Overeating in December? It’s Not Your Fault – and Here’s What Helps | TMOHP Episode 197

Welcome back to the podcast. If you are feeling the swirl or maybe even the chaos of the season. The busyness, the emotional load, the sugar everywhere you turn. I want to start today by reminding you of something important. I know you know this, but you might need to hear it anyway. There's nothing wrong with you if your eating feels different right now.

In fact, it would be unusual if it didn't feel different. The holiday season is not a neutral backdrop. The holidays are a season with more emotion, more expectations, more food cues and more food availability, more relationships stuff, more decisions, more people needing things from you. And far fewer quiet moments where you can take a breath, where you can connect with yourself, where you can actually take a beat.

If this happens to be a time of year when you find yourself snacking more. Or eating on autopilot. Or craving things more intensely. Or feeling like you've already blown it. I want you to hear this clearly. You are not the problem. The season is amplifying patterns that are already hard. I know you know this, but today we're going to go deeper than stress and overwhelm makes me. Eat because you already know that.

We're going to talk about how stress plus limited time, plus more food cues, plus any old beliefs or stories you have about the holidays can create a perfect storm that pulls you back into patterns that feel familiar, even if you don't want them. And then I'm going to talk about what actually helps. Including what it looks like to begin changing these patterns, even imperfectly in real time during a season like this.

So let's talk about that combination of stress and limited time. One thing I see over and over and over again this time of year is that we all underestimate the compound effect of December.

It is not just stress; it is stress that is layered on top of time pressure. It's emotions that are layered on top of expectations. It's this idea that you're supposed to be festive, layered on top of another thought that you are also supposed to complete 47 more tasks that were not on your radar two weeks ago. And you know what? Your brain reacts to that combination in very predictable ways.

When you're tired, rushed, or overloaded, or all three, your brain doesn't search for the best choice It reaches for the fastest, most automatic pattern or habit that it knows. And food is fast. It is available, it is predictable. And in December it's probably everywhere.

There might be a bowl of candy on the desk at work. There is the break room treats. There are the gift baskets. There are the plates of cookies that somebody just dropped off because they were thinking of you. There are the samples at the grocery store, the buffet table, the travel snacks, that special holiday latte that you can only get in this certain season of the year.

Food is closer, food is louder. Food is an every day, every hour part of the scenery. And when you're moving through your day with limited time and limited capacity, your brain doesn't pause to evaluate your hunger. It doesn't say, how hungry am I really? It doesn't say, hmm, let's use those tools that we have learned. It does what's automatic.

So when you find yourself reaching for something without thinking or eating things you don't even want or overeating because you haven't had a moment to sit down all day, it's not a character flaw. It's physiology. It's your emotional load. It might be you running low on sleep, and it might be. Your limited bandwidth talking to you.

And there's another layer. Let's talk about the holiday beliefs that can keep you stuck, the beliefs that get triggered at this time of year. You might recognize some of these. There's the thought that it's impossible to change anything in December. This month tends to feel untouchable like you are at the mercy of it.

And in this world, this month isn't just December anymore. It started before Halloween. Right. We, we will just deal with that after the holidays. There's the thought that anything I try to do this time of year is just going to feel like deprivation. I'm going to feel miserable; I'm going to be missing out.

As if any shift you make towards a change that you want to make is going to require restriction or deprivation. There's the thought or the belief that I've already blown it, so why bother? It's already done. There's the belief that I don't have the bandwidth for anything extra right now. Or I don't have the bandwidth for anything meaningful right now. Which then just becomes a pass through to allow you to keep repeating old patterns.

And I'm not getting down on you. This is a thought that kind of closes the door to the change. When you say, I just don't have the bandwidth for this thing right now. You've got a pass to just keep doing what you know how to do. The old patterns. Not because they feel good, but because they are familiar, because they don't require a lot of thought.

And then there's the belief I'll just wait until January. I'll just wait until things calm down. Even though January rarely feels calm. And oftentimes January comes with a lot of pressure for the things that you have put off because you were just waiting for January to get here.

These thoughts aren't truths. I heard someone characterize them as stress responses. Which is not a way that I've actually put it into words before. But these thoughts are stress responses. They are protective thoughts in a way. Thoughts that your brain offers because it thinks that the alternative, which is trying to do something different, is going to require more energy than you have.

And today in this episode, I want to very kindly challenge the belief that any kind of change, any kind of move to get you and your relationship with food more aligned with where you want to be, is going to require pain and deprivation and more energy than you have.

I am going to challenge that, and that does not mean I am challenging you to take on a big overhaul. Or to tackle a big plan. Or to come up with some new secret source of discipline during the holiday season. I'm going to challenge that by talking about the reality that small shifts, and I mean small, small shifts matter more during messy seasons than they do during calm ones. And small shifts actually matter a lot all the time.

The belief that change has to wait. It just keeps you stuck in the very patterns that make December and then January feel so heavy and discouraging. The belief that change has to wait just entrenches you more in the habits that you are not happy with.

So if your brain is like a lot of people's, it might be telling you right now something like, I don't like where this is going. Because when we think about change during busy seasons or messy seasons, we tend to think, ugh, this is going to be more hard work. Which is why you've developed the whole thought cycle of I can't do anything this time of year anyway.

 I want to tackle this because that's not where I'm headed. Let's talk about what doesn't work during the holidays. What absolutely falls apart if you try to implement it this time of year. And again, if you have tried this, or even if you're in the middle of trying to do things this way, none of this is because you're doing something wrong.

It's because so many of the approaches that we have all been taught about how to change our eating habits are built for perfect ideal conditions that actually don't exist. They are not built for real life. And I think it goes without saying that if you are trying to force yourself to implement a plan that is built on perfect ideal conditions, if there's one month that it's not going to work, it's definitely going to be December.

So what doesn't work during the holiday season? Approaches that rely on discipline. Your discipline is already allocated. It's a limited resource. You know, I'm not a fan of it in the first place. You know that any plan that is relying solely on discipline is not going to be very fun or self-motivating to continue. But it's certainly not going to work this time of year.

What's also not going to work well this time of year are plans that require structure. Especially rigid structure. This tends to be a time of year for so many women where your schedule is unpredictable or different right now. It's not going to work to have a strategy that involves restriction or deprivation.

And I would say that most of you listening don't know of a way to approach food or eating or overeating that doesn't involve restriction or deprivation. Hence the problem, right? I just will tackle this in January. Strategies that involve restriction or deprivation they create rebellion and then they create emotional backlash, and then they create behavioral backlash, right? And then they create that whole thing where it's all ruined and forget it. I'll just deal with it in January.

Another thing that is not going to work this time of year is white knuckling. Willpower burns out fast during this season. Your fortitude, your resilience. They are at a premium this time of year and you're probably using them in other places. Plans that require perfection do not have a place during the holiday season. You know, I believe they don't have a plan anywhere, but let's just talk about now.

There is rarely such a thing as a perfect December day. And then let's talk about plans that are designed for your best self. I am just going to show up as my best self in December. I'm not talking about your unstoppable self. That's a concept that I teach. I'm talking about your best perfect, super human superhero self.

Your best self is tired. She's busy and she is doing her best to get everyone through this week and this month and this season. So plans that are designed for you to show up at your very best and get a gold star every single day. Not a good match for this time of year.

Depending on plans that require so much of you during December. Discipline, perfection, willpower. They're like, depending on your phone, when it is already at 5%, when the battery is already drained. In those situations you need a charger for your phone. You do not need to open another app that is going to drain it faster.

It's important to be realistic and accurate here. Autopilot eating surges during the holiday season. And part of that is because food is everywhere. When food is everywhere, your brain is constantly being queued to think about it. You walk past a plate of cookies how many times a day? You open emails filled with recipes and holiday spreads.

You are offered food socially, sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes when you couldn't have possibly planned for it or expected it. Even if you're not hungry, these cues activate your old familiar automatic patterns. And because you have less downtime, because you have fewer pauses and more emotional stimulation and maybe a change in your structure or your schedule, your routine because of these things, you lose those small moments that normally help you create choice. That normally help you check in with yourself.

With this whole combination of holiday stuff happening, autopilot takes over. That's very human and autopilot reactions. They don't ask you what you want or what you think would be the best choice. Or what tool should you implement Now? They just operate. And that is why patterns feel stronger in December. That is one of the big reasons why you may feel more out of control in December. Not because anything has gone wrong. But because the conditions amplify all these other things, the old thoughts, the autopilot thinking.

So let's talk about what actually helps. And I'm going to be honest here. Everything I'm about to say sounds simple and small and completely reasonable. And when you are busy, overwhelmed, stressed, or stretched thin, tired even simple can feel impossible. But here's what helps creating tiny pauses, and by tiny, I mean tiny 10 seconds before you eat. Not to talk yourself out of it, not to give yourself a pep talk, but creating a tiny ten second pause just to check in with yourself. That helps.

Another thing that helps, especially during these kinds of times, is building one small anchor into your day. A real lunch, a glass of water, a 60 second reset, something that anchors you that you can count on that steadies you.

What also helps: being able to say, hmm, I know this isn't hunger. This isn't real physical hunger. This is actually the first time I've stopped moving today. Or this is exhaustion. Being able to have that clarity and then choosing the next tiny step from that clarity. Which is so different from an autopilot reaction.

What also helps and can be really effective this time of year, is responding to urges to eat with something that matches not just your need, which is important, but also your energy. So maybe not a walk, not journaling for 20 minutes. Maybe it is just a stretch. Or another 10 seconds to breathe or stepping outside or simply delaying your next choice by 30 seconds.

These changes are small and your brain may tell you they're too small, but that is your brain lying to you. These changes are small, but they are powerful. And here's the part I want you to hear these changes that I just listed. A ten second pause. Having one small thing that anchors you. Checking in with your hunger and focusing on what you're really hungry for. These are not big changes. And as I said, they can be really hard to implement. It is not because the tools are too big or because they are asking too much from you during a busy time.

It's that without structure, without support or guidance or I think most importantly, without a clear path that helps you know to do these things, your brain literally cannot access them when you're overloaded. It isn't because you're incapable. It's not because this small thing is beyond you. It's because you're busy. It's because you're human.

And that is the final piece that can be so helpful during this time of year. The right structure, because the right structure matters. A structure that supports your goal. Supports what's important to you doesn't demand perfection and doesn't require time or tedious activities. What works all through the year, but especially at this time of year, is a structure that works because you're imperfect, not in spite of it.

A structure that uses your imperfection and your missteps to help you build success. This may sound strange to you, but it is the kind of structure that I built into Peace With Food. My 30-day self-guided program that you can use either by working through it in 30 days or at your own pace to take control of emotional eating. Even during the holidays. You don't need a diet. You don't need a plan. You don't need a challenge, and your brain is going to fight back against all of those things.

What is really helpful during this kind of time is a guided way of learning how to think and how to respond differently to food in tiny, doable, imperfect ways. Especially during seasons like this. You do not need more discipline. You need a process that teaches your brain the new pattern. That reminds your brain of the new pattern. That reminds your brain to do the small things one tiny moment at a time.

And you need the experience of doing that in real life. Imperfectly. In the midst of the season that is happening, that's where change actually sticks. So if you're feeling discouraged or messy or off this season. Please remember this. Nothing is wrong with you. You are not behind. You are not failing. You are not supposed to be perfect right now, and you don't need a big overhaul to feel better.

You need tiny shifts. You need tools that work when you're busy and when you have other things going on. You need support that doesn't require more bandwidth. And you need a structure that lets you practice feeling in control, even when life is far from calm. If you want that structure, if you want to learn these skills in a way that fits your real life and that helps you interrupt and rewire the patterns that maybe you've been stuck in for years, I would love for you to check out Peace with Food: The Emotional Eating Toolbox.

You can find it at TooMuchOnHerPlate.com/PeaceWithFood, all one word, and I'll put the link in the show notes. Peace With Food the Emotional Eating Toolbox is a simple, flexible 30-day program with short lessons and practical tools that you can use. That are designed to be used even on your busiest days.

It is built for seasons like this. It is built for your real life. And this is a brand-new program. So right now the introductory price is available. Check out Peace with Food: The Emotional Eating Toolbox at  TooMuchOnHerPlate.com/PeaceWithFood.

Don't give up on yourself this holiday season.

Keep going.

And I'll talk to you soon.