Too Much On Her Plate | Emotional Eating Solutions | Help With Overeating » Stress Management

Don’t Do These 8 Things When You are Stressed Out and Short on Time

Melissa McCreery — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 13:18:48 +0000

When life gets busy and you get stressed, it’s natural to look for ways to be more efficient and add more ease. The tendency is to look for things you can eliminate. Unfortunately, sometimes this doesn’t work out so well. One way to have less stress and overwhelm is to be clear on the activities and routines that are essential to preserve.

Here are eight things you don’t want to do when you are stressed out and short on time—and some tips on how to make them happen.

Cut back on sleep. As tempting as it may be, sleep is not the place to try to save time. Seven and a half hours seem to be the magic number. If you are getting less than this on a regular basis, you aren’t going to be as effective or creative, you are likely to be hungrier, and have a lower tolerance for stress. NOT what you want when life is demanding.
Cross yourself out of your schedule. When you are looking at an over-full calendar, it’s tempting to see your own stuff as expendable and put yourself last. Too often it’s the stuff that keeps you functioning (sleep, exercise, healthy meals, stress relieving activities) that are the first things crossed off your schedule. You know better. Instead of eliminating the good stuff, consider cutting back if you have to. Shorter workouts, simple fast meals, quick phone calls to friends, and less aiming for perfection in areas that don’t really matter.
Multitask like crazy. Multitasking requires your brain to work in more than one direction at once. Guess what—it can’t do that. So instead of being “efficient,” you end up asking your brain to switch back and forth between tasks. Neither gets the attention it deserves. Is it okay to clean the sink while you’re on hold with your cell phone provider? Of course, but multitask with care.
Eating on the go. This is a form of multitasking. You should know that women who eat while they are doing something else tend to eat more and feel less satisfied with what they have eaten. Make the shift to viewing your mealtime as an opportunity to get grounded and be present with yourself. That’s the kind of multitasking that works. Savor your food and allow yourself to enjoy the calories. Pay attention to how you are feeling, whether you are hungry or full, tense, relaxed, anxious, or bored. Practice asking yourself what you need that is not food. It only takes a few minutes and it can make all the difference in the rest of your day (as well as with your eating and your weight).
Skip the pre-game planning. When life is crazy, it’s tempting to just jump in and start moving. The problem is, we all know how easy it is to spend a day working hard and still not really feel like we’ve accomplished much. Investing ten minutes on the front end of your day to get clear on your priorities, adjust your mindset for success, and address any potential hurdles will be worth its weight in gold–and it will probably save you stress and time in the long run.
Underestimate the power of ten. Have you noticed that many of the things I’m reminding you not to skip can be done in small ways? If you are telling yourself, “I don’t have time,” ask yourself whether you can think smaller. Don’t get caught in the high-achiever head trap of all-or-nothing-thinking. Just because you don’t have time for an hour-long cardio workout doesn’t mean you can’t go for a ten minute walk. Five minutes of journaling might untangle your brain. A ten minute email might get you the help or the answer you need to save hours. Taking ten minutes to transition after work might save you a pre-dinner pig-out session with the holiday cookies. When you’re stressed and overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to allow yourself a little breathing space.
Go it alone. “It’s quicker for me to do it myself” is the phrase that leads to a lot of unnecessary stress. It may seem like it in the moment, but trying to do everything will set you up for vicious cycles of overload and overwhelm. Ask for help. Be specific. If you can’t be specific, tell someone you trust, “Is there a way that you could help with this?” You may just be amazed at the results you get.
Skip meals. “I didn’t have time for lunch” often leads to an evening of eating that feels out of control. If you manage to control your eating, you’re likely to feel tired, edgy, headachey, and no fun. Remember the ten minute rule. If you have a list of quick, healthy options, eating doesn’t take a lot of time. If you don’t have a list, make one now. Five to ten things you can grab that will keep you fueled and on track. Keep it simple—tuna, Greek yogurt, almonds, cheese sticks. Stuff that will stay with you and won’t lead to a blood sugar slump in the afternoon or evening.

What must-dos keep you on track when life threatens to pull you off course? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Take good care,

How to Stay on Track with Weight, Food, and Stress during the Holiday Season: Your Holiday Survival Guide

Melissa McCreery — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 15:42:16 +0000

The winter holidays are here and with all the joy and excitement, they also include challenges and realities that can throw your goals, routines, and eating off course. As much as many of us look forward to this time of year, we know that it is stressful and that the food-filled festivities can be a recipe for overeating and weight gain.

The research on holiday weight gain and stress is worth paying attention to. Holiday stress has a particular impact on women, who take charge of many of the holiday celebrations, particularly the tasks related to food.

Women are more likely to report increased stress during the holiday season. Women have a harder time relaxing during the holidays and are more likely to fall into bad habits like emotional eating to manage overload or overwhelm. Our health can take a further hit because, during the holidays, people are much more likely to choose non-active (and ineffective) activities like watching TV, sleeping, eating and drinking to manage their stress.

Many people engage in emotional eating and other unhealthy behaviors to cope with their stress levels during the holidays, and as you probably know, weight gain is a big issue. People gain more weight during the holiday season than any other time of year. It gets worse. We’re less likely to lose the weight we gain over the holidays, and, if you are already overweight, you are likely to gain more weight than average.

I’m not trying to be a downer here, but the holiday season is definitely a time to be proactive if you want to avoid overeating, weight gain, and stress and begin the New Year feeling on track and in control.

Here are five essential ingredients for staying on track with weight, health, and stress over the holiday season:

1. Set a goal. Be clear on what it is you plan to accomplish over the next several weeks. Be realistic; make sure it’s manageable; and be concrete. Your goals don’t have to be huge. Maybe you are going to pack a healthy lunch every day or walk on your lunch hour. Maybe you will only eat dessert on certain days of the week. Pick a goal that fits you and make sure that you can easily tell whether you are on track or not.

2. Create a plan. This is not the time of year to take anything for granted. Make sure you know the how and the when of anything you plan to do. Schedule time for your goals NOW before life gets any busier. Write things down. Identify the steps you will need to take. For instance, if you are going to pack a daily lunch, make sure you have ideas of what you will take, that you have the time to prepare it, and groceries on hand. Set yourself up for success by thinking things through on the front end.

3. Keep it do-able. I’m repeating myself here because it’s important. When you set goals that are too big, you are setting yourself up to fail and to feel ineffective. This is probably not the time of year when you will maximize weight loss, in fact, for many women, the goal may be not to gain. That’s great. Be honest with yourself about what you want to do and what you really can do over the next six weeks. Remember, small changes—the ones you can maintain–can create big results.

4. Savor and be selective. Think about food ahead of time. You probably encounter some special foods over the holidays that you don’t want to pass up. Plan for these, and whatever you do, make darn sure that you stop and savor them (without guilt). You can’t really indulge if you are busy feeling bad or mad at yourself for what you are eating. Make those calories count!

On the other hand, you’re going to encounter lots of unhealthy food you probably don’t really care about over the next few weeks. Consider making some policies for yourself about foods you are willing to forgo. Do you really care about the store-bought dinner rolls or the eggnog? Get clear NOW on what you will happily skip.

5. Commit to me-time. Remember all that stuff about holiday stress? As busy as you may be this holiday season, it’s important to set aside regular time just for you. This will help you manage your stress, stay connected with your needs and your goals, and feel better. You’re likely to be less irritable, more focused, and more productive if you commit to taking regular me-time. As little as ten minutes a day can reduce stress, add ease, and make an incredible difference in how you feel and function.

What are your holiday survival tips? I’d love to hear. Leave a comment and let me know your challenges and how you plan to stay on track this year.

Take good care,

Sneak Preview: Too Much on Her Plate Week

Melissa McCreery — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 05:29:22 +0000

If you read my newsletter, you may have noticed that I’ve been reminding you about the upcoming Too Much on Her Plate Week for a while now and you may be wondering just what it is and why you should care. Well, here’s the scoop.

Too Much on Her Plate Week is an event I created out of appreciation for you. I know you are busy and I am honored that you take time out of your full lives to visit my website, read my articles, and converse with me on Facebook. You are amazing women doing amazing things and I appreciate the opportunity to be a part of your lives.

I also know that for many of you, those lives could be easier. Many of you would love to have things flow better—to have less stress, less clutter, or to have a better handle on certain habits or routines.

In my work, I run across some amazing experts as well—people who have great stuff to offer who are wonderful resources for women with too much on their plates. Too Much on Her Plate Week is my way of thanking you, and, hopefully, adding more ease and joy to your life and your work.

Beginning November 14, my colleagues and I have made available a huge assortment of free gifts for you. No sales pitches, no credit card numbers required. All you do is register and then select the gifts that you want to receive!

Sound good? Keep an eye on your mailbox for news about how to attend. Remember, the doors open November 14 and they will only be open for a week.

Take good care,

PS: Beginning this week, I'll be introducing you to some of the experts participating in Too Much on Her Plate Week by having them guest post, here, on our blog. Let me know what you think!

PPS: This event is open to everyone. If you know a busy woman who might benefit, my best advice is to have her sign up on my mailing list so she will get all the news too. Just send her to http://TooMuchonHerPlate.com

Ten Things to do INSTEAD of Stress Eating

Melissa McCreery — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 12:07:17 +0000

Stress eating is one of the most common types of emotional eating and stress is one of the biggest causes of overeating and weight gain—especially for busy women. Knowing that you want to eat healthier or stick with reasonable portions is one thing. Figuring out how NOT to overeat when you’re overloaded, overwhelmed, and just-plain-stressed-out is another. “White knuckling it” only goes so far (that’s when you hold on tight and try to rely on pure willpower). When you are trying not to stress eat, you’re eventually going to need something to do instead of turning to food.

Eventually you’ll craft your own list. In the meantime, here are ten things to do instead of stress eating:

· Blow off steam. If stress is pressure, you don’t want to be the pressure cooker (with mounting tension building up inside). Acknowledge your stress and find a way to let some of it out. Yell or play loud music in your car; run, walk or dance; knead some bread dough or shred some papers. Scribble on paper or vent.

· Phone a friend. Psychologists call it social support and it can work wonders. Whether you want someone to advise, distract, make you laugh, or just listen, connecting with someone who knows you and whom you trust can make a huge difference. If you don’t have time to talk now, make a date to talk in the future.

· Change your scenery. Remove yourself from the situation—even if only temporarily. Leave the room or the office. Sit in a different chair. Get a new mental and physical perspective. If you have stress eating rituals (like visiting the vending machine at a certain time on certain days), shake things up a bit—take a different route and avoid the familiar (and habit-filled) routine if you can.

· Relax and stretch. Stress builds up in our body and then creates more stress and discomfort. If you can’t change your life (or the next hour), you can still be kind to yourself and stretch out your neck or your back. Try to create comfort in your body in ways that don’t involve eating.

· Escape (even for 30 seconds) Sometimes stress and overload lead to the belief that you can’t “afford” to stop and that you just need to keep working harder and harder. Don’t buy into this. It’s a recipe for stress eating. Give yourself permission to take a break—even if it’s just a minute or two. If you can’t go for a walk, go to the bathroom. Google images of tropical beaches and put one up where you can see it, take a minute to get a glass of water or brew yourself a cup of tea.

· Journal. This is an excellent way to untangle your feelings, check in with yourself, and decompress. Try writing for ten minutes before you sit down to eat. You are less likely to overeat when you have taken the time to understand what’s driving your hunger and to think about what you might do instead.

· Rant. Give yourself permission to throw reason, logic, and good manners out the window. Go to a place where you can express yourself privately (cars are good for this) and let loose. Get mad, be frustrated, stop being reasonable. Have a tantrum if you want or a good cleansing cry. Put words to your feelings instead of trying to bury them with food.

· Sleep. Stress is exhausting and sleep will work more wonders than working late into the night. If you’ve been sleep deprived, getting at least 7 ½ hours of sleep a night will also decrease your appetite and your cravings. You’ll be more productive and better able to focus. Successful women guard their sleep!

· Make a list. Start creating more effectiveness instead of stress eating. Identify your top three priorities or action items for the day and identify one lovely or kind thing you will do just for you. If you’re making the list later in the day, start with the one lovely thing. Hint: it might just be one of the things on this list you are reading now.

· Breathe. You can’t physically grow more stressed and more relaxed at the same time. When you start relaxing—even if it’s just a tad—you reverse the cycle of growing more and more stressed or anxious. Here’s a powerful tip. Set a timer on your computer or phone to go off once an hour. When your timer goes off, stop what you are doing for 60 seconds and just breathe. Focus on your breath for just sixty seconds or put your hand over your heart and breath and focus on your heartbeat. Super-short centering breaks like this can help you break vicious cycles and be more mindful and relaxed.

The key to ending emotional eating and making peace with food is to identify the tools that work for you. Play with these ten strategies and start collecting your own. I’d love for you to leave a comment and share what works for you.

Take good care,

Are You Chasing Your Life or Sitting in the Driver’s Seat?

Melissa McCreery — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 07:36:02 +0000

Is there a gap between who you want to be and who you are? It’s one thing to have goals that stretch you beyond where you are now, but it’s another to feel like the life that you are living, the way you are spending your time and your energy, isn’t quite focused in the way you really want it to be.

When you are busy, especially if you are coming from a place of feeling hurried or stressed, you are likely to go through your days reacting to what is in front of you. I call it chasing your to-do list. This is a big mistake, because, as long as you are reacting, you aren’t setting the agenda. You aren’t being proactive and you aren’t in charge. Quite simply, when you are reacting, you aren’t leading your life, you are following it. When this happens, it’s not unusual at all to feel like you aren’t even on the priority list. Life balance and self-care go out the window and you aren’t likely to feel like you’re achieving your goals. In fact, you might not even be sure what your goals really are.

When you are reacting you tend to jump from one task to another. Because you are following, you will always feel behind, or at best, like you are just “keeping up.” When you are leading, your life flows behind you. You are charting the course, programing the GPS, and you get to make the decisions about where your energy, your time, and your passion is spent.

Consider the difference: when you are in reaction mode, you need to be on alert. It’s like waiting for someone to throw the ball and needing to constantly be prepared to catch it. Reaction mode is stressful and can be anxiety-provoking. When you are reacting, you aren’t in charge of the timing or overall game plan. You aren’t really in charge of much. It’s hard to be in the moment when you are in reaction mode because part of being good at reacting is trying to always anticipate what “might” be about to happen in the future or what you “should” be doing.

Reaction mode tends to breed quick fixes and less thought-out decisions. Reacting leads to being more connected to the outer world than to yourself and what you are needing or feeling. Overeating and emotional eating are common in reaction mode because eating can happen quickly and without a lot of thought. Food is easy comfort or “stress relief” when you don’t feel like you have a lot of time or energy to plan and when you don’t believe you are running the show.

The bottom line is that reaction mode means that you didn’t write the game plan. Your agenda is not likely to be represented in the way it would be if you had authored your life plan.

Authoring your life plan and your daily schedule is exactly what leading your life is about. Taking charge of your life (your time and your energy) is the first ingredient for thriving. Thriving and taking charge doesn’t mean that you don’t have “have-tos” or a boss or unpleasant or stressful things to deal with. It means that you have found a way to design your life in the way that honors who you are and works best for you. When you are driving your life, you know where you want to be heading (even if every action isn’t taking you exactly there). You know what your priorities and goals are for the day, the week, and the year, and you have a commitment to honoring them—and a road map that will take you there. Most importantly, your plans include the things that allow you to be at your best and the tools and strategies that will create success and satisfaction. When you are thriving you feel like you are being authentically you and when something happens and you don’t feel that way, you can use it as a signal for course correction.

So how do you make the shift from surviving to thriving? Take the first step to break the pattern of reacting to overwhelm and move into the driver’s seat. Commit to taking ten minutes each day to connect with yourself, clarify your priorities and schedule them. Be sure to include activities that are important to you and your self-care even if you can only devote a little time to them at first. Taking ten minutes for you may be harder than it sounds, but it can start to create a powerful shift.

Take good care,

PS: I’ve created a four week online course that walks you through the steps of shifting from surviving and reacting to sitting in the driver’s seat and running your life. The THRIVE Formula™ 4 Weeks to Unleashing Your Inner Champion program honors your strengths and your unique challenges and lets you create customized solutions for carving out time, managing stress, finding energy, and creating a healthy lifestyle you can stick with.

Self-care Shouldn’t Make You Tired: Free Webinar!

Melissa McCreery — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 23:57:44 +0000

What do the owner of a 7-figure business, a mom going back to school to begin a new career, a newly divorced professional dynamo, and a fledgling business owner have in common?

Yes, they are all bright, highly motivated, capable women, and they all came to me recently for help because they were stressed out, working really hard, not finding the time to take good care of themselves, and feeling overwhelmed, overweight, and overworked.

Self-care sounds like it should be easy. For many of us, the word elicits images of spas and warm beaches—bliss. But in real life, self-care, me-time, and all that other good stuff hardly ever “just happen.” For many exhausted women, the idea of self-care has started to feel like one more “should” on a very long to-do list.

Will you believe me when I tell you that there is a better way, and that better way can create:

More energy
A better mood
Improved relationships
Less overeating and other unhelpful habits
And more success?

I’m going to be sharing some of my best tips and tricks for THRIVING in a no-cost webinar next Tuesday, October 4, and I’m inviting you to attend. The presentation is called: How to Prioritize Yourself AND Be More Effective In Your Life. You can attend via phone, Skype, or the internet. I’ll be recording the call and granting access to all who register.

Go here to get all the details.

If it's time for a change, this is a great gift to give to yourself. I’ll be covering some important stuff, including:

The hidden (and not so hidden) costs of NOT prioritizing yourself
How to eliminate the biggest obstacle busy women face when trying to take better care of themselves and create more me-time
Five ways you might be sabotaging yourself (and not even know it)
Seven things you can start doing NOW to start prioritizing your own needs (even if it feels like you are too busy)

You’ll also hear about resources that show you how to create better self-care—step by step—even when you are busy and have a lot going on.

I’m so excited to share this information. I hope you’ll join me. Just click here to reserve a seat and get all the information.

Take good care,

Emotional Eating Solutions: Asking for help – why it might not be helping

Melissa McCreery — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 08:07:19 +0000

One of the most common reasons smart, capable women stay trapped in cycles of struggling with overload, overwhelm, and overeating, is a lack of consistently used, high quality support in their lives.

“Asking for help” sounds like a simple strategy, but for many high-achievers, it just ain’t so.

Here are the most common reasons you may not be getting the help you need.

Shame. Some high-achievers equate strength with self-reliance. They are so strongly independent that they haven’t permitted—or perfected—the skill of asking for help—at least in certain areas of their lives. The belief that health and well-being ought to be areas they can take charge of on their own holds them back and keeps them struggling, in part because they aren’t leveraging the support that they count on in the rest of their lives. If you are carrying a belief that you “shouldn’t need” to ask for help or if you aren’t used to doing so, shame may be holding you back from getting what you need to move forward.

Unused muscles. If you aren’t someone who has asked for help in the past (maybe you’ve even congratulated yourself for this as if it were a strength), then you probably find yourself in situations where help would be useful but it doesn’t even occur to you to ask. If this is the case it’s time to start waking up your “delegating” and “asking for help” muscles. Begin by asking yourself about the situations or struggles that others might be able to help you with. Notice the places where you feel stuck and consider who might have the expertise or wisdom to guide you so that you don’t have to keep struggling to reinvent the wheel.

Being a one-strike-and-you’re-out-support seeker. If you find it challenging to ask for help, you might not be pushing hard enough to get it. If you find yourself thinking, “I asked for help and they never followed through” or, “it just wasn’t’ very helpful—I guess I just need to do it myself,” you aren’t alone. However, these experiences are not reasons to stop asking—they are probably indications that you need to ask more, follow up, and make sure that you are crystal clear about what you are asking for. “I could use some help” and “Would you please stop and pick up dinner on your way home” are two different requests that will yield very different results.

Not knowing what to ask for. This is a big one, and it’s another reason that many women shy away from the help that could really propel them forward. Don’t be afraid to ask others for ideas: “How could you help out with this?” Most of all, don’t short change yourself because you aren’t quite sure what you need. Reaching out to an expert, describing the situation, and finding out what resources are available might make all the difference.

Take good care,

Could you use coaching, support, guidance, accountability and a motivation boost to achieve your goals? Click here to learn more about the Emotional Eating Solution Series or click here to schedule a Peace with Food Breakthrough Session and explore individual coaching options with Dr. Melissa McCreery.

Emotional Eating Help: Indulge is NOT a Four Letter Word

Melissa McCreery — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 16:01:02 +0000

If you are like most busy women with too much on their plates, one of the most important things you can do for yourself is to practice indulging—really indulging. Interestingly, most women who really need to indulge more will tell you that they believe they ought to be indulging less.

What’s this about?

Let’s get really clear about what indulging is.

From my perspective, to indulge means to allow yourself to experience something really wonderful. Indulging comes from a place of compassion and kindness and respect. It’s a gift, freely given. Indulging means to allow yourself to enjoy fully. It means to thoroughly experience something and soak up and savor the experience. An indulgence is not a candy bar from the vending machine that you shove into your mouth while driving to your next appointment. It’s your favorite food on a beautiful plate in a setting where you can truly savor it.

Indulging isn’t just about food, but it’s something that feeds our senses in a wonderful way. You might indulge in a bubble bath or a foot massage or a solitary walk in the woods. Your indulgence might be your favorite CD played in your car or fresh flowers on your desk or a glass of red wine enjoyed on your deck.

Indulging is a full-body-use-all-your-senses experience.

It fills you up, brings you joy, refuels you and adds color to your life. Indulging feeds your soul and is a necessary ingredient for thriving. Your inner champion, or what you may think of as your “best self” absolutely purrs when she is indulged.

So why does indulging have such a bad rap? Why do so many women think that indulging is selfish or nonproductive or just plain wrong?

I’d like to bust some myths about indulging, and while I’m at it, let me remind you that many bad habits such as overeating, procrastination, and spending too much time online or “not doing” what you really need to do, happen because you aren’t indulging enough.

When your spirit and soul aren’t being fed, you will grasp at straws (or potato chips or chocolate chip cookies) to try to make up for it. When you don’t allow yourself to truly indulge, you will find yourself reaching for poor substitutes that might help you feel better temporarily, but that don’t make anything better in the big picture.

Here are some more truths about indulging:

1. Indulging is not about greed or sloth. Indulging isn’t about excess. It’s about allowing yourself something wonderful or special and allowing yourself to really experience and savor it–without guilt or shame. It’s not eating the whole box of cookies or bingeing on clothes at the mall. It’s about allowing yourself just the right amount of what you really crave and fully enjoying the experience. Indulging is not about gulping, it’s a melts-in-your-mouth experience.

2. Indulging is not laziness Indulging is a way of feeding an important part of yourself and adding dimension to your life. Some women worry that if they start to indulge they’ll “lose control.” The truth is, when you really allow yourself to indulge, you tend to be more satisfied with less.

3. Indulging does not have to be earned or “deserved.” Some women believe that they haven’t “worked hard enough” or “accomplished enough” to indulge. When you don’t allow yourself this kind of self-care, it’s easy to become caught in a cycle of working harder and harder and feeling more and more behind and burnt out. Again, indulging yourself is a way of refueling. It actually enhances your productivity.

4. Indulging does not decrease your productivity or make you fat. I’ve already addressed this, but this is such a common myth, it’s important to restate. Allowing yourself truly indulgent experiences, ones where you are completely present and savoring the moment, satisfies you. Real indulgences don’t leave you hungry and craving more—they rejuvenate you and fuel you to be your best. What does leave you primed for a binge of food or laziness is the feeling that your special treat is forbidden or undeserved. The message that you are never going to be allowed to rest or feel like “enough” or eat chocolate again will almost certainly create a craving for the forbidden that can be almost impossible to resist.

My challenge to you:

Start indulging. Make a list of things that you experience as special treats. Keep it somewhere where you can add to it as new ideas occur to you. Begin scheduling these into your life on a regular basis and enjoy.

Take good care,

Kicking Perfectionism to the Curb: Enough Already!

Melissa McCreery — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 17:49:17 +0000

Are you one of the many women who suffer from the secret belief that you aren’t good enough? That YOU aren’t enough? That you really need to be thinner, smarter, fitter, or MORE outgoing, confident, successful, financially secure, or whatever?

It’s a common condition with serious consequences. Perfectionism usually drives that feeling of never being enough. It erodes your confidence, contributes to overeating and other unhelpful habits, and can lead to living a life on "hold."

Perfectionism is a mindset that never lets you win. If you don’t believe you are enough, you are probably driven (or paralyzed) by the feeling that you need to do and be more. And even when you perform—guess what—it still doesn’t feel like enough. You can always see further down the road or identify ways that it—you—could/should do better. Women who struggle with perfectionism worry about being judged by others—because they are so aware of how critical they are of themselves. Women who don’t feel good enough tend to live with their eyes on the future instead of feeling like they can enjoy the present moment. Personal dreams and desires often get put off until….

Until I lose the weight

Until I look better

Until I feel more confident

Until I deserve it.

It’s surprisingly easy to talk yourself into this kind of self-denial, especially if you are busy. And if you look successful and happy on the outside, the other people in your life might not really notice or call you on it.

It’s tragic.

Are you suffering from perfectionism? What are you putting off “until”?

What have you told yourself you don’t yet deserve?

Here are some things clients recently told me they were denying themselves because they weren’t feeling “good enough yet”:

· Wearing the color red and the bold fashions they loved
· Ballroom dancing
· A day at the spa
· Trying out for a play
· Learning a sport
· Going to the pool
· Riding a bike
· Buying and wearing something sexy
· Throwing a party
· Getting her picture taken
· Taking her career to the next (more visible) level
· Enjoying some much needed me-time without feeling guilty

Life—the good juicy stuff that makes it fun—was passing these women by. If you have an inner voice that tells you that you are not enough in some way, how is it impacting you?

Here’s the truth. You, me, all of us—we are born being enough. It’s simply a reality. We are born being good enough and entitled to live our best versions of our lives. That’s not some right we have to earn. It doesn’t come with a number on the scale or a pant size or a number on your paycheck. Too many women struggle to earn it through achievement only to find themselves very successful and still not feeling worthy.

Enough already. Let's kick perfectionism to the curb. What if you stopped working so hard to earn your entitlement and just began to own it?

Some of you already have, and if you are one of these lovely women, I challenge you to go out in the world and share the joy. For those of you who aren’t yet there, my question for you is this: how would your life change if you started believing and living as if you were already enough today? What would you do differently if there was no more waiting to be thinner, brighter, shinier, or more perfect?

What would you do differently if the challenge was to live the best, juiciest, biggest version of your life starting now? I dare you. Life is shorter than you think. And I’d love for you to share your comments, thoughts, and experiences as you move forward.

Take good care,

Photo: PoYang@flickr.com

When Life Gives You Lemons . . . Strategies for Avoiding Stress Eating and Comfort Eating

Melissa McCreery — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 04:07:56 +0000

No matter how much yoga, meditation, or spa time you put in, life will eventually through you a curve ball. And if your life is anything like mine, life often seems to throw two or three at once. The balance can tip from bliss and balance to stress and overload pretty quickly. And the best new habits, the most well thought out food plans, and the loveliest self-improvement strategies can quickly go to h*ll in a hand basket when stress, exhaustion, or just-plain-misery enter the picture.

When the going gets tough—many women just want a carb-fest.

One of the most frequent questions I am asked is how not to turn to food for stress relief or comfort.

Having a rough day, week, or month? Here are some strategies that can help:

Strategies for Avoiding Stress and Reducing Comfort Eating

Have an Instead Plan

White knuckling it rarely works for very long, and when you eventually have to let go, the reverberations can be huge. In fact, one of the most common triggers for food binges is deprivation and extreme dieting. What this means here is that “not eating,” is not a strategy. If you are going to get through a rotten day without resorting to chocolate, you’re going to need some ideas of what to do instead.

Here’s something else you need to know. When you are in a state of stress or overload, or any other strong emotional state, your brain isn’t firing on all cylinders. Creative problem solving is impaired. It’s best to create your Instead Plan before the crisis hits. You’ve heard this from me before. Start making a list of possible alternatives to overeating now.

Aim for the low hanging fruit

Strategies to avoid comfort eating and stress eating should be easy. If you are having a bad day, don’t expect an awful lot of yourself. When I help my clients craft their instead plans, it’s not uncommon for their first ideas to be out of alignment with their mood and their energy level. “I know that instead of bingeing on leftovers, I should go work out/do the dishes/stop procrastinating on … ” are all common responses. Maybe. I’m a firm believer in the power of exercise to shift mood and energy, and accomplishing something does feel good. But if you feel like collapsing onto your sofa and you give yourself a choice between leftover macaroni and cheese and a half hour on the elliptical or finishing your taxes—do you think your instead plan has an iota of a chance? Really?

Identify strategies that match your energy level and your motivation on a cruddy day. That probably means going for the low hanging, easy-to-grab fruit. Also, make sure your strategies meet the same need that the food would be attempting to fill. If you are seeking indulgence and comfort, than “tough love,” isn’t going to fit the bill. Instead of a hard workout, you might want to consider a movie you can get lost in, a phone call with someone who loves you, a lazy evening on the sofa, or a long hot shower.

Retreat

Sometimes we resort to stress or comfort eating because we simply don’t know what else to do. It’s an attempt to keep going when the going has gotten really tough. It’s hard for high-achievers to comprehend, but sometimes the most effective thing you can do is to do nothing. Stop. Step away from your stress for ten minutes or a day. Change your scenery—leave the room, go outside, or take a short drive. Consider retreating into your senses. Choose a short escape into a sensory experience that is not taste—a warm bath, great smelling tea, a foot massage, or some fragrant flowers. Take a nap. If you are someone who seems to spin out of control with food after a long stressful day, don’t be afraid to throw in your cards for the night and go to bed early. You could probably use the extra sleep anyway and you’ll wake up with more perspective and better focus.

Call in the troops

Stress is often not only a trigger for overeating, but for isolation. It’s not uncommon to feel “too busy” to ask for help or to reach out for support. It’s a big mistake. Tell those who love you that you are having a hard time and you could use some support (even if you aren’t sure what they could do). Give away, delegate, or ask for help with the tasks that you can share or let go of. Ask for company, or ask for the support you need so that you can be left alone. Here’s something important to note. Strategies for avoiding comfort eating and stress eating aren’t usually major life overhauls. They rarely fix the stressful or difficult situation—but then again, neither does eating. What these strategies are designed to do is to help you feed your spirit and your soul during a very tough time.

Isn’t that what comfort really is?

Take good care,