happen there has to be a space for it to occur. Leveraging the same skills and strengths that you use to grow your business is a must. Schedule your me-time and honor that appointment the way you would if it was with anybody else. When you value yourself and your time (instead of trying to wedge yourself in to an empty space that never occurs) it can create an important mind shift. Others pick up on the value you place on yourself. As you show more respect for your time and energy, you may find that they do too.

Creating Me-time can be a challenge for many women juggling their own businesses and their busy lives, but doing so is more than a worthwhile investment.

Take good care,

PS: DON’T let your busy life stop you! Making and taking time for yourself doesn’t require hours and hours. My new get-down-to-business Success Soundtrack(TM) gets you into action creating more ease, flow, me-time AND success in just ten minutes a day.

The successful entrepreneur is always mindful of the tools and strategies that can enhance her business–and consistently evaluates the effectiveness of the approaches she is using. However, there is one area that many savvy business women overlook—and this error of omission costs them big.

One of the most crucial skills for any thriving solopreneur or professional is the ability to take excellent care of herself. After all, aren’t you the most important asset your business possesses?

I know what you may be thinking. Many of us entrepreneurs have so much on our plates that it’s impossible to get to it all, and often, self care or “me-time” is one of the first things to go. “It’s not essential” (so you tell yourself).  It may feel self indulgent or you think it’s rather a luxury. You tell yourself you can get to it later.

Not true.

Here’s what THRIVING business owners know (and many of us learned it the hard way). The way you care for yourself counts and it counts big. You can’t show up powerfully in your business or your life unless you are showing up powerfully for yourself. Taking care of YOU is not a luxury, it’s an essential part of a successful business plan.  Successful business owners spend time and energy on themselves. They prioritize their health. They manage their stress. They take time off—real time off. They play and sleep and make efforts to eat well. And it has an impact—not just on how they feel, but on how they work in their businesses.

The cost of not making and taking time for yourself:

Self care isn’t always easy. In fact, sometimes, carving out the space, time, and energy you need is really quite an art, but learning to do so is well worth the investment. When we don’t take good care of ourselves:

• We have less energy
• We are more distracted and less focused
• Our stress level is higher
• Sleep can be impaired
• We may feel deprived, irritable, more easily frustrated, or impatient
• We are less creative
• Our health isn’t as good
• We tend to turn to “vices” to fill in the gaps that we aren’t filling with good stuff. Stress eating, smoking, drinking too much, wasting time surfing the internet—these are a few things that tend to show up big, waste more time and energy, distract us, and immerse us in a vicious cycle of decreased productivity and reduced happiness.

We’re simply not at our best.

When we aren’t at our best, neither is our business

How can we possibly play our best game under these circumstances? The answer, of course, is that we can’t.  When we are stressed, overwhelmed, or not getting what we need, we tend to feel like we are playing catch up. It’s the feeling of running along behind your life and your business instead of the one of sitting securely in the driver’s seat. We tend to feel deprived—short on time, short on energy, even short on options. That is NOT the place from which one plays powerfully and big.

Stressed-out entrepreneurs risk thinking too small and making decisions from a place of limitation. Overwhelm is not an expansive place.

When we are not taking good care of ourselves, we don’t feel at our best. We don’t shine. Guess what—people notice.

When we are stressed or overwhelmed or feeling less than 100 percent, we tend to be reactive, not proactive. This can drastically affect the choices we make in our business.

Finally, when we don’t feel we can “take the time,” it’s next to impossible to stop, take a calm step back, and get the perspective or “big picture” view that is so vital to creating a thriving business (and life).

What’s a busy business owner to do?

If you recognize yourself, you are not alone. Falling off the self care wagon is one of the most common pitfalls for high-achieving, smart professional women. Knowing that this is a problem for you is the first powerful course-correcting move. It’s the only way that you can start to value and work on prioritizing the self care you really need.

Take good care,

In spite of your considerable strengths, talents, and accomplishments, you may find that when it comes to creating the work-life balance that works for you, achieving your personal goals, or squeezing the juice out of life, you just aren’t getting where you want to go—or if you are, it isn’t nearly as enjoyable a ride as it could be.

It’s not unusual for smart hard working women to notice a difference between their sense of effectiveness and success in their professional lives and the care they take of others, and in the care, time, and results they experience with their personal goals, projects, and pursuits. Many women believe they have no choice but to sacrifice themselves for their other responsibilities.

Contrary to what you may be thinking, it doesn’t have to be an “either or” choice. In fact, those who really thrive professionally and interpersonally are the women who’ve learned to take the best care of themselves and carve out the time and the experiences that allow them to be at their best.

Interestingly, most of us know that. At least, it’s the advice that we give to others. Most women I know, including those who are the hardest on themselves, are the first to go to bat for another’s needs or to step forward with compassion or empathy or a warm hug—for someone else.

A question I often ask my clients is: “Are you taking your own advice?”  I’m betting that you have great inner wisdom about what you need and about how to nurture yourself in the direction that you want to go. Unfortunately, many women are much better at dishing out this good medicine than they are at taking it.

Here are three ways women often ignore their own wisdom and get in their own way:

1. Would you talk to your mother with that mouth? I bet you are generally a very nice woman. You may be full of words of encouragement and tact and have probably developed some excellent verbal skills for nurturing others. Have you ever stopped to listen to the soundtrack that plays in your head? I’m talking about the constant banter that you carry on with yourself. We all do it. We talk ourselves through tasks. We talk ourselves into things (and out of them). We talk to ourselves when we’ve had a hard day or when we are facing a challenge. And we talk to ourselves when we succeed.If you could download it and play it back, what would your soundtrack sound like? Is it full of encouragement, acknowledgment of the things you’ve accomplished, gratitude, and an optimistic attitude? Or, like many busy women, is your soundtrack often tired, cranky, intolerant, and on the judgmental side? Do you call yourself names like lazy, dumb, fat, or ugly or push yourself beyond the point of reason, or ignore your pleas for rest, help, or a time out? Now really. Would you talk to your mother or your best friend the way you speak to yourself? Would you encourage anyone the way your inner coach speaks to you? If the answer isn’t yes, you’re a smart woman and you know you need to clean up your act.
2. Do you tell your friend to stop whining and work harder when what she really needs is a big hug and some breathing space? I doubt it. But many high achievers tend to adopt this kind of strategy toward themselves.  If you are someone who is a firm believer in the care and nurturing of others but are only paying lip service to this in your own life, you have some work to do. If working harder is your primary success strategy, it’s time to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.  Start by applying the wisdom you dole out to those you care about. You know–about taking good care of yourself, taking a break, making sure you get enough rest and good things to eat. If you were your own best friend, what would you be insisting on and encouraging for you? It’s time to step up and start listening to your own good advice.
3. Do you blow off the work presentation, your child’s soccer game, or your friend who needs you because you “just don’t have time?” Hardly. Most busy women I know are not only caring, they are organizational geniuses. I’ve seen mothers find a way to be in two places at once and women juggle a major presentation, a home remodel, a relationship crisis and half a dozen other challenges. And still. So many high achievers can’t make it to the gym or find the time to shop for the healthy food or carve out the time to take that yoga class they really crave.  They forget what they know and tell themselves that they are too busy to fit themselves in. Are you so busy being spectacular that you’ve forgotten to leverage your strengths and talents in service of YOU?  If so, I guarantee you are paying a price that is far bigger than the time it would cost you to schedule yourself.

There really is no point in living life with one hand tied behind your back. Why not start using your own advice and applying your own wisdom instead of living by a different set of standards that you apply only to yourself?

Take good care,

Are you losing time? See if any of these sound familiar:

Do you ever come to the end of a busy day knowing that you were working hard, but not really sure what you accomplished?

Do you ever set out to accomplish a task and find that suddenly your window of opportunity is gone—it’s been used up while you got prepared, followed up on loose ends, answered emails, or were generally distracted by other tasks?

Do you start out with a clear list of action items for the day but find that before you ever get to them, other peoples’ needs, wants, and emergencies have filled up your day?

Does it seem like you never get to the ‘big stuff’ because the little necessities of life take up all your time?

If so, you’re losing time, or giving it away, or even wasting it. What you aren’t doing is leveraging one of your most precious assets in the way you could be. And as a result, you may not be getting where you want to go, accomplishing the things you want to, or having the experiences that you promised yourself. You—not just a lack of time—are getting in your own way.

Now let me be clear: I’m not talking about becoming super-efficient so you can become hyper-productive—squeezing every last moment out of your day so that you can get more work done. That’s NOT what I’m talking about. Lost time limits our ability to live our lives, to have fun and to have time for the indulgent and nurturing experiences we also crave (especially because we often leave these things for last—but that’s another blog post). When we lose time without being fully aware and deliberate about how we are spending it, we are giving away moments when we could more fully be ourselves.

Are you losing time? Here are five common traps

1. One of the biggest traps for busy women is feeling like they don’t have the time to come up with a plan. Do you take the time to identify your highest priority items? Here’s the thing. Without a plan, you are constantly in “reactive” mode, you are going to be kept busy, catching the balls that life is throwing at you. Take a deep breath, and give yourself ten minutes to clarify your tasks for the day—including the highest priority items. Dig into these first to create positive momentum.
2. When you are working are you really clear what you are working on? I know it sounds silly, but in a world where you can have umpteen computer screens open at once and be communicating on a bunch of other electronic devices at the same time, it’s quite easy to tell yourself you are being productive and busy and not be accomplishing much at all. As you go through your day, do you know what the goal or project of the moment  is,  or are you just jumping into the first task or email that catches your eye? Busy people lose time when they are not deliberate about how they spend it. In fact, they get busier. I recommend you structure your time if that isn’t already happening. Take a look at your to-do list, give each item a time limit and decide when you’re going to tackle each one. Timers are great for this.
3. How much time do you spend every week watching “mindless” TV, surfing the internet with no real goal, or finding other ways to not really be present? I dare you to add up the hours. This often happens at the end of the day when you’re too tired to do anything else, but too persistent (or stubborn) to just stop. Practice recognizing when you are tired and allowing yourself to rest. Mindless activity doesn’t refuel you, it just helps you pass (waste) time.
4. Does that time to get to the gym or prepare the healthier meals or read the book for book club always disappear? Do you wonder how “those other women” make it happen? Are these activities or plans on your calendar? Not the imaginary calendar you keep in your head, but the real schedule where you post all your other important dates and times? Many over-extended women tend to resist scheduling the “fun stuff” or the “personal” stuff, because they are already feeling so structured and they tell themselves they want flexibility and freedom. Guess what? Flexibility and freedom require a space to show themselves. If you aren’t getting enough of these things in your life, you need to carve out a space for it. Structure creates freedom and breathing space. Really.
5. Despite your best intentions, does it seem like something else always comes up to sabotage your plans? I’ll tell it to you straight—it’s highly likely that you have some mindset issues that are holding you back. What are your beliefs about time and productivity and self care? How are you feeling about the goals you are pursuing? Any fears, anxieties, or beliefs that you need to pay attention too? This is another spot where investing the time to get some clarity can pay you back in productivity, AND, you may need to push through that troublesome inner voice that tells you you are too busy to stop and take this step.

Time is limited and precious, but spending some on the front end to create a purposeful plan for how you spend your time and your energy will absolutely pay you back.

Take good care,

By the way, I’m putting the finishing touches on a new product that shows you how take and maximize those short pauses and create that purpose, clarity, and motivation at the beginning of your day. I’m hoping to be able to share more details in the next few weeks and I’ll keep you posted (make sure you’ve signed up for my newsletter if you want to be the first to hear).