Stop Weekend Overeating: Why It Happens and How to Fix It | TMOHP Episode 185

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Okay, today I want to talk with you about weekends.

So let's set the scene. It's Friday afternoon. You have made it through the week. It is over it's Friday. The meetings, the deadlines, the routines. You stayed on track; you kept things together. You stuck to the plan you had with food, and now it's Friday afternoon or Friday night. You walk through the door, take your shoes off, throw down your bag, and before you know it, you're in the pantry.

The tortilla chips are open, you're scrolling, takeout menus. The options seem exciting. Pizza, Thai, both, dessert. Yes, it's Friday.

And then by Monday you are bloated. You don't feel like you, you're irritated with yourself. And you're wondering, why does this keep happening? You were so good all week. Why does it fall apart on the weekend? Why do you have to keep starting over? If I've just described a pattern that you can relate to, then this episode is for you.

Today I'm answering a listener question, and it is this. During the week, I'm fine. I plan my meals. I keep things pretty controlled. But on the weekend, I feel like everything falls apart. I snack more, I eat out more, and I always feel like I've ruined my progress by Sunday night.

Okay, let's tackle the question because it's not just about the food. You know this. That's why you're listening to the podcast. It's not about the food, it's about patterns. It's about mindset. And also how diet culture has probably trained you to think about your life in very particular boxes. On track, off track. Being good, blowing it. Weekday, weekend.

Before we go any further, I want you to pause and just take a breath. This is not an episode that is designed to have you feel like there are 10 million things wrong with you. We're talking about the reason that you're doing what you're doing, just like there's a reason that you're eating. There is a reason that you're in this pattern. This pattern is not a personal failure. It is a symptom.

What I want you to be curious about as you listen to this episode is whether there might be a mismatch between how your week is set up or structured and what you are actually asking of yourself with the way of eating that you're designing. We're going to talk about this, so don't worry if that sounds confusing.

During the week, most busy women are running on very structured frameworks. The days have a shape. There are meetings, there are maybe school drop offs, there are emails, there are projects, there are errands. You know what you're going to be doing from one hour to the next. It's busy, but there's a rhythm. There's a rhythm that you follow.

You're not constantly making decisions about what's next or about what you're going to do with your time. Then the weekend arrives and the rhythm is either different or maybe it disappears. There is space, but also there are decisions. There's more variability, there are more options.

And there also in that space and that variability and that lack of structure may be more space for feelings, emotions, thoughts that haven't been paid attention to or dealt with or noticed during the week.

And here's this other thing that often happens. If your weekday eating plan is rooted in very narrow structure or in self-control, in being good, in sticking to rigid rules, then the weekend can become your little window of rebellion. Your little window of, I don't need to do that stuff because it's the weekend.

That's when the chips come out. That's when you start ordering the takeout. That's when you start asking, oh, what would I like for lunch? Or What could I have for lunch? Or, what do I want for lunch? Instead of telling yourself, this is what I'm going to have for lunch.

And there's a layer here that's important to pay attention to. Let's talk about the Weekend Rebellion mindset. I already talked about it a little bit. There are a set of stories that often show up here on the weekend. The one that so many smart, capable women with really high expectations for themselves, who set really rigid rules around food. The one that often comes up without even realizing it, is this belief that weekends are for cheating.

Heck, we're taught that by diet culture. Diet culture creates plans that are so rigid and structured that they have built in cheat days. So weekends are for cheating. Weekends are the time when I finally get some time off. I'm off duty, right? I'm off the plan. Sound familiar? This is diet mentality hangover.

This is residue. It is related to the belief that your relationship with food is something that you endure. Right? So you endure it during the week. You're really good. I'm putting quotes around that during the week so that you can escape from it later. I'll be really good all week, and then on Friday night I'll treat myself.

But here's the problem. When you follow this kind of thinking, you are building your entire relationship with food on a flawed foundation. If your Monday through Friday eating feels like a job, something you have to manage, something you have to be good at, then of course you're going to need time off. You are always going to need time off.

This is not a flaw in your self-discipline. This is your brain asking for necessary, essential relief. I'm doing this really hard thing for a limited amount of time, and then I need to take a break. That's deprivation thinking, that's diet mentality. Freedom from overeating works differently. So differently.

Freedom from overeating is not about having a perfect plan and perfectly sticking to it. Freedom from overeating is when you make a shift, when you create an approach to food and how you relate to food and to eating that fits you. Freedom from overeating is about having a relationship with food and a way of eating that works on a busy Monday and also fits you on a lazy Saturday.

It's a way of eating that feels good to follow it. It's a way of eating that you do not need to escape from or take a break from. That doesn't mean you eat the same thing every day. It means you have a different way of thinking about food, interacting with food and feeding yourself.

So let's talk about what this looks like or what it might look like in real life, because it is different for everyone. The truth is you might eat differently. You probably eat differently on some days than on others. You might eat differently on a weekday if you work during the week versus the weekend.

But when you have freedom from overeating, when you have a relationship with food that is really, truly working for you, both days of eating, whether it is a Saturday or a busy meeting packed Wednesday. You are going to have an approach to food that is grounded in satisfaction and being present and being aware of what you need and intention. It will be different on different kinds of days, but your eating, whether it is a Saturday or whether it is a busy Wednesday, your eating is going to leave you feeling like you're in charge.

You're in charge. You're not reacting to situations with food. And you're also not constantly rebelling or, oh my gosh, taking a cheat day or starting over because you did rebel, or took a cheat day.

Let me give you an example from someone I've worked with. We will call her Danny. That's not her real name. I want to protect her privacy, but Danny shared when we started working together that she planned very strict weekday meals. She was very strict with herself during the week, and then she would save up for the weekend. Like hoarding her possibilities with food.

You know, I'm sure you're recognizing there are food plans that people pay for that teach you this. So she would be very strict on the weekday meals. She would save up for the weekend. And then she would on the weekend end up swinging to the other extreme, and then it would feel out of control, and then she would have to start over. The cycle felt exhausting.

We worked together. We worked on creating a freedom approach instead of a, how long can I hold on to deprivation approach. And here's what she told me after playing with this stuff. She said, you know, now I'm eating what I want. I am not saving up. I'm not rebelling. I plan things that sound good. I eat them without guilt. I still love having pizza on Friday night, but I don't have to spiral into two days of feeling off track and defeated afterwards. It's just dinner. It's just pizza. It's something I like to have on Friday night. I eat it and then I move on.

Having a plan that honors what you need on Friday night and also takes care of you and doesn't leave you feeling deprived and like, oh, okay, I guess I can do it for two more days on a Wednesday. That is an approach that feels free and peaceful.

So here's the tricky part, how you put this into play in your life that looks different for everyone. There are concepts I can teach you. There are ways of thinking about this that you can start to shift and figuring out what works for you. That's your job. That's something to play with. That right there is the reason that my group program includes group coaching, includes coaching calls where we can play with not what are the 10 rules here or what, what is the right way to do this.

But instead, where we can play on the coaching calls with, okay, here are my circumstances. Let me figure out what will work for me. And I know that just describing things without examples can sometimes be very confusing.

So let me give you some real-life examples that have worked for some people and that might help your brain start thinking about what would work for you. Okay. So, instead of no carbs all week, I'm not going to eat any carbs all week. And then I, I don't eat carbs all week.

And on Saturday I end up eating all the things. Let's have the ice cream and let's not just get the pizza, but let's get the garlic bread with it. And on and on and on and on. Instead of, I'm not going to eat any carbs all week. I'm going to be good all week. What if you incorporated some carbs?

What if you had that toast that you love with your eggs on Tuesday morning? What if you allowed your food during the week to include things that satisfy you? What if you had an approach where you're not white, knuckling it through the week, and then you're out of steam? And out of resistance on Saturday night when you go out to happy hour with your friends.

Another example, let's talk about the banking of the calories. What if instead of skipping meals all day because you're going out to dinner and you want to be able to splurge, you want to be able to treat yourself. What if instead of trying to bank calories all day and then inhaling the bread basket, what if you start your day with something nourishing?

What if you gave yourself a real meal? Something that grounded you? Maybe you have some avocado toast, or you have some eggs or something that fills you up and calms your nervous system.

What if instead of this pattern where you're rebelling with food on the weekend because you're tired of the rules and the restriction, you plan satisfying and enjoyable food during the week on purpose. And you plan satisfying and enjoyable eating on the weekend in a purposeful way.

What if instead of swinging between all or nothing rigid and a free for all, you ask yourself, okay, how do I want to feel at the end of today? How do I want to feel at the end of Thursday? Do I want to feel depleted and like I'm hanging on by a thread and like I'm simply telling myself, okay, I can do this for one more day. Because then Friday we get to go out and eat all the things.

How do you want to feel at the end of the day on Thursday? And how do you want to feel at the end of the day on Saturday? Or on Sunday morning? Or on Monday morning?

What if instead of rebelling. And bouncing back and forth between I am either having a good day or a bad day. You started planning a way of eating that is going to work for you, that is going to fit your needs and is going to work with what the day is going to bring you.

When you're stuck in this deprivation cycle, one of the things that usually happens by Friday is you're done. You're out of bandwidth. You are out of energy. Maybe you are exhausted, you are looking for some freedom. And your brain is telling you that freedom isn't deliberate. Intentional satisfaction. Your brain is telling you that freedom is this free for all, right? Where your inner rebel gets to run the show.

Something that can be very powerful is taking some time on Friday. Not to rein yourself in, not to tell yourself, okay, I am just going to be strict with myself all the time, right? Saturday and Sunday are now going to become a part of my deprivation plan.

No. One of the most powerful things you can do is take some moments on Friday to check in with yourself. And ask yourself, okay, how do I want this weekend to go? What would feel satisfying to me this weekend? What am I actually hungry for this weekend? That might be food. That might be something you're hungry for emotionally or physically or mentally. Maybe you want to sleep all weekend.

Maybe you're so excited about seeing your friends. Maybe you are really looking forward to that dinner at the Mexican restaurant. Okay? How do you want to feel when you get up from the table? What do you need? What are you hungry for?

And I want you to really be curious. Not judgmental. Be curious. Because you might notice yourself wanting to rebel. You might notice yourself thinking, what do I want this weekend? It's the weekend. I want to cut loose. I want to eat all the things. I want to get the DoorDash. I want to go get the nachos, whatever. Right?

Okay. Get curious if all you are wanting. If dominant thought is, I want to rebel, then start asking yourself what was missing during the week? What was I depriving myself of? And then you can start to get curious about, huh, does my weekday approach need to change?

Does the way I think about or treat myself around food or around my needs, around my feelings? Does the way I do this during the week need to change?

It's also possible that you are running on autopilot with this story that you've been telling yourself for so long. That is something like weekends are for doing whatever I want. Weekends are the time with no rules. Weekends are for letting loose. Maybe that is a story you are just used to repeating that doesn't serve you anymore.

It's worth spending some time thinking about a different option. Instead of I'm either on or I'm off. I'm either good or I'm bad. It's worth thinking about. What would I like my weekends to look like? Not what should I be doing on the weekends? What do I have to do on the weekends?

What is the kind of rhythm that I would like to have with weekends? What is the way of eating that I would like to have on weekends? What is the way of eating that would work for me on weekends?

Playing with these questions can change the tone. Playing with these questions is how you start to create a relationship with food for the weekend that you like. And maybe eventually that you actually love, or as so many people want a relationship with food for the weekend that you don't really have to think about, but that you don't feel horrible about on Monday morning.

This may break your brain a little bit. Because when it comes to eating and eating well and eating the way you want to and meeting your goals with your eating. It is really easy to slide into deprivation thinking. It is really easy to slide into perfectionism. So being curious about what do I want? What do I really want? Beyond the moment where my brain says I want to eat all the nachos.

Like, what do I really want, including how do I want to feel after I eat them? And how do I want to feel tomorrow? This is a big shift. The goal here is not to create a weekend that is more pressure. The goal here is not about getting anything perfect. The goal here is not to pile on a bunch more rules. The goal is how can I feel. Like I'm moving in the direction that I want to?

How can I start to create a relationship with food on these days? And these days might be the days leading up to the weekend or the days of the weekend. But how do I create a relationship with food that doesn't require choosing whether I'm going to be good or whether I'm just going to go off the rails?

When you're creating freedom from overeating, you have to acknowledge that your weekend is not a break from your eating plan. Just like vacations are not a break from your eating plan. Just like the holidays aren't a break from your eating plan. They're a part of your life and you eat all the way through them, and you have a relationship with food all the way through them.

You may have different plans or different approaches during those times. But your eating should fit your life. Whether it's a Saturday night with your friends or a slow Sunday morning with pancakes. You deserve a way of eating and a way of thinking about your eating that supports you and that works for you 24 7.

So I hope this was helpful. The weekends don't have to where your progress unravels. And if you are stuck in a pattern where it feels like your progress is unraveling every weekend, this is a place to get curious. You absolutely, definitely do not need more willpower here. What you need is a relationship with food that works for all the parts of your life.

One that includes pleasure. One that includes time off. One that includes connection. One that includes rest. One that includes the unexpected. One that doesn't make you feel like you have to start over every Monday. This shift with food is not only possible, it is really the foundation of creating freedom from overeating.

So go play with this and if you would like more help with this, come by TooMuchonHerPlate.com. Check out the resources that I offer there and take a look at Your Missing Peace. That is my group program where a wonderful group of women get together. We meet on Zoom three times a month. Have access to an entire website full of resources and videos and downloads and guided visualizations and workbooks and planners, and all sorts of tools to help you start shifting your life and your brain and your relationship with food in a new direction.

I'll talk with you soon.