Slowing Down and Connecting With Yourself When You’re Stressed Out

My coaching client is a successful high-achiever. She’s super successful professionally, and a committed wife and mother as well. Problem is, she just can’t find time for herself. Her days are packed, and she’s running on empty. She knows she’s exhausted and frustrated but she came to our first appointment not seeing a different path. There is really nothing in her life she can immediately “cut out.”

She’s stress eating, and her emotional eating leaves her feeling out of control and “like a constant failure” (in spite of her huge professional successes). She doesn’t feel like she can catch up. This has eroded her confidence and she wonders out loud if she can ever take charge and feel effective. It feels impossible.

I ask her how she feels and she says, “I don’t even know.” She had been so busy “doing” her life, she was disconnected from herself. She was living in her brain and not her body and she wasn’t connected at all to her emotions.

This isn’t uncommon. It sometimes happens to me when I get overloaded and I’m betting you can relate a bit too. It leaves us frazzled and empty and overwhelmed and causes emotional eating, numbness, procrastination and a loss of focus–among other delightful symptoms.

When we feel like we are spinning out of control, a common mistake is believing that the solution is to run faster so that we can catch up. It doesn’t work and only makes the vicious cycle worse. The real solution is figuring out a way to stop spinning—or get grounded and connect with ourselves again—so that we can move forward deliberately.

When we began to explore the things that help her feel anchored, this client landed on some strategies that she had used in the past—they only took a few minutes but involved time alone, breathing deep, and being  present in the moment.

She agreed to try them out for no more than five minutes over the next few days. The next time we talked (by phone), I could hear the relief and the smile in her voice. “The results were immediate—and that really surprised me,” she said. She then reported that in the week since we talked she felt less stressed, more rested, and happier. Even though she was taking a bit of time out, she was getting more done and felt like she was handling tough situations with more calm.

Knowing how to ground and connect with yourself is one of the most empowering things you can do but it’s a strategy busy women often skimp on.

I’ve got some tips on how to make short pauses effective and how to easily fit in some ways to connect with yourself.

1. Set a timer for 60 seconds, sit back in your chair, close your eyes, place your hand over your heart, and just breathe and feel your heart beat.
This works for me because it slows me down and gets me out of my head and into my body. It connects me to what I am feeling, both physically and emotionally and this connects me to what I need for me. Am I hungry? Thirsty? Tight and needing a break to stretch out my shoulders? I know at the end of the minute.

2. Imagine a place that is peaceful, safe, relaxing, and happy. Give yourself a one-two minute vacation.
Kick back, close your eyes, and imagine yourself there. I’ve worked with multiple clients who have actually learned to lower their blood pressure using just this simple technique.

3. Get into your body.
You don’t need to do a long vigorous workout (although these can be great too). Stand up tall and adjust your posture. Stretch or do some yoga poses. Pay attention to how your body feels. You have to be aware of your physical self to be grounded.

4. Unplug. If the TV is always on, turn it off.
When I am stressed, I run without my mp3 player. I let my brain rest and I pay attention to me. I’m always amazed at how therapeutic this is.

5. Do something—anything—with your full attention.
Wash the dishes and concentrate on being fully aware of the warm soapy water and the feel of the dishes. Weed for five minutes and focus on being completely present in the moment. Mindfully shampoo your hair. When I’m stressed, I go for simple and a few minutes of absolute focus can really calm me down and refocus me.

My coaching challenge to you: pick a few grounding strategies to try and give yourself permission to stop long enough to use them. Once you find what works for you, don’t expect yourself to always remember to use them. Instead, create rituals and routines that allow you to include these in your busy life on a consistent basis.

Take good care,

Melissa1 Slowing Down and Connecting With Yourself When You’re Stressed Out

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Comments

  1. Connie says:
    June 28, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Hi Melissa,

    I just want to make a comment. It seems as though the great majority of your emails deal with slowing down, being stressed, etc. etc. I don’t know if I’m missing something but I’m not seeing anything or very little, regarding eating due to sadness/depression and the subsequent low self esteem.

    I’m a professional and handle my stress and time quite well. It’s the ongoing low level depression that I find hard to deal with. So I eat. It’s the low self esteem that self perpetuates after overeating, the cycle.

    I’ve kind of started to automatically delete your messages because I’m not seeing anything that deals with those subjects. It just feels too personalized as to what you are experiencing as opposed to reaching out to those with other issues.

    I hope this has made some kind of sense. You offer an invaluable service and I thank you. It would just help if it dealt with other causes for eating besides being overwhelmed with too much to do.

    Thank you,

    Connie Moreno

  2. Paulina Ualde says:
    June 28, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Hi Melissa, i want to thank you for this webside and for this amazing service that you offer. It’s incredibly how much it helped me.
    Paulina from Uruguay (South America)

  3. Melissa McCreery says:
    June 29, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Hi Connie- Thank you for your comment (and for choosing to read this blog post). I absolutely hear your point that people overeat for a variety of reasons and depression is certainly one of them. Seeking treatment for depression is critical and doing so can make a tremendous difference in one’s relationship with food. I don’t believe that my coaching services or products should ever serve as a treatment for depression. If it’s a concern, I always recommend consulting with a psychologist (in person) who specializes in this area. That said, the focus of Too Much on Her Plate is helping busy women struggling with overwhelm, overload, and overeating, so those topics are dominant (and yes–sometimes they are autobiographical too–but not always). I hope you will continue to visit and share your thoughts. – Melissa

  4. Melissa McCreery says:
    June 29, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Thanks Paulina! I’m so glad this site is helpful to you. I’d love to hear more about what has changed for you. :-)