Emotional eating happens when you aren’t getting or giving yourself what you really need. Food becomes a way of trying to cope with feelings—to numb them, change them, or to try to comfort yourself when you have feelings that you don’t want to deal with directly. Many busy women trace their emotional eating to time issues.

“I take care of everyone else and there is nothing left over for me. I end up comfort eating.”

“I don’t have time to take care of me—so I eat.”

“By the time it’s my turn to get what I need, I’m too tired to do what I should do—so I eat.”

“I have so many responsibilities and so many people counting on me. I can’t begin to figure out how to fit myself in.”

The truth is that self-care and making time to respond to what you feel and need are critical ingredients to making lasting peace with food. However, when life feels so full and complicated, it’s easy to experience analysis paralysis about how or where to begin.

The place to begin is often carving out some solid space for you. You can’t get better at taking care of you unless you have the time and energy to do so. And since none of us can make time, you are probably going to have to get better at saying, “No” in some areas of your life so that you get to claim some space.

Want to know something? Some of the most capable, most professionally assertive and successful women don’t feel comfortable saying, “no” in situations where they really should. Instead of saying, “no,” they do more work. And they often find themselves at the bottom of their priority list. If you’re nodding your head, please know that it’s not just you.

Here are three nice ways to say, “no” so that you can claim more time and stop using food as a way to take care of you.

• “I’d love to but I can’t.” Notice that this is short and sweet and includes no long explanations or justifications. This is key. An effective “no” does not open the door to negotiation and arm-twisting or to discussions of any guilt feelings that you might have.
• “Unfortunately, that doesn’t work for me. I won’t be able to participate but thank you for thinking of me.” Again, you are expressing regret, being very pleasant, but keeping the conversation loop closed.
• “I’m not available to do that/participate/attend.” The essential key is remembering that commitments to you count as much as commitments to anyone else. If your calendar says “go to the gym,” then you have a prior engagement. It’s not a flimsy excuse. Self-care commitments aren’t lightweight propositions that deserve to be brushed to the side to make room for important stuff. They are the important stuff that allows you to show up as your best self to take care of everything else.

And that’s the final and most important key to saying, “No” effectively. Once you start seeing what feeds you (and I’m not talking chocolate) as essential, you’ll feel more empowered to defend the space for it. I’m guessing you always make time to brush your teeth in the morning, right? Same concept. We do what we know we have to do.

Practice saying, “No.” Start with smaller, easier stuff. Let me know how it goes.

Take good care,

When life gets busy and you get stressed, it’s natural to look for ways to be more efficient and add more ease. The tendency is to look for things you can eliminate. Unfortunately, sometimes this doesn’t work out so well. One way to have less stress and overwhelm is to be clear on the activities and routines that are essential to preserve.

Here are eight things you don’t want to do when you are stressed out and short on time—and some tips on how to make them happen.

1. Cut back on sleep. As tempting as it may be, sleep is not the place to try to save time. Seven and a half hours seem to be the magic number. If you are getting less than this on a regular basis, you aren’t going to be as effective or creative, you are likely to be hungrier, and have a lower tolerance for stress. NOT what you want when life is demanding.
    
2. Cross yourself out of your schedule. When you are looking at an over-full calendar, it’s tempting to see your own stuff as expendable and put yourself last. Too often it’s the stuff that keeps you functioning (sleep, exercise, healthy meals, stress relieving activities) that are the first things crossed off your schedule. You know better. Instead of eliminating the good stuff, consider cutting back if you have to. Shorter workouts, simple fast meals, quick phone calls to friends, and less aiming for perfection in areas that don’t really matter.
    
3. Multitask like crazy. Multitasking requires your brain to work in more than one direction at once. Guess what—it can’t do that. So instead of being “efficient,” you end up asking your brain to switch back and forth between tasks. Neither gets the attention it deserves. Is it okay to clean the sink while you’re on hold with your cell phone provider? Of course, but multitask with care.
    
4. Eating on the go. This is a form of multitasking. You should know that women who eat while they are doing something else tend to eat more and feel less satisfied with what they have eaten. Make the shift to viewing your mealtime as an opportunity to get grounded and be present with yourself. That’s the kind of multitasking that works. Savor your food and allow yourself to enjoy the calories. Pay attention to how you are feeling, whether you are hungry or full, tense, relaxed, anxious, or bored. Practice asking yourself what you need that is not food. It only takes a few minutes and it can make all the difference in the rest of your day (as well as with your eating and your weight).
   
   
5. Skip the pre-game planning. When life is crazy, it’s tempting to just jump in and start moving. The problem is, we all know how easy it is to spend a day working hard and still not really feel like we’ve accomplished much. Investing ten minutes on the front end of your day to get clear on your priorities, adjust your mindset for success, and address any potential hurdles will be worth its weight in gold–and it will probably save you stress and time in the long run.
    
6. Underestimate the power of ten. Have you noticed that many of the things I’m reminding you not to skip can be done in small ways? If you are telling yourself, “I don’t have time,” ask yourself whether you can think smaller. Don’t get caught in the high-achiever head trap of all-or-nothing-thinking. Just because you don’t have time for an hour-long cardio workout doesn’t mean you can’t go for a ten minute walk. Five minutes of journaling might untangle your brain. A ten minute email might get you the help or the answer you need to save hours. Taking ten minutes to transition after work might save you a pre-dinner pig-out session with the holiday cookies. When you’re stressed and overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to allow yourself a little breathing space.
    
7. Go it alone. “It’s quicker for me to do it myself” is the phrase that leads to a lot of unnecessary stress. It may seem like it in the moment, but trying to do everything will set you up for vicious cycles of overload and overwhelm. Ask for help. Be specific. If you can’t be specific, tell someone you trust, “Is there a way that you could help with this?” You may just be amazed at the results you get.
    
8. Skip meals. “I didn’t have time for lunch” often leads to an evening of eating that feels out of control. If you manage to control your eating, you’re likely to feel tired, edgy, headachey, and no fun. Remember the ten minute rule. If you have a list of quick, healthy options, eating doesn’t take a lot of time. If you don’t have a list, make one now. Five to ten things you can grab that will keep you fueled and on track. Keep it simple—tuna, Greek yogurt, almonds, cheese sticks. Stuff that will stay with you and won’t lead to a blood sugar slump in the afternoon or evening.

What must-dos keep you on track when life threatens to pull you off course? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

Take good care,

Maybe you haven’t lost the weight you committed to lose this year. The days are shorter and you aren’t exercising the way you planned. Or perhaps holiday overeating is well underway and you’ve decided it’s hopeless—for now anyway. Are you one of the many women who is now ending her sentences with the phrase “in January” or “after New Year’s”?

• “I’m going back to the gym . . . in January.”
• “I’m going to get back to (fill in your favorite weight loss plan here) . . . in January.”
• “After New Year’s, I’m going to get serious about my eating/stress/_______.”
• “I know I’m an emotional eater and I’m going to get some help with that . . . in January.”

Yes, it’s the holiday season, and for many of you it’s busy or challenging in its own way. And in spite of what you may be thinking, it’s exactly NOT the time to give up on yourself or to put yourself on hold. In fact, you have three weeks of your year remaining. This is time when you can have an impact, nurture some new habits, and prevent yourself from having to dig yourself out of a hole come January 1st. And guess what? It’s possible to do all this without adding to stress and overwhelm.

How to jumpstart your success before the New Year

You doubt me don’t you? The truth is, the holiday season may not be the time to overhaul your life or your habits, but it’s a fine time to start building the kind of incremental change that can work wonders—because this is exactly the kind of change that tends to last. Instead of throwing your priorities to the wind or declaring that there is “no time for me,” this is a time when you can start to build your sense of effectiveness in small but powerful ways.

Your December Jumpstart has two steps

Pick the area of your life that you’d like to focus on. Eating? Managing stress? Physical activity? Self-care? Now think small and think do-able. What’s one small consistent step that you can and will commit to over the next three weeks? This should be something that you want to start or some fragile habit that you want to commit to nourishing and maintaining. If you feel doubtful about your ability to take this step, you aren’t thinking small enough.

Warning: Thinking small is a real challenge for many of you because you are high-achievers. You are likely to devalue small steps and automatically double them. Don’t do this. It won’t work for a jump start.

• Examples of a small step:
• Taking your vitamins every day.
• Drinking eight glasses of water a day.
• Taking a ten minute walk at lunch.
• Spending five minutes every morning writing in your journal.
• Asking for help with something once a day.

Choose the small step that you will commit to and simply start moving forward.

Another warning: You may be tempted to choose many small steps. Again, one small step may not seem like “enough.” The truth is, huge change is built on the backs of small consistent steps, AND taking on too many things at once can lead to a breakdown in all of them. If you are tempted, you can choose two or three small steps, but no more.

Step Two: Commit to me-time.

If you aren’t already doing this, this may be one of the most valuable steps you ever take. And if you start doing this now, you are going to be well on your way to a powerhouse of a new habit by January 1.

Here are the rules of the Jumpstart: commit to taking ten minutes a day connecting with yourself. That’s it. Ten minutes listening to you. It might be ten minutes of quiet meditation, ten minutes of journaling, yoga, or stretching. Maybe you’ll do it on a ten minute walk or while drinking your morning coffee.

Don’t over complicate this, and don’t underestimate its power. These ten minutes will help you stay clear on your priorities, your feelings and your needs. They can help you identify what is going well in your life, what’s stressing you out, and how you want to respond. These ten minutes have helped many women before you with everything from emotional eating, relationship stress, procrastination, overload, overcommitment, and a general lack of mojo.

Yes, you can throw in the towel, call it a year, and check back in with yourself on January 1st. But what might you accomplish if you start really learning the art of do-able self-care today?

Take good care,

Photo Credit

Too Much on Her Plate Week is here—the doors are open and I don’t want you to miss the celebration!

We're celebrating Too Much on Her Plate Week from November 14-November 21, 2011. In honor of you, I've asked some of my favorite experts to donate gifts and giveaways designed to help you take charge of overwhelm, overload, and overeating AND help you create more ease, joy, and success in your life. Today's guest post is by Paula Eder. To claim her free gift and choose from almost 20 others, go to http://TooMuchonHerPlateWeek.com between November 14-21, 2011.

Have you ever heard of strong time?  It’s a powerful (and empowering) way of looking at time that the philosopher Mircea Eliade describes in his landmark book The Sacred and the Profane.  He divides our experience of time into sacred and profane time and explores the profound transformation that occurs when people experience and embrace sacred time – or strong time – as he also calls it.  

He calls strong time more "real" than profane time, though there is nothing wrong with profane time.  It is linear and geared to practical problem solving. It’s well suited to many life tasks but it does not and cannot provide the experience of depth and meaning that is offered through the experience of strong time.

So, time management skills that increase your efficiency and help you attain your goals operate in the realm of profane time.  Heart-based time management embraces those practical tools AND offers a path to an ever deepening experience of each moment, opening doors to strong time in your life.

Imagine giving yourself the gift of the time and space you need to expand, deepen, and recharge your energy? What if you gave that to yourself each and every day?  Can you picture the powerful impact it would have?  

Heart-based time management’s deepest and most powerful promises are tapped by opening to the vistas of your own unexplored potential.  And you may be very surprised at how little time it actually takes to open yourself and experience your connection to strong time.

What is needed is your choice to take a moment and set down the daily demands that can be so all-consuming.  Then take the brave and gentle risk of stopping, turning toward yourself for a moment, and stepping onto unfamiliar ground.  

How?  

Here are 3 Heart-Based Secrets to Creating Strong Time …

1.  Create a vivid mental picture of what your best and deepest experience of time feels like.
Sharpen your image with these three questions:
•    What moments fill my heart with wonder and appreciation?
•    When do I feel both deeply rooted and free to explore?
•    When do I embrace solitude yet feel deeply connected with others?

Whenever you fully immerse yourself in your present moment, you are giving yourself an opportunity to connect with strong time – the deepest experience of integration and renewal.  Anyone and everyone can experience this wonderful depth and expansiveness.

2.    Identify what activities help move you along the path of strong time.
Strong time is not about duration but about depth. You will find your own path into your own strong time.  These ideas and activities can help you open the door to strong time:
•    Turn inward to deeply relax.
•    Let compassion soften and broaden your perspective.
•    Actively appreciate yourself and others, simply for being.

How you do this is very personal.  Some might restore themselves through deep quiet.  Others access strong time while swimming, running, playing music, creating art or during moments of profound connection with nature.  There is no right path – the key is to find your path.  

3.    Schedule time and space for strong time in your day.
Finding time is always a challenge.  That’s why it’s so important to schedule this time – and then stick to your schedule.  You might try creating a personal ritual to invite strong time into your life on a daily basis.
Remember, it’s not about the duration but the depth.  Stopping to hear the wind moving through the trees can open you to strong time.  And whenever you open to strong time, you are expanding your experience of time, of yourself … of everything that touches this moment in time.    

So, how can you schedule strong time today to start exploring this heart-based path and letting yourself feel your deepest personal power?

Here’s one idea for taking your next step.  Sign up for our free gift, "The New Finding Time Boundary Template: 9 Simple, Sequential Steps to Find More Time and Recharge Your Energy!" at http://thetimefinder.com/Template.html  This time template will help you move beyond overwhelm, disappointment, and frustration. Using a workbook format, with room to record your answers, you will discover that 24 hours really are enough!

We're celebrating Too Much on Her Plate Week from November 14-November 21, 2011. In honor of you, I've asked some of my favorite experts to donate gifts and giveaways designed to help you take charge of overwhelm, overload, and overeating AND help you create more ease, joy, and success in your life. Today's guest post is by Annie Rohrback. To claim her free gift and choose from almost 20 others, go to http://TooMuchonHerPlateWeek.com between November 14-21, 2011.

Powerful results can happen when you take time to think about and become more aware of what it most important to you and what you really want. Remember, what you focus on increases. If you focus on the qualities you want to experience more fully, you will have a greater experience of them! You will notice and attract more things and people around you who bring these qualities to you. I encourage you to pay attention. It can be quite magical.

 

Several years ago I wanted to experience more balance in my life because I found myself spending way too much time helping others and not taking care of myself. Balance and self-care became important values to me. When I was asked to do even more, remembering these qualities of life that I wanted to focus on allowed me to not only decline further requests, but also helped me reduce some of the responsibilities I already had. Once I became more consciously aware of these qualities and kept them in my mind more frequently, it was easier to get back in balance and take care of myself. I very intentionally took time for long walks, massages, and more visits with loved ones. This also led to updating my office to reflect my expansion, and paved the way for me to develop and teach classes.

 

When you think about getting organized and simplifying, what are some values or “qualities of life” that you would like to experience more fully?

           

Choosing a few words that mean something to you in this moment can serve as guideposts when you are making decisions about what to let go of and what to keep. Take a few deep breaths as you read over this list and make your choices.

 

Here are a few examples of qualities of life:

We're celebrating Too Much on Her Plate Week from November 14-November 21, 2011. In honor of you, I've asked some of my favorite experts to donate gifts and giveaways designed to help you take charge of overwhelm, overload, and overeating AND help you create more ease, joy, and success in your life. Today's guest post is by Therese Skelly. To claim her free gift and choose from almost 20 others, go to http://TooMuchonHerPlateWeek.com between November 14-21, 2011.

How to take control of the stress in your business

Have you ever noticed that having a business can be both exciting, AND stressful?

It takes a bit of work, but if done properly, you can manage your mindset and stay on top of the stressful elements in your business. You just need to realize that managing your energy is your #1 job!  Here are two ideas for you to begin exploring that will get you back to center quickly.

Come Clean – Be honest.  You can’t do anything about a problem if you don’t acknowledge it.  So what does stress mean to you?  How does it look?  And what are your unique ways of doing it?

These are some common symptoms that I see –

·         Overwhelm because you don’t know what to do next

·         Lack of sleep because your mind is going over and over and over…..

·         Self-doubt which causes you to under charge

·         Loss of productivity (because you are just doing mindless busy work all day)

·         A dip in revenue because marketing stops or slows down

·         Immobilization because at this point, shutting down feels like a good solution

The way out of this is truthfully some good old self-reflection.  An exercise which would be helpful would be to notice when you are at your peak what you experience.  How do you show up?  What do you do?  What thoughts are in your mind that feel supportive?  Now do the opposite.  When you break down or get stressed or overwhelmed, what’s going on?  The problem most of us have is that we are such little worker-bees that we don’t notice that we are getting fried!  Taking the time to map out your ‘stress cycle’ will give you the heads up when you are sliding back there.

Stop the Spinning – Good for you.  You have acknowledged that you may be a bit stressed.  And now it’s time to get off the merry-go-round for a bit.  In this phase you will consciously notice that you have slipped into stress and now make conscious decisions to do something different.  Notice a lot of emphasis on the word CONSCIOUS because for most of us, getting out of our zone and on the stress-train is usually unconscious.  No one chose that destination, but suddenly we wake up one day and it’s like, “Holy Cow….how did I get here?  The big red sign that says “STOP” is just what you need to do right now.

Set your Course – Phase three is where you now look at what you are aiming toward.  There is a fine dance between the details of today and the dreams of tomorrow.  If you are too mired in the details, you’ll be overwhelmed with all there is and how to crank it all out.  Being too caught up into the big dream for your future will have you not knowing what you are working on next to move you forward.

Here’s what you do – Pick a relatively short term goal like 3 to 6 months out.  Then you will list all the tasks that need to happen in order to get that done.  After you list all the tasks via a big brain dump, you will calendar it.  What happens most often when folks are stressed is that they don’t know what to work on next and they have VERY unrealistic time frames set up. This method will allow you to not only stay focused on the bigger picture goal, but will also solve the “what to do tomorrow” challenge as well.  And one more thing….make sure you have a visual reminder of that big goal.  It’s easy to get lost and stressed about the minutia, so having the tangible thing to focus on can keep you in the game a bit more.

There you have it. Remember to notice, slow down, and get realistic and doable goals. That will be you back on track in no time.

 

Therese works with service professionals who love what they do but haven’t gotten their work out in the world in the biggest way possible.  She blends her background of being a psychotherapist, strategist, and business consultant to work on both the inner game challenges and the outer game tactics and is passionate about helping people create businesses they will love. Learn more about Therese at www.HappyinBusiness.com

 

So many of you have contacted me to ask about how my marathon adventure went. I wasn’t sure what to share from this phenomenal day—it was simply so BIG. I could have written a post about all the great memories I have, but I decided to share something more personal. I’m a pretty private person, but something happened on the course that I think is important—because it’s a part of life that doesn’t really get shared amongst high-achievers. So here it is—the good, the great, and how I almost got stuck in my own stuff. 

On November 6, 2011, I crossed the starting line of my fourth marathon—my dream race—the New York City Marathon. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years. Although I’ve run 26.2 miles before, I’ve never run a race like this. There IS no other race like this. The experience of running with 47,000 other people in the largest marathon in the world is simply beyond words.The start alone involved helicopters full of photographers circling overhead and fireboats in the water below as a cannon went off, someone belted out, “New York, New York,” and we took off over the longest suspension bridge in the world—the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge, spanning from Staten Island to Brooklyn.

Thank goodness, my Inner Champion was along for the ride run.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been so happy to cross a finish line, and when the volunteer handed me my medal, I was so proud. I made my dream happen. I ran the streets of New York City. I did my best and I earned this medal. I will remember this day forever—and it was a very good day.

Thanks to all of you who sent good wishes and support. I felt it. Oh, and by the way, for all of you who are wondering, I chose the paisley running skirt. Turns out, it was just right .

We're celebrating Too Much on Her Plate Week from November 14-November 21, 2011. In honor of you, I've asked some of my favorite experts to donate gifts and giveaways designed to help you take charge of overwhelm, overload, and overeating AND help you create more ease, joy, and success in your life. Today's guest post is by Lorie Marerro. To claim her free gift and choose from almost 20 others, go to http://TooMuchonHerPlateWeek.com between November 14-21, 2011.

When our Clutter Diet® members win our monthly Success Stories contest, they get some cool prizes, such as $100 from Rubbermaid and a 30-minute phone consultation. They send us photos to enter, and recently I saw a couple of them with these cute kitschy kitchen signs, some of which were really funny.

• I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too! (MESSAGE: Creative people can't be organized.)
• I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day! (MESSAGE: I don't keep a clean house.)
• If you write in the dust, please don’t date it! (MESSAGE: I am not going to clean for a long time.)
• I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener! (MESSAGE: I don't have it together to even cook a meal.)
• My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it! (MESSAGE: I am not going to clean again for a while.)
• A clean house is the sign of a wasted life. (MESSAGE: Cleaning and organizing is not a worthwhile activity.) 
• Dull women have immaculate houses. (MESSAGE: If I get things organized, I won't be an interesting person anymore.)

Lorie Marrero is a bestselling author and creator of ClutterDiet.com, an innovative program allowing anyone to get expert organizing help at an affordable price. She is the spokesperson for Goodwill Industries International and a sought-after media expert. Lorie writes weekly as the organizing expert for Good Housekeeping's Home Style blog. Click here to learn more.