Too Much on Her Plate

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Why Resolutions Fail–Reason #2: Planning for Perfection

February 10th, 2010, 2 Comments »

If I had a dollar for every get-healthy-lose-weight-get-in-better-shape resolution that was sabotaged by all-or-nothing, perfectionistic thinking, I’d be writing this blog from my villa in the south of France. Healthy lifestyle change is quickly sunk by the mindset that if you don’t get it perfect one hundred percent of the time you’ve failed.

It may sound silly when I write it this way, but have you ever:

• Overeaten at the end of the day and then decided that “now that you’ve blown it” you might as well eat some more?
• Lost motivation because you weren’t making it to the gym as often as you’d planned so quit going all-together?
• Decided that since you overate last night and there’s a party on the weekend you might as well wait until Monday to restart your weight loss plan?

These, my friend, are examples of perfectionism. They reflect the philosophy that you have to get it perfect in order to take action at all. Perfectionism also includes the belief that if it isn’t perfect, it isn’t any good.

The problem is, none of us is perfect, we’ll never hit one hundred percent all the time, and if that is our definition of success, we’ll always fall short. For most of us, that’s pretty discouraging—not a great motivator when you’re looking for making changes that you can stick with over the long haul.

My advice: instead of aiming for perfect, aim for doing your best. Know that even the worst choice can be followed by a good one. If you are someone who tends to think of “restarting” and “failing” or “blowing it,” start retraining yourself to think of the goals you are pursuing as long term. You don’t need every step to be brilliant, you just need to keep taking steps in the right direction.

Take good care,

Five Tips to Sabotage ANY Exercise Plan

September 21st, 2009, 1 Comment »

We all know that exercise is good for us and many of us are trying to boost our activity level.  I feel very lucky to have found ways of being active that don’t just work for me—they help me thrive.  Please be nice to me when I say that I am a runner who loves to run. I know—if you aren’t there–it’s a hard concept to grasp.  I know because it wasn’t always this way.  Before I found my inner-fitness fan, I struggled with failed workout attempts and exercise plans that were destined to crash and burn from the beginning.  Periodically, amidst the Jane Fonda VHS tapes and the aerobics classes, I would try running.  It seemed convenient and low maintenance and like something I “should” do (falling for the “should” was my first mistake). I hated it.

Here are five things I did to make sure I hated running.  Feel free to apply these tips to sabotage your fitness plan:

Mistake 1: I was hungry
My early urges to run usually coincided with an urge to lose weight.  I’d start some ridiculous diet and then decide that I needed to up my results with exercise.  This meant that I was huffing and puffing and I was hungry.  Starting a workout with no fuel in your tank is a guaranteed way to feel exhausted, unfit, unhappy, and uninspired (by the way, the diets didn’t work either).

Mistake 2: I went too fast
I was going to start to exercise and I was going to RUN darn it.  So I’d fly off my front porch and my lungs would be burning before I’d gone any appreciable distance at all.  I had no plan for how far I was going to go or any thoughts about pacing myself to go the distance.  I just ran.  Not very far.  And then I felt discouraged. The first time I ever thought that maybe, just maybe I might like this running stuff was when I tried jogging/running/and walking to slower music.  I grabbed a cassette tape (remember those?) of music that made me happy but didn’t have a fast driving beat, and I decided to just keep moving until it was over.  I ran slow, I walked when I got tired, and I was happy at the end of my workout. Mixing joy with exercise? What a concept!

Mistake 3: I chose the wrong environment
I still have horrible memories of trying to become a runner on a hot humid sunny afternoon in the Midwest.  I was literally running around a corn field.  It was a big flat square with absolutely no change in scenery.  That didn’t work for this aesthetically-oriented person.  Now this is especially significant, because, at the time, I lived only a mile from Lake Michigan.  I was really good at sabotaging my fitness plans because it never even occurred to me to adjust the timing of my workout to take advantage of a cooler morning or to drive to the more beautiful, slightly cooler location and try running there. That running stint didn’t last long.

Now I know that beauty is one of the things that fuels my desire to be active.  One of my favorite things about running is the opportunity to get outdoors and into nature. If you aren’t into sabotaging your workout plans, know what environment works for you and plan accordingly.  Indoors, outdoors, boisterous or quiet? Soothing or upbeat?  It’s all possible.

Mistake 4: I went at it alone
My mental talk went like this: “I’m not a ‘good’ runner so I don’t really want anyone to see me.  Won’t it be fun when I’ve built up some endurance and can ask a friend to go running with me?”  Guess what?  It never happened.  Now, had I asked a friend to support me and run with me from the very beginning—who knows?  I do know that one of the best things about running now is the weekend runs I take with friends.  What busy woman couldn’t use more uninterrupted time to chat, gossip, connect, and just catch up? My running friends have encouraged me to keep going, to restart, to try new things, and to stretch my abilities in ways I probably never would have done on my own. Toughing it out by yourself when you are a fitness newbie is a prime way to stall your momentum and motivation.

Mistake 5: I judged myself
Constantly.  That little voice in my head told me how out of shape I was, how out of breath I was, how everyone was looking at me.  I did not have a “little engine that could” mantra going in my head, but one that defeated me and contributed to making every working out an uphill battle. I didn’t celebrate each workout, but instead kept looking ahead at how far I had to go.

I still run up hills that I don’t think I can get up, but I’m older and wiser now and I absolutely know that I’m not going to get to the top if my head doesn’t cooperate with the mission.  Every strong runner I know has some kind of positive mantra or phrase that keeps them going during tough times. I’d bet that every workout dropout has the opposite.

So that’s how I screwed up my workout motivation.  What have you done to sabotage yours? Better still, what could you do to set it on a more positive track?

Take good care,

Melissa

How To Make Time For Fitness

September 9th, 2009, 2 Comments »

“How do I create a fitness program that will last—when I’m time crunched, stressed, and overwhelmed?”

This is a question I’m asked all the time:  “How can I fit it all in?  I know I should exercise regularly but I just don’t have the time/motivation/resources/energy to do it.”

Consistent exercise is a big challenge for many women. Whether you are a busy professional, a solopreneur working from home, or you are home juggling the needs of small children, consistent exercise can be a difficult habit to start AND a challenge to maintain. Many of my clients report (when they start with me) that there just isn’t room (or energy) in their life to make it happen.  And yet, regular physical activity is part of a successful recipe for thriving. Personally, I’ve learned that regular physical activity is one of my “non-negotiables.”  Quite simply, it’s one of the things I need to be at my best.  When it doesn’t happen, my energy, focus, creativity, and stress level are all impacted–not to mention my health. Here are the tips I’ve used to make exercise do-able and even enjoyable for me and many of my clients.

1. Have a fitness goal: Having an “end destination” will help keep you motivated and help you evaluate your progress. It’s important to know why you are asking yourself to do something.  I’m a runner and even though it’s now something that I enjoy, I’ve learned that I stay more consistent with my workouts when I have specific running goals.  Knowing I have a race I want to be ready for helps me stay on track with regular workouts and THAT motivates me to carve out the time for those workouts in my schedule.

2. Choose something that motivates you: Too many women pick something they hate for their fitness activity (like using the weird cardio gizmo they bought on TV, never enjoyed using, and that they feel guilty for buying in the first place) and then think of fitness as a “should” that they then dread.  When you find something you love to do, it provides a double return on your energy and time investment, providing fun AND your exercise.  Busy women need two-fers. Ask yourself, “What do you love to do with your body? What feels like play?” I’ve had clients give up the cardio machine for fencing, swing dancing, basketball, rollerblading, even conducting symphonies to the stereo in their living room–and they started having fun.

3. Have a fitness support system: For years, when my children were young, and my time was even more limited than it is now, I participated in online message boards and forums.  The connections I made there kept me interested, motivated, and accountable–and I could access the support whenever it was convenient for me. I also didn’t need to reinvent the wheel—I could learn from other busy women who had similar goals.  Now I have a running group that I run with. They challenge me, provide great information, and motivate me to show up for difficult workouts.  I also have a weekly workout date with a good friend (who is also busy).  The conversation and catch up time make those workouts a double win–and something I look forward to.

4. Be realistic about what you can accomplish: When my kids were young, I gave up my gym membership because it was just too stressful to try to get there.  I realized that if I worked out at home, I saved on commute time.  If  I worked out in the morning, I saved on the time it took for an extra shower.  I accumulated workouts on DVD that were ten and fifteen minutes long.  I’d save time by doing core work as a warm up and skipping the official warm up  part of the routine. I didn’t paralyze myself with unattainable expectations of what a “real” workout was.  I did what I could.

5. Be realistic, but do SOMETHING: I’ve learned over the years, that no matter what kind of shape I am in, the hardest part of any workout is getting started.  I can enjoy a run in all kinds of crazy weather, but there are a lot of mornings it’s hard to get up off the couch and head out the door.  I have a commitment to myself, on my scheduled running days, that I will always commit to simply leaving the house–knowing that I can always turn around and cut my workout short.  When I’m doing a DVD or another kind of workout it’s the same commitment.  I’ll start and give it ten minutes.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, I’ll finish and on the rare days when that doesn’t happen, I call it good and give myself credit for getting out of the chute.

Take good care,

Melissa