When You Don’t Feel Hopeful About Losing Weight | TMOHP Episode 028

Overeating and emotional eating can become habits that feel hard to escape, and, after a while, this can take a toll on your sense of hope. It’s easy to doubt yourself or wonder whether change is really possible. 

It’s easy to wonder whether you can ever create lasting results or achieve your weight loss goal, or put an end to overeating. 

Before you blame yourself for a lack of persistence or try to drum up another dose of tough love to motivate yourself to jump back on the weight-loss bandwagon, I’d like to suggest something different.

Let’s look at why you may be feeling short on hope or belief or confidence - and what you might do about this.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

  • False assumptions that have probably eroded your confidence and your belief in your ability to change your eating or your weight
  • How to address the doubt: “How can this time be different from all the others?”
  • How to begin to grow your hope and confidence in yourself and in your ability to create freedom from overeating

Featured on the show:

  • Take the free Hidden Hungers Quiz and find out your primary Hidden Hunger and your best place to start shifting your eating and your weight.
  • Your Missing Peace is a 16-week program to change your relationship with food and to end emotional eating and overeating. Go here to learn more.  
  • Private Coaching. One-on-one coaching is for you if you’re looking for something that’s completely individualized and specific to your situation. Openings are limited. Learn more here.
  • I cover the process of embracing your power and the other three steps to creating freedom from overeating in The 4-step Plan to Stop Overeating and Emotional Eating (a free on-demand masterclass). It’s available here.
  • Visit http://toomuchonherplate.com for more tips and resources to create peace with food and overcome overeating and emotional eating.

Episode Transcript

Today. I want to talk with you about what I think is like the first topic that really needs to get explored or considered or talked about if you are wanting to make changes. And particularly if you're somebody who has struggled with overeating or emotional eating and you want to change that. I want to talk about investing hope. It's a big topic. And yet it's one that kind of exists in our brains, but gets very little air time. We don't really talk about it. 

But this week alone, I actually heard from two different women who were talking, we were exploring, working together and they both said similar versions of the same thing. They said, "Okay, I guess I am at this point where what I need to do is to make a decision. I need to decide, do I try one more time? Or do I just give up and do I just accept that this is the way it is going to be? That my eating just is this way?" I heard that twice this week. And I have heard that so many times in my career.

Is it time to give up? Should I just quit? How could this time be different? Is this even possible for me? If this was going to happen, if my eating was really going to change, wouldn't it have happened by now? If I was going to lose the weight, wouldn't it have already happened with everything I've tried? Maybe I just need to be happy with things the way they are... 

I have so much to say here. So much I could do an entire season of podcast episodes on this. And there are three main things I wanna cover in this episode. They are about hope. They are about what you are allowed in air quotes to expect for yourself and what you deserve and about what is possible. 

So let's talk about hope. One of the biggest things that diet, mentality, diet thinking and diet culture robs us of is hope. When you go around the block with diets and diet thinking, and it is impossible, not to in our culture, which is so permeated with it. When you go around the block with this stuff, you're led to believe that failure of the plan. Right? 

So you go on some plan, you're on some mission to make a change in your weight or in your eating. And if you fail the plan, diet mentality teaches us that means that you failed. Right? So you failed the plan. It's your fault. You failed. And if you repeat that belief over and over and over again, which is what happens when you have a cycle of trying to lose weight and not being successful or trying to change your eating and always getting off track or having, you know, having made changes. And they don't last. 

When you repeat the belief that you have failed over and over and over again, it starts to sound and feel like you aren't capable of making changes. You aren't capable of making changes. There is no hope, right? You have the evidence. This has happened. You have failed over and over and over again. 

Let me be really clear here. This is false. You did not fail. You were told that you failed. The whole system is constructed to believe that if you just try harder, if you just keep coming back, you will get success. This is false. The truth is that that plan that you had, or that approach you were using, or that set of beliefs that was going through your brain nonstop, while you were trying to do this thing, those things weren't capable of creating the changes that you're looking for. 

All right, this is a big difference. And it is so important. It's not you when we believe that it is us. When we believe that what we're looking at is a cycle of continual failure and that all of it is possible… 

We are going to fail again, guess what gets con continually and completely eroded. It's our sense of hope. It is our belief in ourselves. It's our confidence in our ability to make an impact or to do something different. Every time you set out to make a change with your eating, you are making an investment of hope. Hope, and that investment of hope is, I believe, bigger and more powerful and more meaningful than any time that you're investing in a program or any financial investment that you are making. 

You are giving that approach, that program, your hope. Your hope that your eating can change. Your hope that you can lose the cravings. Your hope that you can stop overeating. The old belief is that you need to be super strong and super capable. And if it doesn't work, it's your fault. And if you can't make it work, it's hopeless. 

No, you need a plan that serves you. You need a plan that is going to get you to your goals. Which is why all of my programs and of the coaching that I do is set up to help you create an individualized approach. An individualized approach that fits you, that honors who you are, the plan has to fit you. And any plan that is going to be successful, any approach that's going to be successful really needs to address and honor your hope and your confidence. Right from the beginning. 

Here's something else I want to say about this question of, do I need to give up? Can it be different? Is it okay to have hope? How can it be different this time? How can this time be different? I've tried so many times, right? Here's the thing. If this time when you are trying to make a change with your eating is going to be different, It needs to be truly different. 

Different does not mean you being different. Different does not mean you pumping yourself up to try harder or to be more consistent or to have more discipline. Remember the error of diet mentality is that if the plan failed, you failed. Now the plan failed- so different. This time being different means shifting gears so that you're taking into account what hasn't worked for you before shifting gears so that you're not doing the same thing you have always done. And trying to just put more effort into it. Different means different.

And when I'm talking about different, I am not talking about low carb or keto or intermittent fasting. All right? When I'm talking about a different approach, I'm talking about a difference that probably involves everything from the way you talk to yourself to rooting out diet mentality that is setting you up for failure. Diet thinking that you don't even know is there. To finding a way of eating that you love and to doing it differently so that you're figuring out ways to get your needs met without relying on chocolate or wine or a bag of chips.

Different does not mean pumping yourself up so that you can go at that same old thing harder this time, right? Go in there with more ooph, pushing harder, being stronger for yourself. No different means taking a look at what hasn't worked in the past, and what has worked in the past and working to get yourself a better fit. A better fit between you and whatever it is that you're trying to do. 

So for instance, in Your Missing Peace we don't kick things off with a list of things that you have to do. Okay? Here's what you're going to start doing. Here's what you're going to start tracking... We actually start in a completely different direction in Your Missing Peace. Module one kicks off with activities that put you back in touch with your power, your confidence, your unstoppability-. Not a to do list.

This is how you get grounded and centered in a place where you can start creating ideas and actions and plans that fit you. That are going to work for you. That meet your needs so that you can continue to move forward with them. This is how you build something that you feel hopeful about. And this is how you begin to grow your hope and your confidence back in yourself and your ability to really be free from overeating and emotional eating. 

The last thing I want to talk about under this topic of hope and what's possible is this thought that I hear a lot- that maybe I just need to be happy with the way things are. Maybe I just need to be happy with and accept the way things are. Well, yes and no. You do deserve to build your happiness. You do deserve to pursue the things that you want and the goals that you want to achieve. And your happiness is also incredibly important. 

Now it is such a common mistake to decide that you will be happy when you achieve your goal. Once I lose the weight, once I figure out the food, then I'll feel better. No, it does not work that way. No matter how you pump yourself up about it, no matter how many kind of perfectionistic thoughts you have about when you get everything in order. And when you hit that number on the scale, or when you fit into your jeans again, you know the sky will open up and the stars will show. 

The destination is always going to feel like the path you took to get there. This is so important. And it's why I coach my clients to look for the simplest way, the most fun way, the way of eating and making changes that feels good. It's why that whole concept that we just talked about about moving forward in a way that fits you is so critical. 

The destination is going to feel like the path you took to get there. If you feel miserable and deprived or hungry taking weight off it either isn't going to last or you're going to feel miserable, deprived, and hungry, as long as it does last. If you feel miserable and deprived or hungry or unhappy, trying to stick with a certain way of eating or trying to create new habits, then you're creating the habit of doing this thing that is connected to those feelings. 

This is completely unnecessary. Peace with food creates happiness and peace with food is created happiness. Another reason that we can run out of hope is that we've created or been told that we need to follow a plan. You know this long list of things that when we look at it, we don't feel very hopeful about it. It doesn't nurture feelings of hopefulness and confidence and efficacy in us. 

The bottom line is it can be different. It is possible to move beyond the struggle. It is possible to end habits with overeating and emotional eating that are not making you happy. It is possible to create a way of eating a relationship with food that you like, and that you want to continue. It is possible. There is hope, don't ever forget that. 

And if you need help getting there, or if you feel stuck in blind spots, then come work with me. There are two ways that I love to help women who are in exactly the same spot. One is in Your Missing Peace, which is my signature program for creating freedom from overeating. It is a small group program where we get together, where there's live coaching with me, where there's training, there's strategy.

You get the new tools to make things different from the ground up. The doors are open to that program, and I would love to have you join me there. 

And as of this recording, there is also an option to work with me privately. I have a few openings for private coaching. That is a bigger investment than the Your Missing Peace program. If that is what you're looking for, if you're looking for something that's completely individualized and specific to your situation, then I would love to talk with you about whether one-on-one coaching with me is the next step for you. So the first step with that is to fill out an application. I will put links to both of these programs in the show notes so you can access those. If that's something that interests you. 

I hope that I have addressed some of these questions and issues about hope. There is hope. Is it time to give up? Absolutely not. It might be the time to change your approach. And there is hope. Hope. 

You've got this.

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Your Missing Peace is the psychologist-designed program that provides the tools, the support, the coaching, and the confidence to create freedom from emotional eating and overeating. Finally - emotional eating help done right! Your Missing Peace is specifically designed for smart, high-achieving women who are DONE with diets, who want a lasting solution, and who are ready to take their power back from food, from overeating, and the scale. 

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