You probably have a lot of thoughts about food, overeating, and maybe your weight. We judge our eating, we judge our “results,” and our weight, and our willpower. So many women think about their day as “good” or “bad” depending on how they ate or what they weighed and what they make these things mean.
Our thoughts and beliefs and the meaning we give things color our motivation, the energy we show up with, our confidence, and so much more.
You also probably have a lot of thoughts about how you “should” eat. What you should eat, how much, when, and what you make it mean if you miss the mark.
We have a soundtrack that plays in our head of thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, about our performance, about what we ate and how we judge ourselves. That soundtrack plays all day long.
So many of these thoughts and beliefs and stories about your overeating aren’t helping you make changes. In fact, they may be overwhelming you, or deflating your confidence, and even triggering more trips to the refrigerator.
So how do you change it? What does it look like to think differently? What are new beliefs and thoughts that might be useful to practice? What might it be like to have a different soundtrack?
Come listen to this episode and we’ll talk about it.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
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Full episode transcript:
Hi friends. I have something a little different for you today. Something that I think could be very useful. Let me give you some background information about where I'm coming from and why I'm going to do what I'm going to do today. One of the things that I talk about over and over and over again, is the importance of your thoughts and your beliefs and the, that you talk to yourself and what you have been taught to believe about. Not only what's possible when it comes to changing your eating or addressing emotional eating, making it go away, not only what's possible, but also the thoughts and the beliefs that you tell yourself about yourself and about what the, the, the thoughts and the beliefs that, that lay the foundation for the expectations you have for yourself, the way that you judge yourself and those thoughts and beliefs, not only are they the way that you talk to yourself, but get a little meta here, the thoughts and beliefs that we have color, the way that we think we should talk to ourself and treat ourself and relate to ourself.
That soundtrack that we all have going in our head pretty much 24 7, because I, I think it does continue on into our sleep. That soundtrack, it affects, well, it colors. It's like the coloring of the movie of the life that we're living, right? It, it provides the color or the black and whiteness. It provides the emotional tone. It pro it, it shapes the kind of energy that we bring to something. So for instance, if you are in a really negative place with yourself, and you're talking yourself down and you're beating yourself up and you're blaming yourself for all your past failures, or you're mad it yourself, because of what the number on the scale was this morning, that affects the whole energy and the way, and maybe even the method with which you move forward, right? It's sometimes people say that they're so tired of being ruled by the scale, because it feels like the number on the all has so much power to affect their whole day and their whole mood, but really, you know, our thoughts and our beliefs think about this.
They're even more powerful than that. And I'm not saying that the scale should have that much power, but if you've struggled with food, you may have been in a place where it did your thoughts and your beliefs and your feelings. First of all, they, they are how you make meaning of the number on the scale, right? But your thoughts and your beliefs, the way you talk to yourself, they're more powerful than what you actually weigh. They're more powerful than what you ate yesterday or a minute ago, your thoughts and your beliefs, the way you talked to yourself, affect everything. So you have heard me talk about this, probably if you've listened to the podcast before, and if you haven't go back and hear some episodes and you will hear me talk about this, and once you get this concept, once you're on board with it, once you start paying attention to the way that you talk to yourself, you start to hear that voice in your head.
It can be a lot easier to recognize that it's not helpful to you, or it isn't pleasant to listen to, or it doesn't feel very encouraging or motivating, or even to realize that you would really like to change on track that you have in your head. It can be so much easier to get that awareness than it can be, to figure out what to do about that, or how to do that. Or what I hear from a lot of smart women are I I'd like to do it differently. I would like to have different thoughts. I would like to talk to myself differently. I would like to end energize myself with a different set of beliefs. I don't know what they are. I don't even know where to begin. That's one thing that happens. And then down the road a little bit is another group of incredibly smart women who can come up with these new thoughts they would like to have in these new beliefs that they would like to have in this new way of talking to themself that they'd like to have, but it's not believable, right?
It sounds like some Stepford wife kind of cheerleader that you hired to live inside your head to say things to you that you don't believe, right? It's like the caricature of the person who's standing in front of the mirror every morning with a fake smile plastered on her face, just saying, I love myself. I love myself. I'm fantastic without any belief, right? Without any connection to them, to themselves. And I'm not saying that those kind of affirmations aren't helpful, but they're only helpful to the degree that we resonate with them and that we can attach to them and that we can actually use them in our life.
Sometimes it can be helpful to have a set of words as a starting point sometimes when our brain is so hellbent on doing things a certain way, if your brain is just so attuned and programmed to being self critical and judgmental and being harsh with yourself, then it can be really hard to plug into a gentler more, more self-compassionate way of, of talking and thinking and believe and, and creating beliefs that you can start to nurture. So I have something that I want to share with you, and it is short and it's sweet does not take a lot of time time, but I think it might be helpful a year or so ago. I guess it was a couple of years now. I, I did a workshop while I was in the process of creating the, uh, missing piece program. And I ran this workshop and we, we did a fair amount of, of work on this whole idea of what we, and how we come to the process of changing your relationship with food, what you bring to the table.
When you sit down and say, okay, I'm ready to do something new, or I'm ready to lose the weight, or I'm ready to change my eating. By the end of the event, we had had quite a conversation about where it felt helpful to start, and the kind of conversations that people in the workshop felt would be useful in terms of, in terms of, um, continuing to move forward and to stay motivated. And so on the last stay of the workshop, I put together my notes from what people had shared and shared what I'm going to share with you, with the people in the workshop and people found it very powerful. So I ran across this the other day. And as I was reading through this, I thought, this is, this is what so many people ask about. This is talking back to diet mentality. This is, this is the dialogue of, of one way.
Anyway, of talking back to the discouragement or the negative voices or the thinking that may have been sabotaging you, or is in your way. And I thought it might be very useful to share this. If you are looking for some threads that you can start to weave into your own manifesto of, you know, your own set of beliefs, if you are looking for an example of a new way to talk to yourself that isn't colored by diet, mentality, and diet, culture, and beliefs about deprivation and having to get it perfect and having ruined everything. And I mean, I think, you know, that whole tangled up ball of yarn that you might be carrying around in your brain.
Like I said, this is short. It is to the point and think it can be very effective. So if you are not happy with the way you have been thinking about yourself, or you have been thinking about food or the way that you have been thinking about making changes or the way you have been thinking about trying to lose weight, then I'd like you to imagine that you are go going through a process much like going into a, a boutique or a store to try on clothes, right? You go into the store, you go through the racks, you pull out some things that you think look nice, or you think you might like, and then you go into the fitting room and you try them on. And every once in a while you maybe you're with somebody else, or maybe you're feeling sure, but every once in a while, maybe you pull something out that you're thinking, well, I don't know how this will fit, right?
I have no idea this, this, this could be really great, or it could be really weird, but I wonder how it would look on me. I would invite you if you are in a place where it is safe and comfortable for you to do that, I'd invite. I would invite you to sit by back and to close your eyes and to give yourself a few moments to try what I'm about to, to share with you, to try it on and to just let yourself experience, how would this set of thoughts feel for me? How would this set of thoughts fit me? How might I feel if I was wearing this set of thoughts and beliefs or some of these thoughts and beliefs, Or maybe when you're listening, you will hear something that highlights some thoughts and beliefs that are not what I'm sharing, but, but maybe you will become aware of some thoughts and beliefs that are rambling around inside your head that are the opposite or that don't fit nearly as well, or that you weren't really aware of until you heard what I'm sharing. And now maybe you'd like to play it with them or change them.
This is the way we change our relationship with ourselves. This is the way we change our relationship with food. We change it sometimes going very slowly by becoming aware, by paying attention, by noticing things. And then by experimenting with ideas, with thoughts, with beliefs, with actions that might work better, experimenting, trying things, taking a step forward noticing when the step you take feels like a step backward or a step that's completely off the track being curious, being kind, and then taking your next step. So here we go. Find a place where you can be comfortable, where you can be relaxed, and if it's safe, close your eyes, if you want to hit pause and wait till you're in that place, go ahead and do so. Like I said, this is going to be short And I guess we'll call this the missing piece manifesto, because it really is the foundation that I, I believe underlies creating peace with food and, and that peace with food leading to freedom from overeating. So take a couple of deep breaths. I am me, I am me, and that is enough. I am, and I will always be imperfect like everyone else. The only part of this process I have control over is what I do in the present in this moment. The past is gone and the future isn't here yet. In this moment, I can always choose a step that moves me toward freedom.
I can acknowledge how I'm feeling. I can show myself compassion. I can pause and take a breath In this moment. I can try out a new strategy. I can be mindful and present for whatever choice I make In this moment. I can reject self blame and instead use curiosity to learn from every moment, whether that moment felt like a success or a failure, I'm smart. I can learn and acquire the tools to create freedom for, from overeating freedom from overeating. And those tools will get better and sharper and more comfortable with practice being done or being perfect. Doesn't lead to freedom from overeating here's what's required, imperfect practice, imperfect practice and kindness toward my imperfect self. I am on the path. I am on the path to freedom from overeating. And in this moment with this next breath, I take my next step and it gets better and better When you're ready. If you've had your eyes closed, go ahead and open them. Take a couple of deep breaths. And I want you to take another couple of deep breaths and notice how those thoughts that I just shared with you, that I just shared with your nervous system that I just shared with your brain, how, how those thoughts landed for you and how you feel after running those thoughts through your brain.
If you want to take a few minutes afterward to just write down any thoughts that came up or ideas that you had or things that you would have added to what I shared with you that would be fantastic. And if you want to take a few minutes or just take notice over the rest of the day, what comes up for you or what kind of thoughts you have or how the experience has impacted you that too can be helpful. One of the main ingredients around making changes with overeating or with food or with your weight, or with anything else is being curious and being tuned in, it really is all about being present in the moment, being kind to yourself and always choosing, okay, what's next. What's my next step. And allowing yourself to believe that you are smart, that you are capable, that you can learn what you need to learn and that it can get better and better. I'll talk to you soon.
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Hi friends. I have something a little different for you today. Something that I think could be very useful. Let me give you some background information about where I'm coming from and why I'm going to do what I'm going to do today. One of the things that I talk about over and over and over again, is the importance of your thoughts and your beliefs and the, that you talk to yourself and what you have been taught to believe about. Not only what's possible when it comes to changing your eating or addressing emotional eating, making it go away, not only what's possible, but also the thoughts and the beliefs that you tell yourself about yourself and about what the, the, the thoughts and the beliefs that, that lay the foundation for the expectations you have for yourself, the way that you judge yourself and those thoughts and beliefs, not only are they the way that you talk to yourself, but get a little meta here, the thoughts and beliefs that we have color, the way that we think we should talk to ourself and treat ourself and relate to ourself.
That soundtrack that we all have going in our head pretty much 24 7, because I, I think it does continue on into our sleep. That soundtrack, it affects, well, it colors. It's like the coloring of the movie of the life that we're living, right? It, it provides the color or the black and whiteness. It provides the emotional tone. It pro it, it shapes the kind of energy that we bring to something. So for instance, if you are in a really negative place with yourself, and you're talking yourself down and you're beating yourself up and you're blaming yourself for all your past failures, or you're mad it yourself, because of what the number on the scale was this morning, that affects the whole energy and the way, and maybe even the method with which you move forward, right? It's sometimes people say that they're so tired of being ruled by the scale, because it feels like the number on the all has so much power to affect their whole day and their whole mood, but really, you know, our thoughts and our beliefs think about this.
They're even more powerful than that. And I'm not saying that the scale should have that much power, but if you've struggled with food, you may have been in a place where it did your thoughts and your beliefs and your feelings. First of all, they, they are how you make meaning of the number on the scale, right? But your thoughts and your beliefs, the way you talk to yourself, they're more powerful than what you actually weigh. They're more powerful than what you ate yesterday or a minute ago, your thoughts and your beliefs, the way you talked to yourself, affect everything. So you have heard me talk about this, probably if you've listened to the podcast before, and if you haven't go back and hear some episodes and you will hear me talk about this, and once you get this concept, once you're on board with it, once you start paying attention to the way that you talk to yourself, you start to hear that voice in your head.
It can be a lot easier to recognize that it's not helpful to you, or it isn't pleasant to listen to, or it doesn't feel very encouraging or motivating, or even to realize that you would really like to change on track that you have in your head. It can be so much easier to get that awareness than it can be, to figure out what to do about that, or how to do that. Or what I hear from a lot of smart women are I I'd like to do it differently. I would like to have different thoughts. I would like to talk to myself differently. I would like to end energize myself with a different set of beliefs. I don't know what they are. I don't even know where to begin. That's one thing that happens. And then down the road a little bit is another group of incredibly smart women who can come up with these new thoughts they would like to have in these new beliefs that they would like to have in this new way of talking to themself that they'd like to have, but it's not believable, right?
It sounds like some Stepford wife kind of cheerleader that you hired to live inside your head to say things to you that you don't believe, right? It's like the caricature of the person who's standing in front of the mirror every morning with a fake smile plastered on her face, just saying, I love myself. I love myself. I'm fantastic without any belief, right? Without any connection to them, to themselves. And I'm not saying that those kind of affirmations aren't helpful, but they're only helpful to the degree that we resonate with them and that we can attach to them and that we can actually use them in our life.
Sometimes it can be helpful to have a set of words as a starting point sometimes when our brain is so hellbent on doing things a certain way, if your brain is just so attuned and programmed to being self critical and judgmental and being harsh with yourself, then it can be really hard to plug into a gentler more, more self-compassionate way of, of talking and thinking and believe and, and creating beliefs that you can start to nurture. So I have something that I want to share with you, and it is short and it's sweet does not take a lot of time time, but I think it might be helpful a year or so ago. I guess it was a couple of years now. I, I did a workshop while I was in the process of creating the, uh, missing piece program. And I ran this workshop and we, we did a fair amount of, of work on this whole idea of what we, and how we come to the process of changing your relationship with food, what you bring to the table.
When you sit down and say, okay, I'm ready to do something new, or I'm ready to lose the weight, or I'm ready to change my eating. By the end of the event, we had had quite a conversation about where it felt helpful to start, and the kind of conversations that people in the workshop felt would be useful in terms of, in terms of, um, continuing to move forward and to stay motivated. And so on the last stay of the workshop, I put together my notes from what people had shared and shared what I'm going to share with you, with the people in the workshop and people found it very powerful. So I ran across this the other day. And as I was reading through this, I thought, this is, this is what so many people ask about. This is talking back to diet mentality. This is, this is the dialogue of, of one way.
Anyway, of talking back to the discouragement or the negative voices or the thinking that may have been sabotaging you, or is in your way. And I thought it might be very useful to share this. If you are looking for some threads that you can start to weave into your own manifesto of, you know, your own set of beliefs, if you are looking for an example of a new way to talk to yourself that isn't colored by diet, mentality, and diet, culture, and beliefs about deprivation and having to get it perfect and having ruined everything. And I mean, I think, you know, that whole tangled up ball of yarn that you might be carrying around in your brain.
Like I said, this is short. It is to the point and think it can be very effective. So if you are not happy with the way you have been thinking about yourself, or you have been thinking about food or the way that you have been thinking about making changes or the way you have been thinking about trying to lose weight, then I'd like you to imagine that you are go going through a process much like going into a, a boutique or a store to try on clothes, right? You go into the store, you go through the racks, you pull out some things that you think look nice, or you think you might like, and then you go into the fitting room and you try them on. And every once in a while you maybe you're with somebody else, or maybe you're feeling sure, but every once in a while, maybe you pull something out that you're thinking, well, I don't know how this will fit, right?
I have no idea this, this, this could be really great, or it could be really weird, but I wonder how it would look on me. I would invite you if you are in a place where it is safe and comfortable for you to do that, I'd invite. I would invite you to sit by back and to close your eyes and to give yourself a few moments to try what I'm about to, to share with you, to try it on and to just let yourself experience, how would this set of thoughts feel for me? How would this set of thoughts fit me? How might I feel if I was wearing this set of thoughts and beliefs or some of these thoughts and beliefs, Or maybe when you're listening, you will hear something that highlights some thoughts and beliefs that are not what I'm sharing, but, but maybe you will become aware of some thoughts and beliefs that are rambling around inside your head that are the opposite or that don't fit nearly as well, or that you weren't really aware of until you heard what I'm sharing. And now maybe you'd like to play it with them or change them.
This is the way we change our relationship with ourselves. This is the way we change our relationship with food. We change it sometimes going very slowly by becoming aware, by paying attention, by noticing things. And then by experimenting with ideas, with thoughts, with beliefs, with actions that might work better, experimenting, trying things, taking a step forward noticing when the step you take feels like a step backward or a step that's completely off the track being curious, being kind, and then taking your next step. So here we go. Find a place where you can be comfortable, where you can be relaxed, and if it's safe, close your eyes, if you want to hit pause and wait till you're in that place, go ahead and do so. Like I said, this is going to be short And I guess we'll call this the missing piece manifesto, because it really is the foundation that I, I believe underlies creating peace with food and, and that peace with food leading to freedom from overeating. So take a couple of deep breaths. I am me, I am me, and that is enough. I am, and I will always be imperfect like everyone else. The only part of this process I have control over is what I do in the present in this moment. The past is gone and the future isn't here yet. In this moment, I can always choose a step that moves me toward freedom.
I can acknowledge how I'm feeling. I can show myself compassion. I can pause and take a breath In this moment. I can try out a new strategy. I can be mindful and present for whatever choice I make In this moment. I can reject self blame and instead use curiosity to learn from every moment, whether that moment felt like a success or a failure, I'm smart. I can learn and acquire the tools to create freedom for, from overeating freedom from overeating. And those tools will get better and sharper and more comfortable with practice being done or being perfect. Doesn't lead to freedom from overeating here's what's required, imperfect practice, imperfect practice and kindness toward my imperfect self. I am on the path. I am on the path to freedom from overeating. And in this moment with this next breath, I take my next step and it gets better and better When you're ready. If you've had your eyes closed, go ahead and open them. Take a couple of deep breaths. And I want you to take another couple of deep breaths and notice how those thoughts that I just shared with you, that I just shared with your nervous system that I just shared with your brain, how, how those thoughts landed for you and how you feel after running those thoughts through your brain.
If you want to take a few minutes afterward to just write down any thoughts that came up or ideas that you had or things that you would have added to what I shared with you that would be fantastic. And if you want to take a few minutes or just take notice over the rest of the day, what comes up for you or what kind of thoughts you have or how the experience has impacted you that too can be helpful. One of the main ingredients around making changes with overeating or with food or with your weight, or with anything else is being curious and being tuned in, it really is all about being present in the moment, being kind to yourself and always choosing, okay, what's next. What's my next step. And allowing yourself to believe that you are smart, that you are capable, that you can learn what you need to learn and that it can get better and better. I'll talk to you soon.
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