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Getting to the Root of Emotional Eating Part Two: Effective Weeding

February 17th, 2010, No Comments »

Monday I shared with you why it is so important to identify and address the root cause of your struggles with food, emotional eating and overeating if you want to create an effective, lasting solution. Now, let’s look at your “weeding technique.” How are you at effectively addressing the root of your difficulties?

Here’s what I see. Too often, women gloss over the idea of understanding what is going on with their relationship with food. They look at a checklist and determine that they are an emotional eater, make a quick note of it, and then move on to planning what they will do differently in the future. This time (they tell themselves), they will eat salad for lunch. They won’t snack after dinner, and they will go to the gym on a regular basis. They fail to create a plan to address the real root cause of their overeating.

Planning feels productive and it makes most of us feel effective and in charge. I don’t have anything against plans—as long as they address the root cause that has propeled the problems with food, weight, and overeating in the past.

Too often women shame themselves into thinking that they are “making this too complicated.” They deny themselves the help and support and solutions that could maximize their effectiveness and minimize their struggle because they don’t feel “deserving” or because they have difficulties investing in themselves and making their goals a priority.

Quite simply, many of the women I encounter have a long history of trying very hard to change their relationship with food without the resources they need. No wonder they feel tired, discouraged, unmotivated and skeptical. They’ve been trying to create major life change on a shoestring—and a frazzled one at that.

So here’s the question (and the challenge) of the day: This topic speaks to you, or you wouldn’t have read as far as you already have. When it comes to getting to the root of the cause of your emotional eating or overeating, are you on the premium plan or are you trying to squeak by with the economy, super-saver-free-trial offer? Be honest with yourself. If you aren’t finding the success that you want, it’s cheap and easy (albeit painful) to beat yourself up emotionally for a lack of results.  Does this add to your effectiveness? Not one bit. The alternative that could? Upgrading your attention to the roots.

Ready to make a change? Here’s the challenge: If you were to upgrade your weeding strategy and really address the root cause of your struggles with food, what would that look like? What would you do differently? What new tools would you want to use? What help would you ask for? What resources would you engage?

What step can you commit to taking today?

Take good care,

The Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series combines my 28 Day structured and self-guided program with the accountability, motivation, strategies and tips provided in six weekly teleseminars. We’re starting a new session soon. Find out more here.

Emotional Eating and Overeating: Why Getting to the Root Cause is so Important.

February 15th, 2010, No Comments »

There are few things more discouraging than battles with overeating, weight loss struggles and weight regain. I’ve seen far too many savvy, wise women lose their confidence and even their hopefulness about their ability to make successful and lasting changes in the way that they eat and in the number on the scale. The guilt and self blame that often follows just makes everything harder.

Here’s the truth. Making successful changes with your eating and your lifestyle requires paying attention to the head game. You can develop all the menus you want, precut and bag your veggies,  and stock up on fruit and protein powder until the cows come home, but if you don’t understand what is driving your eating, what led to any extra pounds you are trying to lose, what contributed to your last attempt at weight loss not working out so well, why the chocolate calls so loudly to you every evening, or why you typically regain any weight that you lose, your efforts aren’t going to pay off the way that you want them to. At least, not in a way that lasts.

Trying to lose weight or “get healthy” by going on a diet is like weeding a garden by chopping the leaves off the weeds. It doesn’t work. If you want to solve either problem in an enduring way, you must deal with the root.

The root is how the weed gets nourishment. With overeating and emotional eating, the root is the real, underlying reason that compels you to overeat or eat differently than you want to and than your wise self tells you that you should. If you don’t identify and figure out how to address the root cause of your overeating, emotional eating, and your battles with food or weight, the chance that these issues will always come back is pretty high.

Dealing with the root is not always quick, simple, or sexy. But it IS fundamentally important. And though it may seem like an overwhelming proposition, the truth is that if you allow yourself the proper tools to do the work involved, it doesn’t need to be a STRUGGLE.

To be continued….

Take good care,

Want to move forward? Looking for a plan to address the root of your emotional eating or overeating? The Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series kicks off soon. Go here to learn more and to snap up some great bonuses just for signing up.

Why Resolutions Fail–Reason #2: Planning for Perfection

February 10th, 2010, 2 Comments »

If I had a dollar for every get-healthy-lose-weight-get-in-better-shape resolution that was sabotaged by all-or-nothing, perfectionistic thinking, I’d be writing this blog from my villa in the south of France. Healthy lifestyle change is quickly sunk by the mindset that if you don’t get it perfect one hundred percent of the time you’ve failed.

It may sound silly when I write it this way, but have you ever:

• Overeaten at the end of the day and then decided that “now that you’ve blown it” you might as well eat some more?
• Lost motivation because you weren’t making it to the gym as often as you’d planned so quit going all-together?
• Decided that since you overate last night and there’s a party on the weekend you might as well wait until Monday to restart your weight loss plan?

These, my friend, are examples of perfectionism. They reflect the philosophy that you have to get it perfect in order to take action at all. Perfectionism also includes the belief that if it isn’t perfect, it isn’t any good.

The problem is, none of us is perfect, we’ll never hit one hundred percent all the time, and if that is our definition of success, we’ll always fall short. For most of us, that’s pretty discouraging—not a great motivator when you’re looking for making changes that you can stick with over the long haul.

My advice: instead of aiming for perfect, aim for doing your best. Know that even the worst choice can be followed by a good one. If you are someone who tends to think of “restarting” and “failing” or “blowing it,” start retraining yourself to think of the goals you are pursuing as long term. You don’t need every step to be brilliant, you just need to keep taking steps in the right direction.

Take good care,

Is Emotional Overeating Weighing You Down?

January 26th, 2010, 4 Comments »

Are you

• eating when you aren’t really hungry?
• struggling with stress or “nervous” eating?
• circling the kitchen because you can’t find “the thing” that will satisfy you?
• eating when you are bored, tired, frustrated, or procrastinating doing something else?
• hungry all the time–no matter what or how much you eat?

If so, it’s worth considering whether emotional eating is getting in the way of your healthy eating and weight loss goals.  We all eat emotionally. We’re encouraged by friends, family, and the media to associate food with all sorts of warm, comfy, delicious things that are not simply a need for fuel. We’re taught to think of “comfort foods” and to reach for certain foods when we want to celebrate or gnaw away our frustrations. Emotional eating is a fact of life for most of us. But if it gets out of hand, it can TAKE the upper hand and become the primary factor behind your weight struggles.
If you are having a hard time with emotional overeating than you know what a vicious cycle it can be to break out of.

Remember that it IS a vicious cycle and apply these strategies to break free of the emotional overeating cycle and start walking a different path.

1. Call it emotional eating. If you are using food as a tool to cope with feelings or needs, than call it what it is. Once you identify emotional eating, let go of the other names you’ve been using—you know—the ones that leave you feeling awful about yourself, guilty, and maybe even ashamed. The issue is that you are an emotional eater. The issue is NOT that you are lazy, unmotivated, or undisciplined.
2. If you are going to change a pattern, you need to understand it first. This is why any diet you choose will probably fail you. A diet doesn’t teach you to listen to yourself and understand the pattern of your eating. A diet won’t help you understand what drives you to the kitchen after you’ve already eaten a meal. It won’t help you figure out what you are REALLY craving, feeling, or needing that isn’t even food. Taking the time to understand what’s really going on will help you craft a strategy where you address the CAUSE of your overeating. Programs like the Emotional Eating Toolbox™ 28 Day Program can be helpful if you find that you need new tools or strategies to identify what’s going on or help creating alternatives to overeating.
3. Don’t just say no. No isn’t a strategy. To successfully take control of emotional eating, you’re going to need to decide HOW you’re going to not use food the way you’ve been using it in the past. What’s essential here is knowing what you will do INSTEAD of relying on food. Too many weight loss plans fail because of a lack of this type of planning. Make a list before you start your next weight loss attempt—or better yet—make it now. What are your trouble spots, triggers, and emotional eating cues? What can you try instead of turning to food?

Take good care,

By the way, the next call in the Smart Women’s Free Teleseminar Series is all about emotional eating and I’ll be sharing lots more tips and information.

4 Questions to Ask Before You Try to Lose Weight—Again

January 2nd, 2010, No Comments »

If you are an emotional eater, an overeater, a compulsive eater or a constant snacker, you’re probably also an expert dieter. Most women don’t just struggle to lose weight once. We struggle to lose weight, to keep it off, to maintain hard-earned healthy habits, and—too often—we struggle to lose the weight all over again because we’ve regained it.

If you want to avoid the weight loss roller coaster—and the emotional turmoil that can accompany it, ask yourself the following four questions before you start moving forward with your weight loss resolutions.

1.    Why are you in this same place again? In other words, what hasn’t worked in the past? Where have the plans fallen apart? Why did you lose your motivation? What part of past programs just wasn’t possible for you to complete? Be as honest and as thorough about answering this question as possible.  Note: this is NOT an opportunity to beat yourself up. If your first response is something like, “I was lazy and didn’t have enough willpower,” I’m not buying it. What would a plan need to have to keep you energized? What was it about the last approach that led you to run out of steam and stick-to-it-ness?

2.    Do you have the time and energy for this project? Really. If adopting new healthy lifestyle habits is important to you, you’re going to need to carve out some space to do this. Do you struggle to find time to take care of yourself? Are you willing to say no to some things so that you can say yes to what you want? What will you need to let go of to stay on track?

3.    When you stumble, what will help you get back on track? We all have bad days (or weeks or months). You know yourself—what do you need to keep going when the going gets tough? Are you motivated by accountability, rewards, feedback, or something else? Do you need a partner, an emotional eating program, a coach who can help you make peace with food? What benefits or features would help you really create the success you are after?

4.    Are you trying to build a house with only a hammer? In other words, do you need some new tools to craft the success that you crave? The best hammer in the world is pretty useless if what you really need is a screwdriver and the best eating plan in the world won’t teach you how to stop emotional eating (stress eating, comfort eating, boredom eating, etc.). What skills or habits or information would help you feel more confident and prepared to win at weight loss—once and for all?

Remember—you are the expert on you. Don’t let your wisdom go to waste. Use what you know to craft a plan that won’t disappoint or leave you tied up in knots trying to be someone you aren’t. That’s how to create a pathway towards peace with food and weight that stays “lost.”

Take good care,

7 Ways to Avoid Overeating When the Holiday Treats Are EVERYWHERE

December 14th, 2009, 2 Comments »

Enjoying  the holidays AND feeling in control with holiday treats and choices can be a challenge—‘tis the season. Clients and vendors are sending boxes of chocolates and holiday treats. Everyone and her mother is baking, the lunchroom has a counter full of cookie trays and everyone’s desk seems to have sprouted a candy jar overnight. It’s wonderful—unless you are trying to lose weight or gain control of emotional eating and overeating.

Here are some tips for staying in the driver’s seat with food and weight during the holidays:

1. Have plans. Make decisions ahead of time about what you are truly interested in savoring and indulging in and the portion that you will take.  For instance, there are certain once-a-year homemade foods and artisan chocolates that I only see in December. I do indulge in these, and I make sure that I mindfully enjoy every bite. On the other hand, I don’t really need to taste the candy canes, colored M&Ms, and store bought desserts that aren’t really that special to me. Knowing I’m going to eat the really special stuff means I don’t feel deprived when I don’t eat the other choices. One more thing–when you do indulge–serve yourself a portion. Don’t just keep going back for tiny tastes. By serving yourself and stopping to eat and really taste it, you’ll enjoy it more and probably eat less.
2. Find solidarity. If you work in an office, I can practically guarantee you that you aren’t the only one who’d like to stay on track with your eating and your weight this season. Can you and your coworkers agree on areas where the food will and won’t be? Can you find a partner to keep you motivated and to talk you down when the food is just too compelling? Someone who’d like to spend their break taking a brisk walk instead of smelling the sugary treats?
3. Don’t go hungry. You’ll eat more and have less impulse control. Make sure that you have healthy and filling options around. I know you are busy, but take the time to pack a healthy lunch.
4. Be aware of the times of day when you are more tempted or more susceptible to emotional eating (stress eating, comfort eating, eating as a pick-me-up). Know the occasions when you might be especially tempted and create a strategy ahead of time that you can implement–instead of overeating.
5. If you do overindulge (don’t we all?) forgive yourself and keep moving forward making the best choices you know how to make. Resist any urge to beat yourself up about it. Self blame tends to lead to emotional overeating or bingeing or all-or-nothing eating (“Now I’ve blown it so I might as well go all out!”). Not helpful.
6. Find other ways to socialize, take care of yourself, or reward yourself that don’t involve food so that avoiding the cookie tray isn’t all about deprivation. What nonfood treat can you have instead of eating food you don’t want to indulge in?
7. Join the party. Share a dish that you want to enjoy and that you really love. It doesn’t have to be dessert–in fact, your colleagues will probably appreciate a break from all the sugar. What about a pot of soup or a favorite tea? This is the time of year I love a bowl of satsumas to snack on.

Take good care,

Want to Lose Weight Busy Lady? Are You Feeding Yourself?

October 20th, 2009, No Comments »

I hear it all the time.  When I talk with smart busy women who want to feel better, lose weight, or create a healthier life style, they tell me about all the things they need to STOP doing.  “I need to stop overeating… quit snacking at night… stop being so lazy… stop procrastinating…”

Sounds like fun doesn’t it?

As you can imagine, they also sound about as enthusiastic as if they were discussing a trip to the oral surgeon.  If they are coaching with me, we change course pretty quickly.

Let’s get real. The woman with too much on her plate is already full up to HERE with “shoulds” and “have-tos” and obligations.  The last thing she needs is one more unpleasant task or one pleasure removed from her life.

The truth is, overeating and struggles to create or maintain a healthy lifestyle are a major problem for many savvy women, and it’s NOT because they are unmotivated, lazy, or don’t know what they “should” be doing.  My goodness—look what you smart souls accomplish in the rest of your life!

For many women, battles with food and weight are emotional.  Food becomes the go-to strategy when they aren’t getting what they need in the rest of their lives.

How to lose weight and take control of overeating?  Feed yourself!  Feed your soul. Feed your spirit.  Feed your other senses.  While you take care of everyone else, make sure you are taking good care of yourself too.  Make time for the things that make you smile.  Remember to play.

Take good care,

Does this topic strike a nerve?  Does the idea of really feeding yourself without turning to food sound impossible?  Trust me, it can be done.  We’re going to tackle this head-on in my new Emotional Eating Toolbox™ Take Action Series.

Why Smart Women Struggle With Weight Loss

September 15th, 2009, No Comments »

Last week, my friend Scott Tousignant invited me to record a podcast for his blog. The topic was Why Smart Women Struggle with Weight Loss. We covered a lot of important material, including emotional eating, tips for helping busy women trying to manage their weight while juggling everyone else’s needs,  and the mindsets that can sabotage weight loss attempts.

As you know, these are topics that I feel very passionate about.  Struggles with overeating and weight have a way of making even the most intelligent woman feel powerless and incapable.  On the surface it seems so simple: eat less.  But truthfully, it isn’t enough to know “what” to do (most of my clients come to me knowing more about nutrition and healthy eating than they ever wanted to know), it’s the implementation that trips up most savvy women.  After a few rounds on the diet roller coaster, many will tell me that they just aren’t strong enough, motivated enough, or hardworking enough to get where they want to go.  The problem is, they’re wrong—and their self blame is moving them in an entirely unhelpful direction. The mindsets they are using to approach weight loss are actually undermining them before they start.

If you have 20 minutes, I strongly recommend you take a listen. And check out Scott’s Home Office Fitness Challenge while you’re there. He’s providing great stuff for work-at-home moms and dads looking to get and stay fit.

Take good care,

Melissa

Do You Have The Time To Stop Overeating?

September 11th, 2009, No Comments »

Do you have the time to stop overeating? To take control of emotional eating? To get on track with your healthy lifestyle goals?  Lately I’ve been encountering many women who tell me they don’t. I’ve been hearing from women who are incredibly frustrated with their eating habits, their weight gain, their lack of progress on important health goals.  I’ve talked to women who fear their family history of diabetes or heart disease. I’ve talked to women who’ve even had weight loss surgery and are terrified because they are seeing the weight they’ve lost start to creep back.  I’ve also talked with too many women who have put some aspect of their life “on hold” until they can start losing weight. Their struggles with food and emotional eating or overeating are something they think about every day.

But they aren’t moving forward.

They aren’t moving forward because they are using a faulty recipe for success.  These busy woman are trying to make a positive change by cutting back; taking things (food) away and doing with less.  But they aren’t adding anything else in—because they don’t have time.  They don’t have time to feed their spirit, their soul, their passion in non-food ways.  They don’t have time to go to the groups, the seminars, the inspiring places or activities that could keep them on track.  They don’t have time for themselves.

Really, we all have time. The truth is, we choose how we spend it.

Struggles with food are created in many ways.  Struggles with food end when we learn how to really truly feed ourselves the things we need (these are different for everyone) and this can only happen when we take the time to listen and hear ourselves, sort it all out, and respond.  Ending emotional eating, overeating, and weight struggles requires us to take the time—to spend a portion of our time on ourselves.  It doesn’t necessarily need to be a lot of time, but it does have to be dedicated time we allot for ourselves and our needs.  It’s not food-focused time, but it’s time that helps us become less focused on the food.  It’s essential. There really are no short cuts with this step.

Take good care,

Melissa

Business Travel and Healthy Eating

September 10th, 2009, No Comments »

October will be a travel-rich month for me and I’ve been busy this morning firming up some travel plans. Booking an airline ticket is high on my list of “not fun” activities, as is the actual airline travel.  Travel days seem to get longer and longer–and then there’s the food. Maybe it’s boredom, the stress of flying, or just being out of my routine, but I get hungry the minute I get on a plane. Without pre-planning, I’m likely to be stuck with unsatisfying junk food (or nothing at all). Does traveling tend to knock your healthy eating plans for a loop?

One of the most helpful things you can do is to pre-plan.  It sounds like a no-brainer, I know, but can you believe how much we resist it? I know I do.  There’s this little voice that whispers, “Oh, just roll with it—you’ll figure it out.”  Maybe so, maybe no, but I tend to figure things out in higher quality, more satisfying ways when I give difficult situations the benefit of some thought.

Stephanie Quilao over at Noshtopia recently posted some creative ideas for healthy airline snacking –who knew you could get hummus in a tube?  These are also great ideas for those long days with strange schedules when you don’t know where your next meal is coming from (or whether it is going to be something you really want to eat). Take a look, and before your next trip or busy day, take ten minutes to think about how you might feed yourself better.  It can make all the difference. Oh, and don’t forget to drink your water

Take good care,

Melissa