Emotional Eating Tip Series

Welcome to a new feature on our blog. Beginning today, we’re going to be sharing a short weekly emotional eating video tip. In today’s video, you’ll learn what to do the next time a craving or an urge to overeat strikes. Hint–this works MUCH better than willpower, sitting on your hands, or trying to eat carrot sticks instead of whatever it is you’re craving! This is a tool that will help you begin to get to the root cause of your overeating and emotional eating–so you can make changes that will last.

What topics would you like to see covered as video tips? Leave a comment and let us know!

Take good care,

PS: If you are looking for a comprehensive solution to overeating and emotional eating cycles, take a look at my six week Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series –currently on special!

Melissa McCreery

What is Emotional Overeating?

April is Emotional Overeating Awareness Month and to commemorate it, I’ll be sharing a series of blog posts about emotional eating, what it is, how to be aware, and why awareness about emotional overeating is absolutely crucial for weight loss success and peace with food.

Emotional overeating is a huge topic—one that deserves far more attention than it typically gets. Overeating is itself a complex topic, with multiple causes, but a major cause of overeating, weight gain, and weight regain is emotional eating—using food as a way of attempting to cope with or control feelings. Here’s the rub—if emotional overeating isn’t addressed, if you don’t get to the root of what drives your overeating and find other strategies for addressing these issues, the overeating either returns, or gets replaced by something else that doesn’t really work and is often problematic.

Let’s start by getting clear on what emotional overeating really is.

Emotional eating is when we use food as a way of coping with feelings. Just about everybody is an emotional eater sometimes. Emotional eating becomes a problem when it is making you unhappy, getting in the way of your life, your health goals, or your ability to be at your best. Emotional eating is not a reason to blame yourself, it’s a signal that you need to look beyond food to understand what is driving your eating and to identify emotional eating tools and strategies that can really address these issues.

If you are an emotional eater, you might eat to try to take care of yourself when you have a negative emotion. An example would be drowning your sorrows over a breakup in a pint of ice cream. It might feel soothing and like comfort or a “treat,” at least for awhile.

Emotional eating can be eating as an outlet for a strong emotion. A client summed this up when she said, “I don’t like conflict with other people. I tend to avoid it. So when I get angry, I eat at people.” She likes crunchy or chewy foods. Her eating in those situations carries the message, “I’ll show them.” When she overeats in this way, she knows she is angry and she channels it into eating. The problem, of course, is that she’s the one who suffers and the anger eventually reemerges.

Another type of emotional eating is eating to go numb or to bury feelings. Another client in our emotional eating program says that she too is uncomfortable with anger and conflict, “. . . so I try to make it go away.” She uses emotional overeating to stuff feelings.” I go through the drive-thru on my way home from work and then I zone out and eat. Sometimes I don’t even taste it, but it calms me down. . . until I realize what I’ve done and get mad at myself for screwing up again.”

Emotional eating can happen in positive situations too. We live in a society that teaches us to turn to food in just about every situation. We associate food with all sorts of feelings and many people haven’t developed a lot of strategies or tools that they can use that aren’t food.

Many busy women try to use food as a form of self-care or comfort. If you’ve had a difficult day, if you are worn out and short on time, if you don’t feel comfortable prioritizing your own needs or saying no to the requests of others, food can be a convenient way to sneak in “something nice for yourself.” It can be cheap, it’s just about everywhere, and you can eat while you are doing the twenty other things on your to-do list. The problem? Eating on the fly or while multitasking is not really indulging, the eating is often mindless and unrewarding, and comfort eating or reward eating tends to leave you feeling unsatisfied and frustrated with yourself.

If you are an emotional eater, it’s important to take the time to identify your emotional eating triggers, whether they are feelings, situations, or even certain people or relationships. By getting to the root of your overeating, you can start learning how to respond with tools and strategies that are more effective. This can make a tremendous difference in your relationship with food, your desire to overeat, and, yes, the number on the scale.

In the next posts in this series, I’m going to share several things that every overeater needs to know about emotional eating and three essential keys to taking charge of emotional overeating and ending struggles with food.

Take good care,

Melissa McCreery

Does it ever feel like the only way to stop eating too much or end emotional eating is to work up enough motivation and willpower to do something you know you are going to dread? Do you feel like you “should” do something, but you don’t have a lot of confidence that anything will work for YOU?

If so, I am hosting a free teleseminar that has your name all over it!

Too many women are contorting themselves like pretzels, trying to fit themselves into plans and approaches that don’t fit them. As a result, they are not getting the results they want and deserve. Peace with food and ending emotional eating is NOT a one-size-fits-all thing. The latest best seller or infomercial is not necessarily the best thing for you. In fact, it probably isn’t.

Come to this free call and learn how to find an emotional eating solution that will fit and work for YOU.

>>>Emotional Eating Solutions: How to select the best approach for YOU when you are ready to stop eating too much.

This information is so important that I’m putting it all into a no-cost teleseminar. Come learn how to identify and find the approach to overeating or emotional eating that you need.

Here are is just some of what I plan to cover on this call:

1. What to consider: the questions to ask to optimize your success and effectiveness
2. What to do about challenges and road blocks (because who wants to get stuck or fall off track AGAIN?)
3. How to identify your key “must-haves” for success
4. Getting clear on the next steps for you that will build effectiveness and keep you motivated

I’ll also be answering your questions about the Emotional Eating Solutions Series and where you can go to get the help you are looking for.

This teleseminar takes place: April 3, 2012 at 4pm Pacific, 6pm Eastern. We’ll be recording the call and those who sign up will get access to the replay, but please do your best to be on the call live.  

Click here to learn more and to reserve your seat.

Melissa McCreery

It doesn’t matter how smart or prepared you are–eventually you find yourself facing:

• Bad news
• Mean, angry, or difficult people
• Overwhelming situations
• Conflict you’d been hoping wouldn’t appear
• Illness or tragedy
• In general, things that make us uncomfortable that we cannot control

Talk about triggers for overeating! These things happen to all of us.

“What do I do when there is very little that I can do?” can be one of the most difficult questions to sit with. The feelings of ineffectiveness can lead to unhelpful attempts to bury, avoid, or transform what you are feeling—overeating and emotional eating, drinking, procrastination, getting upset or overly focused on something else, obsessing about the details in another area of your life, wasting massive amounts of time online or in some other activity that doesn’t require much thought or emotion.

“What do I do when there is very little that I can do?” is actually a question that gets asked when we want desperately to feel effective.

Unfortunately it’s a given. You will face circumstances, relationships, and situations that you can’t change. You will feel powerless sometimes. It doesn’t feel good. And there are ways to cope with feeling powerless and ineffective that are better solutions than overeating.

Start by honoring and respecting the way that you are feeling. You may feel tempted to avoid your feelings because they are so uncomfortable. You may feel tempted to try to change how you feel or talk yourself out of it. Here’s the thing. Even if it is possible to take charge of whatever situation you are experiencing (and it might not be), that’s not the first step. Denying your own reality never did anyone any good—at least I can’t think of an example where this was the case. Start by respecting your own reality—

“I feel scared.”

“I feel sad.”

“I feel angry.”

“I feel exquisitely uncomfortable/confused/tangled up/out of control.”

You get the idea. Start where you are. Take a deep breath and know what you know about how you feel. Be respectful of your current state. You are probably feeling vulnerable or off balance, or not at your best. Acknowledge this and be gentle with yourself.

Give yourself some safe time and space just to feel. Cry. Shake. Rant into your pillow. Say out loud that you are scared or angry or lost. Give yourself permission to be and be there with yourself.

Reach out to others. Feeling powerless and ineffective is hardest when you also feel alone in the dark. Find a way of connecting that feels do-able and safe. Reach out to friends and loved ones. If that isn’t an option, look for support online or in your community, with peers, or when it’s appropriate, with a professional. Never underestimate the power of putting your feelings and your situation into words instead of dealing with it in isolation, in your head.

When you are ready, think about what you can do. You may not be able to fix or change a situation and you certainly can’t change other people, so don’t get stuck in all-or-nothing thinking that keeps you feeling powerless. Brainstorm a list of everything you could do, no matter how ridiculous or outrageous it sounds. Write it all down and remember that the situation includes not only what is actually happening, but also the feelings and the people who are in it. You may not be able to change an unpleasant person in your life, but you can probably do some things to take care of yourself or to feel better. Remember too, that when you don’t have a clue what you can do, something you can do is learn, find more tools, or ask for advice. Maybe you want to read a book about dealing with bullies and mean people or maybe you could ask the friend who is suffering what she needs. Don’t let your feelings of ineffectiveness shut you down. Acknowledge that you feel ineffective and keep brainstorming.

If it’s possible, create small instances of effectiveness when you can. Don’t underestimate or devalue the worth of small acts. If this is a situation that you can’t fix or change, do your best to stay aware of what you have control over and what you don’t. Focus on that first list and don’t beat yourself up over the second. Instead, know that this is hard stuff. One warning: constant action or “keeping busy” can also be a tempting way to try to escape uncomfortable feelings. This rarely works for long and usually burns people out. Beware of getting stuck in cycles of frantic activity because you are trying to be numb or avoid what is really going on. If you notice this happening, it’s time to go back to caring for yourself and your emotions.

Finally, know that when it comes to tough times, all you can do is your best. You’ll rarely if ever get it perfect, you may not feel confident about what you are doing, and some things will only become clear after the fact. That’s just how it is. Sometimes life is a step-at-a-time affair. Be kind to yourself.

Take good care

Melissa McCreery

Melissa McCreery

Emotional eating happens when you aren’t getting or giving yourself what you really need. Food becomes a way of trying to cope with feelings—to numb them, change them, or to try to comfort yourself when you have feelings that you don’t want to deal with directly. Many busy women trace their emotional eating to time issues.

“I take care of everyone else and there is nothing left over for me. I end up comfort eating.”

“I don’t have time to take care of me—so I eat.”

“By the time it’s my turn to get what I need, I’m too tired to do what I should do—so I eat.”

“I have so many responsibilities and so many people counting on me. I can’t begin to figure out how to fit myself in.”

The truth is that self-care and making time to respond to what you feel and need are critical ingredients to making lasting peace with food. However, when life feels so full and complicated, it’s easy to experience analysis paralysis about how or where to begin.

The place to begin is often carving out some solid space for you. You can’t get better at taking care of you unless you have the time and energy to do so. And since none of us can make time, you are probably going to have to get better at saying, “No” in some areas of your life so that you get to claim some space.

Want to know something? Some of the most capable, most professionally assertive and successful women don’t feel comfortable saying, “no” in situations where they really should. Instead of saying, “no,” they do more work. And they often find themselves at the bottom of their priority list. If you’re nodding your head, please know that it’s not just you.

Here are three nice ways to say, “no” so that you can claim more time and stop using food as a way to take care of you.

• “I’d love to but I can’t.” Notice that this is short and sweet and includes no long explanations or justifications. This is key. An effective “no” does not open the door to negotiation and arm-twisting or to discussions of any guilt feelings that you might have.
• “Unfortunately, that doesn’t work for me. I won’t be able to participate but thank you for thinking of me.” Again, you are expressing regret, being very pleasant, but keeping the conversation loop closed.
• “I’m not available to do that/participate/attend.” The essential key is remembering that commitments to you count as much as commitments to anyone else. If your calendar says “go to the gym,” then you have a prior engagement. It’s not a flimsy excuse. Self-care commitments aren’t lightweight propositions that deserve to be brushed to the side to make room for important stuff. They are the important stuff that allows you to show up as your best self to take care of everything else.

And that’s the final and most important key to saying, “No” effectively. Once you start seeing what feeds you (and I’m not talking chocolate) as essential, you’ll feel more empowered to defend the space for it. I’m guessing you always make time to brush your teeth in the morning, right? Same concept. We do what we know we have to do.

Practice saying, “No.” Start with smaller, easier stuff. Let me know how it goes.

Take good care,

Melissa McCreery

When life gets busy and you get stressed, it’s natural to look for ways to be more efficient and add more ease. The tendency is to look for things you can eliminate. Unfortunately, sometimes this doesn’t work out so well. One way to have less stress and overwhelm is to be clear on the activities and routines that are essential to preserve.

Here are eight things you don’t want to do when you are stressed out and short on time—and some tips on how to make them happen.

1. Cut back on sleep. As tempting as it may be, sleep is not the place to try to save time. Seven and a half hours seem to be the magic number. If you are getting less than this on a regular basis, you aren’t going to be as effective or creative, you are likely to be hungrier, and have a lower tolerance for stress. NOT what you want when life is demanding.
    
2. Cross yourself out of your schedule. When you are looking at an over-full calendar, it’s tempting to see your own stuff as expendable and put yourself last. Too often it’s the stuff that keeps you functioning (sleep, exercise, healthy meals, stress relieving activities) that are the first things crossed off your schedule. You know better. Instead of eliminating the good stuff, consider cutting back if you have to. Shorter workouts, simple fast meals, quick phone calls to friends, and less aiming for perfection in areas that don’t really matter.
    
3. Multitask like crazy. Multitasking requires your brain to work in more than one direction at once. Guess what—it can’t do that. So instead of being “efficient,” you end up asking your brain to switch back and forth between tasks. Neither gets the attention it deserves. Is it okay to clean the sink while you’re on hold with your cell phone provider? Of course, but multitask with care.
    
4. Eating on the go. This is a form of multitasking. You should know that women who eat while they are doing something else tend to eat more and feel less satisfied with what they have eaten. Make the shift to viewing your mealtime as an opportunity to get grounded and be present with yourself. That’s the kind of multitasking that works. Savor your food and allow yourself to enjoy the calories. Pay attention to how you are feeling, whether you are hungry or full, tense, relaxed, anxious, or bored. Practice asking yourself what you need that is not food. It only takes a few minutes and it can make all the difference in the rest of your day (as well as with your eating and your weight).
   
   
5. Skip the pre-game planning. When life is crazy, it’s tempting to just jump in and start moving. The problem is, we all know how easy it is to spend a day working hard and still not really feel like we’ve accomplished much. Investing ten minutes on the front end of your day to get clear on your priorities, adjust your mindset for success, and address any potential hurdles will be worth its weight in gold–and it will probably save you stress and time in the long run.
    
6. Underestimate the power of ten. Have you noticed that many of the things I’m reminding you not to skip can be done in small ways? If you are telling yourself, “I don’t have time,” ask yourself whether you can think smaller. Don’t get caught in the high-achiever head trap of all-or-nothing-thinking. Just because you don’t have time for an hour-long cardio workout doesn’t mean you can’t go for a ten minute walk. Five minutes of journaling might untangle your brain. A ten minute email might get you the help or the answer you need to save hours. Taking ten minutes to transition after work might save you a pre-dinner pig-out session with the holiday cookies. When you’re stressed and overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to allow yourself a little breathing space.
    
7. Go it alone. “It’s quicker for me to do it myself” is the phrase that leads to a lot of unnecessary stress. It may seem like it in the moment, but trying to do everything will set you up for vicious cycles of overload and overwhelm. Ask for help. Be specific. If you can’t be specific, tell someone you trust, “Is there a way that you could help with this?” You may just be amazed at the results you get.
    
8. Skip meals. “I didn’t have time for lunch” often leads to an evening of eating that feels out of control. If you manage to control your eating, you’re likely to feel tired, edgy, headachey, and no fun. Remember the ten minute rule. If you have a list of quick, healthy options, eating doesn’t take a lot of time. If you don’t have a list, make one now. Five to ten things you can grab that will keep you fueled and on track. Keep it simple—tuna, Greek yogurt, almonds, cheese sticks. Stuff that will stay with you and won’t lead to a blood sugar slump in the afternoon or evening.

What must-dos keep you on track when life threatens to pull you off course? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Take good care,

Melissa McCreery

Maybe you haven’t lost the weight you committed to lose this year. The days are shorter and you aren’t exercising the way you planned. Or perhaps holiday overeating is well underway and you’ve decided it’s hopeless—for now anyway. Are you one of the many women who is now ending her sentences with the phrase “in January” or “after New Year’s”?

• “I’m going back to the gym . . . in January.”
• “I’m going to get back to (fill in your favorite weight loss plan here) . . . in January.”
• “After New Year’s, I’m going to get serious about my eating/stress/_______.”
• “I know I’m an emotional eater and I’m going to get some help with that . . . in January.”

Yes, it’s the holiday season, and for many of you it’s busy or challenging in its own way. And in spite of what you may be thinking, it’s exactly NOT the time to give up on yourself or to put yourself on hold. In fact, you have three weeks of your year remaining. This is time when you can have an impact, nurture some new habits, and prevent yourself from having to dig yourself out of a hole come January 1st. And guess what? It’s possible to do all this without adding to stress and overwhelm.

How to jumpstart your success before the New Year

You doubt me don’t you? The truth is, the holiday season may not be the time to overhaul your life or your habits, but it’s a fine time to start building the kind of incremental change that can work wonders—because this is exactly the kind of change that tends to last. Instead of throwing your priorities to the wind or declaring that there is “no time for me,” this is a time when you can start to build your sense of effectiveness in small but powerful ways.

Your December Jumpstart has two steps

Pick the area of your life that you’d like to focus on. Eating? Managing stress? Physical activity? Self-care? Now think small and think do-able. What’s one small consistent step that you can and will commit to over the next three weeks? This should be something that you want to start or some fragile habit that you want to commit to nourishing and maintaining. If you feel doubtful about your ability to take this step, you aren’t thinking small enough.

Warning: Thinking small is a real challenge for many of you because you are high-achievers. You are likely to devalue small steps and automatically double them. Don’t do this. It won’t work for a jump start.

• Examples of a small step:
• Taking your vitamins every day.
• Drinking eight glasses of water a day.
• Taking a ten minute walk at lunch.
• Spending five minutes every morning writing in your journal.
• Asking for help with something once a day.

Choose the small step that you will commit to and simply start moving forward.

Another warning: You may be tempted to choose many small steps. Again, one small step may not seem like “enough.” The truth is, huge change is built on the backs of small consistent steps, AND taking on too many things at once can lead to a breakdown in all of them. If you are tempted, you can choose two or three small steps, but no more.

Step Two: Commit to me-time.

If you aren’t already doing this, this may be one of the most valuable steps you ever take. And if you start doing this now, you are going to be well on your way to a powerhouse of a new habit by January 1.

Here are the rules of the Jumpstart: commit to taking ten minutes a day connecting with yourself. That’s it. Ten minutes listening to you. It might be ten minutes of quiet meditation, ten minutes of journaling, yoga, or stretching. Maybe you’ll do it on a ten minute walk or while drinking your morning coffee.

Don’t over complicate this, and don’t underestimate its power. These ten minutes will help you stay clear on your priorities, your feelings and your needs. They can help you identify what is going well in your life, what’s stressing you out, and how you want to respond. These ten minutes have helped many women before you with everything from emotional eating, relationship stress, procrastination, overload, overcommitment, and a general lack of mojo.

Yes, you can throw in the towel, call it a year, and check back in with yourself on January 1st. But what might you accomplish if you start really learning the art of do-able self-care today?

Take good care,

Photo Credit

Melissa McCreery

Too Much on Her Plate Week is here—the doors are open and I don’t want you to miss the celebration!

Melissa McCreery

We're celebrating Too Much on Her Plate Week from November 14-November 21, 2011. In honor of you, I've asked some of my favorite experts to donate gifts and giveaways designed to help you take charge of overwhelm, overload, and overeating AND help you create more ease, joy, and success in your life. Today's guest post is by Paula Eder. To claim her free gift and choose from almost 20 others, go to http://TooMuchonHerPlateWeek.com between November 14-21, 2011.

Have you ever heard of strong time?  It’s a powerful (and empowering) way of looking at time that the philosopher Mircea Eliade describes in his landmark book The Sacred and the Profane.  He divides our experience of time into sacred and profane time and explores the profound transformation that occurs when people experience and embrace sacred time – or strong time – as he also calls it.  

He calls strong time more "real" than profane time, though there is nothing wrong with profane time.  It is linear and geared to practical problem solving. It’s well suited to many life tasks but it does not and cannot provide the experience of depth and meaning that is offered through the experience of strong time.

So, time management skills that increase your efficiency and help you attain your goals operate in the realm of profane time.  Heart-based time management embraces those practical tools AND offers a path to an ever deepening experience of each moment, opening doors to strong time in your life.

Imagine giving yourself the gift of the time and space you need to expand, deepen, and recharge your energy? What if you gave that to yourself each and every day?  Can you picture the powerful impact it would have?  

Heart-based time management’s deepest and most powerful promises are tapped by opening to the vistas of your own unexplored potential.  And you may be very surprised at how little time it actually takes to open yourself and experience your connection to strong time.

What is needed is your choice to take a moment and set down the daily demands that can be so all-consuming.  Then take the brave and gentle risk of stopping, turning toward yourself for a moment, and stepping onto unfamiliar ground.  

How?  

Here are 3 Heart-Based Secrets to Creating Strong Time …

1.  Create a vivid mental picture of what your best and deepest experience of time feels like.
Sharpen your image with these three questions:
•    What moments fill my heart with wonder and appreciation?
•    When do I feel both deeply rooted and free to explore?
•    When do I embrace solitude yet feel deeply connected with others?

Whenever you fully immerse yourself in your present moment, you are giving yourself an opportunity to connect with strong time – the deepest experience of integration and renewal.  Anyone and everyone can experience this wonderful depth and expansiveness.

2.    Identify what activities help move you along the path of strong time.
Strong time is not about duration but about depth. You will find your own path into your own strong time.  These ideas and activities can help you open the door to strong time:
•    Turn inward to deeply relax.
•    Let compassion soften and broaden your perspective.
•    Actively appreciate yourself and others, simply for being.

How you do this is very personal.  Some might restore themselves through deep quiet.  Others access strong time while swimming, running, playing music, creating art or during moments of profound connection with nature.  There is no right path – the key is to find your path.  

3.    Schedule time and space for strong time in your day.
Finding time is always a challenge.  That’s why it’s so important to schedule this time – and then stick to your schedule.  You might try creating a personal ritual to invite strong time into your life on a daily basis.
Remember, it’s not about the duration but the depth.  Stopping to hear the wind moving through the trees can open you to strong time.  And whenever you open to strong time, you are expanding your experience of time, of yourself … of everything that touches this moment in time.    

So, how can you schedule strong time today to start exploring this heart-based path and letting yourself feel your deepest personal power?

Here’s one idea for taking your next step.  Sign up for our free gift, "The New Finding Time Boundary Template: 9 Simple, Sequential Steps to Find More Time and Recharge Your Energy!" at http://thetimefinder.com/Template.html  This time template will help you move beyond overwhelm, disappointment, and frustration. Using a workbook format, with room to record your answers, you will discover that 24 hours really are enough!

Melissa McCreery