Are You Being Cruel to Yourself? An Invitation and a Gift

Next Wednesday, I’m hosting a free call with someone I really want you to hear. Jennifer Louden is someone I have admired for a long time. If you haven’t already, you really need to check out what she’s up to at Self-care, self-trust, savoring–Jennifer gets it and she not only has great wisdom to share, I find she’s very skilled at helping others connect with their OWN wisdom. Recently, I tweeted her and told her that I thought my readers would love to hear from her, and lucky us, she agreed to join me for a free call! The topic–What’s Perfectionism Got to Do with Saving the World?

Whether this seems unclear or incredibly valuable–join us. I’m going to be asking Jennifer to share her slant on perfectionism, how it keeps us stuck, how it keeps us playing too small–in our lives and in the big world–and WHAT WE CAN DO ABOUT IT!

Also, it looks like there might be a special gift being shared with a lucky listener on the call….

Bottom line: I think this is going to be an event you won’t want to miss and a time investment that pays off big. I hope you will join us. Go here to reserve your spot and get all the information.

In the meantime–I asked Jen if she would share some thoughts to include in this post.

You’ve heard my slant on perfectionism, here are some thoughts from Jennifer Louden:


Being cruel to yourself makes you dumb.

It siphons away your energy.

It hobbles you.

It can keep you from learning what you most want to learn. Sometimes, for years and years.

What if the biggest obstacle between you and getting better at writing, coaching, teaching, loving, parenting, painting, singing, __fill in the blank______, was self-cruelty?

Also known as perfectionism.

Many of us were suckled on the belief that getting better at something must include berating and belittling ourselves. Otherwise we just  aren’t being honest with ourselves.

Actually, learning happens best when we can calm our heart brains, by concentrating and taking in good feelings.

If you keep working at something you really care about but you never seem to improve, get curious about how you are treating yourself as a learner.

What you are saying to yourself?  What feelings you are focusing on?  How are you holding your body?

If you find yourself speaking to yourself like you would like to speak to someone you really don’t like, then put your hand on your heart and recall a time when you felt loved.  Good enough. Relaxed.

Put your whole attention on that feeling.

Turn up the volume on it.

Notice how good it feels.

Ask yourself: If a beloved friend is trying to learn this, how would I help her?

Here’s to self-kindness as the sweetest – and fastest way — to getting stuff down and enjoying ourselves in the process.

–Jen Louden


It’s Melissa again. See what I mean? Wait until you hear what we cover on the call! Register for my interview with Jennifer Louden now (yes, the call will be recorded and the recording will be available for a limited time–but you’ll really want to be on the call live!).

Take good care,

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