How to Stop Autopilot Eating Habits During the Holidays | TMOHP Episode 198

Hey everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I am recording this episode in the, uh, it's about the middle of December. And I was thinking that it might be helpful to share with you some of the topics and the conversations that have been coming up inside Your Missing Peace with members who are struggling with, well, living with the issues that so many of us find ourselves immersed in, in the middle of December.

I've started thinking about this thing called December Brain. That's what I'm calling it, anyway. I feel like there is so much stuff that comes together at the end of the year. So many layers of things around the holidays, lots of holidays. Around the end of the year, around expectations, around relationships.

 There's so much stuff happening. And it's different for everybody, right? This is a happy season for some people. For some people it's very heavy and grief laden. It is a season of expectations around celebrations and around holidays and around what you need to do for other people. Or what you feel like you need to do for other people.

It is a season of winding things up and evaluating what you have done over the year. There's just so much that happens in December. And there's so much marketing in December around all these expectations. And around who we're supposed to be and how we're supposed to be, and what we're supposed to be thinking and what we're supposed to be doing. It's a lot.

So I think this idea of a December brain might be really important to talk about. Here is what I see happening for a lot of people in December. In December, for lots of the reasons that I just kind of alluded to all-or-nothing, thinking is huge. We tend to think in, if I can't do this, then I won't do anything, or this is what it's really going to take to get where I want to go, and that's not possible. There's no time for that, right?

So there's this all-or-nothing thinking. There's a feeling of busyness or time crunched ness. Or maybe you aren't particularly busy, but your schedule is very different than it usually is during the rest of the year. And what we do when we are in the midst of all-or-nothing thinking, when we're feeling time crunched or when we're feeling off our regular rhythm, is that we have a tendency to go on automatic. We have a tendency to go on autopilot.

So there's a lot of automatic thinking that happens with December brain. Automatic thoughts like, well, this is just what we do, this is how it goes. This is how December is. This is what the end of the year feels like. This is what those last two weeks of the year are like.

There are a lot of automatic expectations. This is just what is expected of me. I do this every year. This is how we handle things. This is what I have no control over. This is just what happens. Autopilot thinking and autopilot behaviors mean that it doesn't even occur to us to step back and take a look and to evaluate.

And when we do, that all-or-nothing thinking tends to kick in. So it's like, oh man, okay. This is how it always goes. It's almost like there's this momentum of this boulder rolling downhill and we won't be able to stop it. This is how it always goes, and, oh man, if I was going to do it differently, this is what it would take.

And it's always a big, huge momentous thing. And I absolutely don't have the energy for that. I couldn't do it perfectly. Remember all-or-nothing thinking, and that's impossible. So now you've got the all-or-nothing thinking. You've got all these autopilot habits that feel impossible to step outside of.

Habits of behavior and habits of thinking. And it feels like making any kind of change is going to be huge. And so then comes the next automatic thought in December Brain, which is. You know what? This is just going to have to wait till after. Making any kind of change, looking at this, thinking about this, doing anything differently that is going to have to wait until after.

Here's the thing. Well, there are a couple of things. So many of these autopilot thinking trains that get going in December are based in this belief that it takes willpower to change. And you have heard me talk about willpower over and over and over. And guess what? I'm going to talk about it again. Here's the thing that nobody talks about.

Yes, willpower will always fail you. Because willpower is a limited resource. Willpower will run out, especially at some of the moments that we tend to encounter in December. And here's the part nobody talks about. High achievers tend to be exceptionally good at harnessing willpower.

 If you're a high achiever, you're probably very used to leaning into your willpower. Your ability to focus, your determination, your persistence. In many circumstances, in many areas of your life, willpower has probably worked really well for you.

You are the person who gets things done. You are the person who over functions. You are the person everybody relies on. You're the person who will do it. You are the person who is very good at hard things.

So therefore, if this fits you, if this is something that you resonate with, you are probably like many high achievers who tend to, like I said, lean into their willpower. High achievers are more likely to create plans and to build success that are built on willpower.

Maybe it comes naturally for you. Maybe you've been very conditioned to have it. But it is, it is a part of your strength set. And remember, willpower will always run out at some point. And willpower tends to be the worst coping mechanism for all of the Hidden Hungers. Hidden Hungers are those needs that we have, that we are hungry for, that have nothing to do with food. That food is so easy to become a substitute for or a coping strategy with.

And willpower tends to be the worst coping mechanism for those big, Hidden Hungers. Which are triggered by stress, exhaustion, being too busy, not getting enough me time or self-care, and honestly being too hard on yourself.

And there's this other piece of the puzzle. Another unspoken problem. Often one of the ways that high achievers lean into their willpower, leverage their willpower and stay on track and achieve all the things that they do: often one of the ways that high achievers do this is by using food. Using overeating, using emotional eating, using grazing, and even bingeing as a way to numb or to cope.

Or to push down their own needs and their own Hidden Hungers and feelings so that they can keep focusing on the willpower that they need to accomplish whatever their mission is. Whatever that thing is, that they are working so hard to finish or complete, or that goal that they are trying to achieve.

So many times food is a coping strategy that helps high achievers have more willpower for the thing that they are trying to do. I hope I'm saying this in a way that makes sense.

So when you're in the midst of that, when you have that constellation of habits all tangled up there. Turning around and trying to rely on willpower to control your eating when eating is what's helping you control everything else? I hope you can start to see how that plan tends to fall apart.

So let's talk about where we are realistically in this time of year. In the midst of, maybe Hidden Hungers, autopilot, thinking all-or-nothing mindsets. And let's talk about how you can live a different December this year, or a different last two weeks of the year.

One where you don't end up feeling a need to start over again on January 1st or January 2nd. And one where you are not trying to hold your feet to the fire with a plan that makes you feel exhausted and overwhelmed just by starting to formulate it.

 Because here's the truth, and this is something we were talking about on the coaching call this week. Your brain might not believe it, but it is entirely possible to start growing a new habit or two. A new mindset, a new way of being between now and the first week in January.

And you can do this and for effectiveness, you really should be doing it in a way that doesn't feel heavy or hard. You can do this in a way that feels like you.

It is entirely possible to wake up on January 1st, feeling like you are already building some new strength and some new consistency. That you have already built some new strength and consistency. And all you have to do is keep doing what you're doing.

So your brain may not believe that little things can make a difference right Now. One of the things that came up inside Your Missing Peace this week, and one of the reasons I decided to record this podcast episode is that, in talking about this, the members who've been experimenting with this, who also didn't believe that this could be possible, were also talking about how good it felt to have these small, touchstone things that they are working on. And also how empowering and confidence building it was. And how different they are feeling compared to previous Decembers and previous cycles with their own December brains.

So here's what I want to challenge you to play with over the next few weeks. And remember, as you listen to this episode, your brain's first response is likely to be, but that's not enough. That won't make a difference. Doesn't matter. I should just wait until January.

Let's go back to that all-or-nothing thinking it doesn't work this time of year. In fact, it hardly ever works and it hardly ever sticks.

So here's the challenge that I gave members of the program, and here's something that I want to challenge you to try out this week. I want you to pick something teeny tiny, something that takes 30 seconds or a minute or two. Something that you can start practicing, imperfectly. You're not going to remember to do it every single day, and you're not going to want to do it every single day. But something that you can start practicing more regularly than you're doing it right now. That will help you be just a little more connected with what is going on for you inside of you this season.

Something that will help you be just a little more connected to what you are feeling. What you are needing and what you are really wanting, that is not food.

Why is this important? This is important because if you are on autopilot, if you are stressed, if you are busy, or if you are in the midst of heavy emotions or if you are in the midst of having the same old argument that you always have with your cousin, you are not going to be connected to what you really feel or need or want.

And when you are not connected to what you feel or need or want, you are so much more likely to be on autopilot. You are so much more likely to do the same old thing that you have always done. And to cope with Hidden Hungers in the same old way you've always coped with Hidden Hungers. And with food everywhere you are very likely to reach for something to eat, to try to take care of all of these things.

So I want you to pick a challenging time of day. And then I want you to pick a time that is a little bit before that challenging time of day. And for many of you, this is going to be as simple as taking a pause.

You might want to set a timer on, on your watch or on your phone to remind you to do this. Sometimes imperfectly at this time of day.

But what you're going to do is you are going to stop and you're going to take a breath. And you are going to ask yourself three questions.

What do I know about what I'm feeling?

What do I know about what I need right now?

What do I know about what I'm wanting?

Knowing the answer is not the project. Doing something about these things is not the project. Checking in with yourself and asking these questions. That's the project. Letting yourself know that you matter and that you care, and that you want to connect with what you are needing and wanting and feeling is a step that is so much more powerful than you can believe.

So try the pause. I said, for most of you it's going to be a pause. Some people might want to, you know, write these things down. Do some kind of really quick journaling. Some people find that listening to a guided meditation helps them do this. But I want you to keep it simple. There are guided meditations that are 60 seconds, okay?

 Do not make this complicated. Do not let your all-or-nothing December brain tell you that this is something that has to wait. If it feels too big and too heavy, design something smaller. Ask yourself one of those questions every other day or just on Wednesdays, and then notice how Wednesday goes different.

But give yourself the gift of doing something small. Something that feels easy. And something that helps you move in the direction that you want to be heading.

 Because you can do this and you can do it in December. And you can start shifting out of December brain into something that works so much more beautifully for you.

I'll talk to you soon.