Change your story

It’s important to be honest with yourself. What’s really keeping you from getting the time and space that you need? Don’t stop with an explanation of the circumstances—yes-you-have-a-stressful-job-and-you-have-three-cats-and-two-dogs-who-need-walked-and-three-children-that-need-you-and-the-bathroom-needs-painted (or whatever your story is). But why does that prevent you from getting the time and space you need to be fueled and at your best? The story that traps many women is, “I’ve got so many responsibilities that I can’t possibly take the time for me.”  I know, you may believe that story. But that story is a conversation stopper and it won’t get you anywhere but worn out and cranky.

That story is only one possible story. Here’s another one: “I am currently living an incredibly challenging life and I have a lot that I am responsible for right now. That means that I am extremely valuable, and I need to be taking the best possible care of myself so that I can live up to the demands of this situation or be focused and savvy enough to change things in a way that works better for my life. My energy and time are like gold and I’ve got to nurture them. “

Feel the difference?

Our stories guide us. What story is keeping you stuck and how could you rewrite it?

Take good care,

Need some help creating YOUR story and your formula for thriving? That’s one of the pieces covered in my brand new Success Soundtrack program.

Tip Two: Say “No” So You Can Say “Yes”:

Superwoman is a myth. None of us can do it all. We CAN do amazing things, but only if we are clear on our priorities and spend our time and energy accordingly. We cannot stretch time, we can only spend it wisely. Unfortunately, some high-achievers are notoriously bad at saying “no” and lose a lot of time on activities that aren’t in alignment with who they want to be. You might recognize the signs:

• if you are constantly feeling overwhelmed and overloaded and don’t see an end in sight
• if you are too tired to move at the end of the day (the time you designate as your “me-time,”)
• if you feel like YOU are the one everyone turns to for help and support
• if “Yes,” or “Sure,” tends to be your default response
• if you are someone who worries a lot about letting people down or making people happy but is tired and not-so-happy herself

If these signs ring a bell—well—you might want to flex your “no” muscles because they probably need some strengthening.

Today’s coaching challenge: What will you say “no” to so that you have room for more “yes?”

Take good care,

Here are four steps to creating time for yourself and the benefits they can lead to in your business and your life:

1. Examine your mindset about me-time. Are you still struggling with an inner critic who tells you that self care is a pie-in-the-sky luxury?  If you want to truly make time for yourself, it’s essential to stop thinking of (and treating) me-time as something that’s nice-if-you-can-get-to-it and start approaching it as a necessity and a priority. Remember, the time you invest in yourself is time invested in LEADING your life (and your business) instead of chasing along behind it.
2. Identify what you need. What DO you need to be you at your best? In my Emotional Eating Toolbox™ program, I call these non-negotiables. Many women who have let self care drop off their radar haven’t thought about this in a very long time. Make a list and include everything you can think of—from vitamins to physical activity, to sex and laughter, reading and consistent time off (just to give you a few ideas). Give yourself enough time to be creative and expansive here. Now examine your list. Where are you consistently feeding your spirit and where do you need to invest more time and energy? When you are well-fueled and at your best you bring more energy, zest, and purpose to the work that you do. You will be less tempted by unhealthy substitutes like stress eating or mindless time wasting that just leave you feeling more “behind.”  Many women find that simply having clarity about what they need and where they want to spend their energy leads to better stress management more effective action in business and in life.
3. Find your energy leaks and fix them. If you are short on me-time than you are probably also spending your time and energy spinning your wheels because you are not well fueled. When we’re tired, stressed, or overworked, we don’t tend to be very productive. However, busy business owners often keep forging ahead (because there is “so much to do!”). They tend to stay in “action” that gets progressively less effective. This leads to time and energy that gets frittered away. To find possible energy leaks, ask yourself what you do when you are too tired to be “productive.” Many women who don’t have enough hours in the day also “lose time” micromanaging their email, their social media accounts, and other tasks that take whatever time you give them. Be sure to look for time and energy leaks at the end of the day too.  Does your “down time” really rejuvenate you? What if you did something really lovely for yourself instead? We know that workers who take regular breaks are more productive and enjoy their work more. Try scheduling 15 minutes of time for yourself (using the list you created above) several times a day.
4. Put it on the calendar. If you are struggling with step number one, this may be a difficult step for you too, but by all means don’t skip it. You are a resourceful, high-achieving business owner. You know that for something to happen there has to be a space for it to occur. Leveraging the same skills and strengths that you use to grow your business is a must. Schedule your me-time and honor that appointment the way you would if it was with anybody else. When you value yourself and your time (instead of trying to wedge yourself in to an empty space that never occurs) it can create an important mind shift. Others pick up on the value you place on yourself. As you show more respect for your time and energy, you may find that they do too.

Creating Me-time can be a challenge for many women juggling their own businesses and their busy lives, but doing so is more than a worthwhile investment.

Take good care,

PS: DON’T let your busy life stop you! Making and taking time for yourself doesn’t require hours and hours. My new get-down-to-business Success Soundtrack(TM) gets you into action creating more ease, flow, me-time AND success in just ten minutes a day.

If you are an over-achiever in the area of health and weight loss, it could easily be preventing the very goals that you are trying to achieve.

Are you ready to get off the diet roller coaster and create a blueprint for success with weight loss and peace with food?

Here are some tips for breaking the over-achieving cycle and creating a path for enduring change:

Start killing the myth that your constant activity is making you more effective and start to identify the price of being an overachiever. Here are some signs to look for: lack of focus, forgetfulness, feeling overwhelmed or stressed, stress eating, overeating at the end of the day (often because you feel too tired to do anything else), starting and quitting one weight loss plan after another, feeling like nothing works for you, a feeling of stress or overwhelm when you think about attempting to take control of your eating.

Be selective about experts and mentors. Start by asking yourself what you already know about your eating and your struggles and what kind of help you are looking for. Remind yourself what you already know about what works—and doesn’t work—for you. Remember, you have more wisdom about yourself than anyone else. Find an expert, mentor, or plan that respects what YOU know and asks you to access your own wisdom—often. Choose one plan or expert to follow and don’t blindly follow anything.

Carve out time to do nothing. Practice breaking the over-achieving cycle and creating breathing space in your life. When we are busy doing, we aren’t really able to tune in and listen to ourselves. When we aren’t doing that, we aren’t able to stay well connected to what we really need. When we aren’t getting what we need, emotional eating is an all-too-easy way to fill in the gaps.  Learn to listen to yourself and to identify what you are really craving (the things you need that aren’t food).

Take on one plan and one do-able change at a time. More is not always better. Often, more is overwhelming and won’t last. Pick lifestyle changes or new ways of eating that are do-able and that work with your life—one at a time. Beware of the voice that tells you you “aren’t doing enough.” Change that feels easy is change that you can stick with and build on. Look for (or create) a plan that allows you to make changes with small structured steps.

Take good care,

Are you an emotional eater ready to make these changes in your life? The Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series starts soon. This six week program is all about creating a lasting blueprint for successfully taking control of emotional eating—in a do-able way that fits with your unique life. You can find out all about the program here.

Spring Cleaning: Sprucing up

What in your life could use a fresh coat of paint or a complete overhaul? What “spruce up” would make your life fit better?

Are you wearing clothes that make you feel good? Do the places where you spend your time create the mood you want them too? Do you take the time to cut flowers from your yard, light a candle for yourself, or sit down to a well-set table? Is that pile of papers on your desk driving you nuts?

What about relationships? Are you getting the support and friendship that you need or is this an area of your life you’d like to renovate? How’s your physical health? Do you have a healthy lifestyle plan and is it one that puts a smile on your face or is it feeling boring and tired? How could you spice things up or rejuvenate your passion? Could you use a mentor, a partner, or a new approach? What sounds like FUN?

Now’s the time to think about the new stuff you might want to bring into your life.  Don’t let this be stressful. Start by noticing what you want and make a list of all the “spruce ups” and additions that you’d like to make. Save this list. It’s fine to tackle this one step at a time.

Take good care,

Spring Cleaning: Ready to dump the nonproductive habits that are holding you back?

Cleaning out a closet or a drawer feels rewarding, but what about looking at the habits and routines that are cluttering up your life and not getting you where you want to go? Take inventory of how you are really spending your time—that’s the true indicator of your priorities. What are the time and energy wasters in your life? Make a list. Include them all. Don’t worry yet about what to do about them, just take inventory.  Creating your plan of attack is the next step. If you don’t see an immediate way to fix the situation, I suggest you brainstorm. Could you delegate? Redesign the task? Eliminate it all-together? If not, how could you add more joy or make it more pleasant (never underestimate the power of good music while doing anything unappealing).

Look carefully for time wasters—activities that use your time and energy and don’t pay you back in any way. Are you spending too much time online, keeping up with email or doing mindless activities? Have you gotten out of the habit of going outside and into the habit of too much TV? Make a new list of the habits you want to eliminate AND the new habits you plan to replace them with.

Take good care,

1. Do get into the habit of asking yourself how you are feeling before you eat. Create a ritual of checking in with yourself before you reach for a snack, stop by the vending machine, or serve up your plate. Ask yourself both whether you are physically hungry, and what you are feeling emotionally. Don’t worry if you don’t always know the answers. Creating the habit of checking in with yourself and paying attention to your emotions is an important first step.
2. 2. Do create a list of other calming strategies you can start to experiment with. When you aren’t in the midst of a stressful situation, brainstorm some quick, easy ways you might try calming or soothing yourself. Write them down and keep your list somewhere where it is easy to access. Not all your solutions will work in every situation, but that’s okay. You are creating a list of ideas to try. Some solutions others have tried: a few minutes of deep breathing, a walk around the block or even the office, changing tasks, a bath or shower, calling a friend, putting on some music, yoga or stretching, or making a cup of tea.
3. 3. Do give yourself permission for this not to go perfectly and tweak and adjust as you go. The goal is to increase your control and you will do that as you become more aware of the reasons and times that you overeat and other strategies that help you make different choices. Don’t focus on making “perfect” changes, focus on learning about yourself and identifying changes that work for you, your preferences and your life.

Take good care,

1. Don’t use food as a stress reliever. It doesn’t work—at least in the big picture. Many women may feel calmer and more relaxed immediately after indulging. Food may also temporarily distract you from the situation at hand. Unfortunately, the satisfaction is usually short lived. Guilt and self-blame for overeating, or for food choices made in stressed out moments, can result in a vicious cycle of more emotional eating and stress. However, the deeper issue is that using food to cope with emotions of any kind is only a temporary fix. It’s a band aid that doesn’t address or resolve the real issue. Without better strategies, life stays the way it is, and you keep needing band aids—usually on a more and more frequent basis.
2. Don’t multitask while eating. This is so tempting to do—especially when you are busy—but multitasking while we eat prevents us from being fully aware. This means that it’s easy to eat for reasons that aren’t really physical hunger—without even fully registering that this is the choice you are making.  People who eat mindfully (meaning they are fully present and not distracted by other tasks) eat less. They taste their food and are more likely to be aware of how much they are eating. If you give your meals and snacks your full attention, you are also more likely to catch those instances when you are eating to try to calm yourself rather than eating for fuel.
3. Don’t eat on the run. Practice slowing down. If you can’t make the time to feed yourself, something is seriously out of balance. Sure, from time to time, life happens, but if you are feeling that it’s too hard to stop and eat on a regular basis, than this problem is one that needs to be addressed. The act of stopping, focusing, and putting your food on a plate, may actually be the first step you need to take in reversing the cycle of stress and overwhelm.

In my next post, I’ll focus on the next three steps you can try. Let me know what you think.

Take good care,

Gold Medal Excuses: Emotional Eating and Success Traps

This is the second in a series of Gold Medal Excuses. These are the excuses that win the gold. They are so compelling that they stop the game and leave women stuck and not getting where they want to go. Actually, that’s not quite accurate. These are the excuses that leave women working really hard but not moving in the direction that they want to go. You will find the first Gold Medal Excuse here.

Success Traps that Sabotage: Exhaustion

Many of you ARE exhausted and you are paying a huge price. Sleep deprivation is a big problem for busy women and it absolutely will contribute to you feeling:

• Less effective
• Less focused
• Hungry
• Stressed and overwhelmed
• Tense, irritable, and not at your best

Exhaustion is not only the product of sleep deprivation. Exhaustion happens when we run out of fuel. So if you are busy and you aren’t taking the time to eat and to energize with regular activity and with the kinds of things and people that feed your spirit, you are likely to feel run down and exhausted no matter how much sleep you get.  The issues of exhaustion and “no time” are very interrelated and it’s essential that you solve them, because if you don’t you won’t just stay stuck. You’ll burn out.

Guard your sleep fiercely. It’s essential fuel and 99 percent of us need at least 7-8 hours a night. It doesn’t work to cut back during the week and try to catch up on weekends. Sleep is an investment in yourself. If you aren’t getting enough than moving in that direction is the first step you need to take. If you’ve been walking around sleep-deprived for awhile, you’ll be amazed at the difference in how you feel.

Take an inventory of the activities in your life that exhaust you. Are you saying no regularly? Are you doing things that you resent or that waste your time? Could you set better boundaries? Are you open to delegating?

Make a list of the things and people that fuel you. How often are you replenishing your reserves in these areas? If your automatic response has to do with not having enough time, check out the tips here.

Repeat after me: Staying up late doesn’t help. The number one trap I see for women with too much on their plates? Women tend to get into a pattern of staying up late at night in an attempt to catch up, “rest up,” or capture some time alone. Trying to pay yourself at the end of the day almost always backfires. You are likely to overeat (emotional eating and exhaustion eating in the evening are problems for many women), exhaust yourself further, and fritter away the time you do stay awake because you are too tired to do anything else.

Stay tuned for the next Gold Medal Excuse–and feel free to share your favorites by adding a comment.

Take good care,

This weekend my computer stopped working.  Stopped. Working. When it did, I had to admit that the complete breakdown had been a long time coming. In fact, as my computer repair savior kept calling with questions about what he was finding, I kept finding myself saying, “Yes, it’s been doing that for awhile,” and “Yes, that hasn’t been working quite right.” Turns out, that there had been a growing list of problems I had been tolerating because I didn’t feel like I had the time or energy to address them. And they had built up until the whole thing broke down.

That can happen when we try to ignore things that are not working.

The computer was fixable and I got it back late Sunday night. It works—and actually, it works better than it has in awhile. Using my new glitch-free computer, I’m realizing how much energy, tension, irritation, and distraction was caused by using one that didn’t work the way I needed to—it wasn’t performing and in the back of my mind (where I was trying not to think about it), I was worrying about what was going to happen next and creating stress and wasting energy by NOT making a decision or taking action.

It wears a woman out.

I realized it was time to take a look at what I’m tolerating and what is draining my energy—quietly and in the background. This week, I’m creating a list of everything that occurs to me that I am tolerating but that isn’t working for me. Everything. This includes the scissors that need to be sharpened, the pile on my desk I’ve been ignoring, and bigger issues like needing to hire someone to do some specialized work for me. I’m writing it all down.

This does not mean that I am feeling pressured to take immediate action on each of these items. That would stress me out and overload me. It does mean that I am noticing areas of my life that I want to be different and acknowledging that they aren’t working for me right now—instead of trying not to think about them.

What I know from doing this in the past is that this is an easy yet powerful exercise. I encourage you to try it. What I find, and so do clients who try this, is that simply noting what isn’t working often starts to create change—often pretty effortlessly. If you are like me, much of what you are tolerating can begin to be addressed with a phone call, a ten minute conversation, a decision to spend a few minutes a day moving forward. In the end, it took a conversation to find my computer savior, a short drive to drop off the computer, a few phone calls back and forth, and a small payment (well worth it)—less time and energy than I had spent rebooting my computer over the last week.

My question for you: what are you tolerating and what is the toll it is taking?

Take good care,