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Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 1

August 17th, 2010, No Comments »

Recently I heard a productivity expert speak on how to “get things done.” It’s a simple process really. You define the goal, outline the steps, and start moving forward. Easy peasy—right? And yet. There are many smart, informed, high-achievers out there who have set goals for themselves, who have a plan, and who still aren’t getting where they want to go. They aren’t losing the weight or getting fitter, or they are still stressed and overworked. The time they committed to spend on their important project seems to evaporate. Success isn’t happening. And as a result, these savvy people are feeling frustrated, irritated with themselves, and perhaps even guilty or less confident about their abilities. Not a recipe for enhanced productivity is it?

Here’s the truth.

For many of you, it’s not the “how-to” that is the problem. For many high-achievers with a lot on their plates (I may be talking to you here), the problem is the head game. If you are not loving your life or if you are not getting where you want to go, it’s time to check out these five paths to self-sabotage and investigate whether you need to get out of your own way.

Five paths to self-sabotage

1. Self-care makes you squirm. Does the idea of focusing on you leave you intensely uncomfortable? Does it feel over-indulgent, unnecessary, or like a luxury that you are embarrassed to consider? Do you find yourself rolling your eyes when you hear experts talking about “making time for yourself” or “feeding your spirit?” Interesting. What’s even more interesting, is that often those who are the most uncomfortable with the idea of devoting excellent care and attention to themselves are actually excellent nurturers of others. In fact, often, the trap here may be that you are giving all your time and energy away and saving none for you. This is a major problem—for a number of reasons.

Most importantly, self-care is the stuff that fuels us. Feeding our spirits and nourishing ourselves (and I’m not talking about chocolate kisses here), are what replenishes our mojo and our passion. It’s what allows us to be our best and go out into the world and accomplish—not only our goals—but all the great things we want to do for everybody else. Without self-care and self-nourishment, you will be operating at a limited capacity. Here’s the other important part. When you don’t give yourself what you need, you are going to find yourself seeking quick, easy, inferior substitutions. That’s what stress eating and comfort eating are all about. If you have a habit that you aren’t happy with, ask yourself if it exists to make up for something that is missing in your life.

Do you relate with the first path? Next post I will identify a few more paths as well as some simple steps to help you get going in a different direction.

Take good care,

Do You Have Your Blueprint for Thriving?

August 10th, 2010, No Comments »

In my part of the world, it’s “back to school” season. There are lots of ads about “fresh starts,” a “new season” and all the supplies that we can buy to be prepared. Many women start to think about fresh starts and changes for themselves as the new season approaches.

Can I be honest?

If you truly want to be successful with whatever change you are dreaming of making—ending overeating, losing the weight, getting fit, becoming more organized, or growing your business—new supplies, clothes, or even the newest book on the topic isn’t what’s going to do it for you.

It’s not about the plan. It’s about having a plan that you can follow through with. And a system in place in your life that allows you to complete the plan.

If you’ve tried to make this particular change before, think about it. Why didn’t it happen the last time you tried? Chances are you lost motivation. Or your schedule got too crazy. Or you found it too hard or too boring or too time consuming.  Or you felt guilty taking the time required to get to the gym or prepare the healthy food or work on your novel….

Quite simply, you didn’t have the blueprint you needed to get you to the final destination and help you stay there.

Showing you how to create that blueprint is what I’m good at.

Wouldn’t it be great to figure out how to get where you want to go—with the most ease and least amount of struggle?

Wouldn’t it be great to get moving NOW and be well on your way by October, November—the holidays?

Wouldn’t it be fantastic to start the New Year and have already accomplished that thing you resolve to do every January?

That’s what my new program, The THRIVE Formula: Four Weeks to Unleashing Your Inner Champion is all about. Sign up now. Start next week (or listen to the mp3 downloads on your own schedule). Fill in the action guides you’ll receive during and after each call and take the steps I give you. You’ll be in action toward your goals after the first call. And we’ll cover all the things you need to know to keep you unstuck and moving forward. You can even choose to have individual coaching along the way.

The seats are filling up. Are you going to join us?

http://unleashingyourinnerchampion.com

Take good care,

Three Ways to Lower Your Stress—Even if You Can’t Change Your Life

July 27th, 2010, No Comments »

As someone who coaches busy, high-achieving women, I often hear about the stress and responsibilities that are permanent realities in my clients’ lives. I also frequently hear women make the mistake that reducing stress requires a major life overhaul—something they may not feel that they have the time or even the interest in. Fortunately, this isn’t always true. There are tricks and strategies for taking control of stress—even in the midst of challenging circumstances. Here are three that you can start using today.

1. Spend time outdoors. There is something important about getting outdoors—no matter the weather. A recent study by researchers at the University of Essex found that five minutes of outdoor activity each day can improve mood and lead to an increase in self-esteem. The study found that subjects benefitted the most when they spent their outdoor time around a body of water (like a lake or river). Consider breaking up your day (or ending your work day) with a short walk around the block, or stopping by a park in the midst of your errands. You don’t have to pack in lots of outdoor activity—just have an outdoor experience and savor it.
2. Practice pausing. Disengage from your busy brain and connect with your body. Use a timer (both as a reminder and to time yourself) and practice pausing and breathing consciously for 3-5 minutes, 2-3 times a day. Here’s a structured breathing pattern to try so that you don’t have to worry about how to breathe consciously: simply inhale for a count of four, hold the breath for the count of four, exhale for the count of four, wait for the count of four, and inhale and begin the cycle again. This is called four by four or “square” breathing. It helps you slow down, deepen your breaths, and engage the body in the process of relaxing. You can do it anywhere. Practice doing it every time you hit a stoplight or while you wait in line.
3. Stop multitasking. It seems like our mind’s response to stress is often to take on more or try to get as much done as quickly as possible. While that may make the idea of multitasking very tempting, the truth is, multitasking doesn’t make us more productive, increases our stress, and can seriously interfere with the quality of our output. To start putting the brakes on multitasking and decrease the stress you are putting on yourself, practice deliberately noting the focus of your attention—and choose one thing to focus on at a time—even if it’s only for five minutes. Declare it out loud if you can: “Now I am doing the dishes,” “Now I am preparing notes for my presentation,” “Now I am organizing my desk.” Learn to give your brain one thing at a time to chew on and put the rest on a list instead of trying to hold all the details in your brain.

Stress reduction really is possible (and probably easier) with small, simple steps. My challenge to you: pick one of the three strategies and commit to it for the day.

Take good care,

Four Ways to Create Space So That You Can Focus on Yourself (at least a bit): Tip Two

June 30th, 2010, No Comments »

Just in time for summer and quick reading: a series on finding time for YOU. How lovely is that? I’m keeping my posts short and to the point so both us us can enjoy a bit more sun and a tad more me-time. If you missed part one of the series, you can find it here.

Tip Two: Say “No” So You Can Say “Yes”:

Superwoman is a myth. None of us can do it all. We CAN do amazing things, but only if we are clear on our priorities and spend our time and energy accordingly. We cannot stretch time, we can only spend it wisely. Unfortunately, some high-achievers are notoriously bad at saying “no” and lose a lot of time on activities that aren’t in alignment with who they want to be. You might recognize the signs:

• if you are constantly feeling overwhelmed and overloaded and don’t see an end in sight
• if you are too tired to move at the end of the day (the time you designate as your “me-time,”)
• if you feel like YOU are the one everyone turns to for help and support
• if “Yes,” or “Sure,” tends to be your default response
• if you are someone who worries a lot about letting people down or making people happy but is tired and not-so-happy herself

If these signs ring a bell—well—you might want to flex your “no” muscles because they probably need some strengthening.

Today’s coaching challenge: What will you say “no” to so that you have room for more “yes?”

Take good care,

Women Entrepreneurs: How to Make Time for Yourself–and Why You NEED To!

June 6th, 2010, No Comments »

Self- care and me-time are simply not indispensible.  In fact, making time for yourself is actually an essential ingredient if you want to thrive in your life and your business.

Here are four steps to creating time for yourself and the benefits they can lead to in your business and your life:

1. Examine your mindset about me-time. Are you still struggling with an inner critic who tells you that self care is a pie-in-the-sky luxury?  If you want to truly make time for yourself, it’s essential to stop thinking of (and treating) me-time as something that’s nice-if-you-can-get-to-it and start approaching it as a necessity and a priority. Remember, the time you invest in yourself is time invested in LEADING your life (and your business) instead of chasing along behind it.
2. Identify what you need. What DO you need to be you at your best? In my Emotional Eating Toolbox™ program, I call these non-negotiables. Many women who have let self care drop off their radar haven’t thought about this in a very long time. Make a list and include everything you can think of—from vitamins to physical activity, to sex and laughter, reading and consistent time off (just to give you a few ideas). Give yourself enough time to be creative and expansive here. Now examine your list. Where are you consistently feeding your spirit and where do you need to invest more time and energy? When you are well-fueled and at your best you bring more energy, zest, and purpose to the work that you do. You will be less tempted by unhealthy substitutes like stress eating or mindless time wasting that just leave you feeling more “behind.”  Many women find that simply having clarity about what they need and where they want to spend their energy leads to better stress management more effective action in business and in life.
3. Find your energy leaks and fix them. If you are short on me-time than you are probably also spending your time and energy spinning your wheels because you are not well fueled. When we’re tired, stressed, or overworked, we don’t tend to be very productive. However, busy business owners often keep forging ahead (because there is “so much to do!”). They tend to stay in “action” that gets progressively less effective. This leads to time and energy that gets frittered away. To find possible energy leaks, ask yourself what you do when you are too tired to be “productive.” Many women who don’t have enough hours in the day also “lose time” micromanaging their email, their social media accounts, and other tasks that take whatever time you give them. Be sure to look for time and energy leaks at the end of the day too.  Does your “down time” really rejuvenate you? What if you did something really lovely for yourself instead? We know that workers who take regular breaks are more productive and enjoy their work more. Try scheduling 15 minutes of time for yourself (using the list you created above) several times a day.
4. Put it on the calendar. If you are struggling with step number one, this may be a difficult step for you too, but by all means don’t skip it. You are a resourceful, high-achieving business owner. You know that for something to happen there has to be a space for it to occur. Leveraging the same skills and strengths that you use to grow your business is a must. Schedule your me-time and honor that appointment the way you would if it was with anybody else. When you value yourself and your time (instead of trying to wedge yourself in to an empty space that never occurs) it can create an important mind shift. Others pick up on the value you place on yourself. As you show more respect for your time and energy, you may find that they do too.

Creating Me-time can be a challenge for many women juggling their own businesses and their busy lives, but doing so is more than a worthwhile investment.

Take good care,

PS: DON’T let your busy life stop you! Making and taking time for yourself doesn’t require hours and hours. My new get-down-to-business Success Soundtrack(TM) gets you into action creating more ease, flow, me-time AND success in just ten minutes a day.

The Body Mind and Business Breakthrough Telesummit for Women Entrepreneurs

May 17th, 2010, No Comments »

Okay busy women business owners: do you ever feel like you are missing a crucial piece for gaining the momentum you want in your business—but you aren’t sure what it is? Are you working really hard and wondering how you will EVER be able to carve out the time you need to take care of yourself? Do you ever wonder how other women juggle all the balls that we seem to have up in the air? Could you use more energy, sales, positivity or mojo (or all of the above)?  One of the biggest challenges women entrepreneurs face is maintaining a working balance between many important priorities.

The truth: your body, your mindset, and your business are all intimately related (YOU are your most valuable business asset after all!).

ALL the pieces are important, and when the balance gets out of whack, none of the parts operate as effectively and as incredibly as they should. My colleague Therese Skelly and I have created a program to help. The best thing is, you can attend it for free!

Beginning May 24, you’ll have the unique opportunity to learn from leading-edge experts in the areas of health and wellness, mindset and mental strategy, and business breakthroughs—experts like Alexis Martin Neely,  Suzanne Falter-Barns and Andrea J. Lee. We’ve lined up eleven speakers for you who know their stuff AND walk their talk and I can’t wait to interview each of them and share their wisdom with you. Go here to check out the line up of speakers and grab your seat.

We’ve also set up a special Facebook group to give you lots of information and further the conversation about the event. Join us!

Take good care,

Overeating and Overwhelmed? I Have a Message For You

April 7th, 2010, 3 Comments »

Someone recently asked me what I would change about my business if I could. Of course, I have a to-do list (grin), but the first thing that came out of my mouth was this:

I wish I could more easily show women how self care and paying attention to the issues I help them focus on isn’t self indulgent and isn’t fluff. Getting to the root of overeating battles, learning how to create a life that feeds you, and crafting a plan to invest in yourself is one of the most important investments you can make in the rest of your life, your business or profession, and your relationships.

The truth: YOU are your most valuable asset. YOU are what you bring to the table, not only in your personal life, but in your business as well. If you are treating yourself like an old beat up clunker instead of a well-oiled machine, the consequences reverberate widely. Not just for you, but for the causes, concerns, and people who you care for as well.

I heard something very sad today. A marketing and business coach said that although “mompreneurs” (moms who are starting their own business), are such a huge and growing group, she advises against starting a business that specializes in providing services to them. Why? Well, she said that her research shows that this is a group that has a hard time investing in themselves, and by relation, in their businesses. “They’ll spend their money on everyone else in their family before they’ll think of investing in themselves or their company.”  Sound familiar? It’s not true for everyone, but I would agree that many women struggle mightily when it comes to investing in themselves. And they often pay a big price for not allowing themselves what they really need.

The lessons to put everyone else first run deep. For some, it’s almost as automatic as breathing. And it can be so ingrained that women become unaware of the price they are paying.

I hear clients and women who participate in my programs saying, “I know this is silly. I shouldn’t need to do a program like this. But I do.” Do you hear how hard that belief makes it to get what you need? –and how brave one has to be to move forward anyway? The truth is that these women are doing something that takes courage—looking a battle straight in the eyes and investing in creating a better way of living and being. Good on them.

Battles with food, stress, and overwhelm are a sign that life is out of balance. They are what happen when women aren’t getting what they really need, what they really crave, and what allows them to run at their best.

Battles with food, stress, and overwhelm indicate that you are out of balance.  You’re not well fueled. And that means you are not able to reliably access one hundred percent of who you are—your creativity, your passion, your wisdom. You’re not at one hundred percent and you probably know it. My bet would be that it impacts your confidence. Your posture. Your mindset. The stand you take in the world. Everything.

You are the choices that you make. And every time you do not stand up for yourself and for what you need, there is a consequence.  That choice echoes through the rest of your life. Investing in YOU is one of the most powerful things you can do. It’s not self indulgent. It’s not silly. It’s not fluff.

Am I making my point?  I’d love to hear your thoughts, your disagreements and your amens. Let’s start a conversation.

Take good care,

Success Traps that Sabotage: Gold Medal Excuse Number Three – “But They NEED Me!”

March 8th, 2010, No Comments »

This week I’m continuing to share “gold medal” excuses—excuses that stop us in our tracks and can get us VERY stuck in the pursuit out of overwhelm, away from overeating, and toward our best lives.

Many women get to be so busy and successful (in part) because they are so darn good at taking care of other people. A talent for nurturing is a great skill, and many of us have lots of practice at being kind, responsible, caring and aware of the needs of others.

The problem:  some women are so busy nurturing others that they’ve forgotten how (or don’t feel entitled) to nurture themselves. All that great caring, compassion and attention gets focused outward and very little energy is left over for replenishing. Giving away all our best stuff to others—because they need us–is a path that leads to depletion. All the energy gets paid out and not enough fuel comes in to allow us to really be at our best. The irony—when WE aren’t at our best, we don’t have our best to give. In the long run, everyone—including those whose care we prioritize—has to settle for second best.

The truth?

You may have people in your life who DO need you. A lot. I’m not disputing that, but having others need us doesn’t cancel out our own needs. Acknowledging this reality creates some dilemmas, uncomfortable situations, and conflict. That’s the reality, and denying our own needs is not a viable answer. Women can get very stuck when they try to avoid interpersonal discomfort, and respond to these dilemmas by consistently letting their own wishes and needs drop to the bottom of their priority list. The hard truth that some resist mightily, is that sometimes we have to say very difficult nos to others because we also need some yesses for ourselves.

You do have people who need you, and you’re one of them. You are one of those people who needs you.  Self care is not an either-or proposition even though your inner critic might tell you otherwise. Yes, you might have a little voice that tells you it’s “selfish” to focus on yourself or to take time for that yoga class or to ask the family to change their eating habits to accommodate your needs. But it isn’t. It’s important (more about that later).  This isn’t about not doing for others so that you can do for you, it’s about redividing the pie chart of your time and energy so that you get a piece too.  It’s about including yourself and your needs and wants on the to-do list. In the end, everyone’s piece on the pie chart may be a bit smaller, but the quality of the time and energy you have to distribute is likely to be far better.

They DO need you to be there for them—especially during difficult times. And they appreciate you being in top form—ready and able to respond. Managing your own health and stress are essential so that you can be present when you most need and want to be. No one is very helpful when they are exhausted, burnt out and irritable. When we get what we need and when our spirit is well fed, we have more energy, are more focused, more creative, more confident, and more effective. We’re also more vibrant and we bring more of who we really are and our unique gifts to the table.

We lead by example. Here’s one that nurturers often forget. When we live a pattern of neglecting our own needs so that we can respond to others, we are modeling this to those who are watching. We learn some of our most powerful lessons by example and we teach them as well. Most women I speak with want their children and others that they care about to eventually be able to stand up for themselves, to draw a clear boundary when necessary and to feel able to say no to certain requests. They want others to feel their best, to be healthy, to get regular exercise. eat well, and get the rest and care they need. If you are raising children, than you are the one showing them how to do these things. You are modeling whether  it is or isn’t acceptable to prioritize your own well being and happiness. We have a choice. We can model martyrdom or we can model a way of caring and compassion that also reflects the value that we give to our selves.

It isn’t easy. In fact, sometimes, claiming the time and energy we need to be our best is a daunting challenge.  It’s not something we need to perfect, but it is something that we need to aim for–consistently. Having the goal in our sites, and feeling entitled to pursue it, makes all the difference.

Take good care,

Office Fitness: Stretch Away The Stress

November 18th, 2009, 2 Comments »

Hi there. My name is Scott Tousignant here to share some more home office fitness tips to help you become the super-focused, highly productive, beautiful person that you really are!

As a busy female entrepreneur with too much on her plate you are bound to experience stress in your life. It’s part of the package deal. Stress can be a good thing. It can drive you to accomplish tasks that you’ve been procrastinating about. But in many cases stress can be harmful to your well-being and make it more difficult for you to lose weight even when you are eating well and exercising regularly.

The home office workout and home office cardio that I shared with you during my first two guest posts here, are great tools to help you reduce stress. Melissa’s post yesterday, “Making Fitness Work For You” is a great discussion about taking the stress out of fitness by making it something that you enjoy doing and want to do instead of “Should Do” of “Have To Do”. This is a philosophy that I certainly live by and recommend to you.

Stretching has become one of my favorite ways of reducing stress. It forces me to ’slow down’ and get in-tune with my breathing. It also clears my head and helps me refocus.

The key to effective stretching is to relax. Don’t force the stretch. Focus on your breathing. Ease into the stretch and with each breath that you blow out try to stretch a little further.

You should hold each stretch for 10 relaxing breaths. By focusing on slow relaxed breathing it will automatically put you in a more relaxed state of mind.

Stress creates tension in your muscles and stretching will work wonders for relieving that tension. Allow me to demonstrate five of my favorite stretches that I perform in my home office each day.

5 Stretches To Relieve Work Stress

There’s no limit on how often you should stretch. I recommend taking a couple minutes each hour to stretch and relieve the tension in your body that occurs naturally from sitting at a desk all day. It’s a great way to manage your stress throughout the day.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Perform these stretches throughout your workday and let us know how if affects your mood and performance.

You ROCK! Enjoy the experience,

Scott Tousignant

4 Tips For Taking Control of Stress Before It Takes Control of You, Your Life, or Your Eating

October 19th, 2009, 2 Comments »

We all know the stress of too much on our plates–too much to do, too much to think about, too many things and people and responsibilities to take care of.

Whether you choose to have a lot on your plate or feel like there is no other option, stress and overwhelm may be a reality–and they take a toll.

Stress and overwhelm prevent us from being and feeling and behaving as our best version of ourselves.  Stress not only feels crummy; many of us react to stress and overwhelm by cutting back and dropping some of the self-care and comfort strategies that benefit us the most and allow us to really shine.

Stress and overload can also lead us to habits such as stress eating, comfort eating, drinking and smoking too much, and sleeping too little.  And the stress that creates can lead to more of the same—a vicious cycle.

Want to do something different?

Here are 4 tips for taking control of stress that you can implement today:

1.    Set Priorities. Take time at the end of each day to identify your top 2-3 priorities for the next day.  Being clear on your priorities creates clarity of mind, focuses your action, and reduces stress.
2.    Avoid Multitasking. Research shows that multitasking does not make us more productive, yet when we’re stressed, there is a temptation to conquer as much as we can at once.  It doesn’t serve us well.  Slow down. Take a deep breath, and focus on doing one thing at a time.
3.    Recognize Signs of Overwhelm. Know what the signs are that your stress level is building.  Are you a stress eater and noticing your eating feels more out of control?  Are you more irritable? Not taking time for the things that you need?  The earlier that you recognize that stress is building, the sooner you can start implementing strategies to do something about it.
4.    Never Underestimate the Power of a Small Pause. Breathe.  Step outside. Take a short walk around the block or your office. Stretch your neck and shoulders and drink some water.  Checking in with yourself for even 60 seconds, several times a day, can help you stay connected with yourself and to what’s important to you.

Take good care,