Before You Pick Another Weight Loss Plan: What Smart Women Miss About Overeating | TMOHP Episode 199

Hey everybody, welcome back to the podcast. Today, we need to talk about hidden hungers again. In fact, I don't think we can talk about hidden hungers enough because your brain has had other unhelpful messages reinforced so many times that if you are like most human women in this culture, they just, they just come out of your pores as naturally as sweating. Right?

All the things that we believe about what you need to do to shift patterns of over eating or emotional eating, or to take better care of your health. Tend to disregard or completely override, hidden hungers. Or, if they acknowledge that you have hidden hungers and I will go over what I mean by those, if you are new to this podcast in a moment, but even if your brain acknowledges that hidden hungers might be operating. That there's a reason that you are overeating or stress eating or boredom, eating or emotional eating. There's that message that it can get ingrained so deeply that you just shouldn't have hidden hungers. That there's something wrong with you. If you can't override them or power your way through them.

And this causes a lot of trouble. So here we are again. I want to talk about hidden hungers.

I'm going to talk about why I achievers struggle to stop overeating patterns. Why high achievers struggle to lose weight. And what to do about it. And I think this is also particularly timely, I am recording this at the end of the year and 'tis the season. There is so much emphasis right now on gathering together your results from this year. Thinking about what your goals are for next year.

Starting to cogitate on what, what's your plan going to be? What's your approach going to be? How are you going to be different in the new year? All that, all that stuff.

And it is so easy and, actually we're manipulated into it. If you just take a look at your social feeds. to get swept into this idea of, I just need to, I just need to do more. I just need to be different. And on the surface. The recipe that we all know, so well, just eat less, move more. Or now it's, now it's more refined. It's more fancy. It's tweak. Eat less of this right. Eat more of this. Move more in this way. It sounds so simple. And I know, you know, this and your brain also needs to hear it on repeat. You're a smart person. If it was that simple. Everybody would have figured it out by now. if moving more eating less was a simple thing to do, and it was all this uncomplicated. We wouldn't be having this conversation. There are so many smart, busy women, high achieving women who are incredibly frustrated with their lack of success. Incredibly frustrated because their weight is, it feels like a yo-yo or it feels like it is just more and more and more getting out of control. Or they're eating feels more and more out of control and is making them unhappy. And not only are they frustrated by this problem that they can't solve, even though they can solve all the other problems in their lives.

Without even knowing it so many of us have absorbed the myth. That if doing this set of things, isn't working for you, it's your fault. And that's not true. So today, let's talk about Why high achievers struggle to lose weight? And what you can do about it. And if you feel like you have heard this before, I just want to say that there are a lot of messages that you have heard before that you have heard over and over and over again, this is one that bears reinforcing. And if you haven't heard this before, Awesome. I am so glad you're here.

Okay. So let's start with this idea of super women. Super women and you may very well be one. Super women, by the way, don't ever think they are one. But super women often pride themselves on willpower, on discipline, on getting results.

And they do this in all the areas of their lives. They, we I'm one to, right. We can do these things. We can do amazing things. We can get things done. We can somehow it seems like be in three places at once and juggle everyone's schedule and make the impossible happen. And we're good at it. And we have willpower and we have discipline and we make things happen. And then. There's overeating and there's weight. And somehow it feels like these are the only places where you can't be effective, no matter how determined you are, or no matter how hard you work. And then here's what happens when things don't work out. If you're a high achiever, if you're somebody who is used to getting results, you're not used to things not working out. You're not used to not feeling successful. Frustration grows. You might feel guilty. You very well, may feel some shame. That can get pretty high. Partly all of this is fueled by this belief that it is all so simple. It should be simple. Everyone else has it figured out. Okay, the problem is these things are lies. It really isn't that simple. Eat, less move more is not the complete equation. And if it's all that you focus on, it keeps you going in circles. It keeps you on a hamster wheel. If it's all that you focus on, there are some very critical areas that are I was going to say, they're likely to sabotage you, they are going to sabotage you.

Especially if you are somebody getting a lot of things done with a lot of responsibilities who has really high expectations for yourself. Especially, if you are somebody who is a superwoman.

So let's just lean into this term superwoman and let's talk about why a superwoman overeats. And try on the idea that yes, you very likely are a superwoman too.

You may not see yourself in a superhero costume, but if you are listening to this, you just might be a busy high-achieving woman. That is especially true if you say I'm not busy, but I really don't achieve that high. Super women never think that they are super women. You can also be a superwoman purely by the expectations that you pile on yourself.

Look at the length of your to-do list. Look at the things that you tell yourself you should be able to do today. You're very likely somebody who has super women, super woman, super women, expectations. I'm going to harp on this a little bit, because brains are complicated and adorable and they will talk you in circles and they will try to talk you out of all sorts of arguments. Right? So you're superwoman if you're the woman who makes most things happen in most parts of your life. If people are always counting on you to get the job done. If you're somebody who is juggling home and work and family and everything else. You are somebody when stuff needs to get done, when things get tough, you say, well, I still need to handle it. I have to keep going.

Maybe you're busy, busy, busy, or maybe you are so incredibly organized that you feel like everything has a place. Might feel like a house of cards. Like it could all fall apart at any moment, but it all has a place and you know what it has to happen. And this is what it looks like. Right?

You are somebody who's accomplished pretty amazing things in many areas of your life. And the problem or the catch is that accomplishing all these things, being a high achiever. Having all these responsibilities being this capable doesn't make shifting your overeating, changing your eating patterns or stopping emotional eating- it doesn't make that any easier.

This is what I need you to hear. It is quite likely. That your life, your lifestyle and your expectations are probably making, changing your eating or losing the weight more complicated. They are probably making it more likely that you are going to binge and that you are going to overeat. It is very, very likely that an approach that is just eat less, move more. Simply focused on the food is not an appropriate strategy for you.

In this time of year. When lots of people are picking their next strategy. I want you to think about why, what you have tried hasn't worked for you. What are the pieces, the very real pieces of your life that it hasn't addressed? Because that eat less, move more strategy and that whole family of strategies that are related to that. They ignore the reasons. That high achieving super women over eat.

There is this essential piece of the puzzle. And without it even, I was going to say even a superwoman, but actually especially a super woman. Who's like, let's just go in there let's get it done let's make things happen. You are almost guaranteed to fail without this piece. And that critical piece is having an approach that addresses, and before actually, before it even addresses it, it allows you to acknowledge That there's a reason that you're eating the way that you are. That there's a reason that you're having the cravings. That there's a reason that you're polishing off the bag of chips or mindlessly snacking at your desk all afternoon. Or nervously in the kitchen cutting off those endless slivers from the pan of brownies that somebody baked.

There is a reason. And giving yourself permission to know that and then having a set of strategies an approach that acknowledges that and addresses the reason. That is what you need to succeed. So hidden hungers are hungers that result from some of the very common and intertwined intertangled reasons that smart, busy women find themselves reaching for something to eat when they're not really hungry. There are five really important reasons that women tend to overeat. To emotionally eat. And to struggle to lose weight and to struggle with the whole eat less, move more, it's just that simple plan. Right?

So think about these reasons because when I say them, they're going to be no brainers. Exhaustion. Reaching for something to eat because you're exhausted. Reaching for something to eat because you want to perk yourself up. Reaching for something to eat, because it feels like you can't be exhausted. You have to keep going because you're super woman.

Emotions. Hard emotions. Emotions that you don't have time to care for. Emotions that you don't know how to care for, like hurt or anger or sadness or worry. Emotions that it doesn't feel like there is space or bandwidth to care for. Maybe because you're so busy or because you're exhausted or because you don't have the skills. Nobody's ever taught you how to deal with that high conflict situation.

Third, big reason that busy, high achieving women overeat is stress. You know this one. Just simply stress and stress eating.

Here's another one avoidance and procrastination. And this is where stuff starts to get tangled up. We eat to avoid things. We eat to numb. You eat to push things down. Often because of the other hidden hungers, because you just, I don't have the time to deal with this right now. Or I don't have the emotional resilience to deal with this right now. Or I don't want to deal with this right now. I'm tired. Right?

And so eating, reaching for something to eat becomes a way to avoid. Or a way to push something off or to procrastinate. To just numb yourself out.

Another reason that women tend to overeat is simply being too busy. Or feeling too busy. And that also includes having the belief that you are too busy to take care of your own needs. I'm too busy to eat lunch. And so I don't take care of myself in the middle of the day. And then I ended up, I ended up bingeing in the afternoon.

I'm too busy to eat the way I know would really fuel me or energize me. And so I'm grabbing and going. Or I'm too busy to make the plans. I don't have to explain this to you. You understand exhaustion, emotions, stress, avoidance, and procrastination, being too busy. Think about that, because these are all very real parts of women's lives. They are very real reasons that most of us overeat. Most plans. And if you are now cataloging and considering what your plan for the new year, or even getting through the holidays is going to be. Most plans don't address these very real issues. And instead, they give you this message, this deprivation message that your job is to just power through them. Which by the way, creates more hidden hungers. Just power through these reasons that you're overeating. Just push through. Have more discipline. Have more willpower. Just stay on your plan. Right.

If that is the approach, it's not only missing the point it is not taking care of what is fueling your urge to overeat in the, in the first place. It's actually adding fuel to the fire by making these things bigger and harder and more tangled up. And so what you end up with this, this battle where even on a really good day, you are constantly struggling to stay ahead of it.

You are constantly fighting to be in control of your eating instead of, when we lay it out this way, it can sound very simple or very common sense. Taking care of the reason that you want to overeat in the first place. So that the wanting to overeat the urge to overeat the trigger to overeat the mindless cravings... Imagine them just going away. So you don't have to put that precious energy towards fighting them anymore because you have cured them. This is a message that I will repeat to you as many times as your brain needs to hear it. For most of us, the key to not eating the whole bag. The key to not finishing. The whole thing, even though we're already full.

The key to staying on track. And actually eating in a way where we wake up feeling great in the morning. Where your pants fit. Where if it's your goal, you lose the weight. The key to this begins in figuring out how to deal with our complicated lives. Because our lives are complicated.

How to deal with the hidden hungers. How to deal with our needs and our desires and our wants and our feelings without overly relying on food. Without relying on food, to the extent that it doesn't feel right or good. To the, to the extent that we're not solving the real problem. Just letting it's just kind of laying there or festering or growing. When you deal with the reason that you overeat, this is how you create peace with food. This is how you create freedom from overeating. This is how you create lasting changes. Because it is an approach, that it's a smart approach. It's an approach that solves the problem. It's an approach that gives you solid solutions for the reasons that you want to eat in the first place.

I will repeat this as many times as your brain needs to hear it.

The journey. Towards creating peace with food. I want you to hear what I said, not just getting to the destination, but the journey. The process of creating peace with food. The process that I use with my clients. The process that we do in, in the Your Missing Peace program. The process actually makes your life better.

Even before you get to the goal. Even before you finally figure it out. Even while you are still struggling with cravings and urges, but you are starting to tend to the reason that you have the cravings and urges. You are feeling better. You are feeling more competent. Your life is getting better. You are feeling more capable. You have more energy.

So even the path to getting there. Even before you get to the goal, you're getting a payoff. That is so different. Then that eat less, move more approach. I am telling you this because it's very likely your brain needs to hear it. You do not need another food plan.

If you want a resource for, okay, how do I, how do I dial in, on some of these reasons? Or how do I know where to start? You've probably heard me say it. My best recommendation is to take the free, hidden hungers quiz. You can find that on my website, you can go to TooMuchOnHerPlate.com/quiz.

You can download my free roadmap for creating freedom from overeating that's on my website as well. It's TooMuchOnHerPlate.com/map.

The key thing here is as you end up this year or as you move into the new year, or if you're listening to this next year in the middle of the year, it doesn't matter. The key thing is to look up from that conditioning that's got you focused on a literal hamster wheel. Playing with your eating. Pushing yourself. Blaming yourself when it doesn't work. And then when it doesn't work, jumping in there again and saying, well, this time I just need to start working harder. I just need to start and have more discipline. Stop starting over. Stop running on the hamster wheel. Change your focus make addressing the reasons that food has the power in your life a priority. And things will start to change.

All right. I hope that was helpful and I will talk to you soon.