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Weight Loss Without Dieting: The Weight You Can Stop Carrying – Part 1

August 4th, 2010, 1 Comment »

Are you carrying around weight that you can put down? This is a question that’s crucial to your long-term success.

I don’t need to tell you that losing weight is hard work—really hard work. What I can share is that many people get stuck in attitudes and ways of thinking that make losing weight even harder. Some attitudes that people often think of as motivating, actually tend to de-motivate us. Trying to lose weight with these mindsets is like trying to climb a mountain carrying a fifty pound boulder. The journey is much easier if we put the boulder down.

JUDGMENT & SELF-CRITICISM

When a new client begins to talk to me about her weight struggles, I can often feel the heaviness that enters the conversation. Her voice may change, her posture slumps, she may adopt an expression of embarrassment or shame or guilt. Her energy dips. Clients talking about attempts to lose weight often stop making eye contact and sound very tired, and frustrated, even angry with themselves. Repeated attempts at weight loss (and repeated weight regain) leave people frustrated and cynical about their ability to succeed. Clients often tell me how “they have failed at weight loss.” They feel defeated and angry with themselves before they even start their next attempt.

Here’s the thing: when we don’t succeed at an undertaking, we are not failures. It is our plan or our approach that has not worked. Beating ourselves up gets us nowhere, and it diverts us from the powerful and important task of reevaluating, taking inventory and making corrections to our approach so that we can get back on target. In addition, the negativity and self blame weigh down our future attempts at success by causing us to feel less capable and less hopeful.

When we’re the most disappointed, the most frustrated and the most vulnerable, many of us have this thoroughly unreasonable idea that an emotional version of the slap-upside-the-head is what’s needed. If we allow it, the critical voices in our head that tell us we’re “not good enough” or lazy or incapable can really take control. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve heard tell me the harsh, awful, demeaning things their judgmental inner critic tells them about themselves and then, in the same breath, tell me how carefully they listen to it! This is not helpful!

The first step in creating a successful plan for weight loss is to attack that judgmental attitude head-on. If you’ve been frustrated in your efforts to lose weight in the past, it wasn’t you that failed—it was your plan that didn’t work. Anger and self-critical judgment don’t effectively motivate anyone for more than very short periods of time, and long-term, these attitudes will get you seriously off track.

Keep an eye out for my next post where I’ll lay out some simple and practical ways to overcome those inner voices that keep you from your goals.

Take good care,

Are You an Over-achieving Emotional Eater?

April 26th, 2010, 1 Comment »

If you are a stress eater or struggle with emotional eating of any kind, you know how frustrating it can be. Emotional overeating is one of the primary reasons it can be so hard to achieve weight loss that lasts—and ongoing weight loss battles are a huge energy drain. The weight loss industry is a big business, and there are plenty of plans, approaches, and “experts” out there, willing to “help you” in the search for a slimming solution that lasts.

Before you try the latest idea, here’s a question to consider: Do you need more weight loss wisdom, or is over-achieving actually making weight loss harder? In your quest to achieve success, are you creating overload and overwhelming yourself? It’s an important question, because this can create a big overeating and weight trap for busy women with high expectations.

I recently heard a great comment from someone about overwhelm. She said that even accessing the highest quality help, information, and ideas can feel like being hit by an avalanche if we have too much of it.  If you’ll excuse a food-related metaphor: when the portion is too big, even the best help isn’t digestible. And yet, if you are someone who expects a lot from yourself, you are likely to be haunted by a question that can get you into trouble:

“What else can I do?” or “What should I be doing?”

Are you always adding to your weight loss to-do list? Taking action is a strategy that we use to be effective when we feel out of control. And while taking action is the first step in creating success, taking too many actions creates overwhelm. Are you falling into this trap?

Here are some signs that you are an over-achieving emotional eater:

• Are you an emotional eater who has a bedside table heaped with the latest books on the topic?
• Do you know so much about nutrition and weight loss science that you can’t make a decision about what to eat anymore—because you’ve heard so much contradictory advice?
• Do your attempts to lose weight turn into life overhauls and plans for change that quickly overwhelm you and that feel much too hard to stick with?
• When you finish a task or arrive at a “pause” in your day, do you automatically ask, “what should I do now?”
• Do you have a hard time doing nothing?
• In spite of all your effort, are you feeling stuck or ineffective when it comes to losing weight or eating the way that is best for you?

Over-achieving causes overwhelm. It increases the overall level of stress in your life. If you are an over-achiever in the area of health and weight loss, it could easily be preventing the very goals that you are trying to achieve. Women who are trapped in a cycle of constant activity and “always doing more” end up being exhausted and less productive in the long run. Not only do overwhelm and stress lead to overeating for many women, there’s another problem with over-achieving: constant activity can keep you from seeing the real solution.

Here’s what happens when we over-achieve. We can get so focused on “getting it right” and “figuring it out” that we aim all our energy in the wrong direction and we create a cycle of working very hard but not getting anywhere. That’s what yo-yo dieters are experiencing. They are caught up in a cycle of taking drastic action to lose weight, but they are so busy “achieving” that they haven’t created a blueprint that will allow them to create lasting success.

Stay tuned for my next post. I’m going to share my tips for how to break out of the over-achiever cycle and create a path for change that will last–and not burn you out!

Take good care,

Are you an emotional eater ready to make these changes in your life? The Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series starts soon. This six week program is all about creating a lasting blueprint for successfully taking control of emotional eating—in a do-able way that fits with your unique life. You can find out all about the program here.

Free Teleseminar: Get Back In the Driver’s Seat With Overeating, Binge Eating and Emotional Eating: How to Stop Struggling and Make Peace With Food

April 12th, 2010, No Comments »

Spring Smart Woman’s Teleseminar: Register Now

I love spring and associate it with freshness and renewal and beginnings. Unfortunately, many women I talk to associate it with bathing suit shopping, and pressures to shape up and lose weight. Right now, they are starting to prepare for another disappointing ride on the diet roller coaster (you know–the ride with lots of ups and downs where you always end up right where you started). There really is a better way. Please know, that if you are tired of struggling with overeating or emotional eating, there is a way out that doesn’t involve going through the vicious cycle or the endless yo-yo dieting that you may feel trapped in.

Just in time for spring, I’m offering a free teleseminar with a big title: Get Back In the Driver’s Seat With Overeating, Binge Eating and Emotional Eating: How to Stop Struggling and Make Peace With Food

Here’s the agenda:

• Find out why diets don’t work and the missing ingredient you need to be effective
• Learn how to identify what you are really craving (if you are overeating—it’s not food) and the problem with “food rules”
• Discover what you should be paying attention to that you probably aren’t
• Learn how you can create your own customized blueprint for making peace with food—once and for all

… and much more.

You’ll also be the first to hear about the new session of the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series, which kicks off  May 11, 2010 and some of the new benefits that I’ve added.

This free teleseminar that takes place Tuesday, April 20, 2010 at 3pm Pacific, 4pm Mountain, 5pm Central, and 6pm Eastern. You’ll want to be live on the call so that you can get your questions answered, however, if you can’t make it, you’ll still want to register. The call will be recorded and all who register will receive access to the recording. Teleseminars are easy to attend. You just dial in on the long distance number you will be provided when you register (you will be responsible for any long distance calls). You’ll be given an access code and instructed to punch it in and then you’ll join us on the line. I’ll definitely be taking your questions throughout the call.

Just go here to save your seat.

Take good care,

Help for Emotional Eaters Who Have Had Weight Loss Surgery

April 5th, 2010, No Comments »

Many people have asked me over the years why I work with women who’ve had weight loss surgery.  I’ve not had bariatric surgery myself.  What I have done, is spend my entire professional life working with women who struggle with their eating and with their weight.

As a psychologist, I’ve seen all sorts of outcomes after weight loss surgery—including seeing women who invested their heart, soul, and a good deal of money, only to find themselves still struggling with weight and overeating.  I’ve known too many women who felt guilty, lost hope, and even blamed themselves (which only makes the problem worse).

If you are someone who has had a bariatric procedure,  you’ve heard that bariatric surgery is only a tool. What I remind my clients is that it’s also only ONE tool. Weight loss surgery isn’t the complete tool kit. Creating peace with food often takes more than a physical procedure.  It requires learning how to use a whole new set of tools to address the emotional reasons that trigger many women to turn to food—stress, boredom, frustration—even a need for comfort or a need to celebrate.

For those of you who have had weight loss surgery of any type and continue to struggle with emotional eating and overeating, I have an exciting new resource for you.  I’ve just released the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Bonus Series for Women After Weight Loss Surgery. This use-at-home, self-guided program includes the original Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program plus all the bonus material, activities, special topic coaching and information that was shared in my original, live  Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Program for Women After Weight Loss Surgery. I no longer offer this program live, but you can now have all the materials, tools, templates, Master Schedules, and six hours of information and inspiration-packed down-loadable seminars.  You can find all the information here.

Emotional eating after weight loss surgery is such an important issue. Please share this information with others who might benefit.

Take good care,

Getting to the Root of Emotional Eating Part Two: Effective Weeding

February 17th, 2010, No Comments »

Monday I shared with you why it is so important to identify and address the root cause of your struggles with food, emotional eating and overeating if you want to create an effective, lasting solution. Now, let’s look at your “weeding technique.” How are you at effectively addressing the root of your difficulties?

Here’s what I see. Too often, women gloss over the idea of understanding what is going on with their relationship with food. They look at a checklist and determine that they are an emotional eater, make a quick note of it, and then move on to planning what they will do differently in the future. This time (they tell themselves), they will eat salad for lunch. They won’t snack after dinner, and they will go to the gym on a regular basis. They fail to create a plan to address the real root cause of their overeating.

Planning feels productive and it makes most of us feel effective and in charge. I don’t have anything against plans—as long as they address the root cause that has propeled the problems with food, weight, and overeating in the past.

Too often women shame themselves into thinking that they are “making this too complicated.” They deny themselves the help and support and solutions that could maximize their effectiveness and minimize their struggle because they don’t feel “deserving” or because they have difficulties investing in themselves and making their goals a priority.

Quite simply, many of the women I encounter have a long history of trying very hard to change their relationship with food without the resources they need. No wonder they feel tired, discouraged, unmotivated and skeptical. They’ve been trying to create major life change on a shoestring—and a frazzled one at that.

So here’s the question (and the challenge) of the day: This topic speaks to you, or you wouldn’t have read as far as you already have. When it comes to getting to the root of the cause of your emotional eating or overeating, are you on the premium plan or are you trying to squeak by with the economy, super-saver-free-trial offer? Be honest with yourself. If you aren’t finding the success that you want, it’s cheap and easy (albeit painful) to beat yourself up emotionally for a lack of results.  Does this add to your effectiveness? Not one bit. The alternative that could? Upgrading your attention to the roots.

Ready to make a change? Here’s the challenge: If you were to upgrade your weeding strategy and really address the root cause of your struggles with food, what would that look like? What would you do differently? What new tools would you want to use? What help would you ask for? What resources would you engage?

What step can you commit to taking today?

Take good care,

The Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series combines my 28 Day structured and self-guided program with the accountability, motivation, strategies and tips provided in six weekly teleseminars. We’re starting a new session soon. Find out more here.

Emotional Eating and Overeating: Why Getting to the Root Cause is so Important.

February 15th, 2010, No Comments »

There are few things more discouraging than battles with overeating, weight loss struggles and weight regain. I’ve seen far too many savvy, wise women lose their confidence and even their hopefulness about their ability to make successful and lasting changes in the way that they eat and in the number on the scale. The guilt and self blame that often follows just makes everything harder.

Here’s the truth. Making successful changes with your eating and your lifestyle requires paying attention to the head game. You can develop all the menus you want, precut and bag your veggies,  and stock up on fruit and protein powder until the cows come home, but if you don’t understand what is driving your eating, what led to any extra pounds you are trying to lose, what contributed to your last attempt at weight loss not working out so well, why the chocolate calls so loudly to you every evening, or why you typically regain any weight that you lose, your efforts aren’t going to pay off the way that you want them to. At least, not in a way that lasts.

Trying to lose weight or “get healthy” by going on a diet is like weeding a garden by chopping the leaves off the weeds. It doesn’t work. If you want to solve either problem in an enduring way, you must deal with the root.

The root is how the weed gets nourishment. With overeating and emotional eating, the root is the real, underlying reason that compels you to overeat or eat differently than you want to and than your wise self tells you that you should. If you don’t identify and figure out how to address the root cause of your overeating, emotional eating, and your battles with food or weight, the chance that these issues will always come back is pretty high.

Dealing with the root is not always quick, simple, or sexy. But it IS fundamentally important. And though it may seem like an overwhelming proposition, the truth is that if you allow yourself the proper tools to do the work involved, it doesn’t need to be a STRUGGLE.

To be continued….

Take good care,

Want to move forward? Looking for a plan to address the root of your emotional eating or overeating? The Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series kicks off soon. Go here to learn more and to snap up some great bonuses just for signing up.

Why Resolutions Fail–Reason #2: Planning for Perfection

February 10th, 2010, 2 Comments »

If I had a dollar for every get-healthy-lose-weight-get-in-better-shape resolution that was sabotaged by all-or-nothing, perfectionistic thinking, I’d be writing this blog from my villa in the south of France. Healthy lifestyle change is quickly sunk by the mindset that if you don’t get it perfect one hundred percent of the time you’ve failed.

It may sound silly when I write it this way, but have you ever:

• Overeaten at the end of the day and then decided that “now that you’ve blown it” you might as well eat some more?
• Lost motivation because you weren’t making it to the gym as often as you’d planned so quit going all-together?
• Decided that since you overate last night and there’s a party on the weekend you might as well wait until Monday to restart your weight loss plan?

These, my friend, are examples of perfectionism. They reflect the philosophy that you have to get it perfect in order to take action at all. Perfectionism also includes the belief that if it isn’t perfect, it isn’t any good.

The problem is, none of us is perfect, we’ll never hit one hundred percent all the time, and if that is our definition of success, we’ll always fall short. For most of us, that’s pretty discouraging—not a great motivator when you’re looking for making changes that you can stick with over the long haul.

My advice: instead of aiming for perfect, aim for doing your best. Know that even the worst choice can be followed by a good one. If you are someone who tends to think of “restarting” and “failing” or “blowing it,” start retraining yourself to think of the goals you are pursuing as long term. You don’t need every step to be brilliant, you just need to keep taking steps in the right direction.

Take good care,

Is Emotional Overeating Weighing You Down?

January 26th, 2010, 6 Comments »

Are you

• eating when you aren’t really hungry?
• struggling with stress or “nervous” eating?
• circling the kitchen because you can’t find “the thing” that will satisfy you?
• eating when you are bored, tired, frustrated, or procrastinating doing something else?
• hungry all the time–no matter what or how much you eat?

If so, it’s worth considering whether emotional eating is getting in the way of your healthy eating and weight loss goals.  We all eat emotionally. We’re encouraged by friends, family, and the media to associate food with all sorts of warm, comfy, delicious things that are not simply a need for fuel. We’re taught to think of “comfort foods” and to reach for certain foods when we want to celebrate or gnaw away our frustrations. Emotional eating is a fact of life for most of us. But if it gets out of hand, it can TAKE the upper hand and become the primary factor behind your weight struggles.
If you are having a hard time with emotional overeating than you know what a vicious cycle it can be to break out of.

Remember that it IS a vicious cycle and apply these strategies to break free of the emotional overeating cycle and start walking a different path.

1. Call it emotional eating. If you are using food as a tool to cope with feelings or needs, than call it what it is. Once you identify emotional eating, let go of the other names you’ve been using—you know—the ones that leave you feeling awful about yourself, guilty, and maybe even ashamed. The issue is that you are an emotional eater. The issue is NOT that you are lazy, unmotivated, or undisciplined.
2. If you are going to change a pattern, you need to understand it first. This is why any diet you choose will probably fail you. A diet doesn’t teach you to listen to yourself and understand the pattern of your eating. A diet won’t help you understand what drives you to the kitchen after you’ve already eaten a meal. It won’t help you figure out what you are REALLY craving, feeling, or needing that isn’t even food. Taking the time to understand what’s really going on will help you craft a strategy where you address the CAUSE of your overeating. Programs like the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program can be helpful if you find that you need new tools or strategies to identify what’s going on or help creating alternatives to overeating.
3. Don’t just say no. No isn’t a strategy. To successfully take control of emotional eating, you’re going to need to decide HOW you’re going to not use food the way you’ve been using it in the past. What’s essential here is knowing what you will do INSTEAD of relying on food. Too many weight loss plans fail because of a lack of this type of planning. Make a list before you start your next weight loss attempt—or better yet—make it now. What are your trouble spots, triggers, and emotional eating cues? What can you try instead of turning to food?

Take good care,

By the way, the next call in the Smart Women’s Free Teleseminar Series is all about emotional eating and I’ll be sharing lots more tips and information.

4 Questions to Ask Before You Try to Lose Weight—Again

January 2nd, 2010, No Comments »

If you are an emotional eater, an overeater, a compulsive eater or a constant snacker, you’re probably also an expert dieter. Most women don’t just struggle to lose weight once. We struggle to lose weight, to keep it off, to maintain hard-earned healthy habits, and—too often—we struggle to lose the weight all over again because we’ve regained it.

If you want to avoid the weight loss roller coaster—and the emotional turmoil that can accompany it, ask yourself the following four questions before you start moving forward with your weight loss resolutions.

1.    Why are you in this same place again? In other words, what hasn’t worked in the past? Where have the plans fallen apart? Why did you lose your motivation? What part of past programs just wasn’t possible for you to complete? Be as honest and as thorough about answering this question as possible.  Note: this is NOT an opportunity to beat yourself up. If your first response is something like, “I was lazy and didn’t have enough willpower,” I’m not buying it. What would a plan need to have to keep you energized? What was it about the last approach that led you to run out of steam and stick-to-it-ness?

2.    Do you have the time and energy for this project? Really. If adopting new healthy lifestyle habits is important to you, you’re going to need to carve out some space to do this. Do you struggle to find time to take care of yourself? Are you willing to say no to some things so that you can say yes to what you want? What will you need to let go of to stay on track?

3.    When you stumble, what will help you get back on track? We all have bad days (or weeks or months). You know yourself—what do you need to keep going when the going gets tough? Are you motivated by accountability, rewards, feedback, or something else? Do you need a partner, an emotional eating program, a coach who can help you make peace with food? What benefits or features would help you really create the success you are after?

4.    Are you trying to build a house with only a hammer? In other words, do you need some new tools to craft the success that you crave? The best hammer in the world is pretty useless if what you really need is a screwdriver and the best eating plan in the world won’t teach you how to stop emotional eating (stress eating, comfort eating, boredom eating, etc.). What skills or habits or information would help you feel more confident and prepared to win at weight loss—once and for all?

Remember—you are the expert on you. Don’t let your wisdom go to waste. Use what you know to craft a plan that won’t disappoint or leave you tied up in knots trying to be someone you aren’t. That’s how to create a pathway towards peace with food and weight that stays “lost.”

Take good care,

7 Ways to Avoid Overeating When the Holiday Treats Are EVERYWHERE

December 14th, 2009, 2 Comments »

Enjoying  the holidays AND feeling in control with holiday treats and choices can be a challenge—‘tis the season. Clients and vendors are sending boxes of chocolates and holiday treats. Everyone and her mother is baking, the lunchroom has a counter full of cookie trays and everyone’s desk seems to have sprouted a candy jar overnight. It’s wonderful—unless you are trying to lose weight or gain control of emotional eating and overeating.

Here are some tips for staying in the driver’s seat with food and weight during the holidays:

1. Have plans. Make decisions ahead of time about what you are truly interested in savoring and indulging in and the portion that you will take.  For instance, there are certain once-a-year homemade foods and artisan chocolates that I only see in December. I do indulge in these, and I make sure that I mindfully enjoy every bite. On the other hand, I don’t really need to taste the candy canes, colored M&Ms, and store bought desserts that aren’t really that special to me. Knowing I’m going to eat the really special stuff means I don’t feel deprived when I don’t eat the other choices. One more thing–when you do indulge–serve yourself a portion. Don’t just keep going back for tiny tastes. By serving yourself and stopping to eat and really taste it, you’ll enjoy it more and probably eat less.
2. Find solidarity. If you work in an office, I can practically guarantee you that you aren’t the only one who’d like to stay on track with your eating and your weight this season. Can you and your coworkers agree on areas where the food will and won’t be? Can you find a partner to keep you motivated and to talk you down when the food is just too compelling? Someone who’d like to spend their break taking a brisk walk instead of smelling the sugary treats?
3. Don’t go hungry. You’ll eat more and have less impulse control. Make sure that you have healthy and filling options around. I know you are busy, but take the time to pack a healthy lunch.
4. Be aware of the times of day when you are more tempted or more susceptible to emotional eating (stress eating, comfort eating, eating as a pick-me-up). Know the occasions when you might be especially tempted and create a strategy ahead of time that you can implement–instead of overeating.
5. If you do overindulge (don’t we all?) forgive yourself and keep moving forward making the best choices you know how to make. Resist any urge to beat yourself up about it. Self blame tends to lead to emotional overeating or bingeing or all-or-nothing eating (“Now I’ve blown it so I might as well go all out!”). Not helpful.
6. Find other ways to socialize, take care of yourself, or reward yourself that don’t involve food so that avoiding the cookie tray isn’t all about deprivation. What nonfood treat can you have instead of eating food you don’t want to indulge in?
7. Join the party. Share a dish that you want to enjoy and that you really love. It doesn’t have to be dessert–in fact, your colleagues will probably appreciate a break from all the sugar. What about a pot of soup or a favorite tea? This is the time of year I love a bowl of satsumas to snack on.

Take good care,