You Can’t Change Your Eating If You’re Not Here | TMOHP Episode 176

Hey everybody, welcome back to the podcast. Today I want to talk about something that is so important and yet that seems very insignificant and I think often gets really skipped over.

But digging into this concept can change so much, can change everything about your relationship with food. It's not about being stronger, it's not about trying harder. It's not about sticking with a plan this time.

It's about something that doesn't get talked about enough, and even when it gets talked about, sometimes it's not very clear. The thing I want to talk about is whether or not you are actually with yourself when you're eating. Not physically there at the table or standing in the pantry or in your car going through the drive through, but whether you are present, whether you are aware, whether you are tuned in, because here's the thing, you cannot change your eating if you aren't there when it's happening, if you're not present.

If you're not with yourself, chances are that something else is running the show and often that something else is an old belief, or a rule, or a thought loop that you didn't even realize was even playing. A habit that is operating on autopilot.

There is a poet named Cole Arthur Riley. She is, oh, her work is just beautiful. I highly recommend you take a look at it, and she has this quote, she says, if you're not in your body, somebody else is. If you're not in your body, somebody else is. And when I first heard that line, oh, that just hit me so powerfully. Because it's true.

If you are not with yourself, then something else is leading. If you are not present in the driver's seat, making choices about what's happening, something else is leading. Diet mentality, old habits, guilt, shame, pressure. And this is where the concept of hidden hungers comes in because one of the things understanding Hidden Hungers does for you is it helps you start to look for and see and be curious about what is underneath your eating.

That whole concept I teach about Hidden Hungers helps you understand what is really pulling you toward the pantry, or the drive-through, or that bowl of ice cream at the end of the night.

If you are listening to this podcast, then you're probably concerned about overeating or emotional eating that is not working for you. Which means that what is pulling you to eat is not a physical hunger.

A lot of the time we overeat because of disconnection or we overeat to disconnect. We overeat because of disconnection from what we really need because we're not connected with our feelings. Or we don't want to be connected with our feelings, or because you are disconnected from your body.

So here's something I want to be really clear about. Peace with food, a peaceful relationship with food freedom from overeating. These things are never going to come from getting more controlling with yourself. They come from learning how to be with yourself and from learning to be with yourself, from learning about yourself.

Most of the women I work with are incredibly capable at powering through things, at being productive, at pushing their needs to the side and doing whatever that thing is that needs to be done, and whooshing through their to-do list, and that can be a great strength. But when powering through becomes your default. When you stop checking in with yourself, when your own experience gets put on the back burner, because you need to take care of everybody and everything else, when you fall off your radar, that's when food steps in.

That's when it becomes so easy to grab something, to eat, to soothe, or to pause, or to escape. And here's the part that doesn't get talked about enough. When you're not present, you also don't notice the mental noise that is sabotaging you and also probably reinforcing these automatic habits. You don't hear that voice that says you blew it.

You don't hear that voice that says, okay, now this doesn't count, because it's all ruined. Now you have to start over on Monday. You don't catch the diet thinking that has you boomeranging between all or nothing.

You miss the shoulds. You miss the way your brain is shaming you. And when you miss these things, this is important. When you miss these things, you miss the chance to question them, and that's how the overeating cycle keeps going. That is how it stays on autopilot.

So if you are somebody who feels like you are literally on a hamster wheel going in circles with your eating and you can't figure out why you can't break the cycle, it is not because you need a stricter plan. That just has you running faster in circles. The reason you haven't broken the cycle is because you need to be in the room with yourself when all this stuff is happening.

You need to practice being present, and I want to be very clear. This does not mean that you need to abandon your life and become a perfectly mindful, or zen, or meditative creature, and practice these things all the time.

Being present is not something you have to get perfect. Thank God, because you can't, being present is a practice. It is a choice, and it happens in the moment. Sometimes it is as simple as taking a breath. It's just a breath. Being present is noticing, oh, I just checked out. I just did this thing on autopilot.

Now you're present. Being present is like, wow, I didn't even taste that half a sandwich I just ate. Or I didn't even taste that first bite. Let me slow down. Let me taste. Let me be in my body. Let me see what's here.

 You can practice being present without getting it perfect. I'm going to repeat that over and over and over again. You do practice being present without getting it perfect. That's the practice. It's not all or nothing.

Every small step counts. Every step you take towards being a little more present has an impact. When you start practicing being present. When you start practicing noticing. You start to hear what's going on, you start to feel it in your body. You start to notice hungers, hungers for food, hungers for other things.

You start to learn about your cravings, your needs, and you get to decide what to do next. Because you are present, because you are aware. This is where freedom from overeating starts. This is how you shift from control and discipline and how can I keep going and I have to keep doing this thing to choice to freedom.

Presence is this moment. When you are present you are in this moment. You are not in the past. You are not in the future. And this idea of presence and being present now is also why now, this moment is such a powerful time to make that shift.

Because every day you wait, every day you are not present, that autopilot thinking, behaving, all of that autopilot stuff gets stronger. Those old soundtracks get more comfortable. They're being repeated, right? Those soundtracks are on replay in your head, and because you are not present, remember that quote. If you're not present in your body, somebody else is or something else is.

Those soundtracks are taking over. That pattern of checking out or going numb or abandoning yourself, it starts to feel normal. That is not what you are seeking. That is not why you're listening to this podcast. You are here because you want change. You are here because you want to take your power back from food, and that change doesn't start with the food or from controlling the food.

It starts with coming back to yourself, being in your body, being aware.

And that sounds like this big, complicated process, but it really is as simple as taking one breath and noticing where you are.

If this resonates, I want you to take one small step. Create a goal of being one inch more present in your life in the next hour than you were the hour before. Take the free Hidden Hungers Quiz on my website if you haven't already, or take it again because what we are hungry for shifts what we really need and want, and the first essential step that you can take to create an impact with your eating, that changes over time. So take the quiz, it's there for you, it's free.

The quiz will help you see what's going on underneath the food, the reasons that you're eating. It'll help you get more in touch with what you're needing and feeling. It will help you be more present. It will help you be with yourself and it'll give you simple steps that you can use to start reconnecting or staying connected with yourself in ways that actually work.

You can find the quiz and a whole bunch of other free resources and information about working with me, information about my group program at my website, TooMuchOnHerPlate.com. I will put the link in the show notes. Take a step, notice where you are in this moment. Take a breath. If what I am talking about today hits home for you, I want you to get curious. I want you to start noticing where you are checking out where you are abandoning yourself, and start paying attention to what might shift if you made a choice to be more present, to be more in this moment, to be more in your body.

I'll talk with you soon.