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Gold Medal Excuse Number Two: Exhaustion

March 4th, 2010, No Comments »

Gold Medal Excuses: Emotional Eating and Success Traps

This is the second in a series of Gold Medal Excuses. These are the excuses that win the gold. They are so compelling that they stop the game and leave women stuck and not getting where they want to go. Actually, that’s not quite accurate. These are the excuses that leave women working really hard but not moving in the direction that they want to go. You will find the first Gold Medal Excuse here.

Success Traps that Sabotage: Exhaustion

Many of you ARE exhausted and you are paying a huge price. Sleep deprivation is a big problem for busy women and it absolutely will contribute to you feeling:

• Less effective
• Less focused
• Hungry
• Stressed and overwhelmed
• Tense, irritable, and not at your best

Exhaustion is not only the product of sleep deprivation. Exhaustion happens when we run out of fuel. So if you are busy and you aren’t taking the time to eat and to energize with regular activity and with the kinds of things and people that feed your spirit, you are likely to feel run down and exhausted no matter how much sleep you get.  The issues of exhaustion and “no time” are very interrelated and it’s essential that you solve them, because if you don’t you won’t just stay stuck. You’ll burn out.

Guard your sleep fiercely. It’s essential fuel and 99 percent of us need at least 7-8 hours a night. It doesn’t work to cut back during the week and try to catch up on weekends. Sleep is an investment in yourself. If you aren’t getting enough than moving in that direction is the first step you need to take. If you’ve been walking around sleep-deprived for awhile, you’ll be amazed at the difference in how you feel.

Take an inventory of the activities in your life that exhaust you. Are you saying no regularly? Are you doing things that you resent or that waste your time? Could you set better boundaries? Are you open to delegating?

Make a list of the things and people that fuel you. How often are you replenishing your reserves in these areas? If your automatic response has to do with not having enough time, check out the tips here.

Repeat after me: Staying up late doesn’t help. The number one trap I see for women with too much on their plates? Women tend to get into a pattern of staying up late at night in an attempt to catch up, “rest up,” or capture some time alone. Trying to pay yourself at the end of the day almost always backfires. You are likely to overeat (emotional eating and exhaustion eating in the evening are problems for many women), exhaust yourself further, and fritter away the time you do stay awake because you are too tired to do anything else.

Stay tuned for the next Gold Medal Excuse–and feel free to share your favorites by adding a comment.

Take good care,

Small Steps: How to Find Energy and Lose Irritations

January 25th, 2010, No Comments »

This is the second post in my series on making small, sustainable changes that will increase my energy, decrease my stress, and just plain make my life work better.

This weekend my computer stopped working.  Stopped. Working. When it did, I had to admit that the complete breakdown had been a long time coming. In fact, as my computer repair savior kept calling with questions about what he was finding, I kept finding myself saying, “Yes, it’s been doing that for awhile,” and “Yes, that hasn’t been working quite right.” Turns out, that there had been a growing list of problems I had been tolerating because I didn’t feel like I had the time or energy to address them. And they had built up until the whole thing broke down.

That can happen when we try to ignore things that are not working.

The computer was fixable and I got it back late Sunday night. It works—and actually, it works better than it has in awhile. Using my new glitch-free computer, I’m realizing how much energy, tension, irritation, and distraction was caused by using one that didn’t work the way I needed to—it wasn’t performing and in the back of my mind (where I was trying not to think about it), I was worrying about what was going to happen next and creating stress and wasting energy by NOT making a decision or taking action.

It wears a woman out.

I realized it was time to take a look at what I’m tolerating and what is draining my energy—quietly and in the background. This week, I’m creating a list of everything that occurs to me that I am tolerating but that isn’t working for me. Everything. This includes the scissors that need to be sharpened, the pile on my desk I’ve been ignoring, and bigger issues like needing to hire someone to do some specialized work for me. I’m writing it all down.

This does not mean that I am feeling pressured to take immediate action on each of these items. That would stress me out and overload me. It does mean that I am noticing areas of my life that I want to be different and acknowledging that they aren’t working for me right now—instead of trying not to think about them.

What I know from doing this in the past is that this is an easy yet powerful exercise. I encourage you to try it. What I find, and so do clients who try this, is that simply noting what isn’t working often starts to create change—often pretty effortlessly. If you are like me, much of what you are tolerating can begin to be addressed with a phone call, a ten minute conversation, a decision to spend a few minutes a day moving forward. In the end, it took a conversation to find my computer savior, a short drive to drop off the computer, a few phone calls back and forth, and a small payment (well worth it)—less time and energy than I had spent rebooting my computer over the last week.

My question for you: what are you tolerating and what is the toll it is taking?

Take good care,

5 Easy Healthy Lifestyle Tips

January 20th, 2010, 5 Comments »

Just thinking about shaping up, losing weight, or eating healthier makes many women exhausted. Changing habits is hard work, but sometimes we approach healthy lifestyle changes in the most difficult way possible. Instead of picking your biggest challenge, consider starting where you know you can be effective, where you can get some lasting bang for your buck, and where you can start growing motivation and momentum.

Here are five relatively painless and struggle-free tips to help you create lasting healthy habits:

1. Get some zzzzzs. Sleep affects just about everything we do and without enough sleep, we all tend to unravel. Inadequate sleep affects your cravings, your metabolism, your energy level, mood, activity, focus and motivation. If you aren’t regularly getting seven hours of sleep a night (or more) this is the first area to address. If you are exhausted and try to keep going, you aren’t likely to be effective and you’ll probably be drawn to mindless “zoning out” activities that are really just busy work. Go to sleep instead.
2. Identify your trouble spots. Don’t just focus on what you want to do. Be smart and identify the things that have led you off track in the past. A positive attitude is great, but a proactive plan for how you will do it differently this time is even better.
3. Grow tools for managing emotions and stress. Emotional eating (including stress eating) is one of the primary causes of overeating, weight gain, and weight regain. Without the strategies you need, stressful situations can trigger very unhealthy (and self-sabotaging) responses such as overeating, smoking, alcohol use, avoidance, or numbing out in front of the computer.  Hard times are also the time when many women abandon or lose track of health, fitness, and wellness goals. Instead of only focusing on what you’ll eat or when you’ll work out, invest some energy in addressing any real issues that are the trigger for the habits you are trying to kick.
4. Don’t lose yourself. One of the biggest reasons that busy women get off track is that they get distracted by other life demands. Designate a time to check in with yourself—at least weekly—and evaluate how things are going. Use this time to schedule the additional time you’ll need throughout the week for exercise, stress relief, meal planning, etc. Post your goals somewhere where you will see them and be reminded of them regularly. Make sure you identify milestones along the way to your big goal and reward yourself for reaching them.
5. Keep it positive. Don’t ignore your mindset—it has the power to impact your mood, your energy level, your choices and your progress. Focus on what you’ve done rather than what didn’t happen. Acknowledge the accomplishments (change is difficult) and celebrate your achievements along the way. Adopt the mantra, “I’m doing my best” instead of “I have to get it perfect” and you’ll be much better prepared to keep going when the going gets tough, recognize your progress and your efforts, and take good care of yourself along the way.

Take good care,

Small Steps: Soup and Self Care

January 17th, 2010, No Comments »

Many busy women bristle at the term “life balance.” With all the responsibilities, relationships, and roles they are juggling, life balance sounds like an impossible and precarious state—a tightrope walk where one misstep can send you plummeting. I don’t mind the term, but I certainly understand the sentiment.

For those of us who are balancing (or dancing with) or doing a lot, it’s so darn easy to go from feeling a perfect rhythm to a life that feels terribly unbalanced, from proactively leading our lives, to chasing along behind a long list of things to do. Been there, done that. Quite frequently, in fact.

My saving grace? Knowing that getting back in control of my life doesn’t (usually) require a major life overhaul. Quite often it’s the small steps, the little but significant changes, that can pack a big punch and can change the flavor of my day, drastically affect my energy level or my mood, and determine how effective, productive, and creative I feel.

This year, I’ve decided to focus my attention each week on one small but significant step that I can take to make my life work better and to help me be more of my best. One focus and one change or tweak each week that is do-able, not overwhelming, and clearly takes me in a direction that I really want to go—something that leaves me feeling more balanced and effective and in charge of my life. I’m going to try sharing it here in the hope that it inspires you to consider your own small power steps.

This week’s focus is on reclaiming some energy I’ve let go of. To put it very simply: I’ve been sliding on the lunch thing. Somehow I’ve gotten out of the habit of planning lunches for myself. I’ve been taking my own lunch to work less, I’ve been grabbing stuff on the go too often, and as a result I’ve been eating mid-day food that, while not horrible, isn’t that great for me and doesn’t help me at all with that late afternoon energy slump. I know that I’m not alone with this one. In a tired moment, it can seem like a time and energy saver to skip the lunch prep. But you and I both know we’re kidding ourselves.  I know that when I slide on the lunch thing:

• My nutrition suffers (I definitely eat less fruits and vegetables)
• My energy drops
• As a result of my energy dropping, I drink more caffeine
• I  don’t enjoy a real midday break with food I really want to savor (the grab-and-go stuff is just not that tasty)
• I don’t feel as well taken care of as I’d like to
• If I was planning to work out in the evening, I probably won’t have much energy or inspiration to do it

Yes, really. A good tasting, well-thought out lunch (and the lack of one) has all that impact. So this week’s simple step? I’m back to making my weekly pot of soup and/or planning dinner menus so I have the leftovers that I need to thrive at lunchtime.  Just simmering that soup this afternoon left me feeling more grounded and back on track—and I’m going to be a happy camper sitting down to my spicy African Yam and Peanut soup. What will you do for yourself this week?

Take good care,

The One Minute Meditation™: It’s Much More Powerful than Just a Pause in Your Day

October 21st, 2009, No Comments »

My guest blogger today, Stacey Mayo, is one of the many wonderful women helping me celebrate Too Much On Her Plate Week, by generously offering you a gift to help you get rid of some of those things that are overwhelming you. For more information on Too Much On Her Plate Week – go here.

In less time than it takes you to read this article, you can learn to access a sense of inner peace– a place of stillness that is free of mind chatter, stress and anxiety.

From this place of stillness, intuition can be heard more clearly and brilliant ideas are born. Creativity gets unleashed when there are no interfering thoughts. Connections to higher guidance are remembered and strengthened when we are not busy trying to figure things out.

The vast majority of people are almost always in the past or the future in their minds – ruminating about what did or didn’t happen or what might or might not occur in the future. That is not where peace lies. It is great to set goals, but if you can take a just a minute here and there to bring yourself back to the present and into your body, you will be more peaceful in the now while moving towards your dreams.

I am not suggesting that you recline on the couch eating bon bons or that you sit on a mountain top all day contemplating the meaning of life.

It doesn’t have to take long to quiet the mind.  I have proven that it can be done in just one minute. And if you are like other human beings, you probably waste more than a minute in every hour of the day.

Many people have asked me how the One Minute Meditation™ (OMM) came about. As with most things, it got developed because of my own need to find ways to quiet my overactive mind which tended to over-react in stressful situations or worry about things beyond my control

Over the years I’ve learned many different techniques and meditative practices to help me deal with stress and quiet my busy mind. All of these techniques were and are helpful.

What was missing was what to do in between those longer meditative sessions or classes when life came up and threw challenges my way, such as my computer crashing, a web designer shutting down my website, the phone company representative putting me on eternal hold with that lovely Muzak, or the mortgage company not crediting one of my payments.  Those moments brought me out of the quiet place. .  I found myself reacting to things in a way that was not helpful or pleasant to me or others. Can you relate?

Additionally, I found that sometimes I would take the time to do practice these longer meditative techniques and other times in my life I would not.

The combination of these two reasons factors prompted me to create The One Minute Meditation. It is important to understand that The One Minute Meditation  is more than just stopping and pausing or stopping and breathing. The first part of the OMM actually gets you out of your head and into your body. When you do it slowly, it actually instills a sense of peace and calm in your body.  When done over time, this calmer way of dealing with life’s stressors becomes more and more natural. Don’t worry because it does not interfere with any religious beliefs.

Now, I am calmer when challenging moments occur even without doing the OMM when stress arises. It is as if my brain as been re-trained.

Some people use the OMM by itself, others use it in conjunction with a longer 6 minute meditation that I provide or as an adjunct for your own meditation practices.  People who have do longer meditations have told me doing the OMM first helps them drop into that stillness quicker.

You can try it for yourself. Join the 30 day Stillness Experiment to get audio directions for both the OMM and a longer 6 minute meditation along with support and suggestions for putting it into your life in a way that works. Because as good as the OMM is, it’s nothing if we don’t remember to do it.

For now, The Stillness Experiment is still free. You can check it out and participate here: http://TheOneMinuteMeditation.com

Stacey Mayo, The Dream Queen is a highly successful business coach and career coach, founder of  The Center for Balanced Living, creator of the Peaceful Entrepreneur and author of the award winning book, “I Can’t Believe I Get Paid To Do This!” She works with people to make a bigger impact and a bigger income through the creation  and growth of their own business.

I’m Approaching My Goal: Support Welcome!

September 27th, 2009, 1 Comment »

I’m running the Portland Marathon next Sunday.  Oh. My. Goodness. I’m running the Portland Marathon next Sunday!  Excuse me while I obsess a bit….

Some of you may know that I ran my first marathon last year.  It was a big audacious goal.  It made me nervous and excited.  Okay, it scared me. When I started the training, I had no idea how I would do it, but my running program gave me a schedule and I decided I’d just tackle it one week at a time.  I did and I did it. Literally one step at a time.

What you may not know is that, although I finished the marathon, I finished with a broken foot (I didn’t know it at the time—in fact it took a good 6 weeks to sort out what was wrong with me).  Apparently I suffered a stress fracture mid-marathon in my calcaneus (that’s your heel) bone.  Two physicians, two physical therapists, two chiropractors and a massage therapist have not been able to explain exactly why it happened.  I don’t do any of the things that tend to cause this rare occurrence and my bone density is great.  They all encouraged me to not to give up.

My favorite comment—from my new favorite physical therapist—was, “You’re 43—you are in your prime.  Go for it!”  So, I took a deep breath and I did. I am.

Did you hear that? I am in my prime

Since I am determined to have a memory of a marathon that is more fun, and because I really enjoyed training with a great running group and my supportive friends, I decided to train for another marathon.

Sunday, I’m going back to Portland again.  I’ve been training—carefully, conscientiously, and week by week.  When I was able to start running again in mid January I was allowed to run for only two minutes.  The first time I tried to run 2 miles, I had aches in all sorts of new places.  But I kept going.  And I am very proud to say I’ve had a great summer of running. I’m having fun.

So now the marathon is upon me.  In the true style of a woman with a lot on her plate, I will be driving down to Portland with my family and we will combine the trip with tours of college campuses for my son who is in his last year of high school.

My goals: to have a great time, and to be healthy and happy and able to dance at the end.  Oh, and I want to know I did my best.

Now for the really important stuff—what to wear?

Running skirt or shorts (I tend to be a running skirt kind of girl)?

What to put on my playlist?  I’m always in the market for songs that make me soar and run faster—and that will help me conquer that hill at mile 17-18.

Let me know what you think.

What Could You Do in 100 Days?

September 14th, 2009, 2 Comments »

I received an email this morning alerting me to the fact that there are exactly 100 days left until the end of the year. What a great time to assess where we are with our health, our personal and professional goals, and to ask how we want to spend the final 100 days of 2009.  Are there changes you would like to see with your eating, your weight, or your fitness?  Would you like to readjust your life balance? How would you like to spend the next 100 days of your life? For many, the holidays—and all that comes with them—will be here before we know it. (Stay tuned, you’ll be hearing more from me about this.)  What would you like to do differently this holiday season?

I know that my next 100 days are going to be busy, so I’m going to work on being more mindful and present in each moment.  I’m going to do more yoga (okay, I’m going to actually do some yoga), and I’m going to work to really appreciate the time I have with family. I want to enjoy the next 100 days.

This is a great time to take stock and sketch out the steps you want to take.  Keep them specific and manageable and you may find that January won’t be about setting new resolutions, but continuing down the path you are already on.

What would YOU like to accomplish in the next 100 days?

Take good care,

Melissa

The Great Plate Experiment: Week One

September 12th, 2009, No Comments »

The new plates are here!

Week one of the plate downsizing experiment is officially over. We’ve moved the old tired chipped dishes out of our kitchen and are now eating off pristine, white 10-inch plates (9.75-inches actually), just like Brian Wansink recommends. As you may recall, the author of Mindless Eating and his team have done research on plate size and food intake and found that simply reducing your plate size from 12-inches to 10-inches could result in an 18 pound weight loss for the average American. I promised I’d report back in and I’m here to tell you that the results so far are promising.

First of all, I’ve had absolutely no complaints. In fact, my husband is quite delighted that these new-fangled dishes don’t get fiery hot when you put them in the microwave like our old dishes from the 1980s did. I’m not noticing anything spectacular or dramatic (nor did I expect to), but I can say that we’ve had more leftovers than we usually do. I take this to mean that we’re serving ourselves less. This is all about gradual and non-noticeable change and we know those are the kinds of lifestyle changes that tend to last. So far, so good.

Have you changed your plate size? Do tell—what happened?

Take good care,

Melissa

Personal Health Care Reform

September 3rd, 2009, No Comments »

Okay readers,

It’s September and we’re approaching Labor Day weekend.  If you’ve been telling yourself all summer that you’re “waiting ‘til September” to take better care of yourself . . . you’ve just run out of excuses.

I know–summer does have a different rhythm to it, and many of us look to September as the start of a new chapter in our lives and a return of more structure and planning.

So now that it’s here, what are you going to do?  What one step will you commit to to undertake your own personal health care reform?

Do you need to clean up your eating?  Find a better way to cope with stress and overwhelm and exhaustion?  Make a commitment to getting more activity?  Create more space and time for yourself?  Grow a stronger support system?  It’s time for that next step. Set your intention, create a goal and then answer the following question:

How can the world support you?  What do you need to ask for, do, or say no to in order to be effective?

It’s September ladies.  Time to take a stand.  Time to reform YOUR health care. What’s it going to be?

Want to be bold? Share your commitment in a comment.

Take good care,

Melissa

PS:  If you could benefit from some extra tools and support to propel you forward, the good news is that there are still a few spots left in the fall Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Smart Women’s Group and the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Group for Weight Loss Surgery Patients (both held by phone).  Take advantage of our fall sale on this and other resources until  9/13/09 or supplies run out.

Too Much On Our Plates: The Experiment

September 1st, 2009, No Comments »

Last week I blogged about plate sizes and research that shows that the size of your plate affects the size of the portions you serve yourself and ultimately, your weight.    Around the same time, my husband pointed out that our own plates and dishes (wedding gifts from the 1980s), were dwindling in number and not looking nearly as spiffy as they had when we watched the Huxtables eating from a similar set 20 years ago.

Browsing online, I decided to look for a ten-inch plate like I blogged about last week, and for the first time ever, paid attention to the actual size of dinnerware.  Wow.  Oversized is in, with advertisements literally bragging about how much their big dishes will hold.

And apparently, size is important to Americans. I ended up ordering a basic white set of restaurant dinnerware from Williams Sonoma.  It met my requirements—neutral, tough, and it has a 9 ¾ inch dinner plate.  Before I ordered, I skimmed the 91 reviews that customers have submitted.  Size matters, and was frequently mentioned among reviewers who couldn’t agree whether the plates were too small or just right. A few like me had actually been drawn to the dishes because of the smaller plate size.

I’m a little nervous.  I’m the only female in a house with three males who love to eat.  Our current plates are not only bigger, they have a lip around the edge that allows for “extra.”  Will I face a mutiny?  Brian Wansink’s team claimed the downsizing was painless.  I’ll report back.

Take good care,

Melissa