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Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 3

August 23rd, 2010, No Comments »

My goal in this blog post series has been to point out how many of the things that hold high-achievers back in business and life actually come from inside the mind.  Here are two more I’d like to point out.

4. You are a hard worker. Yes, this is probably one of your greatest strengths, but it can also get in your way. When you are trying to do something new, hard work is often not enough. If you aren’t satisfied with how things are going, if you aren’t getting where you want to go, or if you can’t make changes that stick for the long haul, than there is something wrong with your plan. Hard workers can sabotage themselves, because when they don’t see the results they want, they tend to tell themselves that it’s because they aren’t working hard enough—so they work harder. The problem is, working harder using the wrong strategy will simply burn you out and leave you feeling defeated and ineffective. If you are feeling frustrated at your lack of success and tired of working so hard, it’s time to consider path number two and asking for help. Consulting with someone who isn’t stuck inside your mindset and approach can make a world of difference—sometimes very quickly.

5. You’re scared. High-achievers are often very used to creating success. Trying something new, struggling, letting go of old, but comfortable, mindsets—this can all be disconcerting. Stepping outside your comfort zone can be scary.  Success can also be anxiety-producing. Stepping up, playing a bigger game, moving into a bigger or stronger version of ourselves—all these things may feel exhilarating, but they can also push buttons we never knew we had. The first impulse for most of us when we feel anxious or scared is to slam on the brakes. Sometimes we get in our own way because we are unsure of moving forward.  The good news—you are not alone and fear does not indicate weakness. It means that you are challenging yourself and by stretching, you are growing. While slamming on the brakes won’t get you where you want to go, you can still use those brakes to set a pace that feels safe and comfortable. Finally, when you let go of your “flying solo” mentality, it frees you up to seek the help you need so that you don’t have to feel like you are walking in the darkness by yourself.

The bottom line:

Do you need to get out of your own way? It’s an essential question. Paying attention to any gaps in your foundation and mindsets that are messing with your head game may be the most valuable investment you can make in your success.

Take good care,

Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 2

August 19th, 2010, No Comments »

Last post I outlined how neglecting self-care can be a common path leading to self-sabotage. Here are a few more common mindsets that may cause high-achievers to stumble in reaching their goals.

2. You are flying solo. This is a very difficult one for women who expect a lot of themselves. If you have a goal and you aren’t accomplishing it, one of the first questions you should be asking is whether you could use some help. Could you use a coach or a mentor? Here’s where the fun comes in. Notice the conversation you have with yourself when you ask this question. Many high-achievers will run circles around themselves in order to avoid getting the quality support that might quickly propel them forward.

Notice the head game: “I should be able to do this on my own.” “Other people don’t struggle with this.” “I’m a strong person, I can do this.” Again, here’s the truth: strong people do ask for help. Successful people surround themselves with teams that can support them in accomplishing their goal. They leverage the time, expertise, and energy of others.

Asking for help is NOT a form of weakness. It’s often the bravest and the most pro-active thing that you can do to create your own success. Here’s another interesting fact. If you are someone who struggles with asking for help, it’s probably easier than you think. You don’t even need to know what you need. Approach someone you trust, share your dilemma, and simply ask, “I’m not sure what I need here, do you have any ideas about how you or someone else could help me with this?”

3. You are cutting the wrong corners. Success requires an investment. Most importantly, this means an investment of yourself—your time, your energy, and your focus, and sometimes, your finances. Having the time, energy, and focus committed to your goal are critical ingredients for success—no matter what you are trying to accomplish. Sounds straightforward, right? Unfortunately, many busy people try to skip this step. Either head games get in the way (if you feel guilty spending time and energy on yourself, you’ll get caught here), or you might not really know how to do this.

Shifting gears and priorities, carving out space and time, and persisting when things get tough are incredibly difficult tasks—especially when you are a busy woman who expects a lot from herself. Before you purchase another “how-to” book or program, ask yourself whether you’d be better off investing in a coach who could help you create the physical, mental, and emotional space and foundation necessary for you to implement the plans that you already have.

I hope you’ll join me next time for the final two paths. These may just surprise you a bit!

Take good care,

Five Paths to Self-sabotage: Are You Standing In Your Own Way? – Part 1

August 17th, 2010, No Comments »

Recently I heard a productivity expert speak on how to “get things done.” It’s a simple process really. You define the goal, outline the steps, and start moving forward. Easy peasy—right? And yet. There are many smart, informed, high-achievers out there who have set goals for themselves, who have a plan, and who still aren’t getting where they want to go. They aren’t losing the weight or getting fitter, or they are still stressed and overworked. The time they committed to spend on their important project seems to evaporate. Success isn’t happening. And as a result, these savvy people are feeling frustrated, irritated with themselves, and perhaps even guilty or less confident about their abilities. Not a recipe for enhanced productivity is it?

Here’s the truth.

For many of you, it’s not the “how-to” that is the problem. For many high-achievers with a lot on their plates (I may be talking to you here), the problem is the head game. If you are not loving your life or if you are not getting where you want to go, it’s time to check out these five paths to self-sabotage and investigate whether you need to get out of your own way.

Five paths to self-sabotage

1. Self-care makes you squirm. Does the idea of focusing on you leave you intensely uncomfortable? Does it feel over-indulgent, unnecessary, or like a luxury that you are embarrassed to consider? Do you find yourself rolling your eyes when you hear experts talking about “making time for yourself” or “feeding your spirit?” Interesting. What’s even more interesting, is that often those who are the most uncomfortable with the idea of devoting excellent care and attention to themselves are actually excellent nurturers of others. In fact, often, the trap here may be that you are giving all your time and energy away and saving none for you. This is a major problem—for a number of reasons.

Most importantly, self-care is the stuff that fuels us. Feeding our spirits and nourishing ourselves (and I’m not talking about chocolate kisses here), are what replenishes our mojo and our passion. It’s what allows us to be our best and go out into the world and accomplish—not only our goals—but all the great things we want to do for everybody else. Without self-care and self-nourishment, you will be operating at a limited capacity. Here’s the other important part. When you don’t give yourself what you need, you are going to find yourself seeking quick, easy, inferior substitutions. That’s what stress eating and comfort eating are all about. If you have a habit that you aren’t happy with, ask yourself if it exists to make up for something that is missing in your life.

Do you relate with the first path? Next post I will identify a few more paths as well as some simple steps to help you get going in a different direction.

Take good care,

Do You Have Your Blueprint for Thriving?

August 10th, 2010, No Comments »

In my part of the world, it’s “back to school” season. There are lots of ads about “fresh starts,” a “new season” and all the supplies that we can buy to be prepared. Many women start to think about fresh starts and changes for themselves as the new season approaches.

Can I be honest?

If you truly want to be successful with whatever change you are dreaming of making—ending overeating, losing the weight, getting fit, becoming more organized, or growing your business—new supplies, clothes, or even the newest book on the topic isn’t what’s going to do it for you.

It’s not about the plan. It’s about having a plan that you can follow through with. And a system in place in your life that allows you to complete the plan.

If you’ve tried to make this particular change before, think about it. Why didn’t it happen the last time you tried? Chances are you lost motivation. Or your schedule got too crazy. Or you found it too hard or too boring or too time consuming.  Or you felt guilty taking the time required to get to the gym or prepare the healthy food or work on your novel….

Quite simply, you didn’t have the blueprint you needed to get you to the final destination and help you stay there.

Showing you how to create that blueprint is what I’m good at.

Wouldn’t it be great to figure out how to get where you want to go—with the most ease and least amount of struggle?

Wouldn’t it be great to get moving NOW and be well on your way by October, November—the holidays?

Wouldn’t it be fantastic to start the New Year and have already accomplished that thing you resolve to do every January?

That’s what my new program, The THRIVE Formula: Four Weeks to Unleashing Your Inner Champion is all about. Sign up now. Start next week (or listen to the mp3 downloads on your own schedule). Fill in the action guides you’ll receive during and after each call and take the steps I give you. You’ll be in action toward your goals after the first call. And we’ll cover all the things you need to know to keep you unstuck and moving forward. You can even choose to have individual coaching along the way.

The seats are filling up. Are you going to join us?

http://unleashingyourinnerchampion.com

Take good care,

Weight Loss Without Dieting: The Weight You Can Stop Carrying – Part 3

August 9th, 2010, No Comments »

In this blog post series, I have been addressing the “inner game” of a successful weight loss strategy.  Last time I shared with you a few tweaks that you can make to shift your mindset to achieve lasting results.

THE “SHOULDS”

True change, the kind that you won’t resent and the kind that will last, starts from within. When I note the word “should” cropping up in someone’s weight loss talk, my radar for that fifty pound boulder starts blinking. “I know I should exercise,” “I should be eating more green vegetables,” “I should stop drinking mocha lattes.” “Shoulds” are words of instruction or rules that come from the outside. “Should” is what someone told us to do. A should rarely reflects our own true wisdom, or a belief that we have truly integrated and taken on board. When we really believe that what we are talking about is in our best interest, and will make us happier (by getting us closer to where we want to go), “shoulds” become “wants.” With the exception of the most hardcore disciplined among us, the people who exercise regularly are the ones who have found some joy or purpose that causes them to want to get regular physical activity even if it is simply knowing they will feel better when it’s done.

USE CURIOSITY TO DEVELOP A PLAN THAT HAS MORE “WANTS”

If your current weight loss plan is filled with “shoulds,” use curiosity to examine the places where your plan isn’t working well. Ask yourself how you might tweak it to include more “wants.” It’s often not as hard as you might think. Physical activity planning is a place where this often crops up. “I should be exercising.” When I hear this, I always ask my clients what they want to do with their bodies? When do they enjoy being inside their bodies? What kind of physical activity do they enjoy? Is there a way that those activities could be their “exercise?” You wouldn’t believe how many people pick an activity they hate for exercise, because they think they “should” and then get mad at themselves because they don’t do it. The same strategy is useful with food choices.

Make sure that you are taking your tastes, your schedule, and your style of eating into consideration when you plan your meals. Make sure you are developing a plan that you will want to follow in the future and that works for you. If you find you really must insist on a “should” and there are times when we all need to, then strive to pick the most palatable version of the “should” that you can. Pick the foods, or the activities, or the lifestyle changes that you dislike the least.

To be successful with weight loss, the weight of self-blame and judgment needs to come off first. You don’t need to diet them away, but you do need to learn to set them down. You’ll be amazed how much easier it is to attack the rest of the weight when you aren’t dragging all that unhelpful baggage around.

Take good care,

Why Resolutions Fail and We Don’t Reach Our Goals

February 8th, 2010, No Comments »

It’s February and the crowds at the gym (all those people who made New Year’s resolutions) are thinning out. The kids are back in school, the holidays are long gone, and most of us are in the midst of “real life.” Are your goals and dreams still a part of your reality, or has your zeal and motivation started to fade?

The January “honeymoon phase” may be behind us, but this is actually a perfect time to tweak your plan (or revamp it completely) so that you can go the distance and achieve those goals you’ve set for yourself. The truth is, having things not go the way you had anticipated can be a great opportunity to learn how your plan holds up to real life and identify what changes need to be made so that you can stay on track for the long haul.

This week I’m going to share three reasons that even the most dynamic resolutions might not be getting you where you want to go:

Reason for failure #1: Failure to plan
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” A resolution or an idea is not a plan, it’s an intention. Many busy people err by jumping into action—any kind of action–without investing the time to create a clear, do-able, sustainable plan. If your weight loss resolution fell apart because it was simply based on “eat less,” you might want to take a step back and craft a strategy that includes how you’ll address any triggers to overeat, how you want to respond to physical hunger and cravings, and what other strategies you can put in place to maximize your effectiveness.

Change is not a one shot deal. It’s never too late to reevaluate your approach and create or re-craft your plan of attack. Take a look at any areas of your life that aren’t moving forward and ask yourself what plan or strategy you’d like to use to get them into motion. Be as specific as possible and don’t gloss over the actual “what” and “when” of any actions that you are going to take.

Take good care,

Is Emotional Overeating Weighing You Down?

January 26th, 2010, 6 Comments »

Are you

• eating when you aren’t really hungry?
• struggling with stress or “nervous” eating?
• circling the kitchen because you can’t find “the thing” that will satisfy you?
• eating when you are bored, tired, frustrated, or procrastinating doing something else?
• hungry all the time–no matter what or how much you eat?

If so, it’s worth considering whether emotional eating is getting in the way of your healthy eating and weight loss goals.  We all eat emotionally. We’re encouraged by friends, family, and the media to associate food with all sorts of warm, comfy, delicious things that are not simply a need for fuel. We’re taught to think of “comfort foods” and to reach for certain foods when we want to celebrate or gnaw away our frustrations. Emotional eating is a fact of life for most of us. But if it gets out of hand, it can TAKE the upper hand and become the primary factor behind your weight struggles.
If you are having a hard time with emotional overeating than you know what a vicious cycle it can be to break out of.

Remember that it IS a vicious cycle and apply these strategies to break free of the emotional overeating cycle and start walking a different path.

1. Call it emotional eating. If you are using food as a tool to cope with feelings or needs, than call it what it is. Once you identify emotional eating, let go of the other names you’ve been using—you know—the ones that leave you feeling awful about yourself, guilty, and maybe even ashamed. The issue is that you are an emotional eater. The issue is NOT that you are lazy, unmotivated, or undisciplined.
2. If you are going to change a pattern, you need to understand it first. This is why any diet you choose will probably fail you. A diet doesn’t teach you to listen to yourself and understand the pattern of your eating. A diet won’t help you understand what drives you to the kitchen after you’ve already eaten a meal. It won’t help you figure out what you are REALLY craving, feeling, or needing that isn’t even food. Taking the time to understand what’s really going on will help you craft a strategy where you address the CAUSE of your overeating. Programs like the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program can be helpful if you find that you need new tools or strategies to identify what’s going on or help creating alternatives to overeating.
3. Don’t just say no. No isn’t a strategy. To successfully take control of emotional eating, you’re going to need to decide HOW you’re going to not use food the way you’ve been using it in the past. What’s essential here is knowing what you will do INSTEAD of relying on food. Too many weight loss plans fail because of a lack of this type of planning. Make a list before you start your next weight loss attempt—or better yet—make it now. What are your trouble spots, triggers, and emotional eating cues? What can you try instead of turning to food?

Take good care,

By the way, the next call in the Smart Women’s Free Teleseminar Series is all about emotional eating and I’ll be sharing lots more tips and information.

5 Easy Healthy Lifestyle Tips

January 20th, 2010, 6 Comments »

Just thinking about shaping up, losing weight, or eating healthier makes many women exhausted. Changing habits is hard work, but sometimes we approach healthy lifestyle changes in the most difficult way possible. Instead of picking your biggest challenge, consider starting where you know you can be effective, where you can get some lasting bang for your buck, and where you can start growing motivation and momentum.

Here are five relatively painless and struggle-free tips to help you create lasting healthy habits:

1. Get some zzzzzs. Sleep affects just about everything we do and without enough sleep, we all tend to unravel. Inadequate sleep affects your cravings, your metabolism, your energy level, mood, activity, focus and motivation. If you aren’t regularly getting seven hours of sleep a night (or more) this is the first area to address. If you are exhausted and try to keep going, you aren’t likely to be effective and you’ll probably be drawn to mindless “zoning out” activities that are really just busy work. Go to sleep instead.
2. Identify your trouble spots. Don’t just focus on what you want to do. Be smart and identify the things that have led you off track in the past. A positive attitude is great, but a proactive plan for how you will do it differently this time is even better.
3. Grow tools for managing emotions and stress. Emotional eating (including stress eating) is one of the primary causes of overeating, weight gain, and weight regain. Without the strategies you need, stressful situations can trigger very unhealthy (and self-sabotaging) responses such as overeating, smoking, alcohol use, avoidance, or numbing out in front of the computer.  Hard times are also the time when many women abandon or lose track of health, fitness, and wellness goals. Instead of only focusing on what you’ll eat or when you’ll work out, invest some energy in addressing any real issues that are the trigger for the habits you are trying to kick.
4. Don’t lose yourself. One of the biggest reasons that busy women get off track is that they get distracted by other life demands. Designate a time to check in with yourself—at least weekly—and evaluate how things are going. Use this time to schedule the additional time you’ll need throughout the week for exercise, stress relief, meal planning, etc. Post your goals somewhere where you will see them and be reminded of them regularly. Make sure you identify milestones along the way to your big goal and reward yourself for reaching them.
5. Keep it positive. Don’t ignore your mindset—it has the power to impact your mood, your energy level, your choices and your progress. Focus on what you’ve done rather than what didn’t happen. Acknowledge the accomplishments (change is difficult) and celebrate your achievements along the way. Adopt the mantra, “I’m doing my best” instead of “I have to get it perfect” and you’ll be much better prepared to keep going when the going gets tough, recognize your progress and your efforts, and take good care of yourself along the way.

Take good care,

15 Ways to Socialize That Don’t Involve Food and Overeating

December 7th, 2009, 2 Comments »

After my recent post about how to reward yourself and celebrate your accomplishments without using food, a number of people brought up a related issue that is particularly relevant during the holiday season: how to socialize and not become a hermit when you aren’t interested in a lot of social eating and are trying not to overindulge?

Here are fifteen ways to get together with others that aren’t centered around food or eating. Consider these ideas as you consider alternatives to the holiday cookie exchange or the annual book club holiday dessert night. Remember, if you aren’t spending money on food, you may have resources available for other indulgences.

Fifteen ways to get together with others that aren’t centered around food or eating:

1.    Go to a movie. If you don’t buy popcorn, you can probably afford to go at least twice as often.
2.    Attend a football game, hockey game, or other sporting event.
3.    Get outdoors—walk, hike, cross country ski.
4.    Have a scrapbooking, quilting, or other craft get-together.
5.    Play games—chess, poker, board games. Have a game night.
6.    Go Christmas caroling.
7.    Rent movies and watch them together.
8.    Get together with friends to complete your holiday cards or to wrap gifts.
9.    Go shopping.
10.    Have a spa day—either at a spa or throw your own home spa party. Some massage therapists will come to you.
11.    Get a group together to tour an exhibit at a local museum.
12.    Create an event to support a charitable cause, do something helpful for someone in need, rally around a political cause, or something else you are passionate about.
13.    Go bowling.
14.    Investigate local theater.
15.    Go ice skating.

Many people get stuck when they are trying to have fun and be social without throwing food into the equation. Won’t you leave a comment and add your favorite nonfood activities?

Take good care,

The Beauty of Living a Grateful Life

November 24th, 2009, 2 Comments »

Are you looking for more ease in your life? Do you wish things flowed better? I don’t have a magic solution for you, but I do know a simple tool that, when leveraged, makes life smoother and more pleasant—and it’s free and at your fingertips. How about serving up a bit more gratitude?

We all know that gratitude is a good thing.  By gratitude, I’m talking about that deep peaceful sense of appreciation and thankfulness we feel for certain realities and people in our lives. Liberally and authentically applied, gratitude has the ability to work wonders. We don’t just give thanks and gratitude.  Our ability to connect with our sense of gratitude has the power to profoundly affect who and how we are in the world.

Here are three ways that gratitude can make your life flow better:

Create more happiness: Taking time out to identify and name the things and people that we are grateful for on a regular basis increases our feelings of well-being and contentment. The simple act of noting three things we are thankful for on a daily basis has been shown to increase feelings of happiness, decrease feelings of depression, and be such a positive experience that subjects in one study continued doing it long after the study was over.

Create more positive relationships: We all love to be appreciated. Expressing our gratitude obviously creates good will—and increases the odds that we’ll see more of the qualities we expressed appreciation for.  Expressing genuine gratitude is a way (albeit after the fact) of expressing what we want and need. When we let someone know that we are truly thankful for something they say or do or convey, we are also letting them know something about how they can and do help and support us—and they’ll know that going forward.  Expressing gratitude to another is also a mood enhancer. It’s not only kind, it makes us feel good to express gratitude.

Create a mindshift: We tend to see what we are focused on and miss the things we aren’t looking for. Let’s face it. When we are too busy or too stressed, we often get focused on the “un-done,” “the not-working” and the negative aspects of our life. It’s an unpleasant, energy-depleting cycle. We don’t tend to see what we’ve crossed off our to-do list as clearly as we see the things we didn’t get to. Increasing the focus on gratitude shifts our focus. When we start to look more closely for the things that we appreciate, we start to notice more of them.  Looking for, noticing, and expressing thankfulness can create a mindshift which leads to an increasingly positive feedback loop of identifying and creating more gratifying experiences.

Here’s a tip about gratitude—leverage it. As you identify what you are thankful for, don’t simply acknowledge it.  Find ways to lean into your gratitude.  Are you spending enough time with the people who you really truly feel grateful for having in your life?  Do you share your appreciation? Are you savoring the things or the qualities of your life that fill you up and leave you thankful?  Are you allowing yourself to thoroughly soak up the experiences that make up your “things I am grateful for” list each day?  Allowing yourself to be present with your gratitude is one of the most inspiring gifts you can give yourself.

Take good care,