Too Much on Her Plate

Follow Me

• 
• 
• 
• 

 

What Are Your Gold Medal Excuses? Emotional Eating and Success Traps

March 2nd, 2010, No Comments »

Did you watch the Olympics? I did, and, as usual, I was amazed. I am heading into March feeling inspired and energized by the examples of people stretching and achieving in the face of incredible challenges and odds. The key piece—most, if not all, of those athletes are pursuing their passions and taking them beyond the level most people even dream of.

When I coach my clients, I see one of my roles as that of helping them stretch the boundaries of their comfort zones and create a bigger picture of possibilities for themselves. The interesting thing is, when we stretch and expand—the right way—it doesn’t create a feeling of overwhelm or overload, it actually makes things feel more expansive and creates a sense of ease and freedom.

Sometimes we play too small (or we don’t play at all) because we feel stuck in scarcity—we don’t know how to get beyond that feeling of not having enough time or energy or resources. It’s a big mistake, and one that just keeps us working too hard on a hamster wheel where we never exactly get where we want to go.

This week I’m going to be blogging about places that busy women get stuck and my tips for stepping off the hamster wheel and moving toward those things you want to achieve.

Stay tuned—and let me know what you think. Leave a comment if you have a Gold Medal Excuse you’d like me to address.

Take good care,

Running a Business, Running in Circles, and Running to the Fridge

January 21st, 2010, 2 Comments »

It’s a refrain I hear a lot:

“I am SO busy – I just started a business/have a successful business/hate my job and want to start a business/times are tough at work and they just keep piling on the responsibilities and projects – there is so much to do – I can NEVER catch up – my email consumes me – I’m always working but I feel pulled in so many directions – I’m stuck and I don’t know where to begin – I don’t feel like I accomplish what I want to – I’m snacking all the time/overeating/bingeing in the evening – and I’m putting on weight – life feels out of control but I don’t know how to break the cycle – I have so much to do – I know I should exercise but frankly I’m too darned tired – and I can’t get control of my eating. Help!”

Sound familiar? If so, this is important. Overwhelm, stress, lack of self-care, and emotional eating are intricately connected for many smart busy women with too much on their plates (the pun there is always intended). Breaking out of this vicious, damaging cycle requires being respectful of all these components. No low carb/high protein/liquid/fill-in-the-blanks diet addresses these crucial pieces. Frankly, it’s about so much more than the food.

Each part of the cycle perpetuates the others. Overwhelm can contribute to cutting back on time for self-care; stress (and exhaustion) fuels your appetite, impacts your metabolism, and triggers emotional eating, which in turn increases feelings of overwhelm, stress, and just-plain-feeling-out-of-control.

Breaking the cycle requires a pause (yes, I know you are busy, but you really do need to stop and disengage), some deep breaths, and then a plan of action so that you can take the wheel of your life (and then your business or job) instead of running along frantically behind it.

Sound good?

Now is the time to do it. Because if you don’t, you will either stay stuck where you are (I’m betting you don’t have any extra energy right now to grow, think, play bigger, or hoist yourself out of the pit you see yourself in), or worse, as a new client described to me this week, you will crash and burn. And then you will HAVE to stop.  You deserve so much more.

If you can do nothing else, commit to the following steps. They will help you start to see some daylight.

1. Give yourself 15 minutes a day. It won’t take away from your productivity, it will increase it. Journal, walk, meditate, soak in the tub. Connect with yourself and pay attention to how you feel. Don’t do this at the end of the day when you are too tired to move and your brain has stopped working. Pay yourself first or take a break during your work day.
2. Adopt the following mantras: “I’m doing my best,” and “I can’t do it all.” They are true.
3. Each evening, identify your top three action items for the next day and call it an accomplishment when you have knocked those out. If possible, do them early in the day.
4. Plan for food that fuels you. Don’t skip breakfast, have a plan for lunch, and don’t starve yourself before dinner. Make sure you have the groceries that you need. Choose foods that are appealing. No starvation diets.
5. Cut the multitasking. It stresses us out and makes us less effective. Really practice focusing on doing one thing at a time. You won’t get it perfect, but that’s okay, remember step number two.
6. Take emotional eating seriously. That doesn’t mean beating yourself up over it. Emotional eating happens when our spirit or our life isn’t getting fed the non-food things we need or crave. We have to pay attention to that and develop other ways of caring for ourselves. This can be complicated but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. If you feel stuck, consider an emotional eating program or coach. There is so much more to life than this vicious cycle.
7. Don’t skip #1 (you’ll probably be tempted).

There are more steps, but hearing them now might just add to your overwhelm—and it’s okay not to know all the steps before you get started. Do what you can, give yourself credit, and let me know how it’s going.

Take good care,

Busy Women: How Can I Help?

November 20th, 2009, No Comments »

I have a favor to ask. I’m doing some planning for the year ahead. I’m very excited about the ideas I have for upcoming programs, products, services and blog posts. But here’s the thing–we’re all busy. I don’t want to put anything on either of our plates that isn’t going to be helpful and a worthwhile investment of our time and energy.  Before I move forward, I want to make sure that the projects I pursue are exciting and valuable to you. Will you help me?

I’ve put together a very brief (I promise it’s really brief) survey to help me understand what you are really looking for. Will you take three minutes to fill it out? In appreciation of your valuable time, I’ll pass along an audio of my recent interview: Emotional Eating: Don’t Let it Sabotage Your Plan.

The survey is completely confidential. Just go here to fill it out. If you prefer not to complete the survey, feel free to leave a comment to this post sharing your thoughts about what programs, topics, and services would be most appealing and helpful to you.

Take good care,

Who IS that Shirtless Man?

November 16th, 2009, No Comments »

This week I’m happy to announce that my friend Scott Tousignant has agreed to spend the week as a guest blogger. As a part of his Home Office Fitness Blog Tour, he’s stopping by to share great tips and information on how to fit fitness into your busy work life.  Scott has fantastic energy and he’s got some great information to share. Let me (and Scott) know what you think!

Take good care,

What Is A Breakthrough With Food and Weight Anyway?

November 2nd, 2009, No Comments »

This question came up recently as I was talking with a new client.

If you are like many women who’ve spent a lifetime (or what feels like one) struggling with weight and overeating, words like “breakthrough” may sound like unrealistic hype.  For many women who are worn out with food and weight struggles, a breakthrough may feel impossible.  Why?  Their current mindset is one of “struggle.”

Breakthroughs with food and weight aren’t hype and I’ll tell you why. If you are struggling or yo-yo dieting or feeling hopeless about your weight, a breakthrough is EXACTLY what you need. Anything less than a breakthrough is likely to involve you working up motivation to do more of what you’ve been doing. The truth: more of the same just keeps you where you already are.

So what exactly IS a breakthrough with food and weight?

A breakthrough is a brand new approach. If you’ve been stuck on the diet hamster wheel and getting nowhere—it’s learning how to step SIDEWAYS off the wheel so that you can do things differently. With overeating this might mean learning to shift from days defined as “good” or “bad” eating and using new strategies and tools to defuse stress eating, comfort eating, and other types of emotional eating.

A breakthrough is NOT working harder. In fact, a breakthrough usually eliminates unnecessary struggles and creates more ease. Breakthroughs with weight loss usually involve developing effective strategies that keep you motivated and feeling satisfied (not deprived) and letting go of strategies or weight loss plans that weren’t working for you in the first place.

A breakthrough is BIG. It might feel uncomfortable or even a bit scary at first because it’s very different from the way you’ve been doing or thinking.  One breakthrough I often see is the change that happens when a client realizes that they don’t have to go hungry and be hard on themselves in order to lose weight. This new approach changes everything—and it’s big.

A breakthrough involves a change in mindset. Clients in the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ programs give examples of letting go of mindsets that were holding them back: perfectionism, self-blame, and self-sabotaging beliefs. They are amazed at the energy that’s freed up and the changes in motivation that happen with these mindset shifts.

Breathroughs often happen when you try something new or engage a support system. It’s hard to see things in a new way or envision a different way of approaching things when you are alone with your own thoughts and familiar ways of being and doing.  This is one reason that coaching programs and mentors can be so effective at creating powerful change.

No matter your goal, it’s important to evaluate whether the path you are on is working.  What do you need to get where you want to go over the next six months—more of the same or a breakthrough?

Take good care,

Build a powerful presence easily by knowing what the media want

October 23rd, 2009, No Comments »

My guest blogger today, Shannon Cherry, is one of the many wonderful people helping me celebrate Too Much On Her Plate Week, by generously offering you a gift to help you get rid of some of those things that are overwhelming you.

Let us know what you think!  For more information on Too Much On Her Plate Week – go here.

Creating a powerful presence on a budget can be a challenge. That’s why you should use publicity avenues to get media coverage for your business or cause.

Getting the media to cover you can be the boost your organization or cause needs. Here’s why: your target market is seven times more likely to read or watch a news story than an advertisement.

However, the more influential the media, the more difficult it is to get their attention. If you want to get past the media’s defenses, you have to understand what they need.

Journalists tend to cover certain types of stories more often than not. They are always interested in topics such as sex and relationships, saving money, education and violence, corruption, sexual harassment, health and fitness, Hollywood and celebrities, sports, money making or saving, and travel.

Here are some examples to help you take full advantage of every opportunity presented to publicize you, your business or your cause:

1. Human-interest stories. These are those stories that evoke emotion, whether it’s about a person or a project. One effective approach is to tell a rags-to-riches tale, a success story.

2. Tie soft news with a big current event. This is called ‘piggybacking’ in the news business and is a great way to take a recent national headline and tie it in with your business, product or service. For example, if you are a wellness coach, you can establish yourself as an expert concerning obesity in children. You can comment on recent statistics on overweight children and how to reduce it. You are taking a headline that has already captured the attention of the audience and is providing a helpful solution.

3. The result of a customer survey or research. The media is always interested in findings of a research or a survey. Be sure that the topics are suitable for your area of expertise and also to include controversial questions that will surely capture the media’s attention.

4. A top 10 list. The simplicity of a top 10 list is fun to read and sure to attract attention. Use your area of expertise to create lists that will attract your media of choice’s target audience. If you are a lawyer, you can target those going through foreclosure through the Home and Living sections of the newspaper with such lists as “The Top Ways to Fix Your Credit” or “10 Ways to Budget Effectively to Prevent Foreclosures”.

5. Prove a popular belief wrong. Take a general assumption and put a controversial perspective to it. If you are trying to gain publicity for a credit card company, you can grab attention with headlines such as “If you think your credit card company will protect you against identity theft, think again!” However, do not turn this into an advertisement. Simply talk about the statistics of identity theft and the helplessness that accompanies it. Later in the article, provide the edge that the credit card company you represent has over its competitors in protecting its customers against the slightest possibility of being victimized by identity fraud.

6. Cash in for being the first. If your business is the first to have a free insurance protection plan or a 150% satisfaction guarantee policy, take advantage ofit! The media will want to cover this story because the audience will be attracted to how they can benefit.

©2009. Shannon Cherry/Be Heard Solutions.

Shannon Cherry is known as The Power Publicist. She helps business owners, solo professionals and entrepreneurs create a powerful presence online and offline using publicity. For more information and to receive your free Be Heard! publicity power pack visit http://www.BeHeardSolutions.com

How to Have a Healthy Lifestyle Breakthrough

October 21st, 2009, No Comments »

It sounds so simple. If you want to create change (i.e. achieve something you don’t currently have) you MUST do things differently. Yet so many women I work with come to me determined to create lasting healthy changes by forcing themselves to “succeed” at a plan that has failed them time and time again.

If what you crave is a breakthrough, than you must do things differently than you are doing them now. Consider how this applies to you, to the healthy lifestyle you want, and to how you cope with what you have on your plate (literally and figuratively).  Where you are now, whether it’s thriving, satisfied, or stuck, is a reflection of your current approach, mindset, feelings and beliefs.  If you want to be or do something dramatically different, it’s essential to approach things in a whole different way. Too often, we set out, determined to make a change by trying harder or doing more of what never worked or never lasted before.  No wonder so many women feel stuck in a vicious cycle of starting and restarting weight loss, fitness, or other health / life balance practices.

Here are my tips for creating real healthy lifestyle breakthroughs that last:

1. Know Your Why: Know your real why. Why do you want what you want? For instance, if you want to lose weight, what’s that about?  Breakthroughs happen when we have a compelling, juicy reason for moving forward.  No one has a breakthrough doing something simply because they think they “should.” Take your goal and keep asking “Why?” until you get to the reason that makes your heart sing. Examples I’ve heard recently: I want to lose weight so I can move with confidence and ease on stage; so I can go on bike rides with my daughter; so I can really ride my horse the way I used to; so I can fit into a certain outfit that makes lights me up when I wear it; so my knees don’t hurt and I can dance with passion.  Get the idea?

 

2. Know What Hasn’t Worked Before: If you’ve been on this path before, don’t ignore past attempts that haven’t worked out so well.  One of the keys to doing something in a completely different—and successful way—is paying attention to what didn’t work, where you got stuck, and what you DON’T know about how to move forward.  I’m not suggesting you get bogged down in these things, I’m suggesting that you take note of them and use them as fuel to create a new approach that doesn’t contain the same minefields.

 

3. Know Who You Are: Round pegs don’t fit into square holes. Lasting change doesn’t happen when you create a plan of attack that doesn’t fit you, your lifestyle, or your preferences.  Breakthroughs and enduring change are created when we leverage our strengths—the things we can do with ease and grace—and incorporate these into our plan of attack.

 

4. Above all, Don’t Resort to the Same-old, Same-old Just Because You Don’t Know What Else to Do. That won’t make you a breakthrough, it will make you tired. Leverage support. It’s difficult, and sometimes impossible, to create a breakthrough when we’re stuck inside our own head and the narrow conception we have of how things need to be done.  Your breakthrough solution might be right in front of your nose (it often is), but our brains are trained to notice the things we expect to see and to fit what we observe into the way of thinking that we already have.  The easiest way to create powerful change and breakthroughs is to see your situation through someone else’s eyes. This is also the most effective way to identify and clear out unhelpful mindsets and inner critics that can lead to self-sabotage.

A Marketing Strategy for Busy Entrepreneurs

October 21st, 2009, No Comments »

My guest blogger today, Kelly K. O’Neil, is one of the many wonderful people helping me celebrate Too Much On Her Plate Week, by generously offering you a gift to help you get rid of some of those things that are overwhelming you. While her article is not the usual content for my blog, she offers an intriguing slant on marketing for busy entrepreneurs and business owners that just might help you transform what’s on your plate. Let us know what you think!  For more information on Too Much On Her Plate Week – go here.

The Top 5 Reasons That Service Providers MUST Start Marketing to Affluent Customers
By Kelly K. O’Neil

It’s the 80/20 rule again; twenty percent of the population (or who we marketing-types term as “the affluent”) account for eighty percent of the wealth.  If you are a “glass is half empty” person, restricting yourself to a narrow audience like what 20% represents seems much too limiting to achieve success.  If you are a “glass is half full” type of person, like me, 80% of the combined wealth seems like a HUGE opportunity–one you cannot afford to miss out on.
Affluent is a broad label that describes many sub-groups differentiated by income, age, mindset and other characteristics of the like.  But typically, ‘the affluent’ are defined as individuals earning income greater than $150,000 and with a combined $1 million in total assets.

Have the potential dollars convinced you? If not, here are 5 more reasons why you MUST market your services upwards towards this lucrative audience:

1.    Marketing To The Affluent Requires Less Energy and Less Effort. If you had the choice between selling to one person to make $10,000 or selling to 10 people to make $10,000 which would you choose?  It’s a no-brainer.  Fewer clients mean less work.  Less work means more freedom.
2.    The Affluent Are Virtually Recession Proof. It’s hard to believe it especially considering what’s been happening to the stock market recently but it’s TRUE.  Typically, the affluent have enough diversification in their wealth that a blip in the economy is just that and doesn’t significantly affect their accumulated fortune.  And if they value what you are offering, they will cut elsewhere to afford your services.
3.    The Affluent Shop On Value. This means they’ll pay the asking price even if it’s 100% more expensive than the competition IF they perceive there’s added value what you are offering whether that is one-of-kind exclusivity, proven results or VIP customer service.  For example, on average Virgin airlines airfare is typically 30% percent over the competition.  Do passengers arrive at their destinations 30% quicker?  Are they 30% safer?  I doubt the answer is “yes” purposefully.  Affluent flyers are willing to pay the extra price because of the perceived values: “surprise and delights” in the cabin—seats that expand into beds, excellent food served upon request, the consistently outstanding service at every touchpoint as well as the brand cache.  Consider how to strategically tailor you offerings accordingly and then carefully craft your message around these features and benefits.
4.    The Affluent Do Not “Nickel & Dime” You. Again it’s about value.  And, after you’ve established a relationship with them it’s about trust.  If time and again, you over deliver on expectations and provide superior service, the affluent are convinced of your value and won’t ask and ask about each charge in your service agreement.  They trust that they you are holding up your end of the bargain and they will as well.  They deem the extra fees as “well worth it”.
5.    The Affluent Are Exceedingly Loyal. Once the affluent consumer makes his choice and as long as you continue to deliver value and exceptional customer service, they are your client for the long term.   Their time is money and they likely do not want to spend it researching and trying other competitors who may not meet expectations even if they come with a lower price tag.  For this reason, it is critical to reward your affluent customer on a regular basis.  And, because of their steadfast brand loyalty and conviction in their choices, they will tell their friends and contacts over and over again about you.  Don’t miss out on the opportunity to ask your affluent client for these sought after referrals so that you may proactively market too them.  Converting a referral is MUCH easier than making a cold call.

Understanding these advantages and leveraging them throughout your marketing efforts is critical to success with the affluent target.   Don’t let another day go by wasting time and energy.  Upgrade your sites and your target today!

© Kelly O’Neil 2009
Kelly K. O’Neil, Chief Strategy Officer, UpLevel Strategies, Inc.
Award Winning Strategic Coach and Marketing to the Affluent Expert Kelly O’Neil publishes the ‘Arrive!’ weekly ezine for small service businesses and information marketers.  If you are ready to learn the best strategies to market to the affluent so that you can make more money and have more freedom and fun in your small business, download your FREE audio download, “7 Surefire Marketing Strategies to Market to Millionaires” at http://www.marketingtomillionairesgift.com

Is Martyrdom Fueling Your Overeating?

August 24th, 2009, No Comments »

Do you overeat when you are stressed or tired or overwhelmed?

Do you flop down exhausted at the end of the day feeling like there is never enough time for you?

Despite your best intentions, do you never seem to get to that exercise plan, that journal that you want to write in, or that fun project you really want to start?

Do you ever feel like no one really understands how much is expected of you?

Are you feeling resentful that there is never enough time to get to you?

If you find yourself answering yes to any of these questions, it’s time to consider whether martyrdom is having a negative impact on your eating, your weight, your health, and your life.

What do I mean by martyrdom?  I’m talking about sacrificing yourself—literally—for whatever cause it is that you choose to be a martyr for.

Martyrdom is not the same as caring for others.  Healthy caring assumes that you are just as human and needy as everyone else.  When you distribute your care, you get an equal share (it’s like dividing up a pizza—everyone gets a piece).

The martyr approach doesn’t work that way.  The martyr assumes that caring for others takes priority or somehow cancels out her own needs. She assumes that in order to be “good” at caring for others (or other responsibilities), she must sacrifice her own agenda.  The martyr believes that “personal stuff” happens after you’ve taken care of everything else. The martyr often says, “I can’t (meditate, go to the gym, ever see my friends, fill-in-the-blank) because Junior’s soccer schedule is so busy or I’ve got that committee work to do or I have to make dinner.  Here’s the litmus test: if Junior has an unscheduled extra practice or the committee calls another meeting, the martyr will move mountains and give up on sleep to make that happen.  Her own needs—they just don’t get the same priority.

The tradeoff for choosing martyrdom is feeling exhausted and deprived and unfed, overlooked, and uncared for.  Resentment usually follows.  Let’s see a show of hands.  When you feel exhausted, deprived, unfed, overlooked and uncared for (with a hefty dash of resentment), who finds those chocolate chip cookies a lot harder to resist?

Martyrdom breeds overeating—of many different types.  When there is never enough time, food becomes an easy-to-turn-to fix for all the unfilled places in your life. If martyrdom is ruling the day, then no matter what great strategies you learn to take control of your emotional eating, you’ll rarely feel entitled to implement them.

How to leave martyrdom behind?  The first simple, big, bold step has to take place in your head.  It comes when you can really truly see the cost of this kind of behavior and let go of the myth that martyrdom is a desirable quality.  It means challenging beliefs you may have that taking time for yourself is selfish.  Care is NOT an either/or proposition.  You don’t have to choose—“Do I care for them or do I care for me?”  The truth is, in order to really be able to provide your best care for anyone else, you have to be in good running order. In a healthy life, self-care and the care of other people and things go together. While you get comfortable with this notion, consider whether you have a support system that can help you settle in to this new way of thinking.  It’s much easier to leave martyrdom behind when you have the support and encouragement of others who believe in what you are doing and will remind you of your priorities along the way.

One more thing—letting go of martyrdom also means accepting the concept of time.  You are not responsible for the fact that there are only 24 hours in a day and that sometimes 24 hours isn’t enough time for everything.  It isn’t your job to take your life off the menu so that others can pretend that they are entitled to a bigger slice of life.  It’s not your job, it’s not fair, and it doesn’t work.<

Am I striking a nerve? Preaching to the choir? I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments.

Getting What You Want and Need: More Tips on Asking

July 29th, 2009, No Comments »

There is a big difference between knowing what you want and asking for it. There is also an important distinction between asking and hinting. Unfortunately, many of us were raised in a culture that encouraged us to be less than direct about what it is we’d like to occur. I talk with many women who aren’t getting what they need or want and aren’t quite sure how to ask for it. Interestingly, many women are able to be direct and assertive in their professional lives but find they stumble and feel uncomfortable when asking to have their personal needs met. I also hear from a lot of women who feel frustrated that their requests and needs aren’t being met even though they believe they are stating them clearly. They can’t understand what is going wrong.

After writing a recent article about the importance of clearly stating wants and needs, I noticed some areas in my own life where I wasn’t really hitting the mark with this. I also found some places where, I initially believed I was being perfectly direct, but on further reflection, I realized I wasn’t getting my point across at all. And (big surprise), I was feeling frustrated with how things were going in those particular areas.

I’m making a concerted effort to practice really stating my wishes clearly. Here are some pointers you might want to consider if your asking muscles need strengthening:

1.    Being dissatisfied doesn’t mean you have clarity about what you want. I can know I don’t like something and I can express my unhappiness with it, but if I haven’t taken the time to create a clear picture of what I DO want, the information isn’t necessarily going to lead to a better outcome.

2.    Expressing dissatisfaction is not the same as stating how you would like something to be. There is a HUGE difference between complaining and describing the outcome you want. If we aren’t clear on this difference and aren’t careful, we (yes, I’m including myself here) can fall into the trap of expressing what we don’t like and might never clearly describe what we want instead.

3.    Directness and clarity are very important. To be most effective, we should be drawing a very clear picture for the person we are communicating with. Example: “I want you to help out more” doesn’t really cut it. “I’d like you to make dinner twice a week and help with kitchen clean up” paints a much clearer picture. Ask yourself the following question: if you had what you wanted, what would it look like? THIS is the description you want to be sharing and asking for.

4.    Asking for what you want is NOT hinting, whining, complaining or describing how well this situation works in someone else’s life or business. A direct request should start with the word “I.” If you find yourself veering away from “I” statements, it’s a pretty good indication you need to practice using them.

5.    For maximum success, your request should not be reactive or emotional. This one can be tricky if stating your needs is something you really aren’t comfortable with. If this is the case, know that it gets easier with practice. Start small and choose a calm time to practice your skills.