How Self-Compassion Can End Your Emotional Eating Cycle | TMOHP Episode 175

Welcome back to the podcast. If you have been listening to this podcast for a while, you have probably taken my Hidden Hungers quiz. If you're new to the podcast or if for some reason you haven't heard about the free Hidden Hungers quiz, I want to encourage you to go take that thing right now.

Just go to TooMuchOnHerPlate.com and you'll find the quiz there. It is a series of questions you can answer super quickly, and once you answer all the questions and hit the submit button, what you'll receive is your primary driver for emotional eating and overeating, you'll find out what that primary hidden hunger is and you'll get some free resources that are simple, easy to implement steps that you can take to start making an impact on those Hidden Hungers so that food begins to lose its power.

Why am I talking about this? Well, A, it is an excellent tool. It is an excellent resource to use if you are feeling overwhelmed by this whole idea [00:01:00] of taking care of the reason that you're overeating, and you want to know what it looks like to just start and how to do that in a doable way. And I'm also starting this episode by talking about the quiz because when you take the quiz, you may end up with the result that your primary hidden hunger is a hunger for compassion. This is the result or the hidden hunger that even though it comes up very frequently, is the biggest surprise for most of the women who take the test. Compassion. What do you mean? I have a hidden hunger for compassion. I'm eating because I'm stressed or I'm overwhelmed, or I'm too tired or too busy. Compassion? What is this?

That hidden hunger for compassion is easily misunderstood, and it is such a basic piece of the puzzle. It is such an incredibly important piece of the foundation that you need to create freedom from overeating. That it's really critical to know if this is something that is going on for you. A hunger for compassion. So if you are doing mindless eating or eating on autopilot, or if you are somebody who really eats to numb much of the time or some of the time, it is quite likely that a hidden hunger for compassion is operating there beneath the surface.

A hidden hunger for compassion is triggered by that feeling of just wanting to avoid things which can be caused by things like, I'm, I'm too overwhelmed to deal with that right now, or, I'm too tired to deal with that right now, or I'm too busy. Or sometimes by perfectionism and a tendency to be really self-critical and so hard on yourself that you just want to avoid the pressure for a while, and so you reach for something to eat.

So here's the thing. Many people take the quiz and they get this result that they have a primary hidden hunger for compassion. And you may take the quiz, and that may not show up as your primary hunger, but the more you learn about it, you realize, okay, this is part of what's going on. A lack of compassion for myself is part of the reason that I'm overeating.

Or you may be hearing me talk about this stuff and still feel completely confused by what does compassion have to do with overeating, and emotional eating, and stress eating, and boredom eating, and comfort eating, right?

So I want to take some time in this episode to talk about why you need self-compassion to succeed in creating freedom from overeating and in creating a peaceful relationship with food that is going to last you for your lifetime.

Why you need that self-compassion and what that really looks like because it's just such a big, fluffy word. Sometimes it can be hard to have a, an idea in your head of what does she mean? What would that look like to take care of my hidden hunger for compassion? Self-compassion is not fluff. Self-compassion isn't cotton candy, and by that I mean it is not an insubstantial or a flashy choice that is just like a feel good word or a concept, something that seems like a really good thing to do in the moment, but then leaves you feeling like you were self-indulgent and doing something silly.

Self-compassion is a strength. Self-compassion isn't fluffy. It's a strength, and it is your power tool against mindless eating, emotional eating, bingeing, or any choice with food that is not a good or helpful one for you. Self-compassion is strength. It is respect. It's heartfelt understanding. And an openness to understanding more, being curious. When you nurture your spirit of self-compassion, her voice, that self-compassion voice, it becomes the coach inside your head.

So many graduates of Your Missing Peace, my group coaching program, talk about this coach in their head as one of the lasting pieces that keeps things moving, keeps them on track, keeps them peaceful with food. Because what happens inside the program, and we don't really use these words and we don't really talk about it much, but honestly what happens in the program is you learn how to transform all the self-judgment and the self-criticism, and the guilt and the shame that diet culture, and diet mentality have instilled in most of us into self-compassion. And curiosity and respect and caring for yourself in a way that allows you to take care of your Hidden Hungers in a way that allows you to feed yourself what you really need that isn't food, and in a way that allows you to create this relationship with food that isn't all based on beating yourself up and depriving yourself of things and feeling restricted and that keeps you on an overeating hamster wheel.

But I digress. Let's talk more about what self-compassion is and why you need it to succeed. When you nurture your spirit of self-compassion, you do develop this compassionate voice inside your head. It becomes the coach who is going to gently and firmly and persistently guide you where you most want to go, where you most deserve to go.

Self-compassion is what you use to fulfill your dreams for yourself instead of beating yourself up. The self-compassion voice that you can grow inside of you, she believes in you. She reminds you what you're capable of, even when you don't believe it. She is a new voice that you start to grow inside your head that whispers things like, you can do this. Keep going. It's going to be okay.

And if this sounds completely foreign to you, it's likely that the voice inside your head. The coach inside your head right now is more of a bully than a compassionate one.

When you start to grow self-compassion, when you start to talk to yourself with self-compassion, you develop a voice inside you. That holds your goals and your desires as valuable and important, and reminds you why you need to do the hard thing. Why you need to go outside and go for that walk when you don't really want to. Why it's important to take a deep breath and focus on what's really going to be helpful to you instead of continuing onward into the refrigerator.

Self-compassion talks to you in ways that keep you going. Self-compassion whispers things to you like this is important to you. You deserve to succeed at this.

Self-compassion talks to you with love and firmness, and speaks in the voice that you use when you're talking with those that you love the most. Ask yourself how that voice in your head is talking to you now. Is self-compassion there? Or do you have a drill sergeant? An inner diet bully and drill sergeant.

Self-compassion changes everything when you avoid what you need, when you waiver or hesitate to take the action that you promised yourself to do the thing that you said you were going to do for yourself, but now it seems inconvenient. When you're not giving yourself what you deserve, because sometimes it's hard or it's scary or it's uncomfortable to do that.

Self-compassion helps you be firm and kind. She's not cruel or disrespectful or name calling, but sometimes she is a firm task master. Self-compassion can hold you accountable to you because you're important. She reminds you things. Like you said, you do this because it's important to you. You'd do it for anybody else. You can get through this. You can get through this tough spot. I'm holding you to this commitment because it's important for your future self. Take a deep breath. Okay? Let's go.

Self-compassion. Is like the coach inside your head. She doesn't leave you alone to struggle. Self-compassion is tough and patient. Tough and kind. When you falter, when you have a bad day, self-compassion talks you off the wall of perfectionism that, you know how it does, it leads you to being too hard on yourself and more overeating or quitting all together because it didn't go perfectly.

Self-compassion helps you reality test. In those situations, she'll help you ask yourself questions like, okay, it didn't go well. What could I learn from this? And use these kind of new ways of thinking to transform your not so good day into an experience that could actually lead to more success in the future because you learned something instead of beating yourself up. She's what encourages you and cheers for you. When you're tired, self-compassion is what helps you respect your need for rest and helps you honor it. When you lose momentum, she guides you so that you see your progress and your wins. Even though it may not be so clear right now, she teaches you new ways of rewarding yourself instead of chocolate, and helps you remember that you are so much more than a number on a scale.

Self-compassion is critical to creating freedom from overeating. Self-compassion is reasonable. She challenges your unrealistic expectations for yourself. She sees the value of doable steps when you discredit them or start to tell yourself things like, oh, that's not enough, or, I need to do more, even though you know that more is going to overwhelm you.

Self-compassion is realistic and kind, and she helps you track what's working. She helps you stack small successes into actual towers that can reach to your desires.

When you have self-compassion, you're not stuck in all- or- nothing- land. That land where you have to be perfect and you have to get it all right or you've blown it. You have to have instant results today or it's not working. Self-compassion helps you manage the distance between where you are now and your goal of freedom, from overeating of peace with food, of whatever it is you're wanting to achieve with your eating, with your weight, with your health.

Self-compassion helps you walk with you, be with you as you move forward, one step at a time and she helps you create this voice of encouragement in your ear. Your inner voice is so powerful, and when you cultivate and lean into self-compassion, she becomes your inner coach. Changing the voice inside your head changes everything.

I know if you've listened to this episode that you can hear how passionate I am about this because it is so important. And this is an aspect of creating successful change that you don't learn in diet school. You don't learn on those 30 day plans. You don't learn when they hand you a food plan, and along with that food plan, hand you the expectation that your job is to get it perfect. . Self-compassion changes the game.

There's a big reason that Your Missing Peace begins with an entire module on embracing your power, detoxing your mind from the stuff that hasn't worked for you in the past, and cultivating real self-compassion with yourself. These tools will change everything.

I hope you learned something today about what the idea of self-compassion means if you want help, and you want strategies for really building this network in your own brain, and in your own life, check out Your Missing Peace. I would love to help you tackle this hidden hunger.

I'll talk to you soon.