How to Get the Advice You Need from Your Self | TMOHP Episode 095

Sometimes the advice we give ourselves in the midst of our day isn’t the most helpful. Neither is our self-talk or our tendency to react to the situation or feelings rather than create a thoughtful response. We know a lot about ourselves and what works best for us, but in the thick of things, our choices don’t always reflect this.

There’s a tool you can use to access a deeper wisdom about yourself, a firmer, yet kinder version of yourself who can help move you out of reaction mode and help you make choices that will feel better in the bigger picture of your life. Let’s talk about how to harness the power of your Future Self.

In this episode:

  • Shifting your perspective with your Future Self
  • Your Future Self is likely less reactive, firmer, and more compassionate than your present-day self
  • Questions to ask to access your own inner wisdom

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Full episode transcript:

Hey everybody. Welcome back to the Too Much On Her Plate podcast. I was reflecting earlier today about how the day had gone and I had a set of thoughts that I decided would be helpful to share with you in this episode, or at least I hope that they will be helpful to you. I think it's time to talk a little bit about your future self. And, how this is a really useful concept. Well, at least one way.

There are many ways, this is a useful concept, but one way that you can use this concept to feel better and to get more of what you want in your relationship with food and with all sorts of other things.

So here's the background. You know yourself, you know more about yourself than anyone else. You are the only person who's lived inside your body your entire life. And whether you feel disconnected from it or completely aware of it, you have a lot of wisdom about yourself. About who you are. About how you work. About what you need. And about what works for you. And all of this is key for changing your relationship with food.

You know, it's funny, or maybe it's not funny at all, but there's this trap that we get into where we can spend the time we have feeling bad about the past, and guilty about the past, or worrying about the future. And then we miss the place where we have the actual power to make changes, which is always in the present. So we can get stuck in the past and the future.

And yet, also, there's this future-oriented tool that is very powerful and also incredibly underutilized. I think we get stuck in the past and the future in the wrong ways a lot of the time. We use this tool and this strategy a lot in Your Missing Peace, and it's what I want to talk to you about today. I'm going to talk to you about one way to use your future self.

So your future self, she gets to look back on what has happened cuz it's the future. Right? And hindsight is 2020 or better. Your future self has a lot of wisdom. And also your future self has a different perspective. So as I was thinking about my day today, I realized that already today there are a number of things that I have done not because I really, really wanted to do them in the moment. Or felt really inspired to do them in the moment. I did them because I knew how my future self would feel about them.

So I went out for a run, even though I really wasn't feeling it in the moment. I'm recording this podcast episode first thing because I want to create it and share this with you, and I also know how it will feel when I have completed it. And it's not on my to-do list waiting for me to do anymore. I made the choice not to top off my coffee this morning, even though I wanted a little bit more coffee. Because I knew if I had it an hour or so from now is going to feel too wired and it wasn't going to sit so well in my stomach.

And speaking of my stomach, I didn't have a bowl of ice cream last night because lately that ice cream hasn't sat so well in my stomach. And it sounded good, I wanted the ice cream. I love ice cream. But I knew that my future self, who wanted to sleep well, was not going to appreciate it.

So your future self and using your future self and asking yourself, how do I want to feel an hour from now? How do I want to feel tomorrow morning? Can be a really powerful tool. There's also some other ways or techniques that you can use to get your future self to help you.

One thing I have noticed about my future self and also the future self of my clients, is that she is both firmer than my present self. Right? She's the one that gets me out the door. Or has me clean up the kitchen because I know in the morning I won't regret it. She's firmer than my present self sometimes. And my future self is also more compassionate and less unfairly hard on me. My future self is wise. My future self is calmer. She is less reactive.

Yes, she is more likely to say, Melissa, do it anyway. You know the benefit is worth it. But as she is also so much less likely to beat me up or call me names or be unkind or unfair to me. If you're a member of the Missing Peace Program, if you've joined my signature program for taking control of emotional eating and overeating, or if you've heard me talk about it, then you know that the first phase, the first step of breaking out of those patterns that are created by deprivation thinking and diet mentality that leave you feeling guilty and helpless and out of control in your relationship with food.

That first step is taking your power back. And that means reconnecting with your own sense of power. Getting your confidence back, learning to how to make promises that you can keep to yourself, and learning how to keep those promises. Because when you feel powerful, And confident again, when you are not making your decisions based on reactions to deprivation thinking, you can reshape your relationship with food in all sorts of powerful ways.

And key to this is connecting with your future self. So I have some questions I want to run by you in this podcast episode. The first one being, I'm curious, have you checked in with your future self lately? What kind of conversation do you have with your future self? And by conversation I mean literally. You can ask yourself these questions, you can answer them in your head. I really recommend using these as journaling questions and writing out your answers, giving yourself a chance to like think on these things and listen to the wisdom of your future self.

I'm going to warn you if you do this, if you start to ask even a few of these questions that I'm going to share with you, you might be amazed. Because here's another thing I've noticed about your future self or my future self, or the other future self that I've encountered in clients and members of the Missing Peace program. Not only is she firmer and clearer and more compassionate than our present day self might be, but often when you ask these questions, she's got the answers right there waiting for her.

Often, not always, but often when you ask these questions, you will immediately know the answer. And sometimes that answer is amazing and astounding and very, very wise.

So what are some questions you can ask your future self? I'm going to give you some ideas here. I think these are some wonderful open-ended questions that can create all sorts of good information for you. And then I really want to invite you to take these questions and pay attention to what other questions come up for you. What would you like to ask your future self? What would be helpful? So questions for your future self. And remember, she's a good answerer.

Ask your future self. What's one thing that you're telling yourself you need to do to change your eating that just isn't a good fit for you? See what she says.

Ask her, is there something, anything that you know to be true, that you're ignoring? That you're refusing to pay attention to?

Get out your journal and ask your future self what advice she has for you.

And you know, when you think about your future self, you, you can also pick a timeframe. So you could choose your future self. Let's say it is Friday afternoon. What is your Monday morning future self? What advice does she have for you? And you could also ask yourself a year from now. Right? I oftentimes, the Missing Peace program is six months long. We work together for six months in that program, and I will often ask people, what does your future self from six months from now, what advice does she have for you? Or how would she advise you to treat yourself getting started?

Think about your future self of five years from now. If she was going to write you a permission slip that would be truthful and that would increase your happiness or your satisfaction or your success right now. What would that permission slip, give you full permission to do? What does your wise future self want you to feel fully empowered and permitted to do or to think or to be, or to not delay or to let go of?

I like that let go of question. What is one thing your future self would tell you to let go of? To just release or to drop or to stop worrying about? What's one thing that she would tell you to stop telling yourself or beating yourself up with?

What is one thing you are prioritizing that your future self knows is not so important?

Check in with your future self and ask her what's one thing she would advise you to be more consistent with. Remember, she can be firmer. She sees the future. And so your future self, a year from now looking back at you, what is one thing she's going to be so glad that you were consistent with?

You can change that word consistent. What is one thing she will be so glad you were more gentle about? What is one thing she will be glad a year from now that you spoke up about? Or that you forgave yourself for? Or that you took small steps with? And that future self of yours, whether she's looking back two years from now or five years from now, or a year from now, what's one thing your future self believes that you should always make time for? It's just that important. She knows that you'll regret it. If you don't, what is that thing you should always make time for?

Where would she tell you to be firmer with yourself? You're going to be really happy if you do this. It will feel good if you do this. And what message will she tell you about Self-compassion and kindness for yourself?

Where will she encourage you to be gentler or more loving or more gracious with yourself than you know your present self is currently being or thinking? What would she have to say about your self-talk and the way you treat yourself?

And what do you know about what small action you could be taking, you could take today? That would cause you to be more aligned and more like the future self you want to be right now? What can you actually do right now? What is one thing?

Your future self may be an immediate answerer when you present these questions to her, and you also may find that she takes a minute or a couple of minutes or a while to think about this stuff. Or you get an immediate answer, but as these questions percolate in your brain, you start to see more answers. These questions are powerful and they are also great to have in conversation with other supportive people.

One place that would be great to continue this conversation if you're interested, is in my private community, which is available on Facebook. It's free and it is available for all smart, busy women who want to have diet free conversations about creating freedom from overeating and peace with food. And this would be a fantastic place to talk about what comes up for you when you start to connect with your future self and what kind of action steps you are beginning to put into place.

So I will put the link to that in the show notes. And you can also go onto Facebook and just search for Freedom from Emotional Eating and Overeating, and the group should pop up.

Play with your future self. Do not ignore this incredible tool, this incredible, wise version of you that has been living inside of you all along and have fun with this.

I'll talk to you soon.


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Your Missing Peace is the psychologist-designed program that provides the tools, the support, the coaching, and the confidence to create freedom from emotional eating and overeating. Finally - emotional eating help done right! Your Missing Peace is specifically designed for smart, high-achieving women who are DONE with diets, who want a lasting solution, and who are ready to take their power back from food, from overeating, and the scale. 

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